A Return To Form

The only sounds were of heavy breathing as his hips slapped against her rippling ass, repeatedly resounding loudly in the quiet room. He couldn't see it, but Miranda's face, cheek down on a pillow, was almost stone as each thrust pounded into her. It wasn't that it didn't physically feel good; it was simply that she couldn't force herself to enjoy it. Since she'd given in to her desire for Sarah, her mind seemed to have been warped, always comparing Chase's kiss, his touch, and his smell to hers... and she was beginning to find them lacking. Very quickly afterward, Miranda had commanded him to 'fuck her like a man. No more of the feminine bullshit.' He'd been happy to obey.

She still hadn't told him. Couldn't tell him, even though any time she'd fuck a guy, she had at the very latest told him when she got home, if not before she'd even sat on a dick. Why was this different? She wasn't gay. Found the idea of homosexual 'love' ridiculous and had often mocked the very concept. And yet... "Ugh, come, baby." She faked a moan as his thrusts came even harder, a hand violently slapping her ass, his fingers digging into her hip, pulling her back into each thrust. The bed creaked beneath them, the sound mixing with his grunts and her sharp breaths. He was enjoying this, she thought, but she was still only feeling that slow build. Even that was now only a ghost of its former self. Instead of the image of Sarah's breasts in her mouth, her hands on her body, her tongue... her lips... Fuck, it wasn't fair. Why couldn't she just enjoy this like she had all these years? Why did her mind keep wandering back to her friend? Why had she even let that happen?

Her thoughts were a jumble, even as his dick slammed into her over and over. Her pussy was wet with Astroglide, which had been absolutely necessary; he was close. She could feel it in the way his dick twitched, his thrusts speeding up. Her body was reacting, even if she wasn't. "Fuck me harder, baby." She commanded with more enthusiasm than she felt, but he was already giving it his all. He grabbed her hips and pulled them back into his, burying himself in her tight pussy.

He grunted in release, his voice strained with exertion, his dick pulsing as he spilled his seed inside her. "Damn, babe." He panted as he slid out of her.

"Hrm?" She hummed as she went to the bathroom, with him following close behind to wash his dick. She used the restroom, her face blank as she pissed and pushed his semen out of her.

"Just that... I love you, babe. You're amazing." He said with a grin as he bent over to kiss her before turning on the tub faucet to wash the lube and her juices off him.

"Love you too." Flushing the toilet, she got in her PJs and grabbed her phone. "I'll be right back." Without waiting for a reply, she left and shut herself in the downstairs bathroom. She contemplated the screen of her phone for several seconds before opening her messages and beginning to type. 'Hey...' was all she sent, a tear running down her cheek over the war raging within her. For once in her life, Sarah had actually listened when she'd told her not to call or text until she was ready. Miranda hoped she wasn't still upset. That she'd be able to forgive her. She stared at her phone, willing the three little dots to appear, indicating Sarah was responding, but after five minutes they still hadn't appeared.

Miranda sighed and set her phone down, her stomach fluttering as her mind drifted back to Sarah. Back to her body. Back to that night. She couldn't let herself think about it again, but she couldn't help it. She needed to talk to her. Needed to know she still cared, that she didn't think she was a terrible person. Her eyes drifted shut, and she saw her again, her friend's face filling her mind, those perfect lips and breasts, her hips, and her stomach. The softness of her thighs, the way they'd quivered at her touch. She'd felt like she belonged there, with her friend, like that was where she was supposed to be. That was the worst part of it all. The warm explosion in her chest.

Her phone buzzed. She grabbed it quickly, opening the message to read it, her eyes filling with tears at what Sarah had said, her heart and stomach clenching as she stared at the short sentence. 'Hey...so...?'

Miranda swallowed, took a shaky breath, and decided to go for it. 'So I was wondering what you're doing tomorrow evening?' Was she playing this game again by dragging it out? By being so vague as to her intentions?

Sarah responded a few minutes later, 'I don't have anything planned. Why?'

Why was she waiting so long to answer? Was she busy? With someone? Or was she just acting like she didn't care? It was certainly something she herself had done in the past. Miranda took several shaky breaths, her heart racing with anticipation and fear. Why was she so afraid? She'd been so confident, so self-assured with the men she'd fucked. But with Sarah it was different. She couldn't quite explain it, but there was something about her that made her want to be vulnerable. She wasn't them. Not even close. 'Want to go out to 'The Rooftop' downtown?'

