How to Interact with Humans

Author's Note: All characters are over the age 18. I appreciate feedback and I hope you enjoy.

Story Tags: Alien, nonhuman, tentacles, bisexual, cumflation, threesome

Chapter 1: For Scientific Reasons

Rahzel took a deep breath as he smelled his warm Khurf. The heat of the bitter fluid soothed his soul as he brought it to his maw in the center of his body. His vibrant pink eyes studied seven different screens simultaneously. His body shuddered delightfully as the Khurf worked through his body. It was a mild stimulant and had been his lifeline for the last eleven years. The Vorlan stretched his tentacles that sprouted from his arms as he settled into the chair, preparing to take notes on electronic human communication.

Rahzel resembled a massive black starfish, like all Vorlan. His skin was covered in clear slime that accentuated the millions of tiny bumps. Rahzel's slime production was higher than other males, which didn't work out in his favor with females of his species. Extending a tentacle to a data tablet, he put in an entry as he studied a strange video depiction of a female human being bound by tentacles. She seemed to resist but was also clearly aroused.

"Humans, specifically human males seem attracted to the idea of seeing human females have sexual relations with alien species despite lack of any Galactic Council contact." He thought aloud as he jotted down the note.

"Katak... humans are as fascinating as they are exhausting." He let out an exasperated sigh, "Some like cephalopodan aliens, but not insectoid. Others prefer insectoid but not cephalopodan."

One of his pink eyes focused on a different screen depicting a scene of several men shooting a creature that resembled a human but had been portrayed as a threat.

"And others still, hate any kind of extraterrestrial." Rahzel mused as one of his tentacles absentmindedly rubbed against itself, a clear display of confusion among his kind.

The chime of his communication device caught the attention of one of his three brains. Another Vorlan, his supervisor, wanted to communicate via video. He accepted the video link.

"Yes director?" He asked politely.

The director's voice came in choppy and disjointed as the screen compensated to keep up with the audio feed.

"Rahzel, good to see you! How is the guide coming along?" The massive female Vorlan asked.

"It's difficult, director... I'll be honest. It seems as though every human is vastly different. It isn't limited to simple regions or cultures. I have found a handful of commonalities across the globe though." He explained, taking another gulp of Khurf.

"Oh? What commonality?" She asked, leaning back thoughtfully.

"All humans seem to display a strong aversion to things that look like them but aren't them." Rahzel answered.

Rahzel hastily drew a stick figure of a human on the data screen to demonstrate his finding. Then he drew an identical stick figure without a face.

"Humans can find something that is completely alien to them and grow attracted to it. However if it looks entirely human except it lacks a face, they will react to it with extreme aggression and fear." The male Vorlan explained.

Several of the director's eyes blinked in sequence, processing the information.

"Interesting. When you say attracted to, do you mean social or sexual?" The director asked.

"That's what I'm still working out, Director. I have found that both are true but it varies by individual." Rahzel admitted.

The director leaned towards the data screen and sighed.

"Katak's blessings to you Rahzel. The Council will be eternally grateful for your guide on how to diplomatically approach them. Especially if they're prone to violence towards certain species within the galactic council. " She said, her voice laden with gratitude.

Rahzel's tentacles writhed faster, displaying his appreciation.

"Of course, Director." He replied, an alarm went off on one of the many consoles about his ship.

"I am about to lose communication, Director, a meteor is passing by the planet. I will report back as soon as it passes." He said nonchalantly.

"Very well. Good luck Rahzel." The female Vorlan said warmly.

The data screen went black as he lost communications. All of his screens displaying the vast breadth of the internet also went dark. Undulating slowly toward his Khurf machine, Rahzel filled the cup with more of the warm liquid. He typically enjoyed the breaks, but this time he felt perturbed. His minds wandered as several of his brains were focused on the graphic portrayals of humans having sexual relations with aliens. He wondered what humans felt like, how they would react to various members of the Galactic Council.

"One of the humans will try to have sex with them, probably within the first day." A rumbling chuckle reverberated through his body.

Suddenly his ship was struck by something. The plasteel groaned as he started to lose oxygen. Rahzel was hurled against a console, his body went limp from the impact. His consciousness returned briefly, yellow lights flashed, the alarm sounded. He groaned groggily as his ship felt like it was being rattled apart. Sparks cascaded down from a large electrical cable. The Vorlan tried to focus, pain shot through his entire body.

