He's the Best Husband in the World

Dear reader

If you've read my stuff before, please be aware that the content of this is very different to what you're used to and is completely separate from my other stories. But if you like my writing style, maybe you'll still enjoy this.

If you're new to my writing, well, welcome. I hope you enjoy it. Please let me know if you do.

Happy reading.

T x

__________________________________

As I drove down the lane to our house I wondered why all the lights were off.

Then I remembered and the whistle died on my lips.

The sound of the door closing behind me echoed around the empty house. It was depressing.

Four bedrooms in an acre and a half of grounds, and just me here. Everything about that felt wrong. It had been getting quieter and quieter over the years, as first Michael then Katie went off to college. Then last fall our two dogs had gone, just weeks apart. They'd been nearly seventeen, so it wasn't a shock, though it still near broke my heart. I'd been suggesting getting another dog, but Abi had dragged her feet.

Now I realise that was perhaps because she knew she was going soon too.

The silence sucked.

I really wanted a drink. Really, really wanted a drink. But I knew I was out and meant for it to stay that way for a bit. After the kids had gone back to college, I'd hit the whiskey my brother Mark had got me for Christmas pretty hard.

That wasn't a good road to start down.

Trudging over to the freezer, I peered in. Abi had filled it before she left with home-made meals. Pies and lasagna portion, stews and meatloaf. It looked like I'd hardly made a dent in it. As good as her cooking was, I'd trade all the meals in the world just to have her company again though.

Without even bothering to look, I just pulled something out and shoved it in the microwave to defrost.

I knew I ought to go work out, or grit the lane, or stick some laundry on, or something. Just move. Just be occupied. Just keep myself busy so I didn't have to think about the empty bed that awaited me that night, and the night after, and after that, a black hole of unexpected loneliness stretching out ahead of me that I hadn't seen coming.

Instead, as I leaned against the kitchen island, my eyes fell on the table in the dining area. On Abi's chair. Where she'd sat and told me the truth that she'd been hiding from me and near everyone else for the last twenty-five years. The table where she'd told our kids, and I'd watched, still reeling myself, as Katie wept and bawled, and Michael's anger bleached the blood from his face. Automatically, I'd tried to comfort them, to tell them it would be okay, when really, I wanted to scream and rant at the unfairness of it all. I could tell that Michael wanted me to as well. He'd not been happy with either of us when he stormed out.

Nah, I didn't want to be here.

The microwave pinged. I took it out, shoved it in the fridge, grabbed my coat and keys and headed out.

* * *

I pulled into the carpark at Murphy's. Darren's car was there. Pete would probably be there too, maybe my brother Jeffrey if Marcie had let him out.

They would all ask after Abi and the kids.

I couldn't lie to them. I'd need to tell them sometime. Admit my failure.

Sometime. Not tonight.

I stuck the truck in reverse and backed out; there must be another bar somewhere in town where I could watch the game.

Ten minutes later I parked up outside Dean's Sports Bar. I hadn't been there for years, so figured I'd be fine.

Of course, Wells Ferry ain't that big of a town, so pretty much as soon as I pulled up a bar stool, Todd Carter had clapped his big hand on my shoulder.

"Hey there, Luke! How you been?"

"Todd! Yeah, good thanks! How's Todd Junior?"

I'd coached his son all through Little League - he'd been a much better hitter than my Michael, who'd been all about football anyhow - and Todd Junior was now on the roster with the Mill Rats over in Johnstown. Not bad for a 19 year old.

"Bored as hell! He can't wait for the ball games to start. But, my God, Michael's having a hell of a season ain't he?"

We shot the breeze about our sons. It felt good. Then the game started and we just sat and nursed our beers, watched the game and moaned about the coach. For the whole of the first quarter, I even managed to forget about Abi leaving me for her childhood best friend.

Then the buddy Todd was saving a seat for turned up and turned out to be Ben McCarthy.

And his sister walked in with him.

I turned and our eyes met. Anger and rage flushed through me. Without realising what I was doing, I found myself on my feet, facing her.

She was trying not to look scared. But through the red mist I could see it. Seen it enough in rookie batters' eyes over the years.

"Er, hi Luke," she said.

Ben stuck his hand on my arm, but I shrugged him off and stepped forward. To her credit she waved him away and stuck out her chin. I could see her trembling.

