Lost and Found Ch. 05

Hi all, I've been hard at work on unrelated writing but am happy to be back here... Thanks for all the lovely comments and feedback in the meantime. I hope you enjoy this chapter--it's a long one with a lot of dramatic lead up, many emotional outpourings, and a spicy payoff at the end as the characters continue their journey together.

After the ballet, it seemed to Lila that the rest of spring frittered itself away in a glory of sunshine and cherry blossoms. Between dwindling shifts at the campus library, hours spent poring over studies in acrylic, and infrequent visits home, there were plenty of diversions to be had--walking hand in hand with Cameron down the shaded lanes of Cambridge and Boston, another glorious afternoon spent aboard theClaire, and nights out at gastropubs and tapas bars and, of course, concerts, shows, and all the finest entertainments the city could offer. Before Lila knew it June roared in like a lion, bringing with it a wave of blistering heat and thoughts of summer vacation.

Only the finance world didn't seem to have gotten the memo, and suddenly Cameron was horribly busy, and then the next thing Lila knew he was flying off to London on an impromptu week-long business trip. She drove with him to the airport and waved goodbye from the wrong side of security, and was left with a strange emptiness. When she got back to the apartment, she moped for a while in her room, scrolling through Instagram.

An hour later Tori breezed in.

"Lover boy's off?" she asked. "What do you have going on?"

Lila glanced up.

"He'll be taking off any minute now," she said. She tried not to sound too glum. Life had been treating Tori pretty kindly, too, and Lila wasn't about to burst her best friend's bubble. She forced a smile. "Hey, do you want to come to the country club with me tonight? Robert's having some company function there, and my mom needs some extra help."

"Oh, yeah, she's been managing front of house there, hasn't she," Tori said. "Um, actually, I knew about the function already. I'll be there, but not in the working capacity. Jake asked me to come as his date."

"No shit," Lila said. She rolled onto her stomach and stared at the wall, cupping her chin in her hands. "So you get to hang onto the cute guy's arm, and I get to bus tables. That totally adds up."

"Hey, you would've been there if my man hadn't sent your man off to do his dirty work," Tori said. Then she clapped a hand over her mouth. "Oh, my God, I can't believe I said that.Myman. What am I, in love or something?"

Grinning, Lila rolled over. As usual, her best friend's energy was infectious.

"Well, if you are, you've got a lot of dolling up to do before tonight," she said, eyeing Tori's chipped nails and conspicuous tan lines. "C'mon. At least one of us can look and feel like a princess."

By the time they were done Tori did look like a princess, but that was no surprise. That was easy for Tori. Lila, on the other hand, tucked herself into the white blouse and blue skirt and nylons that served as her uniform whenever her mother asked her to help out, which had been increasingly often as summer business ramped up. Initially Lila had been hesitant to accept, but she had quickly relented. She wanted to see her mother succeed in the first real job she'd held in a while. And she needed the money. Cameron had teased her about all the tips she was making.

"Gonna have to come by one of these days and remind all those old men whose property you are," he'd said.

It had struck her as such a vulgar thing to say that she had almost slapped him for it at the time, but now she gripped the edge of the bathroom counter, her fingers trembling around the mascara tube in her hand. Though it flew in the face of all modern sensibility, she couldn't help but melting when he said things like that or acted in that proprietorial way. It reminded her of how he'd looked at her when they'd first met, as if she'd already been his.

If she was being honest with herself, she had been looking for signs that he still felt the same way about her. The last few weeks had passed in a perfect sunglow, it was true. But all the same she had begun to wonder. They'd had sex a handful of times since the 'second consummation' aboard his boat. And each time the sex had been the same--grippingly passionate, torturedly romantic... but not the sort of sex she'd expected to have with him. Was this the same man who had taken her over his knee within a few meetings back when she'd been as fresh and green as anyone on earth? Where were the whips and chains? She was sure he still had his proclivities, and heneededthem fulfilled, as much as he needed anything else. If he wasn't fulfilling them with her, were they sitting dormant in the back of his head? Or was he getting his fix elsewhere?

Her hand jerked, and she stared at her reflection in the mirror, a smear of mascara across her cheek.

"Shit," she muttered.

"You okay?" Tori poked her head through the door. "What's going on?"

