Lost and Found Ch. 03

Hello, dear readers! It's been a very long time since I wrote one of these introductions. A lot has happened in my life during my absence from this platform. I've had a baby, worked on other writing, and settled in my hopefully-forever home. Although I haven't acknowledged it until now, I'm very grateful for all of the lovely comments and feedback I've received about this series and its precursor. It is my aim to see Lila and Cameron's story through, but I can't promise that that will happen quickly. I can promise, however, one installment at a time, and here is one to whet your appetite. It is very story-based, as is most of my writing, but you can anticipate a bit more of a sexy payoff in the next chapter, which I will try to write in as expedient a fashion as possible.

All that being said, thank you once again for your readership. I hope that you will enjoy this chapter!

***

The hall was quiet when Lila arrived. A couple students were lugging out boxes and finished projects; they hardly looked her way as they brushed by her on their way out. She hung at the end, scanning the bulletin boards for summer opportunities--despite the fact that it was too late to pursue anything serious. She'd reluctantly promised her mother to pick up some shifts at the country club, and the rest of her time she'd spend waiting tables at a restaurant down the street from her and Tori's shared apartment.

Down the hall, a door opened.

"Lila," came Jean Morrison's voice. "You're early. Come in."

Lila turned. Professor Morrison's characteristic smile greeted her. Still reluctant, she picked her way down the hall and slipped through the office door. There were two types of professors, neat ones and messy ones. Jean belonged to the former variety. All of her books were shelved in a color-coordinated arrangement, frames were dusted, hat and coat hung on a hook by the door. These things testament to a tidy mind.

"Sit. Tea?" Jean asked, electric kettle in hand.

Lila managed a smile.

"Please."

It was one of the things that had first endeared her to Professor Morrison during her first semester of college, when she'd washed up in the art department to inquire after a minor. That, and their special connection--the fact that this woman had known her father Nicholas as a young man. Of course, he'd never had the chance to become anything more than a young man. One hand shot reflexively to her throat, where she wore the silver pendant necklace he'd given her for her fifth birthday, a year to the day before he had died in the accident.

"Things are looking up," he'd said, peering deep into her eyes. He'd smoothed back her silky dark hair and planted a kiss on her forehead. "Just you wait and see what this next year brings, my treasure."

Too short, she thought, blinking herself back to focus now, steaming water being poured into a mug in front of her. She had been his treasure for too short a time. He'd gone, and she'd been left behind with nothing. But it wasn't as if she could blame him for what had happened.

"Let's take a look at your course sheet." Jean set down her own mug and rifled through a few papers inside a manila folder. Behind their tortoiseshell frames, her eyes remained impassive as she drew one sheet out. "I must say, I had hoped to see you down at the SMFA this term."

Lila shifted in her seat, casting her eyes from one corner of the office to another.

"I'm sorry. I just didn't work out with my schedule." She didn't want to tell Jean the truth, that what had kept her from the Fenway was a shifting thing now. "I thought I'd try to work Advanced Watercolor into my schedule in the fall."

"Lila, there's something I want to tell you," Jean said. She steepled her fingers in front of her face. "It's a very small world. And I believe that you and I have a mutual friend. Cameron Winthrop?"

Lila blinked. She thought about how Cameron had introduced her to Ed Krueger, the owner of an art gallery downtown. Did he really know Jean, too? Did everyone in the art world know each other?

"You know Cameron?" she asked.

Jean laughed.

"Yes. I'm sorry, I didn't want to startle you. I would never have made any kind of connection... except that I was gushing over a piece of your work one time, and he recognized it..." She raised her eyebrows at Lila. "Your Blacks and Whites?"

Lila felt a hot flush creep across her cheeks. Her Blacks and Whites, the series she'd dragged to completion in the aftermath of her love affair with Cameron. His feedback on some of her early work had provided a basis. And the series had provided something like closure, or at least so it had seemed at the time.

"How do you know him?" she asked Jean, almost afraid to hear the answer.

"Oh, we go way back," her advisor said airily, leaning back in her office chair. "Back when he was a student at Harvard, I taught a few classes as an adjunct. He was a student of mine. But given that he went to college late, and I was a young adjunct, we fit right in."