"Do what you're gonna do Luke." She was trying real hard to hide her fear, but couldn't disguise the hitch in her voice. Her pretty, angular face stared back at me.

My fists clenched automatically, and I could feel the anger, the rage, the impotence of those last two weeks, those two lonely weeks building in me. I could let that out. I could smash her, hurt her, make her feel some of that pain.

Conversations had died around us, though the sound of the game was still loud in the bar. Her brother would step in if it got too ugly. Perhaps others would too.

I raised a hand chest high.

She flinched. I could tell she was trying not to, but she did. Well, I had near sixty pounds on her, plus a good six inches in height and reach. She had no kind of guard up, wasn't even trying to defend herself. She was tense, arms stiff by her sides.

"Come on, Goddamn you, hit me!" she yelled.

Maybe she needed this as much as I did?

Then I thought about how bad Abi would feel if I sent Jill, her new lover and her oldest love, back to her battered and bruised.

She'd hate me. And she'd have a reason to. Something I'd never given her yet.

"Ah, hell!" I yelled. "Goddamn it, Jill, I ain't gonna hit you! Get over here - you're buying!"

"What?!"

So that's how I ended up drowning my sorrows in Jack with Jill, my wife Abi's lesbian lover. Yeah. Wasn't how I figured I'd watch the Steelers fail to make the playoffs.

* * *

"Y'know Luke, I'm so Goddamn jealous of you," said Jill as she passed me another shot of Jack and a beer.

"How the hell do you figure that?" I said. I was pretty damn drunk by now. Steelers were down 24-3 in the third quarter and were 3rd & 22. A bunch of high schoolers would have made a better fist of the offense.

"I been in love with Abi since we was fifteen," Jill said. That New York accent of hers was disappearing fast as she put away her share of shots. "That's... Tha's thirty fucking years, Luke. Thirty fucking years! "

I never did like a woman who cussed. Pity, because once upon a time I'd admired the hell out of Jill McCarthy. Not in a romantic way, though she was attractive enough - one of those blondes that could pull off a pixie cut and still look feminine, even in pants and a jacket. No, it was the way she'd always stood her ground. We'd all been in the same year at High School and Jill had never taken any nonsense from anyone to anyone. Anytime anybody tried to put somebody down, Jill'd be there to call "shame on you". I swear she did more than any faculty member to cut bullying in our year.

Plus, she had a damn good arm as a softball pitcher and a decent bat. It's what got her out of town to college.

"And you," she said, pointing at me, even as she waved for another round, "you got to have Abi for, what, 23 years, Luke."

"23 years, 5 months and 3 days," I said.

"Yeah. That. That's why I'm jealous. I'll be nigh on seventy before I can top that."

"Yeah, well, don't expect any pity from me."

"Oh I don't."

Rodgers was sacked and it was now 4th and 30. All time low.

"I tried to forget her, I really did. Honest to God, Luke I did. And, you know, if I hadn't come back to take care of my Daddy..."

She didn't bother finishing the sentence. I knew.IfAbi's folks were still alive - the whole damn reason, according to Abi, that she'd stayed in the closet so long - andifJill's Pa hadn't had a stroke,thenJill moving back from New York to help care for him might not have meant anything. Abi and I might still have been in a marriage that, as was becoming clear to me, was never anything other than a losing hand. A patsy, that's what I'd been.

I took a sip of my beer. "Guess from your point of view, you were the one she's been cheating on all these years then, huh?" I said.

"I wish," Jill said.

We watched the game in silence for a bit as the Steelers got shoved around. It was downright embarrassing. They weren't even being beaten by a good team, just ground down.

"But, Luke, you know that nothing happened between us, right? We never even kissed while you and her were still together."

I held up my hand, the ring still there. "We're still together now."

"That's not... aw shit."

"You two sleeping in different rooms?"

"Naw."

"Well then." I felt like hitting her. I slammed another shot instead, numb to the burn. There was another already waiting beside it.

* * *

Despite the Advil I'd managed to take the night before, my head still felt like there was a marching band practising inside.

But though I didn't want any noise at that moment, the silence of the house still ate at me.

Somehow I got the coffee on as I chugged back a glass of water.

Damn I missed having Abi here to fix breakfast. Not sure I could stomach anything anyhow. I'd just get something in the diner later.

A yellow movement outside the window caught my eye.

"Oh hell no!" I growled, shoved my boots on and stormed out the door.