Lila let out a little laugh, wiping mascara off her cheek.

"I'm just anxious, I guess," she admitted. "He spent some time in London when we were apart, self-admittedly fucking everything under the sun. So I guess I just wonder..."

"Don't you trust him?" Tori asked. She stepped in. "I mean, the two of you are exclusive. Right?"

"Right. Right. And we've said we're doing the girlfriend-boyfriend thing," Lila said. She let her breath hiss between her teeth. "It's just that, I don't know, there's some stuff we haven't talked about."

"So you talk to him about it when he gets back," Tori said. She took the tube of mascara from Lila's hand. "Now take a deep breath. He's a super fucking busy man. And he's made a lot of time for you over the past few weeks. The way it seems to me, he's breaking his back to make everything perfect.Youwere the one who ended things with him the first time. So he's scared he's going to lose you again. But he hasn't pulled back or anything. He's really trying. That's the way it looks from the outside."

"I know. It looks that way to me, too." Lila grabbed her curler and pursed her lips at her reflection. "I don't know. It's probably nothing. Just me getting in my own head."

"Talk to him when he gets back," Tori said. She squeezed Lila's arm. "Call him when he lands and talk to him as soon as you need to. Just don't screw this up for yourself."

"I won't," Lila said. She gave herself a thin-lipped smile in the mirror. "I won't, I promise."

At four thirty she left to drive herself over to the club. Jake had arrived a half hour early. He and Tori were pre-gaming the work function at a local bar. Lila saw them off with a smile, but she was pretty sure they would show up an hour late and shitfaced. She wasn't sure what to make of her best friend's budding relationship with the youngish financier. In her experience, party boy plus party girl could end with champagne and fireworks... or badly. And, given that Jake was the one backing Tori's product, Lila had to believe that Tori had chosen not to ascribe to the old maxim... not to shit where you ate.

When she arrived at the club, the function room had already been prepped, and her mother was barking orders at a veritable fleet of waitstaff, whose ranks Lila joined.

"Oh, hon." Miranda paused to give Lila a critical look. "You're looking a little pale. Have you been eating?"

"Of course I've been eating, Mom." Lila pushed her hair back from her face. "I'm just tired. Hey, look at you. You're a regular boss lady."

"Ha. Robert's embarrassed. He doesn't want his wife working his own function. But he couldn't book anywhere else at such last minute, so..." Miranda shrugged and held up her hands. "No one will recognize me, anyway. Not with these curls."

She tossed her hair over her shoulder and marched away. Lila found herself grinning. It wasn't that shewantedher mother to kick Robert to the curb, not exactly. It was more that she'd been waiting a long time to watch it happen. A very long time.

The function was well underway, and her arms were aching from carrying platters of oysters and crudites, when she saw Tori and Jake come in, predictably late. They looked to be in good spirits, though. Not long after they took their seats Tori snuck across the room to whisper to Lila.

"Well, we did it," she said.

"Did what?" Lila asked. She was stacking plates in a bin for the dishwashers.

"What do you mean, did what?" Tori laughed. "We had sex, silly. We fucked. In the back of his car."

"Wait, wait." Lila held a hand up. "You mean you had sex, like, you hadn't had sex before? Or you had sex in the back of his car for the first time?"

"I could smack you!" Tori let out another burst of laughter. "You thought I'd been sleeping with him this whole time? No, we had sex for the first time! I wasn't going to bethateasy."

"Oh, okay." Lila heaved the bin into her arms. "So is it serious?"

"I don't know, is anything ever serious when it comes to me?" Tori asked. She shook her head. "No, it isn't serious. But who knows. I guess it could be."

She turned away. Lila began to carry the bin toward the kitchens. She had gotten about halfway when she heard footsteps behind her, and then felt a hand on her arm.

"Hey, let me," came Jonas Keaton's voice in her ear. He took the bin from her, hefting its weight easily.

She crossed her arms.

"Hey, why the long face?" he asked. He looked down the hall. "This way?"

"This way," she said, her voice stony.

She led the way, and he followed. In the kitchen he deposited the bin beside the sinks. There was a general clamor from the cooking area, but the dishwashing stations were quiet. They stood opposite each other in silence for a long moment, and then he shrugged and let out a huff of breath.