Lila blinked again. An uncomfortable tension had sprouted up in the room--or maybe it was just in her own head--and she knew what she wanted to ask.Did you bang him?It wasn't really her speaking, she reassured herself, it was Tori, Tori who had always said Professor Morrison seemed like the kind of professor who was banging or at least would have been willing to bang her students, specifically those of the jockish male variety.

"Oh, that's funny," Lila said instead of asking anything. "Small world, really."

"So, the thing is..." Jean took a long sip of her tea. "I'm so sorry to put you in such an awkward position, but the thing is, I know that he asked you to the ballet this weekend. And I'd like to explain the situation. You may remember that I hold season tickets, box tickets. I offered him a pair for this Saturday, but the plan was for him to take my daughter Virginia. She's just graduated Winsor and will be off to Northwestern in the fall, so I thought she deserved the treat. I didn't think I would be able to join them, but my weekend's just freed up, so I called Cameron and imagine my surprise when he said he had made arrangements to take another girl, you."

"Oh," Lila said. She could feel her cheeks burning. "I'm sorry. I thought they were his tickets."

"Oh, they can be, it's no matter," Jean said, waving a hand in front of her face. "But I thought, since we all know each other, that we might make a big day out of it. Virginia was overworked all term, poor girl, so she had no time for fun. I'm sure she would love brunch... an afternoon visit to the MFA before the ballet... cocktails afterward... and I think we could rope Mr. Winthrop into it, don't you? You can bring a friend, too. Bring that girl, that friend of yours who took my Watercolor class first term with you."

"I mean..." Lila exhaled sharply. She wasn't sure what to think. An entire day spent with Cameron, from brunch to midnight cocktails after the ballet, didn't sound like easing into it to her. But Jean was her advisor, and the tickets were hers, and the girl Cameron had had to turn down was her daughter... She forced a smile. "If Cameron's okay with it, then that sounds like fun."

"Wonderful!" Jean clapped her hands. "I knew you would be game. Thank you for being a darling about it. Now, back to business. You really would benefit from a few credits in the city next term. Advanced Watercolor or whatever fits."

"Yes, I want to do a few," Lila said cautiously. "But I won't have much time. I have to work. My friend... Tori and I got an apartment together."

"That's good, very good. You know, you have options. You don't have to wait tables or pour coffee or whatever you were thinking." Jean gave her a patient smile. "There's a fantastic opportunity to work as a teaching assistant in art classes in the Boston schools. Of course, there are also opportunities for commission; I'm sure Cameron could help you with that. And, last but not least, I have an opening for a teaching assistant in one of my courses this fall. I'll take you on if you want it--and the credits will count toward your degree, of course."

"Oh," said Lila. She had no idea what to say. If Jean's first news hadn't hit her like a train, she was pretty sure she would have said yes. Instead she said, "Thank you, that's a very generous offer. I'll think about it."

Jean winked at her.

"Don't think too hard," she said, and then she smiled at Lila. "Let me know when you've sorted out your schedule for the fall semester. And I'll see you on Saturday. Only two days till the weekend!"

Two days till the weekend. Lila had been counting the days down until her ballet date with Cameron. She hadn't told him why she loved the ballet so much, hadn't told him about the blissful three shows of the Nutcracker she and her father had enjoyed together before he had been gone from her life, permanently so. Now, on the street outside the campus art gallery, she checked her phone. They had spoken a couple times that week, and he'd texted here and there, but right now it was what she was used to--radio silence.

She called him.

"You could have warned me about Jean," she said as soon as he picked up.

"Oh, that." There was a wince in his voice. He evidently knew exactly what she was talking about. "I didn't know when you would be speaking with her. I'm sorry, I should have called you sooner to talk it through."

"Yes, you should have." She paused to look both ways before crossing the street. "I thought this was a new beginning. Our new beginning. I wasn't expecting to spend a whole day with my school advisor and her teenage daughter. Hey, she said I could throw Tori into the mix. What do you think about that?"

"I think you better," he said. "No, Lila, I am sorry. You know Jean. She can be a little overzealous and way too persuasive. She made it clear enough to me that if I wasn't going to take Virginia, then someone else could. The show's all sold out and I knew how much you wanted to see it..."