"Danger, entering Earth's atmosphere. Falling at a rate of 44.23 meters per second." The ship's warning echoed throughout the chamber.

The words made Rahzel panic, he tried to gain a grasp of the situation. He saw the coordinates of his most probable crash trajectory display on the flickering screen. He hastily tried to send a rescue beacon. As he was about to send out the beacon, his falling ship struck something midair and knocked the Vorlan away from the console. His flailing body struck the hull and went limp. Rahzel was knocked unconscious instantly.

***

Chapter 2: New Home, New Life

Dorian and Sasha held each other close. They had been unpacking all day. Both were covered in sweat brought on by the August heat.

"I just... I can't believe we did it." Sasha said, finally pulling away from the tender embrace.

"Well, we talked about it for years." Dorian's tone was soft but warm.

Sasha playfully chortled. She bent over to pick up a box, Dorian followed her to the kitchen.

"I know... it's... it's still setting in. Our own house." She sighed dreamily.

Dorian admired her short, plump form as she started to load the drawers with silverware. Her shoulder length dishwater blonde hair showed beautifully as the warm afternoon sun came in through the windows. Dorian couldn't help but melt as she turned towards him and flashed a bashful smile. Sasha was wearing a light blue sundress that made her look adorable.

The 25 year old couldn't speak. He was too lost in her presence. He got lost in her eyes. Even as she stood up, put her hands on her hips and held his gaze. His lanky body practically swayed as he stood hypnotized by his wife.

"What?" She asked, her voice still playful.

"Sorry, I got distracted." He said with a relaxed smile, snapping out of his stupor.

"Uh huh... I could tell." Sasha said with a flirty smile.

Dorian walked outside to grab another box from the truck. He looked up into the scattered clouds. He and Sasha had moved to rural Montana to get away from her controlling parents and to be closer to his family. She had brought it up years ago, and they worked together to get enough funds to actually make the move. He looked around at the forested mountains, breathing in the fresh air. Rural Montana would have its own struggles for them but compared to what they were used to, it would be a cakewalk.

The lithe man brought the box in, grunting profusely and acting as if the box was incredibly heavy. Sasha hurried to help him, only to chuckle at his deception. She smiled and giggled.

"Little shit." She snickered.

Dorian smiled as he handed her the near weightless box.

"Always." He said with a warm smile.

"Oh, there's another kitchen box in the truck. Could you grab that one next?" She asked sweetly.

"Sure." Dorian answered, quickly walking back out to the truck.

One of Dorian's favorite parts about this town was the fighter jets that frequently flew overhead. There must've been some kind of airbase nearby but he never looked further into it. He looked up into the sky as he heard their distant roar. After a moment or two, the planes were flying overhead. He watched them, enjoying the experience. When they looked less than a hundred miles away, he grew more excited.

"Hun, they're gonna fly right over the house!" He shouted.

Sasha came barreling outside to see the jets fly by. She quickly spotted the planes as she stood next to Dorian.

"They're congratulating us on our new life." He said sweetly, knowing the cheesiness of the statement.

Sasha laughed unabashedly. He loved her weird laugh, the kind that she only let him here.

"I'll be sure to send a thank you letter to Lockhee-" Sasha started.

Suddenly, one of the jets was struck by some invisible force. Flames erupted from the aircraft. The couple jumped, shocked by the abrupt change of events. Sasha's hand immediately went to cover her mouth.

"Holy fuck!" Dorian exclaimed.

The flaming wreckage of the plane hurtled like a fireball towards the Earth, crashing no more than 20 miles from their house.

"Jesus Christ!" Sasha blurted out as she frantically pulled her phone out to call 911.

Dorian watched the skies, looking for a parachute. He stood dumbfounded. His stomach churned when he didn't see anything.

"Yes... uh... yeah it crashed, like 20 miles away from 21... uh... 2137 County Road." Dorian heard his wife tell the dispatcher.

He exhaled deeply, taking in the situation. The scene felt so surreal. He turned towards his wife as she hung up on the operator.

"They're sending someone to look into it. I'm sure they'll check on us too. What the hell happened?" She asked, her voice wavered fearfully.

"I don't know." Dorian answered, running a hand through his short brown hair.

"Fuck dude..." Sasha muttered, shaking her head.

Her eyes never left the smoking crash site.

"I mean... what do you say after something like that?" The young man asked distantly, still in shock.

Sasha took a deep breath. A dry scoff slipped past her covered mouth.