The text came back quickly: 'The bar downtown?'

She could feel her friend's hesitation, and the question was understandable, considering the last time they'd been there together. 'Hey, they have food too.'

The three dots appeared almost immediately this time: 'Yeah, like cheese, fruits, and dipping sauce on a fancy cutting board that costs way too much. And isn't that place pretty upscale? And isn't it kind of cold to be eating on top of a building?'

'To your first question: It is, and because it is so upscale and they want business in the winter, they manage to keep it pretty warm. It's my treat. And those cheeses and fruits are good. And the view is amazing too. Come on, I'll make reservations and pick you up. We'll eat light and have a few drinks as the sun sets. It'll be fun.'

'Uhhhhh... you are aware how that sounds to me, right?'

She gave a long pause, and her heart practically pounded out of her chest, her stomach churning with nervousness. 'Yes.' She typed quickly, hitting send before she could change her mind.

After a full two minutes a response came: 'Are you sure you understand???'

'Yes. Be ready at 4:30. Tomorrow. I'll be there. See you then. K THNX. BYE.' She sent the message and powered down her phone. She was committed, and despite the small voice screaming for restraint, she was relieved.

***

She'd spent far longer fussing over her makeupand hair than she'd meant to. She was going for a side-combed look, making the side and back of her shaven skull far more noticeable than they normally were. Her outfit hadn't been a problem. Bracelets on both wrists while a black pentagram rested on her sternum. A blue blouse, which she almost immediately unbuttoned to her diaphragm, under a buttoned tan blazer and matching slacks. She'd worn her best bra, which pushed her tits together and up to create a deep cleavage, and she had applied dark eyeshadow, which enhanced her eyes. It was perfect.

Chase had raised an eyebrow, practically pawing at her, and that had been before her blouse had been unbuttoned. She'd given an excuse of an interview over dinner and drinks, which he'd accepted without question. After kissing the children and her adoring husband, she left. And now here she sat, awaiting Sarah in front of her apartment. If there was one thing about Sarah that irritated her, it was this. She wouldn't be on time for her own funeral. "Goddammit, what the fuck is taking her so long?" She murmured to herself as she stared at the complex door four feet in front of her vehicle.

It was like Sarah had heard her. The door opened and she stepped out, pausing at the top of the stairs to look around before catching her eye and flashing a smile. She felt her chest tighten and her throat close as her heart quickened, her blood pressure skyrocketing at the sight of her friend. Sarah was wearing a floral red plush top with a built-in choker beneath and an unbuttoned peacoat, while her midriff peeked out between the shirt and a too-short black skirt with black heeled boots ending at the knee. Miranda had the sudden urge to just kiss her right then and there. She shook off the feeling as she watched her friend saunter down the steps and over to her. She stopped, leaning down and taking off her sunglasses, and there was that look. That 'are we really doing this' look before she got in and shut the door. Miranda couldn't help but stare at her. How was this not the most beautiful woman she'd ever met?

Sarah gave her a nervous smile, her fingers playing with a ring on one of her fingers as she looked around awkwardly. "So... how are you?"

Miranda found herself at a loss for words as her eyes roamed over her friend, and when her gaze returned to Sarah's, her cheeks were flushed. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. She could only stare at Sarah's lips. "Better. Now." She exhaled after the stilted words.

Sarah's eyes flicked between hers, and then she looked down, a blush coloring her cheeks. "Um, I'm glad. So... are we just going to sit here, or are you going to take me out?" She murmured.

"Oh... right," she snapped out of it, noting the words she'd chosen. "Let's go." She backed out of her spot before beginning to drive.

***

The sun was just beginning to set as they were seated beneath the heated awning. The warmth of the space mixing with the chill breeze was invigorating while remaining comfortable. The table was small, but she'd specifically asked for it so she could be closer to her friend. She'd missed her. The last week and a half had been hell.

Sarah had been quiet during the ride too and still hadn't said much since they'd been seated, besides ordering a strong cocktail, which had come quickly. As they waited for their food, Sarah took a long pull from the straw of her drink and sighed, the tension leaving her face as she sat it down. "That's so good," she smiled at Miranda, and her stomach flipped at the smile. "They know how to make drinks."

