Sentimental Memories - First Love

Everyone detailed in this story is at least 18 years of age. This story is not intended to provoke the reader's libido. If that's your desire, then there are many superb stories elsewhere on this website.

I'm sure that many critics who will find this story tedious. By disclosing that admission up front, I hope to save myself from the unnecessary, vitriolic barbs of anonymous commenters.

If the story strikes a sentimental note with any compassionate reader, I would love to hear from you.

To protect privacy, in some instances I have changed the names of individuals and identifying circumstances.

Thank you.

I never really dated in high school. I was popular enough, I just never developed the nerve to ask any girl on a date. That's not entirely true. I did ask one girl on a date, a girl that went to a neighboring high school. She worked at a local fast food restaurant, and after about a dozen awkward visits, I finally asked her out. We weren't romantically compatible, but ironically we are still friends to this day.

It's not that I wasn't attracted to any of the girls at my school. In fact, Anne was my crush for the entire duration of my primary school years. Predictably, wonderful Anne went on to the successful and satisfying life that I knew she'd have, just not with me.

I was just a shy boy, afraid of something - what it was, I don't know. Our high school was so small. Maybe I was afraid that no one would like me. After all, all of the girls had been witness to every silly and embarrassing event in my life, since the age of five.

I had this simplistic concept of dating. As if, one should only date girls that are deemed to be suitable life-partners. I know that sounds silly, but it's really the irrational notion that I maintained. I didn't understand 'dating for fun'. I wish I did, because I likely would have enjoyed dating many of the tremendous young women that I grew up with.

My mother probably sensed it. She was often telling me to date someone, "Dating doesn't need to be serious. Just go out and have a good time." She even hinted that I should ask out the cute daughters of her acquaintances and coworkers.

Looking back on it, there were a significant quantity of girls that would have been thrilled to be taken on a date. Not because I was so desirable. It's just that many of us, both girls and boys, sat at home on Friday and Saturday, wondering what it would be like to be out on a date. Rather than find out, we simply remained cowering at home. At least I had my best friend, Jim. We were inseparable during all of our school years. We remain friends to this day.

In the summer between high school and college, I dated a girl named Renee. She was two years my senior, and graduated from another high school. I was eighteen, she twenty. She worked in the office of a construction company, and I worked there as a summer laborer. I knew the owner of the construction company from some volunteer work that I performed my senior year in high school.

Renee was the only young woman amongst an office full of women. The older women prodded her into asking me on a date. It was thrilling to go on a real date, especially with someone who wanted to go. I didn't have to wonder if she liked me, she made that fact well known. Renee introduced me to kissing - that was so wonderful.

It's a shame that adolescents and adults almost fully abandon kissing for more-advanced mating activity. I can still remember Renee and I sitting in the front seat of my family's station wagon. Renee was reclined in my lap and I held her while our tongues pressed and twirled together. My penis was rock hard. I don't know whether she sensed it or not. I was in heaven!

I was so naïve. I was content to be stuck in the kissing stage. I had no confidence to proceed further. I had no more-experienced friends to inform me, or to spur me on. It took so long to get to first base, I was happy staying there. It felt heavenly. Looking back on it, I bet Renee wished that I was a bit more forward. I'm not casting aspersions on her, it's just that she wanted, and deserved more. Silly me. Stupid me.

I went off to college, and Renee came to visit. She had travelled the three hours with another young woman who was dating a boy at my college. My dormitory roommate was pledging at his brother's fraternity, and I knew that he'd be gone from our shared dorm room for the entire weekend.

I can still remember Renee and I rolling around in my bed. I was still so naïve. In fact, I had met one cute girl at freshmen orientation. I invited her back to my room for tea. Honestly, I was only offering tea. She was exactly the cute and innocent type of girl that I was attracted to. Again, I think that I was looking for someone who represented 'wife material' in my childish mind. She declined. Being a nice girl, I'm sure that an offer to go to a boy's dorm room was beyond consideration.

