1st Times: Memories of College Ex

Disclaimer: all characters aged 18+.

****

Over the years, I had wondered many times if there was anything I could have done differently during the several months between the foursome of Florence, Zachery, Sigrid, and me, and that fateful event that marked the end of my relationship with Florence.

Would I have saved it if I had tried harder to comfort her after she found out her parents had finally filed for divorce before that Christmas? Or would it be different if I tried to initiate more thrilling 'sex in public' adventures, just as Florence wanted? Or if I had relented when she, on so many occasions, suggested some daring exhibitionist outings, but I refused due to the potential danger it might put her in?

Probably not, was always the sad conclusion I told myself.

It was May 2002, over five months after that night of the foursome in our flat, well over a year into our relationship, when I turned up at Florence's university unannounced, carrying a lavish, beautifully arranged bouquet of flowers.

Even though we still have sex once or twice a week, things between Florence and me have discernibly been cooling down. Gradually, we have been doing less and less of those 'exciting adventures' in public, where Florence would be exposing herself, or even engage in a sex act with me or just by herself. We did none in the past 7 weeks.

Ever since we were attacked by that drunkard in the alley when we were about to have sex there, back in November, I have shut down a fair bit of the 'adventure' ideas that Florence had, insisting on making sure we would not risk it in places that were too potentially dangerous, and only try it if we can get a cab home easily when needed. Lately, she has stopped initiating completely.

Our relationship felt stale, flat. And the increasingly busy schedule in my university life as a second-year student meant that I had probably left it longer than I should have to do something about it.But that was gonna change from today, I told myself. I was gonna surprise Florence, take her to a restaurant we both loved, visit a new and romantic art installation, maybe walk along the Thames, then get tipsy in a bar, and I would even initiate sex in somewhere we should not, before we go home.

Florence, now also in her second year of undergraduate study, has a semi-private study carrel next to her university library for the month, and after checking with her course mate in advance, that was where I took the flowers to.

What greeted me was not the pleasantly surprised expression I was hoping to see from her, at least not for the first 2 seconds. Florence looked panicked, with a hint of annoyance, when I turned up. But she then smiled brightly and thanked me for the flowers with genuine happiness. We hugged and kissed after she put the bouquet on her table.

"Oh... mmm, but I need another hour, or 90 minutes... how about I call you when I am ready?" Florence said, after I told her of my grand plan for our evening.

"Oh, but I thought you said you didn't have much to do today after you handed in that assignment last night?"

"Yeah... my lecturer gave me some comments just now, and... I would really need to make some changes today and submit it again. Maybe you can go and have a look at that comic shop you mentioned? I can go and find you there!" Florence said, kissing me lightly.

"Alright then, I will be there," I said, and I hugged her tight, enjoying the sweet smell of her hair. But right then, I heard a buzzing sound, and I felt Florence's body trembling ever so slightly. A quick breath seemed to have caught in her throat.

"Are you OK?" I asked with concern, looking at her face. It might be the lighting, but she looked even paler than usual just then.

"Yea.. yea... it was... I was just surprised by my phone," Florence chuckled, "it may be my mum's message."

"Right... OK, I will leave you to it then." I replied, gave her another light kiss and was turning to leave, but Florence halted me with a sheepish smile, "By the way, I loved that you visited me, but please don't surprise me here... the other girl in this carrel is quite... sensitive. I don't want her reporting to the staff that my visitor disturbed her. Just... next time, call me first so I can meet you outside the campus, OK?"

I smiled and promised before I left.

We met up again after 90 minutes, and the rest of the evening went as well as I had imagined. We even had some quick sex in a bar's toilet before we went home. I felt that things were looking up for our relationship again, finally.

Three days later, as I was leaving home for the gym, I was the one being surprised. Sigrid, a tall and sexy Scandinavian in her early 30s, was sitting on the bench in the lobby of our residential building, waiting. She and her boyfriend, the annoyingly confident and ripped Zachery, live 2 floors above me and Florence. I had run into her only once after that foursome, during which she made me cum twice. The run-in was more awkward for me than for her, since I still occasionally thought about her extravagant curves. Thanks heaven I never ran into Zachery, who had cum in Florence's mouth that night.

