A Grateful Mess

If I really take the time to think about it, I'm amazed by the human capacity for compartmentalization. How a doctor can lose a patient one minute, and then greet another with a smile in the next. How a ballplayer can tune out the crowd to hit one out of the stadium. Or, for example, how a man can fuck a friend's wife then sit across from him at a bar, laughing at his anecdotes.

But, mostly, I don't think about it.

"Anyway," Chris said, as he finished his story and the appreciative laughter died out. He drained his pint and dropped it back on the table with a satisfying clunk. "My point--"

"This story has a point?" Mitch chimed in.

"My point," he continued, "is that you never know. You've got to trust your instincts. Could this guy -- this hitchhiker -- have wanted to wear my face? Maybe. But, in the end, he was just a desperate guy, down on his luck, who needed a little help."

Mary rubbed Chris' shoulder affectionately. "You were always a good judge of character," she said. For a fleeting moment, her eyes met mine, a ghost of a smile on her lips. My face flushed.

It had been the better part of six months since our night together. If you'd asked me in the throes of passion -- in that moment when Mary came and went limp on the dresser, for example -- whether we would have sex again, I would have told you yes. Hell, I probably would've told you of my intention was to put a ring on her finger.

However, the long, shameful walk home that night had done a number on me. I ended up taking the scenic route, tracing my way through quiet back streets, convincing myself again and again that cooler heads had to prevail. And they did. I hadn't so much as been alone at a table with Mary since that night.

"How about you, Liam?" It took me a moment to register that Mary was talking to me. We made a point of not addressing each other directly, but now, her eyes were fixed on mine.

"How about what?" I said.

"Would you pick up the hitchhiker?"

I drew a long breath, as though considering the matter, but I didn't break eye contact. I was wordlessly pleading with Mary not to break our unspoken agreement to essentially ignore each other, but if she understood, she showed no signs.

"Oh, Liam would never." I felt a hand land on my shoulder, mirroring Mary's hand on Chris across the table. The hand belonged to Piper. My girlfriend of three months.

We'd met at the gym, which is not usually my thing, but as I said, my night with Mary had done a number on me. I had been on a real self-improvement kick: regular exercise, a decent diet, less drinking. All of it. It was working, too.

At thirty-three, I was in the best shape of my life, and maybe that's why I had the nerve to approach Piper in the first place. She was twenty-nine, blonde (again, not usually my thing), and in great shape herself. You try not to leer, but it was impossible not to notice her body. The perky breasts. The perfect shape of her ass in yoga shorts.

"Is that a fact?" I said, turning to face Piper.

"It is," she replied, a flirtatious smile on her lips. "It's not that you're a bad person; it's that you're... I don't know. Call it overly cautious?"

I feigned insult, and Piper grabbed my head, leaned in, and planted an exaggerated kiss on my cheek that was worthy of Bugs Bunny.

"Cute," Mary said, raising her drink to her lips. To most people at the table, I'm sure it even sounded sincere.

"Alright, we're out of here," Kevin said, rising from his seat and signalling for his wife, Rachel, to finish the last of her drink.

"Boo!" Mitch shouted, a little too loudly. The whisky sours had been going down fast and easy for him all night.

"We've got a big day tomorrow," Kevin said.

"Oh!" Rachel finished her drink and snapped her fingers. "I almost forgot: we need numbers for the weekend at our cottage."

My stomach sank. The cottage weekend... Fuck. For months, I had been trying to get out of it, while Piper seemingly did everything in her power to make sure we went. It was now two short weeks away, and it seemed I had put off answering for as long as possible.

Kevin pointed at Chris. Chris shook his head by way of an answer. "I'll be in Chicago. Mary should still go with you guys, though. No need for both of us to have FOMO."

"You know," Mary said, "I think I will."

"Excellent! That's one. How about you two?" Kevin said, pointing at Mitch and Alice.

"Wouldn't miss it, buddy!" Mitch shouted.

"Beauty, that makes three," Kevin said. "And you two love birds?"

"I don't think we can," I said, turning to Piper.

"Why?" Piper asked, pouting her lip and grabbing my arm.

"Things are just a little crazy at work right now," I said. Once again, I found myself wordlessly pleading with a woman to have mercy. "I think I should just rest up."

"C'mon..." Piper said. "The fresh air will be good for you." I could feel all eyes at the table on me.

