Midlife Awakening with My Boss

I would like to start by calling myself Swayam Prabha which is not my real name. Also any other names mentioned here in this story is fictitious as I want to protect our identities as the story is a real one. I am a 45-year-old Brahmin woman coming from a very conservative background with a very fair complexion, a 36C bust, wide hips, and a slightly plump figure. I am pretty with a pleasant, feminine face marked by a double chin but a little fat.

When I was younger before my marriage, whenever I read a romance novel and come across the scene of kissing and lovemaking, nothing explicit but with emotional and sensual wordings I would get aroused. I remember vividly when I had just entered college and experienced my first no touch orgasm as I sat on the bed reading a romance novel.

While reading a romance novel and I came across the lovemaking scene and I felt myself getting aroused. I was totally engrossed in my novel when out of nowhere a warm tingling sensation started to build up in my lower belly. It seemed to permeate out into a heavier, swollen sensation in between my legs as I felt my own wetness leak out. Without as much as a thought I automatically squeezed my legs tighter together and tighten my pelvic floor involuntarily which kind of enhanced the pleasurable feeling

As I kept reading the lovemaking in the novel my own arousal kept coming in waves with each one getting stronger that I could no longer concentrate on the novel. Now my focus now drifted to the new sensations I was feeling all over my body. My breathing became shallow, my heartbeats rising as my arousal spread and intensified. My nipples begged to be touched and I subconsciously reached out and tweaked my nipples one by one through my dress and bra when I felt a rush or a fluttering deep inside my pelvis.

My vagina seemed to have a mind of its own as it started rhythmic contractions and within few seconds I felt the throb that started deep inside and radiate outwards. Suddenly the pleasure centred in my vagina exploded by itself sending immense pleasure throughout my body. It was as if my whole body was going into the throes of the orgasm. I couldn't help but moan quietly in my ragged breathing as I rolled on my bed.

As I lay on my bed stunned, heart still pounding, I realized I had just experienced my first orgasm. I was trying to catch my breath as my orgasm slowly ebbed and I felt my whole body go into relaxed mode. However, my legs were shaky and my soaking wet panty was clinging to my vagina. Finally after a while I went to the bathroom and removed my panty. As I peeled it off I found the slimy clear liquidy substance had covered my panty and instinctively brought it up to smell. As I inhaled I felt a faint warm, intimate scent which was mild, and slightly musky so out of the blue I flicked my tongue out and licked it. It tasted kind of mild, slightly slimy and maybe a subtle tinge of sweetness. I felt a sudden guilt ride over me as if what I did was wrong, so I quickly washed my vagina and put on a new panty.

That day after my first accidental, no-touch orgasm when I went to sleep the urge to experience it once more came back. Alone in my room with the lights out I felt comfortable to think about the pleasurable feelings and in no time I was aroused, I started to rub my breast and roll my nipples and the warm sensation started to build up in my lower abdomen spreading out to my vagina. In no time I felt the sudden rush and I went over the waves of my orgasm as I moaned softly and quietly. The second orgasm of my life happened again without me even touching my vagina. I felt the wetness of my vagina soaking my panty but I did not bother to clean up as I felt so relaxed and just drifted off to sleep.

Over the next couple of weeks I learnt to pleasure myself using a pillow but always clothed because this way I felt safer and less naughty than touching my vagina directly with my hand. Soon I graduated to rubbing my palm over my clothed vagina and later pushing my hand inside my panty to feel the wetness of my swollen vaginal lips and spreading the slimy wetness over my clitoris to get better friction. Within a couple of months I was actively masturbating and getting my orgasms but never penetrated my vagina with anything, not even my fingers. By the time I graduated I was very comfortable masturbating and getting my pleasures. With strict orthodox parents a boyfriend was beyond even imaginations. After graduation I went on to do secretarial course and soon got a job in a government organization.

