Lost soul

There is nothing I can say or do to excuse what I've done. Let me explain. I'm a middle aged bloke, theoretically I'm married. That is, I've never been divorced. I don't even know how I'd go about it. I was married to Wendy in my twenties. We had a daughter, Rebecca, early in our time together. Wendy was never easy to live with, she was always demanding. Not in the way you might be thinking. She always had to have the best of everything. Brand new car, gold and diamonds, designer clothes. You get the picture. For a middle manager in a small company, that was hard to cope with. One day when I was walking in the park, pushing Rebecca's buggy, Wendy did a flit. My guess, she found someone with a lot more money than me. Not a care for our daughter. Neither of us have heard anything from her. Wendy's parents, won't say where she is, even if they know. There we are. With a lot of help from my parents, I managed to keep working to provide for the two of us.

It all happened so long ago, it's hard to remember when. It's got to be more than fifteen years. Yes, must be. Rebecca is now 19, a young woman. Not much younger than when I met her mother. She's at the local college. It isn't easy being a male single parent, to a teenage girl. Don't believe me? Give it a try. There isn't any way that I can fully understand what she's been through in the past and is still going through. I've tried to give her as much freedom as I can. There are always limits, because I want the best for her.

Alright, she's been an adult for over a year now but I still worry. I should have been more worried about myself. Why? Not because of Rebecca but her friends.

It is hard to lay things out, in a way that doesn't make me seem to be a complete dirtbag. Rebecca has a small circle of friends. Some from school, who I've know for years, as they came round to play, others more recent, who are on her college course. The five of them would go on nights out and end up back at one or other of their houses. Fine so far. I'd got used to sleepovers, when she was at school. There is a pull out mattress under Rebecca's, bunk beds in the third bedroom and a single bed in the box room. It's a bit of a squeeze. They found it fun when they were younger. Now, they are usually a bit worse for wear, after a bit of booze. Despite having a house full of young women, I'd never been tempted. That became increasingly difficult as time went on. A situation that was not of my making.

I began to realise, that they were stating to spend more time at our house, than they had previously. One weekend in three, then every other weekend. I asked Rebecca why?

"Just the way it works out."

I wasn't sure that I believed that. Even less so, when I started to catch glimpses of them scurrying about naked. I should have said something. I should have put a stop to it. Told them to put something on. I didn't, I blame myself for where it led. Over a few weeks, I'd seen them all naked, except Rebecca. They became more daring as time went on. Not fleeting glimpses, they'd stop and talk, say hi, ask for tea. My unwillingness or inability to act spurred them to more and more extreme displays. I'm finding it difficult even to explain how I felt.

One Sunday lunchtime when her friends had left, I finally brought up the subject. Rebecca had a huge grin on her face.

"We thought you would have cracked by now."

"Cracked?"

"Come on dad, get with it, they're offering it to you on a plate."

"What?"

"Don't be dense. You deserve something nice. Look at all of the things you've done for me. Frustrated older man and young women who don't just want someone to jump on them and cum in an instant. That doesn't include me, in case you're worried. Stacey takes care of me."

Well that explained something. The mattress that slid out from below Rebecca's bed was hardly ever used. Whereas the bed was usually wrecked. I've no problem with whoever my daughter wants to sleep with. That's for her to decide. She'd chosen a friend she'd known for about ten years. I never pried, she'd tell me if she wanted to. That time was now. Setting me up with the other three, didn't feel right at all. I didn't know what to say.

"Disappointed at raising a lesbian? Don't be. I think I've always known. Or stunned that three hot chicks want a fuck."

"Becca!"

She sniggered. That's what I used to call her when she was little. Mainly because she couldn't say her name properly.

"They're consenting adults. I'll admit, only just but you can't say they're not worth a go."

"That isn't a nice way to talk about your friends."

"Talk is cheap. Our conversations would make a porn star blush."

"What would you know about that?"

"We have to get our fix of girl on girl action. Want to borrow some?"

"I can't believe we're having this conversation."

"I can hardly have it with anyone else, it's just the two of us. Your little girl is all grown up. I have a girlfriend, we make love, I watch porn, so what. If it's a choice between you, gran or grandpa, who would you choose?"