"Yeah, c'mon Liam." I turned to find Mary leaning on the table, her chin in her hands, watching me intently. "Don't be overly cautious."

~

Two weeks later, the car was packed, and I was two hours into the four-hour drive to the middle of nowhere. My mood could most generously be described as sour, and despite Piper's best efforts, it showed no signs of improving. As we passed a sign welcoming us to Plattsburgh, population 1,253, Piper turned and began massaging my neck. It did nothing but irritate me further.

"Thank you for driving," she said.

I grunted. Staying quiet was all I could do to avoid our first real fight.

Piper pressed on. "Why didn't you want to go this weekend?"

I shrugged.

"Tell me," she said with real pleading in her voice.

I sighed. "I told you -- I have a lot going on at work. A lot on my mind." I glanced at her in the passenger seat, and she seemed to consider this carefully. It was the best excuse I could come up with. The only excuse, really, because the desire to lose my cool was overwhelming -- the desire to shout that I was doing everything in my power to avoid Mary and remain faithful, but she was making it impossible. As if my inability to keep it in my pants was her fault.

Pathetic.

"You work too hard," she said after a minute.

"Maybe," I replied curtly.

I heard the click of a seatbelt and turned. Piper was shifting in her seat.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"You take such good care of me," Piper said, stroking my cheek, then moving her hand to my lap. She could feel that I was already hard, and lifted herself up onto her knees. She lowered herself down, undoing my belt. Then the button. And, ever so slowly, the fly of my jeans.

"Piper," was all I could manage to say.

Her lips placed a gentle kiss on my shaft, and then I felt her slowly -- agonizingly slowly -- move them down the head of my cock, all the while her tongue flicking my tip. I loved the way she sucked me off. It was always so... deliberate?

Despite myself, I thought back to Mary blowing me on the couch. How she had sputtered and swallowed, sending me into a frenzy. I honestly didn't know who I preferred with my cock in their mouth.

I gathered Piper's short blonde hair into a makeshift ponytail with my hand, and gently moved her down, noting how good the back of her throat felt. She moaned with her mouth full, and I knew she was enjoying this at least as much as me.

She had been downright prudish she was when we first got together. It had been five dates before I reached second base, but things had progressed quickly after that. I enjoyed peeling back the layers of her sexuality, discovering parts of her that she hadn't yet uncovered. Her love of being spanked, for one.

I leaned over and slapped her ass in the passenger seat and she moaned again.

Together, we also discovered her love of being tied up. Blindfolded. Most revealing of all, I had found that when I really got her going -- making her cum again and again -- she loved to call me "Daddy." I could tell she was always embarrassed by it after the fact, but that made me love it all the more.

Piper moved her hand to my balls, gently massaging as she continued to move her lips up and down my shaft, again and again. It worked me into a daze until, suddenly, the unmistakable growl of rumble strips. I corrected the car and did my best to focus on the road. Piper paused, and I pushed her head down, then slapped her ass again, this time with greater force. That got her sucking again, now with greater urgency.

"I'm going to cum," I said.

I felt her nod but make no attempt to pull away. I smiled then let go, waves of pleasure escaping into her mouth. I heard her swallow. Once. Twice. The third time, she groaned appreciatively.

~

Two hours later, I found myself in a much better mood as we made our way up the long, winding dirt road that led up to the cabin. "Cabin" was the wrong word -- this place was a few rooms shy of being a certified mansion. It overlooked Bear Lake, which was somehow larger and less developed than I'd imagined.

The whole thing came as something of a shock, having not known Kevin was loaded. Generous? Quick to pick up a check? Yes. But this was something else.

"This is special, isn't it?" Piper said, joining me at the hood of the car to admire the view.

"It really is," I said. And I meant it.

"There they are!" Kevin shouted, appearing around the corner of his wraparound porch. "I put you two in the room right at the top of the stairs. Bring your stuff up, get your suits on, and meet us down by the dock! Beers are in the fridge."

Twenty minutes later, a warm, pleasant glow radiated through my closed eyelids, a faint breeze played across my face, and I drank deeply from the ice-cold can at my side. I marveled at what sunshine, a beer, and a blowjob could do for a man.

"This is what it's about," Mitch said.

The three of us -- myself, Kevin, and Mitch -- were sitting out on Adirondack chairs on the dock. Rachel, Alice, Mary, and Piper were in the lake, splashing about and laughing. I was glad to see Piper fit into the group so naturally, and while I was sure that her and Mary getting more acquainted spelled trouble, I found I didn't care.