"Hey Sigrid, how are you? Haven't seen you for quite a while." I said with a smile. Unlike Zachery, I had always had a positive feeling toward her and her warm, kindly smile.

"Yeah... I have not lived in here for the past 3 or 4 months, actually." Sigrid replied. She was looking stylish as usual, her blond pixie cut hair growing a bit long, but matching the colour of her electric blue button-up midi dress brilliantly.

"Oh, right..." I said, wondering about her status with Zachery. But Sigird's expression told me she had more than small talk to say.

"I was waiting for you... There is something I needed to tell you." She said with the most serious look I have seen from her by far. "It is about Zachery and Florence. They had been... seeing each other for a while."

Sigrid and I continued the conversation out in the empty courtyard of our building, where Zachery tempted Florence into doing the foursome months ago. After the initial shock and heartache, I actually felt that this revelation was not so unexpected. If Florence could not find the thrill she sought with me, of course she would look for it with another man that was easily accessible to her, and one who obviously had impressed her, with his incredibly fit body, or the skill and power he had shown her in bed during our foursome, or maybe the knowing, wily and foxlike sharpness he seemed to process.

According to Sigrid, she had ended her open relationship with Zachery early in February, but they remain on good terms, so she still has the key to his flat in this building, as she slowly moves her belongings out. And it was during one of her unannounced visits to Zachery's flat, when she noticed a pair of Florence's shoes that she had seen in our home, and overheard Florence and Zachery talking and laughing in the bathroom.

"I left quickly without disturbing them. But two weeks ago, when Zachery was quite drunk in a club, I actually asked him about it and he freely admitted that he had been sleeping with Florence..." Sigrid said to me, standing with her arms folded. "I can sense how much she meant to you, even though we don't really know each other. So I feel sorry for you that this is happening. But that's not all.... There is something else about them that..."

"Wait!....How do I know what you said is true? I have no reason to think you are a liar, but I also have no reason to believe anything you said." I said, struggling to keep my voice calm.

Sigrid considered for a brief moment, "This is something you may try.... this may be a proof." And she handed me a small device from her dress pocket that looked like a tiny remote control with On, Off buttons and a dial knob that looked like it was for volume control.

"This is a remote control of a tiny vibrator that Zachery had gifted to your girlfriend. I heard him bragging about it. This morning, when I saw that he had just left it lying around in his flat, I took it, guessing that you may need to see some proof." She said as I turned the remote in my hand to observe.

I could not conceal my surprise when Sigrid went on to elaborate, "The vibrator would be in her vagina when she was out and about, and he would turn it on and off, changing the intensity with this remote, to tease and watch her from a distance. I knew it because he also used one on me long ago.

The range of this remote is low, but it can function through walls. Perhaps you can use it in your flat and see if you can find anything? The vibrator would sometimes make a quiet buzzing noise."

As soon as Sigrid had said that, I felt a chill down my back. But a part of me still did not want to believe her.

That evening, when Florence came home from her campus and was showering, I stood in our bedroom and pressed the 'On' switch on the remote.

A muffled hum, extremely faint, came into my ear. I carefully traced the sound to Florence's underwear drawer. My hand stayed on the drawer handle for a good while, my mind trying to delay the inevitable, until the sound of the shower stopped. I needed to face the truth, and the truth presented itself as a buzzing, thumb-sized vibrator, attached via a thin cable to what I presumed to be the battery and what looked like a thigh strap. All of these were wrapped in a black satin night slip at the bottom of the drawer.

I turned it off, wrapped it up and placed the bundle back where I found it as best I could. Then I picked up my mobile phone and made my way to the courtyard, almost running. My heart was thumping like someone was hitting me with a hammer repeatedly.

That must have been the buzzing sound I heard when I paid that surprise visit to Florence and hugged her. Zachery would have been nearby, perhaps watching us in secret. Was he hiding in the study carrel while I was kissing my girl, telling her my romantic plan of the evening, like a fool? Those 90 minutes she asked me to wait, then, was she spending that time to appease Zachery with her body, because their plan for the night was spoiled by my visit?