"We could have done anything else." Lila paused again, this time to rake her hair out of her eyes. She could feel her voice going all high-pitched and whiny the way it did when she was upset, and she drew a deep breath to calm herself. She didn't want to sound crazy. Or angry. Or desperate. "Listen, it's all right. Don't you think it's a little weird she wanted you to go with Virginia, though? I mean, she's barely out of high school."

"You're one to talk, aren't you?" he asked, and she heard him sigh. "I'm sorry, Lila, I didn't mean that. What could you think was possibly going to happen? The girl is as naive as they come."

Lila felt herself go tight-lipped.

"So was I," she said. "And did it stop you?"

There was a lengthy pause, and then Cameron drew a breath on the other end of the line.

"I don't know what this is, but if it means so much to you, I'll call Jean and cancel. She can take Virginia to the ballet herself, and you and I can go out on my boat. All right?"

"No. I didn't say that," Lila said quickly. She stopped to lean against a tree trunk in the shade of its budding leaves and took a deep breath of her own to ground herself. "I already told Jean I'd do it. I'm sure it won't be too bad. Rain check on the boat?"

"Sure," he said, and she could hear him smiling. "Where are you right now?"

"Walking back to the apartment. You?"

"Waiting for an eleven o'clock meeting. I hope you know I can hardly wait to see you, whatever it is we'll be doing all day on Saturday. Shall I pick you and Tori up in the morning?"

"Yes. Oh, Tori's going to love this." Lila rolled her eyes and started to move again. "I can't wait to pack a whole suitcase with all of the outfit changes she's going to insist on."

"Should I bring her a date? Jake's been dying to meet her ever since I told him about her product... and my general impressions, of course."

"I would normally say no, but you know what, I think you should." Lila paused. "And I won't tell her, so it'll be a big surprise. Here's hoping I can keep my mouth shut till then."

"I don't think you generally have a problem with that," Cameron said. She heard a burst of noise behind him and then he said, "Here come the elephants. Goodbye, Lila."

"Goodbye," she said as the line went dead.

***

As they tended to, Lila's feelings caught up with her.

In the pale gray stillness of five AM Saturday morning she woke in a cold sweat, yanked from a troubled dream. Its substance eluded her. She knew only that he had been there. Cameron. There again. Rolling onto her back, mouth open, she gulped down mouthfuls of morning air. The panic rose inside her until she couldn't bear it, and she dug her nails into her thighs, hard enough that she screwed her eyes up to contain a yelp of pain. Then she dragged herself out of bed, the bedclothes with her, and stumbled into Tori's room, where she climbed into bed beside her sleeping friend.

There the panic seized her again. Was she falling, or falling back in? This was the man who had, verily, ruined her. She'd been barely more than a child. It was difficult for her to condone his actions of the past. Difficult for her to condone her own. Easy for her to want to vilify him for what he had done, yet impossible for her to actually do so, as doing so would have meant turning herself into something she didn't want, had never wanted to be--a victim. His victim. His willing victim.

She caught Tori's arm and shook her friend awake.

"Lila?" Tori's eyes fluttered open, blue and bleary. "What's wrong?"

Lila only shook her head and pressed her face into her friend's shoulder. The tears came all at once, a welcome rush replacing the tight, breathy panic in her throat.

"I just wonder," she sniffed. "Am I making a terrible mistake? Have I already made a terrible mistake? Was it all... a mistake?"

Tori's arms came around her, and she gave Lila a tight and deliberate squeeze.

"If you were to call him right now, and call it all off," she said slowly, "if you were never to see him again, would you ever forgive yourself? Would you ever be over it? Overhim?"

Lila shook her head, the gesture almost automatic.

"Then you already know what you have to do," Tori said. "And you're doing it. Sometimes there's only one way forward, even if it feels like a way back. You may come to realize in time that you don't want to be with him after all, or that you can't be with him, or he may realize the same about you, whatever the case. You're still figuring it out. But you have to trust that whatever happens, this will bring you closure, the closure you never got the first time around. For both of you. That isn't so bad, is it?"

"When did you get so wise? You should be a fucking..." Lila hiccuped and let out a little teary laugh. "... psychotherapist. I'm just scared. Scared to death."

That no one would ever understand her like he did. That what he had said to her that night at the office Christmas party was true. Or that it was false. She didn't know.

"Trust yourself," Tori said. She gave Lila another squeeze. "You guys spoke on the phone three, four times this week? He's making time for you. And you want this. I know you do. I can tell."