"All of that is fine. I accept it. What I'm having problems with is you whoring me out to your friends."

"So, when was the last time you had a good fuck, before mum left? That's a lot of wanking. Two thirds of my lifetime, more probably."

"I'm not telling you that."

"Come off it. We both know that you gave up everything for me. I'm never going to be able to thank you enough. You deserve something good for yourself. Just take it and enjoy it. The girls are happy to give it to you. Unless you're a crap fuck. You better not be, or they'll beat the shit out of me."

"I'm not telling you that either."

Worrying would be an understatement, about this turn of events. If I didn't go through with it, I have visions of the girls taunting me and getting more extreme than they had already. If my willpower crumpled, there could be a succession of fathers, knocking on my door, to punch my lights out. I'm no fighter and certainly wouldn't be able to protect myself. I'd deserve everything they would dish out.

Nighttimes became a sort of torment. In a semi sleep like state, I had mental images of the three young women, my daughter was expecting me to sleep with. My cock, engorged with blood throbbed and twitched, despite my wish for it not to. I resisted the temptation to jack off. Night after night it was the same. I'd cum in my sleep, like I did as a teenager but at least it was not a conscious decision.

Rebecca, sweet as ever, didn't take long to pick up on my problems. Easy really, looking at my eyes, puffy, sunken and dark.

"Just do it. Never look a gift horse in the mouth. You've already seen more than their mouths and teeth."

In the end, the decision was not mine to make. On Friday night, the girls had gone out. I didn't know if they would be back here of somewhere else. Tired from a day at work and my lack of sleep, I packed up and went to bed at ten. I was woken some time later by a movement on the bed. No, in the bed, warm soft flesh against my body.

"Hi Mister Morgan."

"Eh."

"I won. My turn first. Makes a change, I'm usually last, at everything."

I reached over and turned on the bedside light. Beside me was Amy, a beaming smile on her face. She's one of Becca's new friends. She told me that they'd played rock, paper scissors, to see who went first. In a way, I could see why she was so excited by the result. In most men's minds, she wouldn't be first choice. A strawberry blonde, with freckles who wears glasses. She'd also been noticeably shy when parading about naked in the house. I know that young women struggle with body image. To me she looked fine, slightly chubby with small pointy breasts, her skin is incredibly pale, her nipples too. Her wispy ginger pubes forming a line under a slight bulge in her belly. That was my impression, from what she'd felt willing to show.

At that point I should have got her to leave. I don't know why I didn't. Possibly in some way preserve her self esteem. I don't know. Whatever the reason, it was a step off the edge of a cliff. Again, not of my doing. She kissed me, reached down and felt my cock.

"Um....Oh. Don't worry, I'm on the pill, we all are, except Rebecca and Stacey, obviously. Come on then, it's getting late."

Rebecca was right, sad to say, I haven't had sex with anyone since her mother left. In the early days, I had a lot on my plate looking after my precious daughter. More recently, I'd become wary, not knowing how to find anyone else, or whether I wanted to. Now this had found me.

I always thought that I was pretty good at foreplay. If my later performance was less than stellar, it might make up for it. In my mind, it was too late to go back. Although, in reality I could have stopped. I didn't. I began what I thought was a long forgotten routine, kissing, stroking, caressing. Cautiously, carefully and deliberately, I explored every inch of her skin, with fingers, lips, tongue and other parts of my own body. The first brush with a finger, of her young pussy brought out a sharp gasp. Her reaction to my tongue in the same location, music to my ears. Such a series of sweet almost angelic sounds as she gained relief. With my hands beneath her soft round bottom, I continued. Again and again she reached her peak. Sensing my own needs rising, I slowly moved up her body, my dick finding its own way to her sweet pink pussy.

I looked down at her, eyes closed, mouth slightly open, turned up into a sort of smile. As my tip slid inside, her eyes opened and her mouth widened. Make or break time for my reputation. Too late to worry about whether I should do it. My worry, would I last? I took things easy, not too deep or too hard. The lifting of her legs, appeared to indicate that she was happy with my efforts. On and on, slow and easy. Her face a barometer of her feelings. It contorted and she let out a high pitched whining sound. Her hands scrabbled at my shoulders. Two more thrusts into her tight pulsing pussy and I released all I had.