So, Renee and I were alone in my dorm room. She had to pull off my jeans - I pretended to resist. How fucking stupid had I been? She was fully dressed, and I laid there in my underwear...white briefs. We never progressed to any heavy petting. Something interrupted us, and we had to cease our tussling for some prearranged activity with her friend.

Renee would have been my first sexual experience, had I not been such a timid prat. At least she proved that I need not be afraid of girls. I could spend time with a girl and not be made a fool. I could also kiss! How I liked kissing.

I sat in freshman chemistry class. This is the type of class in which the professor states, "Look to your left, then look to your right. In several weeks, one of you will be gone." This is what they called a 'weed out class'. I was trying my best, and failing miserably.

At the end of one of these daunting lectures, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned to see the other students exiting from their rows of seats. The person tapping me was this vivacious blond. Pretty, not gorgeous. But still someone that I would consider out of my league.

Allison introduced herself, and then maneuvered the rows of seating in order to sit beside me. We talked for about ten minutes. I wasn't expecting this, but I don't remember being nervous. Allison told me that she had noticed me in class, and had been watching me for several weeks. She told me of several of the silly things that she had witnessed in my absent-minded classroom behavior.

To this day, I don't know what drew her to me. I was tall, and mostly fit. My hairline had just started its slow retreat. I didn't realize it myself, but one girl was kind enough to bring it to my attention. I honestly didn't know any females, other than Renee and my mom, that gave me much notice.

Allison and I went on a double date with my friend Scott, and whomever he was dating at the time. This was late October, and we saw the movie "Halloween" that was playing in a campus auditorium. Scott, a year ahead us, was a bit of a college lothario, which meant that he would help set an active pace for the evening.

That was Friday. Allison and I spent almost every moment together that entire weekend. For the first, and only time, we played tennis Saturday morning. That was an innocent ice-breaking activity. She had other things in mind. My roommate went home for the weekend. Allison and I pushed the two dorm-room beds together so that we could enjoy a king size bed. She wore short terrycloth shorts and a matching tube top. Her figure was a bit plump, but I wasn't picky...in fact, I was inescapably drawn to her.

All of her clothing was easy to remove, as was proved by the ensuing events. Again, I was not the aggressor. Allison provided all of the initiative, and even direction. I was eager, but I was still so timid, and even afraid. Allison wasn't much for foreplay.

She laid on our love nest. Her breasts were relatively small, and she joked how 'one of these things is not like the other'. They were my first female breasts to explore, and I didn't care that one was smaller than the other. They were full of youthful firmness. Her nipples poked up, and there were little raised bumps on her areolas. I studied them. I kissed them.

I did whatever I thought a seasoned lover would do. I had only ever read Playboy and Penthouse magazines, especially the letters in Penthouse Forum that were supposed to have been sent in my real readers of the magazine. There was no Internet pornography at this time. I had never seen a dirty movie.

I did what I thought I should, and she helped me when I needed guidance. She had beautiful, natural blond hair - a source of great pride. She had a full face with a nose that was just slightly upturned. She had a bit of a belly, like most young women. In between her fleshy thighs rested her vagina.

Her bush had tufts of blond hair. Not to be crude, but the carpet did match the drapes. She didn't trim it, but there seemed to be just the right amount of hair. Her labia was plump, but her lips were mostly hidden by her bush. I pried open the lips and found two little flaps that joined at her little clitoris.

I discovered all of this wonderful anatomy as she instructed me on cunnilingus. She was surprisingly well versed in the subject. Later, among her things I would find some old notes left by her second lover. In the notes he mentioned that she was going to be visited by the 'orgasm fairy', or some other stupid phrase that only a horny boy could craft. Either this boy was schooled by another, experienced girlfriend and he subsequently introduced Allison to the practice, or heaven forbid, he became an expert by experimenting on Allison.

I was proud that despite my fumbling, I brought her to climax. There was no reason for her to fake it, and so I took it to be genuine. Although, honestly at that time, I would not have known whether she had faked it.

