A Woman Scorned

Be advised, this story is not a happy one. It is solely written from the woman's side of a woman scorned.

A woman scorned.

The room is freezing cold today, its mid-February and the first dusting of snow for the coming year has settled on the sill. A small robin came to visit yesterday and it stayed for about five minutes. I had saved a stale piece of roll that I put out just to see if a friendly face might visit. It cheered my sour mood no end but the mood soon returned when the friendly little soul flew off, it was almost as if it knew the snow was on the way. I wrap myself a little tighter with my blanket hugging it into my neck but no matter how tightly I get it, I am still cold.

The radiator comes on for just six hours before it clicks off, and even then it only gets mildly warm. If we are lucky, sometimes we get let into the recreation area. There, the radiators will get warm enough to heat our socks, I am told that warm toes are rare luxury here in winter.

Brenda my roomie is ok if she is in a good mood but she's a bit up and down lately, she pretends to take her meds but I know that she pockets them to sell on. When she goes more than a few days without them I tend to keep myself to myself, she starts to argue with herself or her pillow, that's my cue to pretend to be asleep.

"Lights out in ten!"

Those ten minutes always go by far too quickly. When the bulb clicks off, the bars on the window make their full presence known. The light from the outside yard always makes them stand out all the more and I hate that, it is as if the lamp in the courtyard was placed there on purpose to remind us of where we are. One more night in this place, I'm away in the morning.

This place gets much louder after dark, the cries and screams seem to magnify. I hate the place but I cannot deny that I deserve it. My sentencing date is set for the morning and I am dreading it, I hope I see one or two friendly faces but I know most there will hate me.

********************************************************

Misunderstanding.

I was standing outside all alone feeling completely despondent on the rain drenched pavement, covertly watching through the glass window and desperately hoping not to see what I thought that I most probably would.

The rain was getting heavier and the wind felt like it was really getting into my bones, I was not used to being out in weather unless it was good eighty degree weather. The rain was hitting the concrete so hard that it was splashing to the height of my shins, my feet were soaked. I knew it was going to rain but in my haste to follow, I put on the nearest shoes to hand, canvas sneakers, a bad mistake.

I wished that I had had the foresight to have brought my brolly too, I was so unprepared for this spying game. The only lucky thing for me today was that it was my big coat on the hanger as I rushed out, so pulling up the collar I leaned against the glass window trying not to be too conspicuous.

I had followed my husband of twenty-six years at a discrete distance until he pulled into the main town multi-story. I let him park, then parking a dozen or so cars away from him I slid down in my seat and watched.

A young girl got out of a little blue Mini Clubman a few cars from him and walked to greet him next to his van, he lent in and kissed her cheek. I felt sick, they spoke a few words of greeting that I was too far to hear before walking off together in the direction of the lifts.

I followed as covertly as I could, ducking between parked cars when needed to see them go in to a restaurant together. He had his hand in the small of her back like a husband would to a wife, guiding her through the entrance door.

The rain was getting heavier by the second and I felt totally foolish standing there getting soaked, I watched as they were shown to their table, how could he do this to me?

I'd never know what they were saying but the body language was unmistakeable, it made me feel nauseous. She had a look of pure adoration, like a lovestruck teenager as he pulled her chair for her to sit.

She was pretty, I guessed about twenty-five so nearly half his age. We had been to this same restaurant years ago, he had brought me here for what I think was our tenth wedding anniversary. It was a beautiful little family run Italian, it was a beautiful place with a romantic atmosphere so of course he'd bring his pretty young tart here.

The young woman glanced up for a second, I quickly turned my tortured wet face hoping that she had not seen me. I waited a few seconds before I looked back to see that John was now holding her hand across the tabletop. She was pretty, young and blond, everything that I used to be. She had her whole life in front of her, why did she want my John.

It was all too much, my tears mingled with the rain on my face and I had to go. It felt like he had pulled my ribs apart, reached in and ripped my heart from my chest.