"It really is," I said. Again, I meant it.

The three of us lifted our beers and drank. There was a contented silence, which nobody was in a rush to break.

"It's a shame Chris couldn't make it." Kevin said, at last.

"What's he doing in Chicago?" Mitch asked.

"Working? You'd know better than me, Liam."

The truth was that Chris had transferred to a different department, and we no longer worked together closely. I wasn't mad about the arrangement -- not seeing him every day certainly made living with the knowledge I fucked his wife easier. Out of sight, out of mind and all that.

"I'm honestly not sure myself," I replied.

"Does he seem alright to you guys? I'm a bit worried about him," Kevin said.

My stomach sank.

"No, why?" Mitch asked, though he didn't sound overly concerned.

"I don't want to gossip," Kevin said.

"Who the fuck are we going to tell?" Mitch said, now sounding interested.

Kevin took a large sip of his beer, weighing how much he wanted to give away. "I think him and Mary are on the rocks."

"Really?" I said. I could feel my heart begin to race. The sun, which a moment before had been pleasant, suddenly felt oppressive.

"Really," Kevin said.

"What's the problem?" Mitch asked, leaning forward in his chair.

Kevin hesitated again. "Dead bedroom," he offered with a shrug.

Mitch leaned back in his chair and all three of us looked out to the water. All four women were looking good in their swimsuits, but all eyes were on Mary. She was waist deep in the water, laughing with the sun was at her back. Her bikini was made from sheer fabric, her nipples erect from the cool water.

"What a waste," Mitch said.

I finished my half-full beer in two large, mollifying gulps. "I need a fresh one. You guys want anything?"

"Atta boy," Mitch said and he finished his own. "Yes, please."

Kevin nodded. "You girls want anything? Liam is doing a beer run."

Alice and Piper raised their hands.

The kitchen was every bit as beautiful as the rest of the place, with oak cabinets and white tile that somehow felt both expensive and rustic. So often, large cottages ruined the illusion that you were commiserating with nature, but Kevin and Rachel apparently had that rare combination of money and taste.

I made my way to the fridge, which was massive, and if I had to guess, cost about the same as a used Honda Civic. It was fully stocked, and I found myself overwhelmed by choice. Deciding to keep things simple, I started pulling beers from the fridge.

"You need a hand?"

I hadn't heard her follow me in. Mary was leaning against the sliding door to the kitchen. Her short, brunette hair was wet and slicked back. My eyes traced downward to her breasts then flicked back upward.

"No," I said. "No, no I think I can carry it all. Thank you."

Mary nodded. She gently pushed herself from the door frame and walked across the kitchen to sit in a chair at the end of the kitchen island. "I bet you can." Her eyes traced down my body, admiring my arms and chest. "You been hitting the gym, Liam?" There was a playfulness to her voice, but also a sincere and unmistakable interest.

With a furtive look out to the lake, I closed the door of the fridge with more force than necessary and covered the distance to Mary in a few steps.

"Listen," I said, speaking in a low whisper. "I had a lot of fun that night. I mean, a lot of fun. You're incredible -- you really are."

"Why thank you," Mary said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"But this... Whatever this is? It can't continue. You understand? It was a one-time thing. A flash in the pan. A wonderful mistake, but we need to quit while we're ahead."

Mary nodded. "Okay," she said.

"Okay?"

"Okay."

Relief flooded through my body. "So, we're done?"

"If you'd like us to be." From her seat, Mary looked up at me looming over her. It was the closest I'd allowed myself to get to her in six months. "Do you remember what I told you that night?"

"We said a lot of things."

Mary laughed. "A promise. I made you a promise. I told you that I was yours. That you could have me however you want me." Mary reached out and touched my hand on the counter. "That means my mouth." She pulled my hand to her lips. "My breasts." She moved my hand to right breast then leaned in closer. "My pussy." She returned my hand to the counter. "Or, that means not at all."

I stood frozen in place. Six months of resolve had dissolved in an instant. In its place, lust rushed forward hitting me like a rogue wave.

"But can I be honest with you, Liam?" She looked down. My cock was straining against my swimsuit. It was all I could do not to fuck her right then and there. "I don't think that's what you want," she said, never taking her eyes from my erection.

We stood like that for what felt like an eternity before I offered a small, almost imperceptible shake of my head. Mary nodded then reached out and started stroking me over the fabric of my swim suit. I started breathing heavy. She smiled.