When it came time for the big event, she coaxed me from my nervous state. At that age my erection was almost painfully rigid, and it stayed that way for a long time. It wasn't very big, but it made up for it with stiffness. In fact, I don't remember discussion of penis size being such a discussion topic back then. At times, I would amuse myself by hanging my bath towel from my erect penis to affirm its strength.

I laid between her legs. I timidly inserted the head of my penis into her sacred cavern. It was like the world was changing before my eyes. Now I know why they tell a first-time lover that 'he's been made a man'. I felt older. I gently sank into her. It was my first time, so I can't claim to have been forceful, nor authoritative. I seem to remember a lot of 'I can't believe that this is happening' thoughts in my head.

I am sure that I stopped at times, just to feel and appreciate being inside of a woman's body. Remember that I had no expectation that our relationship would proceed so quickly to intercourse. This was only the second day of our dating. The point is that I had no condoms - I had no reason to purchase condoms. I surely didn't have condoms in the ready, as I was just at the kissing stage of my sexual evolution. I had never even gotten to second base before this.

In the midst of sexual congress is the worst time to begin considering birth control. Allison didn't seem worried. Again, I had no experience in the matter. The last time that I considered the subject of birth control was in tenth-grade health class. I think that Mr. Satler still preached abstinence at that time; well, that ship had sailed.

Allison calmly directed me to withdraw before orgasm. That made complete sense to me, although my mind was a bit muddled by the hormones streaming through my body. I'm pretty certain that Mr. Satler told us about the terrible odds afforded to the withdrawal method.

I did withdraw, and as it turns out, we safely completed our congress without any unwelcome consequence. I never thereafter called people "stupid" for unintentionally getting pregnant. I was just as simple-minded as any other adolescent caught up in the moment.

At the time in my life, I used my daily planner to record homework assignments, and to note the dates for upcoming tests. I also scrawled little notes on each daily section, using the planner as an impromptu diary. I simply recorded the most significant happenings of the day. To this day, I pull out my planners to relive my college years via the scrawled notes. On the day that I lost my virginity, I drew a little heart.

It wasn't long after I started dating Allison that I returned home for Thanksgiving break. I needed to break up with Renee. I sought advice from my mother and older sister. They convinced me to write a note, attach it to a potted plant, and deliver it to her house. Luckily, she wasn't home, and I gave the plant to her mother. I never heard from Renee again. Pretty graceless, huh? Well, it's still better than breaking up via text.

I really liked Allison, and I enjoyed trying to keep pace with her libido. I was led to believe that girls were resistant to sex, but Allison showed me otherwise. Allison told me that she had four partners before me. The first was a boy in high school. I was never jealous of the boy who seduced my Allison, but I did envy his primary position, vanquisher of her virginity.

She also had relations with the "orgasm fairy" guy in high school. Apparently he broke up with Allison in pursuit of some other girl, a fact that Allison brought up several times. I think that breakup hurt her. I didn't like having a competitor, even if he only lived in her mind. But, she never gave me any real reason to be jealous, at least not at the beginning.

She told me that she dated two boys in college. Actually, I don't remember whether she actually used the term "dating", as I think that she was simply disclosing her body count. I met her only three months into our freshman year. So, her experiences with the two college boys happened rather quickly. The first was a pledge at a pretentious fraternity. Allison was eager to experience the social scene at that fraternity, as it held an elevated reputation, and her philandering father was a legacy.

I knew this boy in passing, which is kind of odd given the size of our school. I think that it was during the freshman orientation that I met this boy. I remembered him, because he had such a swank name. As I recall, he looked like a younger version of Fred from the Scooby-Doo cartoon. He was handsome, but to an absurd degree. I'm sure that any young woman would fall under his spell, unless she was firmly committed to chasteness. To this day, I only take comfort in the assumption that he's probably on his third marriage by now.

I assumed that this young fraternity pledge easily conquered my Allison. Allison was libidinous, and she had no virtue to protect - I mean no disrespect. I didn't begrudge her prior experience, I was benefitting from it. Whether this boy found her too easily available, or he simply wanted to continue his caddish behavior, apparently he didn't commit to any real relationship. She gave no indication of the length of their relationship, nor the extent of coition.

