Bedrock Brothel

"Bedrock Brothel"

"Bedrock Brothel"

by J.D. Savanyu

by J.D. Savanyu

Fred Flintstone worked hard all day long in the Slate gravel pits, breaking rocks in the hot sun with help from enslaved dinosaurs. (There was no such thing as animal rights 66 million years before Christ.) Fred used to look forward to fucking his hot redhead housewife Wilma, but she hadn't spread his legs for him since giving birth to Bam-Bam Flintstone and getting pregnant again right away. He was a tempermental jerk to begin with, but the lack of erotic action for eight straight months was really getting his goat.

Five o'clock finally rolled around, and the foreman pulled a chain to make a small Buitreraptor scream out a quittin' time siren. Fred jumped joyfully out of his control canopy right beneath the head of a massive brontosaurus. He slid down its long orange neck while shouting: "Yeeeaaaa-ba-da-ba-doooo!"

"Shit, man, my neck ain't a thrill ride at Six Flagstones," the Bronto grumbled.

"Have a great weekend, Freddie," Mister Slate uttered with clearly fake enthusiasm.

"I sure will, boss. Our annual block party starts tomorrow on Igneous Lane. Wilma's cooking up some prime stegosaurus ribs with her famous gooseberry barbecue sauce."

"Sounds dee-lish," Slate beamed as Fred pranced toward the parking lot.

"Damn, I wish that guy would come up with a better catch phrase," Peter Pickaxe muttered out of Flintstone's hearing range.

"Yaa-ba-da-da-doo my ass," Slate muttered. "That makes him sound like a flaming faggot."

Fred hopped into the driver's seat of his brand new Chevrock Capricorn, getting a good running start with beefy legs. He tuned to a prehistoric jazz station on the radio while cruising down Monolith Boulevard with no motor or pedals, defying every unknown law of physics.

The passionate saxophone music magnified his frustrated libido. Wilma was too tired with family life to honor her vows in their marriage bed, making him wander toward those dolled-up "Ladies of the Town" at the Bedrock Brothel. He always fantasized about banging prostitutes ever since his hazy frat boy days at Catalhoyuk College. But first, he had to swing by home for a minute to drop off his briefcase and establish a plausible alibi with his wife.

Cars were incredibly dangerous back then for many reasons. No seat belts, no turning signals, no air bags, and no brakes. Fred slammed his feet down on the gravel surface of Igneous Lane, grinding to a halt in front of his humble ranch-style house, chiseled from a giant granite boulder. A cute purple snorkasaurus burst out of the front door, yapping like a rat terrier and slobbering Fred's face.

"Down, Dino, down! Get the fuck off me, you crazy Cretaceous mutt!"

Dino hustled back inside, and Fred followed wearily. Wilma greeted him on the doormat with a much more pleasant kiss.

"Hey schnookums. How was work?" she beamed.

"The same old shit, breaking those fucking rocks over and over," Fred groaned. He admired her amazing pale busty body, covered by an alluring one-strap white fur romper dress. She was the hottest girl at Bedrock High, and she was still the hottest girl in the whole Fiefdom of Gondwana, despite being eight months pregnant with a grotesquely swollen belly. Making him sigh in deeper frustration.

"I'll melt your stress away with a nice hot bowl of Triceratops goulash," Wilma beamed.

"Save it for tomorrow, babe. I'm hitting the Bowl-A-Rama with Barney tonight, and then we'll party at the Water Buffalo Lodge."

"Come on, Freddie. You don't spend much time with me and Bam-Bam anymore."

"You nag me too much lately, ginger."

"I do not!"

Just then, Bam-Bam hopped out of his crib and rushed gleefully toward his father. That pint-sized Hercules picked up his father with one hand and slammed his body repeatedly on the stone floor while shouting "Bam-bam!Bam-bam!Bam-bam!"

"Gods damn it, kid! Let me go!" Fred growled.

"Bam-bam!" he shrieked one more time, tossing Fred clear across the living room, right into a granite wall.

"Bloody hell, Wilma! What the fuck is his problem?"

"He's just going through a phase, honey. The terrible twos."