I ran through the wet streets with walls of water crashing into my face and was drenched through when I got back to the car park. It was a twenty minute walk that felt like a lifetime battling with the wind, rain and draining emotions.

Sitting back in my car I took the soaked trainers off along with my socks, then putting them on the dash I turned the ignition on to heat the car. I felt so foolish sitting there, what a mug I had been. I was shivering with the cold and soaked to the bone with the windows steaming up all around me.

I sat alone with my thoughts in the car for ages, my world had crashed and I'd never felt so low in my life. I was shattered and my body felt like it weighed a ton, it was hard just lifting my hands to grip the wheel. I was finding it hard to just keep my eyes open, they were full of tears and sobs wracked my body. Those same tired hands somehow found the strength to pummel the steering wheel until I must've given in to sleep.

I woke a few hours later, my body aching and all alone in the dark. It was still very heavily raining and the car was as wet inside now as out, the heat of my body with my breathing had condensation dripping on every window. Sitting alone and cold in the car, it felt the whole of my life had turned dismal and grey just like this fucking weather.

Nearly all of the cars around me had gone, the level had been full when I had returned just an hour or two before, just mine and two other cars were left on this floor now. I looked around to see that John and his tarts car were gone too, I flicked on the interior light and adjusted my rear view mirror, shit I looked a mess. I had drool on my lips and black mascara lines streaked down to my chin, my eyes looked like red ping-pong balls and my lipstick was smudged onto my cheek where my head had rested on the seat.

*******************************************

I pulled into my daughters driveway forty-five minutes later, she totally freaked out when she saw the state I was in.

"Is it dad!" she screamed, "Is he, is he ok?"

"Yes, it's not that." I replied dejectedly. "Can I come in?"

I needed someone on my side, I needed comfort, some love. I needed a cuddle.

My son in law Clive gave us the room, at least there was one good man left in the world.

He took the kids upstairs because they really didn't need to see their gran looking like this. They were my world, we spent nearly all of our free-time either with, or thinking of them. They are still only toddlers so being nearly seven o'clock, it was close to their bedtimes anyway.

Clive told them he'd read them a story as he raced them up the stairs, their happy giggles echoed throughout the house as they did their best to beat him. I loved hearing their joy as they played with their father, I remember John doing that with ours but right now that seems a lifetime ago.

"Mum, what is it?" Amy asked, breaking me from my daydream, her voice was full of concern.

"It's your father," I said solemnly, "he is having an affair."

Her face dropped, her sorrowful eyes filled with water and the news looked like it had hurt her as much as it had hurt me. Her chin dimpled and her lips wobbled like she was about to join me in my tears when she leapt from her chair flinging her arms around my neck.

I needed that so much, we stood together and she hugged me like only a child could do to a mother as we sobbed in each other's arms. Her weight pushed me backwards until a kitchen cupboard stopped us, she held me tightly until she broke the contact, looked into my watery eyes as if she was about to say something then pulled me back in tighter.

"Mum," she sniffed, choking back tears.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"How do you know?"

Amy turned and angrily ripped a few sheets of kitchen roll, she dabbed her face then threw the remainder of the roll to me.

"Sorry love, your blouse." I said, pointing to her shoulder.

Mascara had transferred from my cheek to her arm and her light blue blouse now had black stains on it. Stripping it off, she dabbed it with a bit of washing up liquid and threw it just as angrily as she had done with the kitchen roll into the sink.

I told her between my sobs of the pretty young girl her father was seeing.

How I had learned of it a few weeks ago and had seen them hugging in a park while he took Chester our Dalmatian out last Sunday morning. They had sat on a park bench together, our bench, the bench that we usually sat on when we went to that park.

I had watched crouching from the cover of the bushes near the cycle racks, they sat there for nearly an hour. I looked on in disbelief as my husband put his arm around her and she lovingly rested her head into his shoulder, he had leaned in and tenderly kissed the top of her head. Tears streamed down my face and I felt sick, I couldn't believe my eyes and wanted to tear them both limb from limb but I just couldn't move. My legs felt as numb as my heart, I couldn't even find the strength to get up.