Like most traditional Indian families, I had an arranged marriage at 22 to a man 10 years my senior--my parents' choice, not mine. I had never met Mr Venkateshwara until our engagement day and even after that we hardly had any interaction. I have a high libido as I get aroused very quickly, my nipples are over sensitive and I would become wet very fast. I had looked forward to exploring my sensuality with marriage. However, my husband saw me as a vessel for release, not a partner. The suhaag raat, the glass of milk clad in my wedding saree - a hollow ritual. He took me that night--not with tenderness, not with care, but just possession and the cold obligation. And like a dutiful Brahmin wife, I submitted to him.

It had been long--so long that even the memory felt distant and blurred--since my husband used to undress me completely when we copulated at the beginning of our married life. However, intimacy became infrequent and purely functional after our two children were born, plus his rural posting throughout his career. Sex became a rare, mechanical act dictated by my husband's infrequent visits from his rural bank postings to my official quarters. Even when he sought intimacy, he would just open my blouse, push up my bra and play with my breast to arouse himself. Once he achieved erection he would be putting on condom while telling me to remove my panty. He would then lift up my petticoat and saree in one bunch and enter me seeking his relief.

Over time, I learned to detach, as he only sought his pleasure, never once considering mine. Instead, I channelled my energy into raising our two children alone and whenever I get leisure time and feel aroused I would pleasure myself. I usually get naked and start touching my breast and nipples and almost immediately I would get wet. Then I would use my palm and fingers to touch the wetness of my vagina inserting two fingers inside as my palm gently rubs my clitoris, and achieve orgasm. With porn filling the internet space two decades back I would sometimes watch porn to heighten my arousal. Masturbation became my sexual release as my husband never bothered to satisfy my sexual needs whenever he came home for a day or two from his rural posting.

At 45, my life followed a predictable rhythm. I am quite efficient in my work and had been promoted to the post of personal assistant in the government office that I worked in Hyderabad. In the office I am always prim and proper no nonsense kind of lady. My son Aditya had moved to Bangalore where he was employed, my days were routine except for the presence of my daughter Vidya at home. My husband Venkateshwara remained an absent figure, more a visitor than a partner. He would visit us occasionally over weekends when he would seek out his quota of sex from me.

It is amazing that in all the 23 years of my married life my husband never even once expressed appreciation for my body, nor had he even bothered to explore my body even though I longed for love and intimacy. I do not know about other women but for me my sexual desire heightened during ovulation period. A simple kissing or lovemaking scene in movies could easily ignite my passion and it was at such time that I sought relief through self-gratification alone in my bed at night. At such time I would get naked and touch my naked body everywhere. I would fondle my breast and pinch my nipples or roll them, and slowly begin touching my vagina, the wet, slick lips, rubbing it and making my sensitive clitoris wet so that the touching would become smooth. Then I would close my eyes and enjoy he sensation of my body until I reach orgasm and fall asleep naked. This was how I use to get my sexual release as an affair would ruin the family and I dare not do it due to my children.

My life was running like clockwork when my new boss came into my life. I was transferred to work with my new boss who was three years my senior. He was always well dressed and he exuded effortless charm and confidence breaking the monotony of the office. I was not sure in the beginning but later I realized that he was particularly very nice to me, somewhat bordering on flirting. I never considered myself attractive, so his attention surprised me. Not that I hadn't drawn looks before--this fellow in the same office, Uday, a sleazy, bald headed Brahmin man would often tried to engage me, along with others who lusted after me. But none of them interested me. They were all South Indian like me, yet I never felt at ease around them.

My new boss was not from South India, nor did he resemble a typical Indian, though he is one. There was something exclusive about him, a rare and intriguing uniqueness. My new boss unlike the others before him was very competent in his job and commanded respect from his colleagues without asserting authority. I was puzzled when he started giving me small gifts, nothing brazen yet subtle like a box of chocolates from his foreign trips, a beautiful journal which as a secretary he said I needed, small trinkets now and then. His kindness and chivalry started chipping away the walls around me in which I had built. He would even give me all the gifts, sweet boxes, or flowers he received from visitors and never take them home. My daughter Vidya and I enjoyed all the chocolates and other goodies that he would give me often. As the steady flow of gifts came home my daughter remarked teasingly "These days you are more cheerful, I think your new boss is trying to woo you" and we both just laughed though my heart missed a beat. Little did she know that I was being drawn to my new boss.