"Right? I've been here several times before with Chase..." She trailed off, sucking down a good pull of her Long Island iced tea, her eyes glancing away as the thoughtless words tumbled from her mouth. She hadn't wanted to talk about him tonight. Not with Sarah. "But I think you'll enjoy the food. It's not that much, but it's so good. Leaves plenty of room for drinks."

Sarah looked out over the city at the sun's descent, her eyes tracing the line of buildings as the oranges and reds of sunset mixed with the blues of the city's lights, her lips pressed into a thin line, her brow furrowed. Miranda could feel the nervous energy and tension rolling off her in waves. She didn't blame her. She'd made her feel this way. She knew how Sarah felt and knew how she thought. She knew she was the only one to blame for her best friend's anxiety. She wanted to reach out and touch her, take her hand, and let her know it was going to be alright. But she couldn't. Not yet. She had to wait.

The cheese and charcuterie board was placed on their table, along with two more drinks. Sarah's eyes lit up at the food as she began to pick up several of the pieces of meat, the cheeses, and the fruits. "This actually does look amazing," she said as she took a bite of cheese and meat, her face scrunching cutely as the flavors mixed in her mouth.

"I told you it was good," she laughed, her anxiety slowly fading at the sight of Sarah's happiness. "I can't believe you've never been up here."

Sarah shrugged as she took another bite, her eyes flicking back and forth between Miranda's. "I haven't. I haven't been to a lot of places around the city," she replied, her eyes darkening, her smile faltering.

"Where have you been then?" Miranda asked.

"Ummmm... well, I went to 'The Pit' several times. That place was kind of neat. I've also been to the gay club downtown, obviously, 'The Radio Room,' where I've been to a few shows, but I've never had any real money to go to some swanky bar like this," she finished, looking down and taking a drink. "Doesn't really seem like your kind of place either."

"Fair enough, I guess. I just wanted to share it with you." Miranda replied, taking a piece of salami and a small piece of bread and cheese to make a small sandwich and eating it.

Sarah smiled, her eyes lighting up. "And I love that you did." She replied before taking another drink and then a bite from the sandwich she'd made for herself.

Silence fell over them as they ate and drank. Half the food on the board was eaten, and the remainder was on her fourth drink, while Sarah was on her sixth drink.

She could see Sarah was getting a little tipsy, could see the slight flush on her cheeks, could see how her eyes were getting that glossy look, and could tell by the way she was slightly slurring her words. She knew it was about to happen. Could feel it in the air, but it still took her by surprise.

Sarah sat up straighter in her seat, her eyes narrowing slightly, the smile leaving her face. "So you said you were sorry. For how you acted last time, right?"

"I did." Miranda replied softly. She could see her friend had been waiting to ask this. She took another drink, draining her glass. "I shouldn't have acted that way." She didn't look at her as she said it. Instead, she looked out over the city as the sun touched the distant hills.

"Okay... I'm sorry, Miranda, but you're still being incredibly cryptic, which, by the way, is totally out of character... so what are you sorry for? Giving in and having sex with me, or how you did me after?"

A slight edge had crept into Sarah's voice, which annoyed her to no end. "You're not stupid, Sarah, so cut the shit."

"Cut the shit? You're telling me to cut the shit? "Oh, that's rich," she scoffed. After several moments of silence she continued, "You know what I think?"

"What?"

"Nothing. You know why? Because I'm not a mind reader. You ask me to come out, acknowledge that you understand exactly how I'm talking, and wear an outfit you know for a fact that I like. Not only that, but you practically have it unbuttoned. Nice bra, by the way. You bring me to watch the sunset, and then you spend this whole time acting like we are just old friends. As if the other night didn't happen. So no. I don't know what you're thinking, I don't know what to make of you, I don't know if I should just leave and never talk to you again, I don't know anything, because you won't just open your fucking mouth and be honest with me."

"You want honest?" She asked, finally meeting her friend's eyes, "Here's honest. I am so fucking frustrated right now with you and myself, and I can't get what happened out of my head. I haven't enjoyed sex with Chase since we were together, I want to touch you, to taste you, to kiss you. Fuck! And I am so sorry about how I acted." She leaned in closer as she finished, her heart racing as she watched the expressions on Sarah's face.