I knelt all alone in silence for what felt like an age in utter disbelief in the dirt. I wasn't even angry now, just hurt beyond anything I had ever experienced before. My stomach cramped and I fell forward onto my forearms in tears, I felt paralysed, helpless and empty.

***************************************************

I had used his phone a couple of days previously and then only by chance because I had left mine in the car. We had no secrets between us or so I had thought, but he had a text message open from Beverly, who the fuck was Beverly!

I delved deeper to find that he had made and received several messages from her over the space of a week, none were sexual but most were about needing to see him and wanting to meet up. One said that she couldn't wait to see him again, Again! how fucking long had this been going on? More to the point, how fucking stupid was I not to have seen it?

I was so angry, I wanted nothing more than to confront him, hurt him, kill him, scream at him until I was blue in the face but this was not the time because we had the grandkids for the night.

I told Amy that it was that night three weeks ago when we had the children on a sleepover, her dad was upstairs reading them both a story.

"Fuck!" I hissed under my breath, how dare he tuck my grandkids in, the cheating fucking bastard! I rarely cursed but couldn't help myself.

I remember that I poured a large brandy and sunk it straight down, I barely ever drink but needed another almost immediately after. Within a minute or two the brandy hit me, my head felt woozy and needed to sit down before I fell down.

"What's up?" he said, as he came back and entered the room.

"You don't drink?"

I had the open bottle in my hand and another couple of fingers in the glass.

"Really, with the kids here?" he mused, smiling sarcastically.

It took all of my willpower not to snap and to gouge his fucking eyes from his head.

"I'm going to bed, I have a headache."

I put the bottle back on the side, walked past him, I didn't even acknowledge him. I didn't trust myself to stay calm so it was easier just pushing past him and going up alone.

I told her that all this was a few weeks ago, I had followed him three times since. Once more at the park and once where he picked her up in his car, I had followed in mine but I lost them, and today to the little Italian in town.

"Who is she?" Amy asked.

"I don't know but she is young, half his age. I'd guess a bit older than you, twenty-five maybe six, something like that, it's sickening!"

"I am so sorry mum, I don't know what to say."

I spent the rest of the evening with my daughter and Clive. Clive was as shocked as Amy, he said that he couldn't believe John would cheat on me. My phone pinged a couple of times and it was him, I didn't even open the texts to see what they said.

I booked a night at a local hotel, I told Amy what I was doing and that I was turning my mobile off. She tried her best to persuade me to stay at hers but I didn't want to force her into a situation of taking sides. If her father called asking about me, she should tell him that I knew about his tart and that I might be home in a few days, I needed space, time to think.

I thought that I could cope but truth was I couldn't, it was the worst night I could ever remember. I realised too late that I didn't want to be on my own and I started to think I should've stayed at my daughters, I spent the whole night thinking about what I must've done wrong to make him stray. When I woke the following morning I had gone through two toilet rolls, they were scattered crumpled all around the bed, I had cried nearly all night.

I ventured out the following morning and it was still raining, the sky was as grey as my mood. I found a local café and sat at a table in the corner with my hands wrapped comfortingly around a mug of tea. It was 11am and the place was full of builders having their breakfasts, too much noise and laughter and I started to wish I had never come in here.

"Do you mind if I sit here?"

I looked up over the rim of my mug to see a man of about thirty, he had a bright yellow high-viz on with jeans and dirty boots.

"Sorry but there is no space." He said as he nodded around the place.

He had a kind smile but in all honesty, I just wanted to be alone in my grief.

"I-erm," I said, frantically looking around trying to come up with an excuse to not let him sit but he was right, the place was rammed.

"Ok," I sighed, reluctantly.

"Thank you." he replied smiling as he put his breakfast tray down.

I stared in disbelief at his plate, he had three sausages, a couple of rashers of bacon, two eggs, beans, tomatoes with three hash browns precariously balanced on the top. My eyes opened even wider as the young waitress brought over another plate, this one had toast, mushrooms, chips and two slices of bread and butter.