"He better learn some manners, or he might grow up to be a mass clubber."

"A massclubber?Don't be ridiculous, Freddie."

"You won't think it's ridiculous when you see the headline on The Daily Slab. 'Bam-Bam kills 42 at a Rock Vegas Casino.'"

"Well, you're hardly setting a good example for him with that macho asshole attitude."

"Fuck this shit, I'm outta here. Have fun watching another crappy rerun of CSI: Jericho."

"You're sure as hell gonna sleep on the couch when you get back!"

"Not much difference on the couch lately. You know damn well what I mean!"

Fred stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him. He argued with Wilma almost every night, but they always kissed and made up later. But for how long?

He hopped back into the Capricorn and cruised back into the heart of town, parking in front of the neon-lit bowling alley. Barney Rubble was waiting for him at lane six, wearing a brown buffalo fur cloak.

"How's it hangin', Freddie-boy?" Barney beamed with his usual awkwardness.

"Not great, Barney ol' pal. My wife has turned into a hardcore bitch, and so has my son."

"Betty hasn't been too kind to me lately either. The thrill is gone, and the seven year itch is raging for us too."

"Let's self-medicate with some beer, Bronto ribs and bowling."

"The 3 B's always do the trick," Barney chuckled annoyingly. They killed the next two hours by rolling a rounded boulder down a wooden lane, trying to knock over ten carved wooly mammoth tusks while devouring red dino meat and sipping hearty buckwheat beer. Small dinosaur slaves reset the pins each time and pushed their balls back toward them along the gutters.

"I'm so fucking tired of breaking my back for peanuts," a green Magyarosauras groaned. "It's just a matter of time till the dinosaur proletariat mounts a mass revolt against their bourgeois masters."

"Shut up and set the pins, ya dino douchebag," Fred grunted.

The night dragged on with lots of big balls. Fred bowled a perfect game on his fourth set, while Barney struggled just to break 200.

"Yeeeaaa-ba-da-ba-doooo! In your face, Barney-boy!"

"I admire your good sportsmanship, Mister Flintsone," he grumbled.

"This calls for a big celebration. Whadya say we catch a little tail at the Bedrock Brothel?"

"Are you fucking serious, Freddie?"

"Hell yeah, bro. Our wives won't spread their legs for us, so they're asking for trouble."

"Those call girls are just what the doctor ordered. Betty is a real ditzy twat, so she won't suspect a thing."

"Neither will Wilma. That hot ginger ain't the sharpest tool in the shed."

They hustled out of the Bowl-A-Rama and cruised over to the seedy side of town, on the other side of the Hudrock river. Passing an abandoned fur factory and Kerfuffle's Lunatic Asylum, and parking in front of the Bedrock Brothel in a former youth hostel. Fred and Barney got so horny before they even opened the door, hearing dozens of hookers moaning and groaning through the upstairs windows. A big construction site buzzed with activity nearby; trying to gentrify the neighborhood with condos, craft breweries and coffee shops. They were greeted at the front counter by a blonde busty middle-aged former prostitute in a gaudy pink cloak with dodo bird feathers.

"Evenin' fellas. I'm Madame Marble. Ya lookin' for a little 'entertainment' tonight?"

"Damn right, blondie," Barney beamed. "The kind of 'entertainment' that never wins Emmy awards, but always leaves the audience satisfied."

"Shut up, Rubble," Fred grunted. "Show us your two hottest hookers, Marbie."

"Comin' right up," she beamed. She pulled a cord to make another Buitreraptor squeal out a harsh alarm tone. Two gorgeous ladies in skimpy pink bikinis hustled out of a back room and lined up in front of the customers, preening like supermodels on a Milanrock runway. The blonde hooker was like a twenty-something version of Madame Marble, while the redhead was utterly stupendous.

"Gods damn, you're the sexiest ginger I ever saw!" Fred beamed.

"Fuck yeah," Barney agreed warmly. "I wanna suck your milky white titsdry!"

"How about webothsuck her tits, and pound that sweet fire crotch."

"A good ol' fashion threesome. That's the bee's knees!" Rubble chuckled.