Her face flushed bright pink a tear or two trickling from the edge of her eyes. I brushed them away gently, with the back of a finger.

"Alright?" I enquired.

"Mmm. Becca said you'd be good. Better than good. Bloody amazing."

I stayed inside her for a couple of minutes, before the limp slug of my dick slipped from her. I leant down and kissed her lips before taking up a position beside her. I slept. The sleep of he dead, no dreams, no worries.

When I woke in the morning, she was gone. I picked up my watch, it was nearly 10. I'm usually up at 7, even at the weekend. I put on some baggy trousers and a T shirt and stumbled downstairs.

"Alright sleepy head. We were going to give you a Mexican wave. You're so late they've all gone."

"We need to have words."

"Like way to go stud."

"No. Like what the hell."

"From what I hear, you had almost as good a time as Amy. She's beside herself with excitement. I knew you could do it. Nice cock, so she says. Not that I'd know what one of those was."

"Those are the sort of words I was on about."

"Get with it. It's the twenty first century. Women know what they want and aren't afraid to go out and get it. Not like when you were young."

"Having a dig at my age?"

"You know what I meant. Attitudes change."

"Does that extend to having sex with your daughter's friends?"

"Probably not, for most people. Most people don't matter. Personal choice matters."

Having a philosophical and moral debate on a Saturday morning wasn't what I needed. I made a time out sign and went to make a pot of coffee. I poured us a mug each and returned to the lounge. I'd barely sat down, when she started again.

"Personal choice. They've chosen not to have crap sex."

"How do you know last night wasn't."

"Come on dad, I know you. You care about people. You care for other people far more than you do for yourself. Right? I can't believe mum didn't see that."

"Can we leave her out of this?"

"Was she a good fuck?"

"Don't push your luck."

"You can't blame me for being curious. I can't even remember what she looked like, let alone anything else."

I tried to change the subject, swiftly.

"Why me and not someone else?"

"Like I said. You're a caring person. Besides, you are the only single parent and according to the girls, their parents are getting stacks. You're not getting any. At least you weren't. Cuddly isn't she."

"Don't you find this just a little bit uncomfortable?"

"Nope. Sex is amazing."

"Whoa. Hold it right there."

"Not want to know how good Stacey's tongue is?"

I pinched her nose between the knuckles of my middle and index fingers.

"I might already be damned to hell. Any more of that and I'll be there tomorrow."

"Not a chance. You've got Bella tonight and Jas next weekend."

I've known Arabella since she was about three years old. I'd been gobsmacked when she was the first one to flash me. She's an interesting looking woman. Actually not very womanly. Tall, thin, not exactly masculine but androgynous. Something emphasised by her short hair and flat chest. from what I saw, she wasn't exactly hiding what was between her legs. Not even with pubic hair.

"You're serious aren't you?"

"Of course. She came second. Amy won and Jas got the short straw, she won't mind too much, she's had at least one cock. Bella, I'm not so sure. Tight lipped, in more ways than one."

"For fucks sake."

"Language dad. Make her feel special."

Bella is more outspoken than Becca was being now. That and her being the first to push the boundaries, I think is an act of bravado. A sort of defence mechanism to disguise how she actually feels. My perception is that she has a similar level of shyness to Amy.

Unlike Bella, I know far less about Jasmine. She's only started coming back with Becca over the last six months. Dusky skinned, and with a more rounded, almost hourglass figure than the rest. Her dark brown nipples and jet black pubic hair intrigue me.

Whether it was a ploy or not, the five of them had decided not to go out clubbing. Over the space of about an hour, the four of them arrived carrying what looked like small overnight bags and bottles of wine. Becca came down for some glasses and shortly afterwards the loud music started. I haven't got used to it but I've started to be able to ignore it. The volume started to go down at about 10.30. I started locking up and turning things off, before going up to bed.

If Becca was correct, I would be joined by a young woman requiring satisfaction. What's more, it would be someone I'd known most of her life. I foresaw this being difficult for both of us, particularly me.