"What do you think you're Goddam doing?" I yelled at the tow-truck driver who was... bringing my pick-up back.

Oh yeah. I'd left it at the bar and Todd had driven me home, as I was nearly too drunk to stand let alone drive.

I stood there and scratched the back of my head, wishing I'd grabbed a coat before I plowed outside. The snow was a foot thick, though there hadn't been a fresh fall.

My pick-up was backed in perfectly. Then the door opened and Jill stepped out.

"What the hell?"

She looked embarrassed. "Figured after I got you too drunk to drive last night, the least I could do was bring you your truck back Luke."

Suddenly, I remembered who I'd been drinking with the night before. The whole damn strangeness of it all.

"You can still remember how to drive that thing?" I found myself asking.

"Hey, yeah! Might be twenty-five years since I worked a shift in my Daddy's 'shop but some things you don't forget." She grabbed the controller and carefully lowered the wheels down.

The wind picked up and I shivered. I ducked back into the house to grab my Carhartt. By the time I got back, she had the straps off.

"Keys are in the cab, Luke," she said.

"Thanks," I said, "much obliged."

"Ha! Like I said, the very least I could do."

"How come you don't feel like crap, anyhow?" My head was still pounding.

"Oh, I do," she laughed grimly. "But I think I'll always feel like crap around you, Luke."

She walked back to the cab, but turned.

"You know, I meant it, Luke. Last night. I really am jealous of you."

"Well, that doesn't do me a hell of a lot of good, Jill."

"Oh, I know. But you gave her the children. I could never have done that. And for that alone, if nothing else, she'll never wish away those years with you." She was clearly struggling to keep her voice steady. "She'll never wish she'd been with me from the start."

I didn't know what to say to that. So I just watched as she nodded to me, climbed in the cab and drove off.

* * *

My head was pounding all day, but it wasn't worse than what my heart and stomach were doing. Seeing Jill had made the nightmare all the more real somehow. I felt like there was a wrench in there, gripping, squeezing, turning endlessly.

After I yelled at Lillian for the second time, something I hadn't done in the eight years she'd worked for us, my older brother Jeffrey stormed into my office and shut the door.

"I know, I know," I said before he opened his mouth, holding up my hand as I slumped in my chair, "I'll go and apologise to her. Just... just give me a minute."

"It ain't that," he said softly, walking over and pulling up a chair to my desk. "Why didn't you say something, Luke?"

"About what?"

"What do you think?" He was trying to be sympathetic, but he was still my big brother. He couldn't help it. He sighed. "I know Abi left you, Luke. Mom told me."

"How did she-"

"Abi called her."

It felt like all the air had gone out of me. It was bad enough my kids knowing their father was a failure in his marriage: now my whole family knew.

"Luke, we're your family. We love you buddy. But you gotta open up to us a little."

I eyed him.

He squirmed a little, embarrassed. "It's what Marcie always says to me."

He clapped me on the shoulder. This was probably as much touchy-feely stuff as he was comfortable with.

"Anyway, we're here for you Luke. Whyn't you come for dinner tonight? Marcie's been cooking up some stuff for you to take home. I'm guessing you've just been living on take outs these last two weeks."

"Thanks. But naw, Abi filled the freezer before she left."

He chuckled. "Good to hear." He stood up. "Right, now get out there and apologise to Lillian. And if you don't tell her why you're so pissy, I will."

I groaned, but got up to make amends with our receptionist and marketing admin.

* * *

The weeks passed. Snow melted then fell again. My daughter Katie called every day, which is all that kept me from the bottle. I think she knew it too; her calls were always late. It was like she knew if she called early I'd just hit the booze after. She's a smart kid.

Michael called pretty often too, but his calls were always awkward. I could tell he wanted me to rant and cuss out his mom.

But the truth was it was hard to. I hated what had happened, hated her absence.

Yet I still loved her.

* * *

My phone started vibrating and Katie's number flashed up.

"Hey there sweetpea," I said. "How's my favorite daughter?"

Katie's eyes rolled on the screen. "I'm your only daughter, Daddy!"

"That a bit of Carolina in your voice, sweetie?"

Katie laughed. She was at college down in Durham, North Carolina on a part softball, part academic scholarship. I didn't like her being so far away, but I couldn't be prouder.

We chatted for a bit about her classes, her room mate, her plan to invite some friends back for Spring break, which pleased me.

"You sure you don't want to head down to Florida? I thought that was the thing to do?"