My heart felt clenched, I felt much colder than the 16 degrees Celsius that night, standing in the open-air courtyard with only a cardigan and my pyjamas. My girlfriend, whom I felt was the love of my life at that moment, has been cheating on me. It was a sadness much more intense than when my ex-girlfriend, who was my first, dumped me before my 1st year in university. Florence and I had shared so many 1st times together; she was the first woman who made me feel like a man. Was this all going to end now? Could I forgive her? Did she still want to be with me?

There were a lot of questions whirling in my head then, but one of which stood out the most: What was Sigrid trying to tell me this morning before I stopped her? Desperate to find out, I called her as I stood in the courtyard, letting the bitter cold gnaw at me, as if the ache in my skin could drown out the ache inside.

"I'm so sorry you're going through this," Sigrid said in a soft voice on the other end of the line, letting out a genuine, sad sigh after I told her what I had found.

"You said there are other things you needed to tell me about them... what's that?" I replied with a question.

After a brief pause, as if she hesitated, Sigrid said, "They did not only just have 1 on 1 sex."

Sigrid went on to explain that, in his drunken state, Zachery not only told her he had slept with Florence a few times in the last 2 months, but Florence had told him about her fantasy of being raped. He did not elaborate, but unbeknownst to him, a friend of Sigrid happened to be the new manager of a secretive sex club that Zachery had taken Florence to, twice in the last few weeks. Sigrid's friend owes her some favours, and he thought she was still in a relationship with Zachery, so he told her about it.

Sigrid went on to say that, in that sex club called The Silken Circle, Florence would fulfil her rape fantasy by willingly getting tied up, her eyes covered, and a number of anonymous men, paying members of the club, would basically use her in any way they wanted, as long as there would be no long-term injury or harm.

'Use her...?' I asked, my lips trembling.

'Intercourse, with their dicks, hands, or dildos. Also, BDSM tools like whip, clamp, wax, handcuffs... anything you can imagine.' Sigrid said in a matter-of-fact way.

"Are you saying she is whoring herself out?!' I almost yelled, my voice cracking, my eyes welling up.

"No, both men AND women have to pay to be there, usually. It is quite a luxury and exclusive place, you know. A lot of stock traders, finance industry men, and women from rich, privileged backgrounds..." Sigrid explained. Then she continued in a tone that somehow gave me the impression she was offended by the way I used the term 'whoring'.

"Theremaybe some sex workers mixing in, sometimes... But I am sure Zachery is paying for Florence, he has very loose purse strings when it comes to this sort of thing..."

I started quietly sobbing. It might have been for the slight relief I felt knowing that at least Florence was not selling sex, or the knowledge that the woman I believed was mine and mine only, had actually been being fucked by heaven knows how many strangers behind my back.

I felt so embarrassed crying while on the phone with Sigird, so I tried to sound as normal as I could when I spoke again, "Despite finding the remote vibrator... I am sorry, but I don't know if I can trust everything you said... it is too much, even for Florence." I said, with great difficulty keeping my emotions in check. 'And why are you telling me all these, really? You want some revenge on Zachery?'

Sigrid sighed again, "Zachery and I were in an open relationship, there was no 'cheating', even before I ended it with him. So no, not revenge. I left that relationship months ago for my own reasons... and I do not hate him, not really.'

'As for your girlfriend... Look, I have been where Florence is now. A 19-year-old, so young, so much desire. Still don't understand who she really is, or what she wants to be...

There is nothing wrong with her rape fantasy, and I am all for women finding joy in experiencing what they fantasise about, in a safe environment, in her own terms...

But if someone like Zachery is to be the man leading her, influencing her...' Sigrid paused, seemingly searching for her words.

"Zachery hangs out with pimps; he does business with very shady people, criminals. Chances are, it won't stop at just that sex club. It will be a downward spiral.' Sigrid continued, with more conviction than before, 'Zachery doesn't care about rules; he does what he feels is the most fun and exciting at any moment. He loves taking women with him when he breaks rules, and does the exact opposite of what one's parents, teachers, or friends would advise them to.

If you let Zachery have his way, then this will only be the beginning. He will push Florence's boundary to go further, wilder. To be tarnished. All soHEcould get his kicks. One day, when Florence is older, she may realise there is no way back anymore.'

I thought some of that sounded a bit like someone speaking from their own regretful experience. But I could not worry about Sigrid's past now.