The second college boy was rather unassuming. She pointed him out to me one day as he was crossing the street. I wasn't clear on how they got together, but when she pointed him out to me, I thought that Allison could have done much better. I also wondered why this plain young man would suspend a relationship with Allison. It was obvious that Allison was amenable to regular sexual activity.

In hindsight, I'm pretty sure that the handsome young fraternity guy ended their relationship. But, perhaps it was Allison that ended relations with the other, plain young man. Regardless, I was now the lucky benefactor of Allison's availability. I'm pretty sure that she approached me for a true relationship. At least I never picked up on the sense that I was targeted as a simple, sexual dalliance. We dated for almost four years.

Somehow we found a lot of opportunities to be alone. Looking back, I truly marvel at her comfort with sex. I am still a bit uptight, even at my advanced age. I am confident that Allison had many lovers after me. In fact, I'm pretty sure that during our summer breaks in college she might have cheated a bit.

Truthfully, I did too. But I am sure that our patterns followed traditional gender-based trends. She may have surrendered a few times to an onslaught of opportunities and propositions. I took advantage of the very few situations that came my way - actually one.

Allison took to calling my penis "Hector". I never understood the reference. I never asked. We would be sitting in her room, and she would lure me with her little squeaky murmur, 'eat me'. That obviously meant that she wanted to get frisky. She had a pet name for sex; she let me know when she wanted to 'frolic'. I don't think that I ever really was able to match her comfort with sex. Under most circumstances, and among consenting adults, sex is such a wonderful way to share tenderness and eroticism. Why was couldn't I shed my prudish mindset?

She would chide me, "why don't you ever initiate?" Honestly, I don't know. I don't know if it was guilt, fear, lack of confidence, or simple immaturity. We had a lot of sex, that she initiated. I was forced to fight my discomfiture at the pharmacy - I was buying condoms by the dozen. But, looking back on it, I would have liked to have even more adventurous sex. We were in a committed relationship, so we were free to fully express ourselves to one another.

She would have appreciated a bit more instigation on my part. I should have let her know how much I wanted her, how much I desired her. With due respect to all parties involved, I wish that I could go back to that time, just one time. At that time, I did what my mind prompted me to do. Don't forget that the Internet didn't exist yet, so there was no convenient stream of salaciousness prompting me, feeding me new ideas.

I must have given her well over a hundred orgasms, but never via intercourse. I don't remember her ever performing fellatio. I would have loved it. She was rarely on top. What she liked the best was doggy style. She would shove a pillow under her hips. This provided the right angle, and gave me the ability to reach around her leg and finger his clit.

There was one time when we piled a blanket and picnic supplies into my car and drove out to a wooded area. We hiked just a bit, and then placed our blanket out and relaxed. Before long, we were having sex in the field. It was so exciting. Afterwards, I realized that this was no random event. I'm pretty sure that she knew of this particular spot because she had been there before.

Allison was a pretty, bubbly young lady. My parents had met Allison, and I could tell that neither my mom or dad cared for her. I know that moms are protective of their sons, and so my mom must have detected some character flaw that I did not. I was infatuated, but not totally smitten.

My mom made no effort to hide her dislike. Allison's mom loved me. I think that I was a safe, respectable suiter. I often stayed overnight in her dorm room. She had a single room for three of the four years. I can't imagine how we got by cohabitating on weekends in her dorm room, but I do remember peeing out her window so that I didn't have to use the restroom - it was an all-girl dormitory.

One early Sunday morning I was lingering in her room, in my underwear, if I remember correctly. Allison left the room for some reason. Her mom popped in. Thinking quickly, I told her that I was changing so that Allison and I could to the swimming pool. I hoped that she believed me.

Over time, I began to feel that we needed to separate. Scott encouraged me to date other women. There was this one sorority girl in our cafeteria to whom I was really attracted. She is the 'one that got away'. Susan and I had our share of disagreements and arguments. She could be cruel at times. She said things about my family that were genuinely unkind. Perhaps she picked up on my parents' negative attitude towards her, and was defensively posturing..