"The more the merrier," the redhead uttered sweetly. "I'm Linda Loverock."

"Lovely name, Loverock," Fred beamed. She led them up an old rickety flight of stairs from 160 years ago.

"We'll have a gay old time!" Linda beamed.

"A flaming gay orgy," Fred grunted.

"We'll get so gay on your ass, you'll be screaming showtunes with multiple orgasms," Barney added slyly.

Linda led them down a long hallway that resounded with theatrical sexual noises from behind closed doors. She finally entered Room 23, an old creaky tavern dormitory from the reign of Queen Victorinox. There was a king size bed in the middle with a small night stand off to the side, and no decoration whatsoever.

"First things first, fellas," Loverock uttered sweetly. "That'll be five clam shells apiece."

"Fiveclams?" Fred groaned.

"Inflation sucks, right? President Hornblower's tariffs are hurtingeveryindustry."

"You better be fucking worth it, ginger," Barney grumbled. He dug through the pockets of his blow buffalo cloak and forked over five clam shells from the Pangean Ocean. Fred dug through his orange and black sabertooth tiger cloak and tossed five more on the nightstand.

"Thank you kindly," Linda beamed, biting a clam shell playfully. She shucked off her skimpy bikini, revealing pointy pink nipples and a shock of red pubic hair.

"Yeeeeaaaa-ba-da-ba-doooo!" Fred exclaimed giddily.

"Hot damn, what a hot fucking redhead!" Barney cheered.

"I work better with music, guys," Linda said. She grabbed a resin disc from the night stand and put it down on an archaeopteryx-powered record player.

"Oh shit, not Tommy Sandstone again!" the small dinosaur groaned. "If you keep forcing me to play that devil's rock music while you do the nasty, I'm gonna blow a fucking gasket."

Linda ignored its complaint and plopped its beak down on the turning disc, playing a lively rockabilly tune from the hills of Kentuckrock. Then she lay down on the king size bed and spread her legs nice and wide. The guys ripped off their fur hides and jumped onto the oviraptor feather mattress.

"Nice dicks, boys. Which one should I suck first?"

"Both, bitch!" Fred grunted. They shoved their long rods into her mouth diagonally, making her moan with a mouthful of man-meat. She grabbed the base of their shafts nice and hard and whipped her head back and forth.

"Fuck yeah, ginger! Suck our cocks like rock candy," Barney growled.

"Mmmhmmmm," Linda hummed, slurping loudly.

"Wilma never deep-throats me at home, so you better pick up the slack. Balls-deep, ya dirty hooker!"

Fred pushed Barney aside and grabbed her red head with both hands, guiding her all the way down his nine inch nail. She gagged pleasantly with her lips right against his hairy sack.

"Good girl, Loverock. I'm getting my clam's worth out of your piehole."

She kept choking on Fred's mighty manhood while rubbing her clit at the same frantic tempo. He tilted his head back toward the crumbling plaster ceiling, howling like Dino toward a full moon.

"Betty never throat-fucks me either," Barney snickered.

"Your turn, shorty," Linda snickered. She moved her face to the left and devoured his much smaller dong.

"Three cheers for lovely Linda!" Barney beamed.

"Love her like a rock, buddy-boy," Fred grunted. Barney grabbed her head and whipped it back and forth on his dick.

"Gods fuckingdaaaaaaamn!" he roared like a T-Rex, smacking her cheeks aggressively.

They were so focused on the erotic escapade, they failed to notice a construction worker and his brontosaurus "helper" gazing right at them through the second-story window.

"Get a life, ya fuckin' pervs!" Linda growled.

"Come on baby, we're just watchin' for a few minutes on our coffee break," the construction worker uttered sleazily, with a big bulge between his legs, pressing against his sabretooth cloak.

"Hell yeah, ginger. You're the hottest human whore Ieverdid see," the Bronto added in a deeper slimy tone. Linda closed the curtains and hopped back on the bed, getting down on all fours and wiggling her ass alluringly, with her wet pink pussy winking right at them.

"Fuck me dino-style, boys," she grunted seductively, smacking her left ass cheek for emphasis.