'I don't have proof to show you they were fucking in our.... Zachery's flat, and I don't have proof that they went to that sex club, but my friend told me Zachery and Florence have arranged to attend a session in 2 days. I can get you in there to see for yourself.' Said Sigrid.

'That easy? Didn't you say it is exclusive?' I replied.

'Like I said, my friend, the manager, owes me a great deal. But the only way you can actually see Florence once she enters the building is if you also line up as one of those men who will fuck her.

That means you will have to strip naked, wearing nothing but a half mask they provide, just like any other men there. This is the club policy to prevent secret cameras or anything dangerous being brought in,' Sigrid said.

****

2 days later, as the sun began to set in a Belgravia street, I was nervously waiting in a car with Sigrid, a binocular in my hand. We parked in a side street that allowed us to have a distant but clear view of a nondescript door, located next to an artisan soap shop on a quiet street, in one of the most luxurious districts of London.

It was a torturous 2 days, I could not sleep well and had to lie to Florence that it was just some headache. In her own coarse, boyish way, she had been as caring toward me as ever. Had Sigird not revealed it all to me, I would never have thought Florence had been cheating on me for months, which made it even more heartbreaking.

I really wanted to talk to someone who knew me and Florence about all this, and was on the verge of calling our friend Jeff, who introduced Florence to me, or Jan, her former flatmate, who clearly cared for her like a sister. At the end, I did not call them because it was not my wish to spread the news that Florence had allegedly been getting tied up and fucked by some random men.

"There they are." Sigrid's words jolted me from my musings and broke my slim hope that it was all a lie. Florence, in one of her favourite outfits, Zachery holding the door open for her - I saw it all clearly in the binoculars.

After the door closed behind them, Sigrid turned to me and asked, "Remember you promised me not to cause tooo much of a scene in there, OK?'

I nodded and looked into her eyes, "Thank you for your help, Sigrid."

Sigrid just sighed and said, "Good luck in there. And just a piece of advice... try not to judge her for wanting to satisfy her desire."

I left the car and ran into the side street next to the door that Florence disappeared into. There, I found the staff entrance Sigrid told me about, and pressed on an intercom panel. I was let in soon after.

The immediate space behind the door was unremarkable. Dull grey painted walls and flat, fluorescent tube lighting. A well-groomed man in his mid-30s, wearing an expensive-looking, sharp, black suit awaited me. He did not look pleased.

Wordlessly, he gestured for me to follow him. We passed through a door down the corridor and entered what looked like his office, with a polished dark wooden desk and black leather office chairs, as well as some up-market lamps and decorative pieces on shelves.

Once both of us were seated, the man introduced himself as Lochlan - the manager of The Silken Circle.

"I really hope I don't regret helping you..." Lochlan said, his slim face looking sulky, his tired-looking blue eyes fixed on mine. "But one of the owners of the club, as well as myself, owed Sigrid, that's why you are here. She also promised on your behalf that, once you have said your piece to your girlfriend, you will respect her decision and not cause a scene. You WILL keep your promise, or our security will have to get physical, and chuck you out of that door. They won't be gentle, you hear me?" He said sternly.

"Ye...yes. I won't give you any trouble. I promise."

That seemed to have relaxed the manager a bit, as he sighed and shook his head. I took the chance to gather some more information. "Sigrid said Florence had been here twice before..." I felt my eyes moistening, but I have a burning, perhaps twisted desire to know, "...how many men had... have sex with her?"

"7 men in each of those two sessions... It was gonna be 7 men again today, but, last minute, two of them could not make it. There is a waiting list but Sigrid convinced us to let you in instead." Lochlan replied.

"I can't imagine there are so many women in London that are into... getting used like that," I said.

"Is the woman getting used, or is the womanUSINGthe men to fulfil her fantasy? It really depends on who you ask. Just like men, plenty of women have various kinds of sexual fantasies, kinks. Here in The Silken Circle, we provide a safe, hygienic, and luxurious environment for men AND women to satisfy their desires. Everyone is over eighteen, has their tests against STD, and has signed documents that protect them legally. Why wouldn't there be a lot of women who come to us?" Lochlan said with a thin but proud smile, spreading his hands.