"Yeah..." She shook her head, too stunned to form a proper answer.

"Well, let's call it on unpacking and just get our bearings for a bit." He suggested.

"Yeah, um... want a beer?" Sasha asked, already walking towards the house.

"Yes please." He said, following closely behind her.

***

They sat on their dining room chairs on the porch. Drinking their beers and discussing what they thought happened when a lone police car pulled into the driveway. A tall, muscular policeman stepped out. Both Dorian and Sasha's eyes were wide as they explained what they saw to the officer.

"So, it just caught fire and crashed?" The officer asked.

"Yeah. No idea what happened to cause it though." Sasha reiterated.

Dorian had noticed Sasha's lack of detail about how the jet looked like it got hit by something. Although he didn't know why, he trusted her reasoning and kept that detail out.

"Okay, well, thank you for your time. If anything else happens, give us a call." The officer said, extending his hand to both of them.

"Y-yeah, of course." Dorian said, shaking his hand

Sasha shook the officer's hand and nodded. The officer paused for a brief moment.

"Strong handshake." He said admirably.

"I have three brothers." She replied with a nonchalant shrug and a piercing gaze.

The officer smiled politely and released her hand before returning to the patrol car and driving off. Dorian turned towards his wife.

"No mention of the plane looking like it was hit by something?" He asked innocently.

"Nope, and I don't think that was a police officer." She spoke softly, her eyes scanning the trees.

"What?!" Dorian blurted out.

"Cops use Glocks. He had a Sig Sauer. I think he was military." She replied coldly.

After a brief moment of processing, Dorian spoke up again.

"Maybe that's standard issue around here?" He asked, "Besides, why would the military have undercover cops in a town like this?"

"Maybe I'm just being paranoid, maybe not. Either way, we don't really know what happened. Come on hun..." Sasha said, her voice returning to a default sweet tone.

Sasha led Dorian back inside and they continued to unpack, albeit much slower. Dorian noticed his wife was still on edge, but he thought better of approaching the topic again. Eventually they settled onto their sofa as the sun started to set. Sasha's husband pulled his shirt off and lounged on the sofa while she unceremoniously flopped on top of him. The sunset shone brightly through the windows.

"Quite the omen for a first house." Sasha mumbled, looking into his eyes.

"It'll get better hun." Dorian said soothingly.

"P-please help..." A faint voice came from outside.

Sasha stood bolt upright, she rushed to their bedroom in complete silence. Her husband sat up inquisitively when he heard a shotgun cock.

"I'm... not going to hurt you... please... please don't hurt me." The faint voice whimpered.

Sasha moved back to her husband like a member of seal team six. The shotgun was low but ready.

"What the fuck is that?" She whispered.

"It came from outside." Dorian whispered back.

"Don't shoot... I'm already very hurt." The weak voice came from the back door.

"Grab the bat." Sasha quietly commanded.

Dorian wordlessly grabbed a baseball back from the entry way. He moved behind Sasha, raising his weapon. The two crept closer to the back door. Her husband grabbed the handle and looked at her with a serious look. Sasha nodded yes. The door flung open and before either of the humans could register the creature at their door, the thing ripped their weapons from their hands.

"Don't shoot!" The creature pleaded.

They froze in place, stunned by the creature's perfect English.

"I'm not here... to hurt you. I'm..." Rahzel's minds tried to come up with an explanation that wouldn't get him attacked, "I'm a friendly tentacle monster."

At least three of Rahzel's minds chastised him for giving such a stupid explanation. However, the blood loss practically made him delirious. Much to Rahzel's surprise, the humans didn't attack him on sight. Dorian looked to Sasha, blinking slowly. Sasha's face was contorted in confusion.

"Like... like from a hentay..." Rahzel blurted.

"You- you mean hentai?" Dorian asked.

"Yes... please forgive my mispronunciation..." Rahzel croaked, growing weaker.

Dorian reached down to try to drag the alien into their house.

"Are you insane? It's a fucking alien!" Sasha shouted.

"It's sentient! It needs help!" He retorted, still attempting to drag the large creature inside.

"I don't mean... harm..." Rahzel sputtered, barely conscious.

"Please Sasha..." Dorian pleaded, looking at her with a desperate expression.

"Fuck... this is how I die." She grumbled as she helped her husband drag the extraterrestrial creature inside.

