Across The Sea

"So, tell me more about Melissa."

"You want to get into that now do you?"

"We don't have to. Not if you don't want to."

He looked out of the windscreen at the cars up ahead. They were about two hours south of Paris. He wanted to make it to the Spanish border that evening. That was probably another seven hours of driving. Besides, if he wanted her to open up to him, he figured he should probably open up to her as well.

"No. Lets. We've got the time. So, what do you want to know."

"Everything."

"OK, well, it was my second one of those parties. I was sat outside and she came to join me and asked if she could have one of my cigarettes."

"I didn't know you smoked."

"I gave up. Anyway, we got chatting. I mean, it was awkward, given what was going on inside but not as awkward as you might think. We just kind of clicked. She was there the next time as well and we did the same thing. After that, seeing her was the only thing that made going to those parties bearable.

"It was summer, about two years ago. And it was mostly dry but then this one time we were sat out and it started to rain. I asked her if she wanted to go to the pub. Neither of us wanted to go into the house. She said yes. And we had a nice normal evening, it was pretty dull I guess, but sort of magical. She made me laugh, she was nice to me.

"The parties were once a fortnight. But that wasn't enough for me. I needed to see more of her than that. I asked if I could see her somewhere else. She said yes straight away. We both knew it was taking a step. I know its weird, but fucking each other at the house with everyone else, that would have been OK. But those parties are meant to be like Vegas you know? They're not meant to bleed into real life."

"Yeah. I get that."

"So then she's all I can think about. And we're texting all the time. And its innocent at first but once we're away from those sordid parties and I can think straight, its pretty clear to me that I do want her. Sarah and I had completely stopped having sex at this point. She got what she needed at those parties. I don't think she thought about me at all by that point. But it was more than that, Melissa made me feel desirable. Wanted."

"Everyone wants to feel that. So, you fucked?"

"Yes."

"How was it."

"It was ... nice."

"Just nice? Christ Carl, I was expecting a bit more enthusiasm than that."

"Not just nice. Really, really nice. I mean it wasn't wall to wall orgasms, working through the karma sutra, swinging from the chandeliers, crazy monkey sex."

"You mean like we have?"

"Yes. It wasn't like what we have. But it was nice. Intimate."

Carl felt oddly self-conscious saying the word intimate like that to Staci. He wondered if she'd take offence but she seemed to understand.

"I get it. She made you feel like a human being."

"I hadn't thought about it like that, but, yes."

"I get it. People like being treated like a human being. Or most people. Personally, I like a guy who just objectifies me and uses me, thats what gets me hot. But I know most people aren't like that."

"Don't I treat you like a human being?"

"Sometimes Carl," she said, almost sadly, "but lets not talk about us. We're talking about Melissa. So, what happened?"

"Sarah found out. She stopped it."

"Bullshit, Carl."

"Bullshit? I'm telling you that's what happened."

"I'm sure she found out but she couldn't make you stop. You could have kept it up with Melissa if you'd wanted to. Sure, Sarah would have left you but that doesn't sound like such a bad thing. You made a choice."

"Yes," he said very softly, eventually. "I made a choice. A bad one as it turned out."

"Why? What was so good about Sarah? Its not like you've got kids. Hang on, you don't have kids do you?"

"No," he laughed, "No kids."

"So, what then? What was so good about Sarah? And Christ help me, Carl if you say it was about the house."

"No. Not the house either."

"What then?"

"I made her a promise."

"A promise. Is that it? I think she broke that promise when she started fucking strangers on the regular."

"I guess. It wasn't just that though. It goes back to when we first met."

"Go on."

"Look, it catches up with you, the shagging around. Or it did for me. When I was with all those women at Uni, it felt great. At first. But then it made me feel more and more empty. And I wasn't always nice. I'd sweet talk my way into some girl's knickers and then disappear into the night. I was a bit of a cunt."

"I thought the trick was to find the girls who are as up for it as you are."

"Yeah. That's the theory. It tended to be messier in reality. And I had a reputation. There was this girl on my course I really liked, like really liked, and she wouldn't even talk to me. I don't blame her.

"Then I moved to London. Fresh start. No one knew me. I met Sarah. And she was a virgin for Chissake. And so good and respectable and proper and I thought maybe I could be like that too. Feel whole. Feel clean."

"And did you?"

"No," he shook his head. "No."

"Why not."

Again he paused for a very long time and then just said, "Because I never loved her."

"Oh Carl. My poor sweet baby."

There seemed nothing more to say.

They drove south. Kilometer after kilometer. They spoke every now and then or listened to the radio. Mostly, they just watched the landscape slowly roll by as they drove and drove. South of Orleans, they hit huge wheatfields so vast they stretched to the horizon with barely a single building to break up the monotony.

Eventually, they simply surrendered to the journey and a kind of zen like peace took over them as it started to feel like the journey was all they'd known and the landscape very slowly changed around them.

They didn't stop for any quickies this time but they made love in the anonymous hotel by the Spanish border that evening. Staci laid out naked on the bed, Carl moving on top of her, her naked body and wetness exciting him despite his fatigue.

It was a sweet kind of lovemaking. The shared journey had brought them closer together somehow. Staci didn't demand it hard or dirty and joyfully wrapped her legs around him as he entered her. They came together, Carl feeling himself surge between her shaking thighs.

Early next morning, they crossed into Spain.

to be continued ...