"Hungry?" he asked, taking a bite and offering me a slice of his toast.

"No-no I am fine but it looks like you might be." I laughed.

It was a strange feeling, seeing him and his breakfast had lightened my mood significantly.

"Growing lad," he said returning my laugh in between munching on a sausage.

"Seriously, I have far too much here. I asked for the giant monster breakfast, I didn't realise that it literally meant giant monster."

He said, grinning an adorable toothy grin.

His smile was infectious but more than, that I found that he was actually nice company. I didn't realise it but his cheerful demeanour was exactly what I had needed this morning. He introduced himself as Harry and worked at the big new development just outside town like most of the other workmen in here.

Harry most definitely had the gift of the gab, the way that builders do because he complimented me on my looks, my nails and even on my beautiful name. Beautiful name, my ass I thought.

The close proximity of his bacon did have me salivating though, another thing that I hadn't realised was that I was hungry. I had only come in for a cuppa with no intent on getting food but that bacon did smell nice.

I caught the young lady's eye and a few minutes later she brought me a lovely bacon sandwich. The nice young man opposite passed me the ketchup and I opened the bread to slather it on only to find that the fat was still attached. I hate bacon rind so I had to spend a few minutes picking every piece of fat that I could from the meat, he was grinning that toothy grin at me the whole time.

"What?" I said, innocently.

"Your like a child," he said laughing, "Mummy, take the fat off!"

He had a way about him, I didn't know anything about him but I liked him.

"Oohh this is good." I purred, closing my eyes in extasy on taking the first bite.

The bacon had smelled good but tasted even better, thick bread, thick bacon, nothing better than that.

I have no idea how and goodness only knows where he put it all, but he finished every scrap of the meal. He even mopped the tomato sauce up with a piece of bread before sitting back and putting both hands to his stomach making a sort of 'I'm full now' grumbly noise.

"I better get back," he said, struggling to stand up.

"Nice to meet you Gail." He smiled holding his hand out.

I took it, shook it and smiled, "You too Harry, thanks for the company."

He had inadvertently brightened my day, I found that I kept an eye on him as he walked out and down the street on his way back to his site.

**********************************************

I still hadn't turned my phone on and to be honest I was afraid to, I figured that the longer I kept it dark, the longer my marriage would last.

I walked for miles and before I knew it I was strolling past our park bench, the bench that had been our special place for the last twenty years.

Visions of her in his arms flooded my mind and that nauseous sickly feeling made an unwelcome return. I had to sit or fall and the bench was my only choice. I hated thinking that the last time I was here, he was sitting here with her.

I made my way back to the hotel around midday to see John's car parked beside mine in the car park.

"How did he find me?" I grunted to myself and ducked into the treeline on the edge of the car park. Being the middle of winter, there wasn't much foliage so the biggest tree trunk would have to do.

I really didn't want to see him and I didn't want to take a chance on him seeing me take my car, so I laid low hoping that he would give up and go soon. I had to wait nearly thirty minutes before I saw him exit reception, he didn't look happy and was shaking his head, hopefully they hadn't told him my room number?

I watched him drive off and turn the corner onto the main road before I crawled from my hideaway in the trees. Brushing myself free of all the dead leaves, I quickly ran between the parked cars to the safety of the motel reception before I turned to make sure he had not returned.

Luckily reception was empty so I doubt if he could've asked anyone about me, but he had somehow found out that I was here. He must've gone online to check against recent activity on our bank cards, stupidly I had used our joint bank account to book the room.

I locked myself inside my room for the whole afternoon not daring to go out. I really wanted to turn my phone on, if anything just to surf my Facebook but was afraid to because I just knew that it would light up. I am not usually one for the tv but that was my only option for company.

"How the hell do people watch these?"

The mid-afternoon movie was atrocious, the killer was so predictable. The husband was having an affair and the wife ended up killing first the mistress, then the cheating husband before burying them both in the woods.

"Hmmm," I thought, maybe not so atrocious after all.

The pull of the phone was too much and I had to switch it on, I was right and it lit up like a Christmas tree.