"So this is it, Lila," he said. "You lead me on for a matter of years, and then this. You don't even have a word to say to me."

"I don't feel like I led you on," she said, but the protest sounded weak even in her own ears.

"Oh, come on. We may as well be honest with each other, at least." He eyed her from across the way. "So you're with him now. Or should I say back with him. I never thought you had a thing for older guys. I guess when they're filthy rich..."

In blind fury she picked up a wet dishcloth and flung it at him. He caught it, but several drops of soapy water flew out onto his suit.

"I'm not with him because he's rich," Lila said. "I'm with him because--because--"

She stopped. Jonas stared at her, the dishcloth still in his hands.

"That's a good question," he said softly. "Why exactly are you with him? From my angle, Lila--I mean, if we're being honest with each other--it seems downright predatory. How long has he been after you? Since you were fucking eighteen. Isn't there something wrong about that picture? Maybe you're just too blinded by, I don't know, all the cool shit he buys you and the cool places he takes you to realize what's actually going on."

She felt her hands clench into fists by her sides.

"It isn't about his money," she said, sticking stubbornly to the point. "Or about anything he's bought me, or anywhere he's taken me. It's about him. He's an interesting man. I guess you wouldn't know anything about that."

Jonas shrugged.

"I guess not," he said. He slapped the dishcloth down on the counter at his back. "You know, I had better forget about it. You clearly don't want to be saved. But while I'm in the mood to say things no one else is willing to say to you, you might want to ask Prince Charming about his personal assistant."

Lila stared at him. After a moment she heard herself hiss, "Get out." And Jonas left, his hands stuck deep into his suit pockets. She turned around to face the sink and plunged her own hands into the scalding, soapy water. She was still there, doing the dishes half-blinded by tears, when her phone buzzed in the breast pocket of her shirt.

It was Cameron. He had landed in London five minutes ago. For a moment she stood back from the sink and tried to imagine him on the street outside Heathrow, buying a paper, hailing a cab. Panic rose inside her throat, something huge and palpable. She was doubled over, her hands on her knees, so many echoes in her head. Herself.I'm with him because--because--Jonas.Why exactly are you with him?Cameron.No one will ever understand you as well as I do.Had she ever stopped to question whether that was only his bottom line, not hers? Was there a possibility, however slight, however horrifying, that Jonas Keaton was right--about something? About all of it?

She rose up, her hands shaking. She was vaguely aware that she had vomited up the small meal she'd eaten before she'd come. New tears sprang to her eyes. Her mother had asked her if she was eating. The truth was, sometimes she couldn't bring herself to. And sometimes when she did...

She had cleaned up the mess and was sitting with her knees hugged to her chest in the corner when Tori came in.

"Shit, Lila!" her best friend said, rushing to her side. "Your mom said she thought she saw you come back here. What's going on?"

"It was Jonas." Lila gave Tori a watery smile. "It was just Jonas. He didn't do anything too bad. He was just trying to upset me, I guess. Something about Cameron's personal assistant. I don't know."

"Personal assistant? At work?" Tori reached down and helped lift Lila to her feet. "Come on, let's get you out of here. You'll feel better after you get some air. I'll get Jake--he'll be able to clear things up."

"No, no," Lila protested weakly. "Don't get him involved.Please,Tori. Let me handle this myself. I'm sure it's nothing. I'm sure he was just trying to get under my skin."

Tori stopped and raised her eyebrows at her best friend.

"But you are going to talk to Cameron about it, aren't you," she said.

"Yes. Of course. As soon as I can," Lila lied.

After Tori had left the kitchen she buried her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking. But she didn't cry. Her whole body buzzed with some unknown feeling--the need to know, the need to... But she didn't call Cameron. She could have. Surely by then he had settled himself in the back of a cab and was well on the way to his hotel. Maybe he'd checked himself in and was already in the shower or in bed or--her heart fell. Maybe he was walking the streets, perusing the evening's entertainment. A restaurant, or a show, or some other woman.

She hated how easily her thoughts slid in that direction. But what else was she supposed to think? They'd been having sex, but notpropersex. Not the kind of sex she knew he needed. Now there was this personal assistant hovering in the wings.