"Good morning, sir." I stood up and wished him as he came into office one day

"Good morning, Prabha. You look tense and serious. Relax and enjoy the moments more; you look even more beautiful when you smile." He replied with a smile. Even more beautiful? I felt my heart miss a beat and feel myself blush as he walked into his chamber. That day something happened and I found myself drawn to him in ways I could never imagined as I realized that he was actually flirting with me. This was new territory, a quiet allure that appeared off limits but simultaneously attractive and thrilling. I wondered if I had the heart to respond to his gestures.

The moment of no return came one ordinary afternoon when I took some files for him to sign and I was standing by his side as I opened each file. He kind of just looked up at me and said "Prabha, can I ask you something?" My heart trembled at his gentle tone because I suspected as much where this was leading to.

"Yes, sir?" I replied.

"Can I give you a hug?" As his words sunk into my head I wondered if I heard it right but then when I looked into his eyes I realized he was dead serious.

Not knowing what to say I stammered "Why sir? Why do you want to hug me?

His answer was straightforward " Because I want to"

"Sir, what if someone comes inside?" My voice dropped to a whisper as if conspiring due to the nervousness I felt as my heart come up to my throat. My boss knew that my answer was a positive one and he stood up, walked past me to the door and locked it. He came back to where I was standing and calmly embraced me.

My heart was thumping so fast I thought he must be feeling it as he picked up my hands and placed it around his waist. I simply melted and placed my face on his chest and when I got a whiff of his cologne, I knew I was stepping into another world. "Prabha" he whispered as he lifted my chin upwards and he bent down to kiss me on my lips. He kissed me purposefully seeking entry to my mouth with his tongue and I opened my mouth to allow him access and his tongue plunged into the depths of my mouth our saliva mixing as both of us sucked on each other's mouth. My kissing experience was limited, and actually, I am a novice at that, yet I felt like a woman for the first time, experiencing the absolute kiss of a man.

My carefully constructed world came crumbling as I was no longer Prabha, the meticulous PA or the dutiful wife, but a woman swept up in the undeniable tide of desire. Lost in the kiss, the taste of him, the heat of his touch, I surrendered to him at that moment. And just as suddenly, reality came rushing in as I wondered what would happen if someone came and found me and my boss locked up in his room

I unlocked my lips from his and said "Sir, someone may come" my voice shaky yet urgent "please let me go"

"Thank you Prabha, I have wanted to do that for a long time" he said as he released me.

"Let us talk later in the evening, okay?" He said with gentleness,

I quickly nodded and walked out the door into my room adjoining his. As I sat down on my chair, I wondered what just happened and suddenly realizing how aroused I was as my nipples strained against my bra and blouse and wetness spread in my vagina. I closed my legs together tightly, my left hand touched my nipples absentmindedly as the current crossed through my body like the first time I experienced my orgasm without even toughing myself.

Suddenly I came to my senses that I was in public space anyone can walk into the room anytime, so just as quickly I stood up and tried to walk and suppress what was building up. I felt goose bumps all over. I wondered what is this beautiful feeling I am getting, is it love? For the very first time, I am desired. The feeling of being utterly and undeniably present in his embrace was incredible; at 45, married with two grown up kids the woman inside was slowly starting to rediscover myself.

My brain yelled, 'This is not how it is supposed to be', but my heart felt so right. Where would this lead to, I had no easy answer. All I knew was the feeling of his embrace that lingered with me the whole day. Evening came and it was 5:30, so I packed up ready to leave office when suddenly the intercom buzzed.

"Prabha, can you wait until the others leave?" He asked in his calm collected voice. Like always, I responded automatically, nodding to myself. I busied myself with some task that were at hand but my mind was not on the work. My nerve was on edge as I waited for my boss to call me not knowing what lies ahead.

After all the colleagues had left my boss asked me to come to my room. Nervously getting out of my chair I fidgeted with the folds of my saree as I walked to the door. I hesitated but only for a moment and taking a deep breathe I opened the door. My heart was racing and something told me to run away but the pull was undeniable. As soon as my boss saw me he got up and walked over to me.