"As you wish, m'lady," Fred replied mockingly. "I'm gonna pound your pussy like a Protoceratops."

He grabbed her heart-shaped rump and rammed his big manly rod up her sweet honey-hole.

"Ohshiiiit!"Loverock shrieked. "Hard as fuck, just the way I like it!"

Fred kept fucking her brains out while spanking her heart-shaped ass over and over. The same ramrod routine he used to perform every night with Wilma, before Bam-Bam ruined everything.

"Fuck yeah, Loverock! I love how you arch your back with every blow."

"I love dominant cavemen like you. Fuck meharder!"

He pumped his prick at mach speed, driving her totally bonkers. Barney watched eagerly nearby, masturbating slowly with a slimy grin on his five o'clock shadowed face.

"Break me off a piece of that ass, Flintstone."

"Fine, whatever," Fred grunted, pulling out and crawling aside. Linda switched to the "human pretzel" position, crossing her legs behind her neck and playing her ass cheeks like bongo drums.

"Damn, Loverock. You're freakier than a velociraptor," Barney chuckled.

"Grrrrrr!" she growled playfully, waving her hooked hands like claws. Barney grabbed her legs above her head and slammed his penis all the way up her vagina, making her moan even louder.

"Naught fuckingbiiiiiitch," he growled, spanking her brutally. "You're just as crazy as Betty."

"You'll always know where to find this slutty redhead, just like your brunette housewife. This place is listed in the Yellow Pages, under H for harlots," Fred remarked.

"I'm putting your ass on speed-dial, bitch!" Barney growled, wrapping his hands around her neck and hammering her honey hole.

"I'm gonna tap that ass while you pound that pussy," Fred grunted.

"A little DP drilling to set this naughty girl straight," Barney chuckled. He lay face-up on the mattress, and Linda lowered her pussy down on his dick like a crouching tiger. Fred penetrated her other hole from above, like a swooping pterodactyl.

"Holy shit, that feels sogood!" Loverock screamed. They thrust away with reckless abandon, bouncing her lean body against the mammoth bone bars of the headboard while Tommy Sandstone crooned to the moon in June. She quickly reached an epic orgasm, squirting halfway across the room.

"Fuck yeah, I love bitches who squirt a gallon!" Fred growled, smacking her ass even more. He couldn't help picturing Wilma's pale pretty face taking the pace of Linda's pale pretty face.

"I'm gonna spunk youup, ginger!" Barney growled. He wrestled Loverock down to the mattress, pinning her in a chokehold and jerking off right toward her big green eyes.

"Oh shit, oh shit, shit-shit-shit-ssssshhhhAAAAAAAAAA!"

Rubble ravaged every square inch of her face with thick white jizz. She growled throatily in satisfaction, sticking her tongue way out and savoring that bitter cream.

"Nice shot, Rubble. But she needs a lot more than that."

"Fuck yeah, Freddie," she moaned dreamily. "Gimme your hot fucking cum. I need every fuckingdrop!"

He tagged Barney out and spanked his monkey toward that prehistoric hooker.

"Call me your stone age mac daddy, bitch."

"You're my stone age mac daddy!" Linda beamed. "Trickin' my ass out all over Bedrock!"

"Fuckin' right, bitch. Oooh yeah,ooohyeah,wwwwWWWIIIIIIILLLLLMAAAAAAA!"

He sprayed another gallon all over her white face, white tits and red hair, growling fiercely. She grabbed his nine inch cock and sucked out every last drop, humming loudly against the thick veiny shaft.

"Wow, Flintstone. You reallydolove your wife," Loverock giggled.

"Hell yeah, baby. She's my favorite redhead, but you're a close second."

"You're the best hooker I ever hammered," Barney beamed. "Well, technically you're theonlyhooker I ever hammered."

"Cum again soon, fellas. I'm always open for business."

"Damn right, Loverock. I'm gonna throw so many clam shells at you, there'll be nothing but pebbles left in my pocket."

Fred's face lit up with a brilliant idea. "Hey... pebbles! That's a great name for my new baby."