A few minutes later she forced herself to put on a brave face and went back out into the dining room. Jonas was nowhere to be seen; evidently he'd quit the gathering early after their tiff. Tori kept trying to catch her eye, but Lila steadfastly ignored her best friend until she gave up. Then she was free to be a wallflower, blending in with her surroundings, and that was exactly how she liked it.

***

***

The next day, when Tori pressed her on the matter over breakfast, she couldn't keep up the charade any longer.

"I haven't talked to him yet," she admitted, staring glumly into her bowl of cereal. "He called this morning. I didn't pick up. He's been texting and I haven't answered."

"I hate to say this, but the poor man," Tori said. She plucked a Cheerio out of her own bowl and tossed it at Lila. "Earth to Lila. Remember what I said yesterday? Don't screw this up for yourself. And you promised me you wouldn't. So do the mature thing and ask him about the personal assistant, straight up."

"But what if it's nothing?" Lila asked. She'd had a whole night of tossing and turning to think on the matter, and this struck her as a logical conclusion. After all, Jonas Keaton had a reason to try to get to her. Boy, had he succeeded. She wished she could have been completely unflappable. But that was not her, and right now she felt thoroughly flapped. She let her spoon fall into her bowl and leveled her gaze across the table at Tori. "What if it's nothing, and he thinks that I'm overreacting and that I have no faith in him? I want to trust him."

"You want to trust him, but you don't," Tori countered with a quirk of her brows. She pushed her bowl into the center of the table. "Take this away from me before I eat enough for both of us. I'm in real danger of putting on some love pounds."

"Love pounds? So it's true love with Jake?" Lila asked. She was glad to feel her spirits lighten somewhat. "Tori! You've never used the L-word before!"

"You're right, I haven't, and I'm not using it now," Tori said. She wagged a finger at Lila. "Now back to your man. You still have to talk to him, even if you're not going to talk to him about it. But you also need to know the truth. Luckily for you, I have a plan."

"Uh-oh," Lila said with a roll of her eyes. "Victoria Delaney has a plan. Why don't I like the sound of that?"

But as an open day full of unanswered questions loomed before her, she reluctantly agreed to whatever Tori could concoct. An hour later, standing on the steps outside the tall, glassy building that housed Schar & Elmhurst, she found herself regretting her decision.

"We're just visiting Jake," Tori said in Lila's ear as they approached the revolving doors. "It's the easiest in you could ask for. Then, once we're there, either you third wheel for a change, or you run recon. What you do is totally up to you."

She held her hands up, as if to absolve herself from whatever misdeeds this plan might entail.

"What am I supposed to do, march up to a receptionist and demand to know the identity of Cameron Winthrop's personal assistant?" Lila flopped back against the wall of the elevator. None of the official looking people in the lobby had even bothered asking them what they were doing there. "I don't know, Tori, this feels kind of stupid."

"Then third wheel," Tori said with a shrug. "It's up to you. But I know you're curious about whether this woman even exists."

"It might not even be a woman," Lila said, unable to keep the sarcastic edge off of her voice. "Jonas wasn't too specific."

Tori stifled a laugh as a suited, stuffy looking man joined them on their way up.

"That would be a shock of a completely different kind," she said.

They went up to the seventeenth floor, in a journey that mirrored the one Lila had made several weeks back on her way to a chance reunion with her now-boyfriend. Boyfriend. It had a strange sound to it. Was Cameron really her boyfriend? The man she'd spent years pining after? It seemed so mundane, almost like a reduction of sorts.

By the time she and Tori reached the door to Jake's office, she had made up her mind.

"I'll be back," she said.

Though she didn't know her way around, it didn't take her long to find Cameron's office. On her way, she kept out a watchful eye for Jonas Keaton or anyone else who might recognize her, though she had no idea whether they were stationed anywhere remotely near this part of the building. No one seemed to take any notice of her. Eventually, after three fruitless paced walks up and down the wide hall, she stopped to loiter near Cameron's office door, positioning herself to the side of a large potted plant. It was at that moment that a door at the other end of the hall opened, and a young woman, at most a few years Lila's senior, stepped out. She was holding a stack of folders in her arms, moved with a quiet elegance, and possessed the kind of poise Lila didn't think she would have been able to pluck up even with a million years of practice. As she approached Lila, she gave her a wide, white smile. She had blue eyes, and they were shining.