The massive starfish-like alien heaved itself into their house and slumped. Its blood oozed onto the vinyl floor. Rahzel's breathing was labored and raspy.

"Vinegar on... wounds... help..." Rahzel groaned meekly.

Dorian rushed into the kitchen and grabbed a large jug of vinegar, dousing the foul-smelling liquid on the alien's wounds. Rahzel let out a rumbling growl of pain before he exhaled deeply.

"Thank...you..." It spoke softly.

"Jesus Fucking Christ, Dorian, what the fuck are you thinking?!" Sasha whispered, barely containing her rage and fear.

"Sasha, you saw how fast it took the shotgun... and the bat. If it wanted to hurt us, it would've done it as soon as we opened the door." He argued.

Sasha went quiet, her lips tightened apprehensively. She couldn't tear her eyes from the grotesque starfish-like creature that looked about the same size as a Volkswagen Beetle. Its pitch-black skin was covered in small bumps, parts of it oozed a clear slime. Other parts of its body secreted a dark blue slime she suspected was blood. She swallowed hard, knowing he had a point but not wanting to back down. She let out a resigned sigh.

"Fine." She grumbled.

"Thanks hun." Dorian's voice was soft.

Sasha's head snapped towards the alien.

"What else can we do to help?" She asked Rahzel.

The large, black starfish-like creature's breathing was heavy and slow. Sasha saw the orifice in the center open partially. Her eyes narrowed, studying the alien uncertainly. The creature's maw was surrounded by tiny, beady pink eyes that lacked any kind of pupil. The young woman tried to hide her instinctive repulsion to the creature as best as she could. When the alien's "mouth" opened to speak she caught a fleeting glimpse of the undulating tentacles inside.

"My species... has regenerative... abilities..." The alien wheezed, "...body heals quickly... just need... time... and rest."

Dorian knelt next to the large alien, his hand gently resting on one of Rahzel's arms. The human's eyes widened as he felt the slimy, bumpy texture of the alien's skin. He gingerly rubbed his thumb along the arm, quietly trying to convey reassurance.

"What's your name?" Dorian whispered.

"I am Rahzel... who are you two?" The alien groaned, clearly exhausted.

Dorian's eyes lit up with glee. He tried to contain his excitement, he was meeting an alien.

"Good to meet you, Rahzel! I'm Dorian." He chimed warmly.

A moment of silence settled throughout the house as Sasha stared at the creature. Although the alien lacked pupils, she could feel its gaze burning into her.

"Sasha." She grunted.

"Thank you, Dorian and Sasha." Rahzel sighed.

"You're welcome. W-well, get some rest." Dorian said, standing up slowly.

Sasha said nothing, leaving the two alone for a brief moment. Dorian smiled at Rahzel. The human slowly walked away, leaving Rahzel time to rest. The light flicked off as he followed his wife to the bedroom. Sasha sat down on the bed, her arms folded. She scowled as Dorian came in.

"I don't like this Dorian. What if it tries to infect us with something, o-or lay eggs or what if-?" She spoke softly and quickly.

"Hun, can you please trust me on this? I think he's just hurt. I don't think he wants to do anything like that." He replied calmly.

"He? How the hell do you know?" She whispered, her voice wavering with panic.

Dorian shrugged nonchalantly.

"He just... seems like a dude alien." He replied noncommittally.

Sasha sighed, her hand drifted to the bridge of her nose. Hundreds of thoughts raced through her head.

"So, you want me to trust your intuition that the alien isn't going to harm us?" She asked.

Dorian nodded yes.

"Please Sasha." He pleaded softly.

The young woman cringed and took a deep breath. She rubbed the bridge of her nose with her index finger and thumb. Her eyes flickered up, looking at her husband with a resigned sigh.

"Fine. But they make horror movies about literally this happening." She conceded, "And since it tossed the shotgun, I only have a pistol. So we can't exactly defend ourselves."

Dorian slowly approached his wife and hugged her tenderly.

"Thank you hun." He whispered in her ear.

"Yeah, yeah." Sasha murmured, hugging her husband back.

***

The sun rose, painting the scattered clouds a soft pink. Sasha hummed groggily as she sipped her coffee. While somehow her husband was able to sleep, she was still on edge. Not only had she not been able to sleep but standing still proved to be beyond challenging. She had already retrieved the shotgun and the bat. She leaned against the counter, her head snapping towards the slimy gurgling sound coming from Rahzel. The alien was waking up.