"Yeah," Lila whispered. "Maybe that's the problem."

She went into the kitchen while Tori went back to sleep. Over a bowl of cereal, she meditated on it. Yes, she wanted this. She was surprised by the ferocity with which she wanted it. It shocked her, frightened her, that after two years it was all the same, the palpable yearning, the heady rush, the intoxication, the ardent desire. She was afraid to fall into pieces in front of him, or else revert back into the girl she had been when they'd first met. He'd been willing to baby her then, guiding her through the dizzying steps of first-time romance, but she could hardly expect it to be the same now. It couldn't be. She'd grown up, and he'd seen it. She was a new person in almost every way, only the core the same, the rest reformed by two years of change.

She was afraid of that, too, afraid that when he saw how much she'd changed, he wouldn't want her the same way.

The night before, she and Tori had picked out their outfits for the big tableau of events the next day. Brunch followed by a shopping adventure on Newbury Street, a quick bite at a tapas bar before an excursion through the halls of the MFA. A couple hours to rest in the penthouse suite of a hotel, booked by Cameron, and then a leisurely pre-show dinner at a highly-regarded restaurant, the show itself, and post-show cocktails in the opera house lounge. Lila had wanted the same skirt and blouse for it all, but Tori had insisted that a girl couldn't go to the ballet in anything but a dress, especially when she was going to have one of the best seats in the house. The prescribed little black dress was a slinky, sexy number, a silky slip dress with a slit that ran dangerously high up the leg.

"It's too much," Lila had protested. "My advisor's going to be there!"

Tori had raised her eyebrows.

"Jean? You know Jean. She'll probably be wearing the exact same thing."

Reluctantly, Lila had agreed. It had been her date in the first place, after all, and she knew she looked good in the dress. Tori's deft hand on the makeup brush would turn her into a creature of smoke and shadow, completely intoxicating and completely unlike her usual wallflower self. And she would have to be, surrounded by strong personalities as she would be. According to Tori, Cameron wouldn't know what had hit him when he saw her.

And that made Lila feel exhilarated and painfully naked at the same time. Now, she swirled cereal milk around the bottom of her bowl as Tori appeared in her bedroom doorway.

"Oh, by the way," her friend said. "I scheduled a new meeting with Jake. He tabled a bunch of work stuff to make room for lunch with yours truly on Wednesday."

Lila gulped. She had managed to almost forget her spur-of-the-moment agreement to Cameron's proposition. Maybe he had been joking.

No, she decided. It hadn't been a joke.

"What?" Tori asked, noticing her expression.

"I just wanted to say wow," Lila said lamely. "You're already on first-name terms. No, make that nickname terms. What are you gonna do, bang the guy?"

"Depends on how cute he is." Tori took the bowl out of her hands. "I'll reuse your milk."

"Gross!" Lila wrinkled her nose. "As for cute, I'm not going to pass judgment. You'll have to see for yourself."

"Yeah, well... Now that I'm about to be a professional, I can't go mixing business and pleasure like that," Tori said. She checked her watch. "T-minus three hours before your date picks us up. We have to hustle, girlfriend."

***

Three hours later Lila paced back and forth across the anteroom, waiting for Tori to join her. She felt like a clown in the dress her best friend had picked out for her for the earlier events of the day. It was light and floaty and floral and both Tori and the mirror had assured her that she looked good in it, but it wasn't what she was used to. Oversized jeans, T-shirts, paint smocks, that was more like it. A flouncy skirt or spaghetti straps if she needed to dress up.

Tori appeared in the doorway, her handbag slung over her arm and her sunglasses balanced on the end of her nose.

"Can you please... take this?" she asked, tipping a box into Lila's arms.

"What is it?" Lila asked. She peered curiously down at the parcel in her hands.

"Nothing much, just some samples I have to send off to the lab. Prince Charming won't mind making a stop at the post office for me, will he?"

"Speaking of which..." Lila shaded her eyes and peered through the screener out into the bright morning sunlight. A shiny navy convertible had just made the turn onto their street, and she could see Cameron driving. Judging by the looks of it, he wasn't alone. Jake Finnegan was in the passenger seat. She swallowed and turned back to Tori. "Okay, I've gotta be honest with you. It wasn't my idea, I swear. He suggested it. I just... okayed."