I'd been in bed for about twenty minutes, when there was a knock on the door. Before I had chance to invite the knocker in, the door opened and a naked Bella slipped inside, pushing the door closed behind her as she did. She hurriedly slipped under the covers beside me. I've talked to Bella a lot but this was different and difficult.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Amy says you were amazing. I hope you aren't disappointed."

"Why?"

"Look at me."

"You look great."

The next ten minutes was like dealing with Becca in puberty. A reassurance that she should be happy with how she looked. That her body could do great things, so embrace it. In the light of her worries it was difficult to think about what lay ahead.

If I'd taken my time with Amy, this was going to require a whole new level of caution and care. If her mental state was slightly fragile, her body seemed to match it. My kisses and caresses, went on for a prolonged period. Tense at first, I felt her gradually relaxing before I made any form of sexual contact with her. I'd only been stroking her face, neck, shoulders and back so far.

I had no idea how she'd react, to what I intended to do next. Her breasts are barely recognisable as such, tiny almost imperceptible mounds with small hard nipples. She could be worried about them. I was particularly careful with my touches, with no sign of her shying away, I continued. As if to reinforce how I felt about her body, I licked and carefully sucked her nipples, while continuing to stroke her cheeks and neck.

Her shaved pussy made me ponder further. If she had worries about how she looked, why would she do that? Particularly as when I saw her before, I could clearly see her labia hanging down slightly. Had she done it for someone else's benefit or because she liked it. I concluded that she thought it might make her more attractive to men. It might to some shallow individuals.

I was considerate again with the way I moved towards that smooth part of her anatomy. I don't know if what had gone before had released some of her tension but she seemed willing enough to part her legs as my fingers approached. I've admitted I like foreplay but I've never encountered labia as long as hers. I know some women can be worried about how they look. Where others are proud of their lips. I still didn't know which way this would go. I tried not to make much of what I was feeling, focusing as much as I could on her pleasure. All of a sudden she giggled. I turned to look at her.

"Amy said that you were the perfect gentleman. No need to be that careful. I don't have much to be proud of but you have to admit, I have a great pair of flaps."

Not the sort of language I'd have used but these women are a different generation, almost a different species. I don't really understand them or their attitudes. I can't imagine any women I knew when I was their age, doing what we were now.

At Bella's urging, I began to explore what she had so inelegantly described. Actually, something new for me. Not only that, the way my fingers were touching her was clearly to her liking. Her pussy lips were not the only part of her that that is prominent. Turned on and relaxed, emerging at the top of her slit, a lovely little nub. With only a little effort from me, her heels began to thrash against the bed. She mashed her lips to mine and gripped my shoulder hard. She moved her mouth away briefly. Just long enough to say,

"There! There! Yes."

She came again within a minute. I was now incredibly troubled. Personally, I'd have liked to go down on her. Who wouldn't want a chance to get up close and personal, with what I'd just been touching. The main issue was psychological on my part. She wanted me but I'd known her so long, I was struggling. She pulled at my shoulder, trying to drag me on top of her. From what Becca had said, I've not idea whether she been with anyone. I really, really didn't want to hurt her, particularly with her oh so fragile frame. This wasn't as easy as I'd found it with Amy. I manipulated her labia with my fingers, trying to aim the tip of my cock at her opening. A bit more fumbling than I'd hoped. Her eyes closed tight, her lips pursed as I made my almost impossibly slow entry.

Even if she hadn't been with anyone else, there was no resistance from a hymen but she was tight. She could feel that too, her legs widened, her knees pointing straight up. My movements restricted to a fraction of an inch at a time. Minute upon minute passed. Seeing that I wasn't just going to hammer away at her, she opened her eyes, her pursed lips turned into a smile.

"It's alright. I'm not made of glass." She said.

All I could do was take her at her word. I began to increase the depth and speed of penetration. Her mouth now formed a wide O, her eyes almost staring, seeming to burn into me. Was there a hint of pain, possibly but mixed with pleasure. I was enjoying this despite myself. I think my misgivings made me last longer than I should have. It had turned into a long and enjoyable fuck. Knowing it was close to ending, I reached a hand down, in the hope of getting her off again.

"No. No need." She mouthed quietly.

I shuddered as I came deep within her. My arms trembling. I lowered myself down towards her, supporting myself on my elbows.