"Miranda," Sarah whispered as she moved her face back from the close proximity, "you play games. This started as a game for you. I... I want to believe that it isn't anymore. But I'm afraid. Because what if we do this, and then you leave intogether; a panic? Again. What if you leave, and then I'm left with nothing but the memories of what we had? I don't want to play with you anymore, Miranda. Not with you."

"I know," Miranda said, her voice shaking as she spoke, "I don't want to play anymore either. I'm tired of playing." She rose, leaning on the banister separating the roof from thin air.

"Then what is this?" Sarah asked, her voice soft as she joined her. "Why are we here? And I don't want to assume. I want to hear you say it."

She reached out, her fingers brushing against the back of her hand.

Miranda turned her hand, her palm up, their fingers laced together as she looked down into Sarah's eyes. She took a deep breath, the scent of her perfume filling her senses. She wanted to touch her so badly, to kiss her, to taste her.

Sarah's eyes locked onto hers as she waited for her response.

"Because I wanted to see you," Miranda began. "No... uh... sorry, it's hard to get out... this is... well," she shrugged, seeing the sinking sun cast a halo behind Sarah's head. "It's a first date." She said, her lips curving into a nervous smile.

Sarah's mouth hung open slightly as she stared at her.

Miranda's smile faltered, her stomach twisting at the look on her face. Her fingers began to loosen, and she started to pull her hand away from Sarah's when Sarah moved forward, her lips pressing against Miranda's. The kiss was chaste but firm, and Miranda's heart raced in her chest as she felt her body tingle, a thrill filling her entire being. When Sarah pulled away, she found herself unable to move.

Sarah's fingers laced into her belt loops, and she pulled Miranda against her body as she pressed her lips against hers again. This time, Miranda could taste the alcohol on her tongue as her lips parted, Sarah's tongue brushing against hers. She could feel Sarah's body against hers, the warmth of her skin through her clothing. She felt the heat of her body, the firmness of her stomach and breasts, and her lips curved into a smile against her own.

Sarah pulled away, a smile on her lips as she looked at her. "You are so fucking beautiful," she breathed against her lips as her fingers moved to the buttons of her shirt, her fingers tracing the edge.

"Yeah, but I know we're a bit drunk, but we're in public, and I don't want to start shit that'll ruin this."

"What? Babe, look around you," she chuckled, "notice something? These aren't your right-wing people who stare in condemnation just seeing us together."

She reached out and grabbed Miranda's hand, bringing her fingers to her lips and kissing them lightly. "The only eyes I see are those of envy."

She smiled at her, her heart skipping a beat as Sarah called her "babe." The word made her feel warm all over, and she felt like she was melting into her. She looked around and saw what she meant. There were couples everywhere, men and women, and men and men, and women and women, all in various stages of intimacy, and she could see that Sarah was right. There was no judgment in their eyes; they weren't even paying attention. She felt a weight lift from her shoulders, and her smile grew wider. She was so used to the staring and downturned mouths even when she was out with Chase that she could barely process it. "Yeah, maybe I should have noticed the two guys at the bar." She laughed as she nodded her head at the two men who were openly fondling each other. "You think they're just friends having a night out?" She snickered as the two quickly moved from the bar toward the bathroom.

"Probably not. And yeah, you should have. But I can see it in your face; the tension is gone. You're relaxed now." Sarah replied with a smile as she kissed her fingers again. "You have no idea how long I've dreamt of this moment."

"Since I stopped being fat?" She joked.

"Oh honey, you were never fat. A bit plump maybe, but you carried it well." Sarah laughed as she released her fingers and wrapped her arms around her neck. "No, I've wanted this since the day we met. I was just waiting for the day I'd finally be able to tell you."

"Wait, so you actually thought that you'd be able to tell me one day? Why?" She asked in surprise as she slid her arms around her slim waist.

"I'm not sure. I guess I always held out hope, even though it seemed stupid. Yeah, you were kind of a bigot. Still are, I suppose, but we'll work on that. But I know a lesbian when I meet one." Sarah's fingers brushed her bangs out of the way, and her eyes fell on Miranda's lips. "I was surprised when you kissed me because it came out of nowhere." She laughed softly. "I never expected you to be the first to make a move." Her fingers slid from Miranda's lips and moved along her cheek as she looked into her eyes.