He held my hand in his and asked calmly as his eyes searched mine "Prabha, I want you but it should be a two way street. Do you want to go through this with me?'

"Sir, my mind tells me this is wrong. We both have families and children. I feel guilty." I wanted to be honest and the mixed emotions was fogging my mind yet an unexplainable thrill filled me.

"I completely understand what you are saying, I have never strayed from my marriage either but ever since you came to my life I have been drawn to you in an inexplicable way and I want you. Trust me, this is just about you and me and no one else". Saying that he embraced me and I felt my body come alive to his touch and embrace.

He bent down to kiss me as I lifted my head and parted my lips to meet his. This kiss was a slow one as we explored each other with our tongues and exchanged saliva while both our breath quickened. It felt so good to be desired to be wanted. He lifted both my hand which was at his waist to his neck and embraced me fully crushing my breast against his chest. As usual my arousal was evident with my heart thumping as the thrill of the forbidden descended all at once. My apprehensions evaporated and at that moment only the two of us mattered to me.

Slowly languidly his palm and fingers explored all the contours of my body, I was embarrassed but did not have the heart to stop him. When he came to the point at the waist not covered by the sari, his bare hand on my bare skin sent electric waves all over my body. My boss pulled back a little bit and lifting my chin looked into my eyes and said

"Prabha, you are beautiful, everything about you is beautiful". Hearing these words my heart just melted and I wondered why I was attracted to him. He pressed his body full against mine making me acutely aware of every sensation. My arousal was overtaking my senses as I felt the flood of wetness in my vagina. I wanted to stop him but my voice failed me as my body yearned for his caress.

Finally summoning all my strength I whispered "Sir, I am scared"

"I know Prabha and I understand, but I also know that you have an emptiness inside you which needs to be filled. You deserve every piece of happiness, follow your heart because it knows the truth" He told me looking into my eyes as he kept embracing me fully. " I will never force you to do anything you don't want, just give me a chance to bring happiness to your heart"

He held me as we walked to the door and gave me another soul searching kiss. I wanted to stay in his embrace but something told me to take it slow and move on for now, to get some space and reason. After a final embrace I finally left his chamber. As I exited the building the warm air outside hit me and brought me into the reality of what just happened. My body, my lips, every bit of me could still feel him, and I cannot describe the feeling but I was happy.

I picked up my two wheeler and rode home feeling exhilarated, excited and lightheaded. In the many years of my married life a man kissed me with desire for me, I felt wanted, needed and I had responded with equal fervour. This was so unlike my marriage which had become mechanical devoid of any passion. My conscience screamed 'Adultery' but I was beyond care, I wanted the taste of the forbidden. My boss had ignited the fire of passion in my heart and I wanted its fruits. My nipples refused to soften even as my vagina was soaking in its own wetness.

At home my mind remained preoccupied even as I prepared dinner for myself and my daughter. Vidya who had come to the kitchen to help me was rambling about something but my mind was too far away that I just heard but did not even understand what she was saying. At one time my daughter even came and tilted my face towards her and looking at me asked " Mummy, what is wrong, you are so distracted that you don't even hear what I am saying". I just smiled and said "sorry, I was preoccupied with something else" She replied "nothing serious I hope" I just smiled and told her that its nothing.

At night alone on my bed sleep eluded me as my boss filled my mind, and I wondered what it would be like to have him make love to me. Soon drawn by my imaginations and I was touching myself to one of the most powerful orgasms as I imagined him making love to me, Finally after an earth shattering orgasm I naturally drifted off to sleep.

The following day, I arrived early, only to find him waiting. In the quiet office, he locked his chamber and kissed me again, his palm lingering on my bottom and then slowly upwards, coming up to the front to feel my breast. My nipples strained under my bra as a rush of desire and fear flooded me. I pulled away, the risk of discovery heightening the tension, so I quickly returned to my room. The day passed slowly, every time I saw my boss I felt the urge to go and be near him. With so many people dropping in to his office that day we never got the time to be together. At the end of the day my boss asked me if I can come in tomorrow at 9 AM, I just affirmed in positive.