"Your girlfriend -- she's a cute little thing, isn't she?" Mary said, still stroking me.

I hesitated, not knowing how to answer.

"Even her name is perky. Piper. My goodness."

I smiled.

"Does she blow you more than your ex?"

My smile bloomed into a laugh, which then gave way to a small moan.

"She does, doesn't she? That's good, baby." She started stroking me a little faster. My knees suddenly felt weak. "Did she blow you in bed this morning?"

I thought of our drive over and offered a non-committal shake of the head. "Not exactly."

Mary leaned in, watching my face as she continued to work my cock. It felt as though she was reading me. And not only that, but she knew exactly what was on my mind. "She blew you in the car, didn't she?" Mary offered her own quiet, satisfied laugh. "That little slut."

She reached up, pulled down the waist of my shorts, and before I could register what had happened, my cock was out. Her bare hand felt incredible, and another moan escaped my mouth. I looked out toward the lake. No one was coming.

"Did she swallow?" Mary asked.

I nodded.

"Good, baby." Mary's eyes dropped from my face to the girth in her hand. There was genuine admiration in her face, like she'd never seen anything she wanted more in her life.

Her lust fuelled my own. I had allowed myself to forget the effect she had on me. Or, maybe, I'd willed myself to forget. Her and Piper -- it was the difference between Diet Coke and Coke. Black and white and Technicolor.

Mary's eyes moved up from my cock to hold my gaze. "I want you to do something for me tonight."

In that moment, I knew I would do anything she asked. I would pay any price.

"Have you cum inside her yet?"

"No."

"Good," Mary repeats. "Cum inside her tonight. She won't need much convincing. I want you to cum inside her tight little cunt. Then, you wait until she's asleep, you understand? You slip away into my room -- you know where I'm sleeping?"

I nodded.

"Of course you do. Then you get in my bed, and you cum inside of me."

She began stroking me faster. "Is that what you want, Liam?"

"Yes."

"I need to hear you say it."

"I want to cum inside you. Both of you."

"Good," she said. Then, as suddenly as it had all begun, it was over. Mary tucked my cock in my shorts, then stood from her seat, backing her way to the door. I watched how her breasts moved with each exaggerated, bouncing step. With a final turn, she walked out the door to rejoin the others.

My head was swimming. I claimed Mary's seat at the kitchen island to gather my thoughts, but they were beyond gathering. A few minutes later, still in a daze, I also returned to the lake.

"What the fuck?" Mitch said when I reached the dock.

"What?"

"Where are the beers?"

~

That evening, the group retreated to the screened-in porch to escape the bugs. The cicadas were loud enough to compete against our booming laughter, which reached new heights with every bottle of wine we finished.

It was odd. I had thought, given what had happened in the kitchen, the rest of the day would be hard. I had thought the knowledge of what I was about to do would weigh heavily on me, but the truth was that it didn't. In part, it was because of Mary. Her ability to flick a switch, as though nothing had happened, was astounding. All I had to do was follow her lead.

And it was also the scenery. The beauty of it all. The shimmering lake; the cool night air. It was easy, in a place like this, to feel like a man could have his cake and eat it too.

"Liam?"

"Sorry," I said. I realized all eyes were on me. We were in the middle of a game of Clue, which Alice had found in the back of a closet some place and insisted we all play. We'd actually had fun with it in the first half hour, but I felt certain I wasn't alone in thinking the novelty of it was wearing off. "My turn?"

"It sure is," Piper said next to me.

I rolled the dice and moved my piece. "Alright," I said. "I think it was... Colonel Mustard... in the kitchen... with the candlestick." Everyone looked down at their sheet. Alice leaned across the table to discreetly show that she had already eliminated the kitchen as a possible scene of the crime.

A tap on my shoulder. Piper leaned in close to show me her own sheet, and I looked at it closely. It said nothing of the candlestick or Colonel Mustard, but, at the bottom of her sheet in her neat handwriting, were the words I want you.

"Well," I said, pulling my gaze away from her sheet. "That's my turn."

Rachel was to my left and scooped up the dice. I felt Piper on my other side move ever so slightly closer to me on our bench. Her hand reached out under the table and took mine, placing it in her lap. As if the day hadn't been sexually charged enough, she had opted for a short skirt when she finally changed out of her swimsuit that afternoon.