My son Michael was going. I had to confess, the idea of my daughter being down there didn't thrill me, but I tried not to be too over-protective.

"Naw, not my scene. Plus, I get to spend time with you, Daddy."

"Huh, okay. I'd like that."

"Besides, I want to introduce you to some of my friends. They'll drive up the week after the wedding."

Jeffrey's son Earl was getting married soon, and had deliberately timed it for spring break so his sister and my two could be there.

"Great. Well, they're more than welcome. They team mates?"

"Yeah, uh, Amber is. Tianna's my room mate. I'm also inviting our RA Holly. She doesn't have any family - can you believe she spent the whole of the Christmas break on her own in the dorm?"

"That ain't right." I sucked in a breath. The thought of that hurt. Suddenly, I was confronted by the icy realisation that, next Christmas, Abi wouldn't be here and the children would have to choose who to spend it with. My knuckles whitened as they gripped the counter. "What happened to her folks?"

"From what she's said, I don't think her dad was ever around. But her mom got cancer in her final year of high school. She had an offer from Dukes but deferred to care for her mom and get a job to pay the bills when her mom couldn't work. She's older than us, 26, and a Junior already. She only started after her mom died three years ago, her grandparents were already gone. Pretty tragic. It's amazing how cheerful she is, but I think she hides it a lot."

As sad as that story was, I couldn't help but smile at how perceptive Katie seemed to be. No wonder she was planning to major in Psychology.

"Well, that's real good of you to think of her. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks Daddy."

Katie's face clouded. "Listen, Daddy, about the wedding..." I could see her hesitation. "Well, I was talking to Mom." She grimaced.

I sighed. "Katie, sweetie, you don't need to apologise for talking to your mother, okay? You ain't betraying me or nothing."

She sniffed. "Thanks Daddy. I'm just... it still feels wrong though."

Another thing to feel angry with Abi about. I knew damn well that she wasn't asking the kids to take sides, and neither was I, but they still felt they had to. It was double hard on Katie seeing as Michael was refusing to have anything to do with Abi since she'd left me. He wouldn't call, wouldn't reply to messages, so Katie felt like she had to pick up the slack.

She took in a deep breath. "Anyhow, I mentioned the wedding, and Mom said she was going."

"What? Jeffrey didn't invite her."

"I know, that's what I said. But it turns out that Fiona is related to... to Jill. So Mom'll be there as a guest of the bride."

A cold hand gripped my heart. It had been nearly seven weeks since I'd seen Abi and, while that was hard and I missed the hell out of her, not seeing her made it a little easier.

"Daddy? You okay? Should I tell her not to go?"

I shook myself and forced myself to smile. "Naw, it's okay sweetie. Town like this, it was bound to happen sometime." The thought came to me that perhaps sitting in the church, watching Earl and Fiona vow to love each other until death do you part, might be a pretty effective guilt trip for Abi. I weren't such a misty-eyed dreamer to think it would bring her running back to me, but she could use a damn reminder of what she'd promised.

* * *

I don't know what Abi was thinking during the ceremony, but what I hadn't counted on was what I would be thinking. I been to plenty of weddings over the years, but this was the first since we'd split. With Michael and Katie sitting either side of me, I didn't feel abandoned as such. But what I couldn't help doing was comparing how Fiona looked to my memory of Abi on our wedding day.

Fiona was radiant, as she was supposed to be, I realised. Glowing, smiling, just beaming out joy. Looking back, I think all the brides at the weddings I'd been to had been. And why not? It was the happiest day of their lives, right?

Some memories are dim and distant these days, like trying to see something on a lake bed. Some, though, are as clear and crisp as a studio photograph. Taking Michael in my arms for the first time. Katie's first laugh. Hitting that home run as a freshman to score a double.

Our wedding was one of those. So, sitting there in the church while Earl and Fiona exchanged their vows, that video screen in my head was replaying my own wedding side by side. Placed as I was on the groom's side, I could see Fiona's face perfectly; the joy there was a deep contrast to Abi's melancholy. At the time I'd thought it was apprehension. She'd been a virgin, after all. And my mind replayed that little glance back to her bridesmaid - hell, how had I forgotten Jill had been a bridesmaid? - when the minister had asked if anyone knew of any impediment to the marriage?

Suddenly, sitting there in the church, I was struck by the realization of how wrong I'd been all those years.