Behind Stone Walls

"Thank you sister. My head hurts so much I cannot think clearly. I will be of little use to her. No matter what the future holds I pray that we will be together."

She places her hand over mine and gives it a squeeze. Her hand is cold, confirming her stress. We sit there in silence for a moment then she rises and turns to me uncertainly. We share a look of understanding and unspoken thanks on her part, then she turns away and leaves the salon before our lady arrives.

Taking a deep breath, I take control of the servants, using the sudden responsibility as a diversion from my fretting. Lady Margaret arrives as the last of the hot water is delivered. I bow my head slightly to acknowledge her arrival. Despite our many years together there is still the division of rank between us that must be addressed as a matter of custom. She smiles in acknowledgement, looking suddenly more mature in the low light of the bathing room. The fire has been stoked and is throwing a flickering orange light across our faces.

"Good evening Maggie. I am looking forward to our relaxation. Today has been quite a whirlwind, don't you think?"

"Quite, my lady. I have not experienced the like of it before."

"How are you feeling now this new reality is upon us?"

Her gaze is steady, but I can tell she is also carrying concerns of her own. "My feeling are not important my lady. Your future happiness is my only concern."

She maintains her gaze, but narrows her eyes slightly and tilts her head back in that manner she has when she smells a rat. "Maggie. How long have we known each other? Your loyalty is without question, but we are family as well. Be honest with me, please."

I lower my eyes, unable to meet hers or to know how to answer. Any attempt at a reply trails away into silence before it begins.

Lady Margaret softens her gaze and places her hand on my arm, speaking gently. "It's understandable to be afraid of the future. All we have known is within these walls. We have been living as children. We have suddenly been confronted by the fact that we are now seen as adults, with all the implications that brings."

I manage to meet her eyes again and we share a long look. Her brown eyes in the firelight seem to show a wisdom beyond her years, as if she has been mentally prepared for this for a long time. Her candidness allows me to find my voice again. "But you are just turned 21. Ellen and I are but 18 years old. Are you sure we are truly adults?"

"In my head, and as far as his Majesty is concerned, we are seen as such. In our hearts I know we want to stay young forever. We have been living in a cocoon of our own making, waiting for the world to come to us and controlling its entry. The tide has turned and we are to be thrown out into the world to see it for ourselves."

That sends a shock through me. Does she already know our fate? "My Lady, does that mean we are to be cast out of the castle?!"

Her face changes when she sees my distress. She pulls me in and hugs me close to her. "Oh Maggie, no. That's not what I meant. I will work to ensure you stay with me when I move to join my husband. I will not see you suffer as a result of this change."

Her embrace feels warm and I realise this is the closest we have ever been. I feel emboldened enough to pull her in tight and I can feel tears welling in my eyes. She is slightly smaller than me and I bury my face in her hair so as not to show my upset. We then separate, but she maintains her contact, brushing my hair with her free hand while her other holds my wrist.

"We will get through this together. There are many things I don't want to change in my life and I will do all I can to retain them. Now, shall we move onto more pleasant things before the water gets cold?"

I manage a weak smile. "Of course my lady. Please turn around."

Undressing is a protracted process, starting with the fiddly task of removing her hair decorations and jewellery. I carry these to her bed chamber and place them on her dressing table. When I return she has undone half of the clasps that keep her velvet gown in place, so I help with the remainder and hold the heavy gown steady while she steps out of it, leaving her in her white linen petticoat. That has buttons down the back, so I work those loose and slip it off her shoulders and glide it down over her hips to the floor, where she again steps free, standing now in only her silk undergarments and stockings, tied by drawstrings above the knee. She sits to untie them and eases them off before standing to remove her remaining items while I put the steps by which she accesses the bath in place.

When I turn towards her I am met with the view of her naked body in the flickering light. I have seen her this way on innumerable occasions, but tonight I see her differently - as a beautiful young woman soon to be the property of a man. I take a moment to gaze at her figure, marvelling at how much she has changed in the time I have known her. She will make her husband very happy, I am sure. A perfect picture of youthful femininity and demure intelligence. The ideal bride for a nobleman.

She pushes her hair behind her shoulders and steps onto the short ladder, then bends down to test the water with her extended hand. Satisfied with the result, she sits on the edge and eases her other leg over before sitting down on the seat inside the tub with the water up to her chest. Her firm breasts seem to almost float there as she closes her eyes to enjoy the warm sensation of the water on her skin. It's a luxury unknown to most. The amount of effort and water going into the preparation making it impossible for all but the most aristocratic. I have often wondered how a castle that relies almost completely on rainwater achieves it, but then it is not my place to ponder such things so I simply accept the honour, especially when our lady lets us use the bath after her, albeit almost cold by then.

After laying out her nightgown in front of the fire to warm, I return to begin washing her. The aromatic oils added to the water are beginning to fill the room with the scent of rose and lavender. It is a very still night so there are no sounds in the room other than the crackling fire and the sound of water splashing as I soak the washcloth and add the scented tallow soap.

"Will you lean forward for me my lady so I can wash your neck?"

She obliges, pulling her hair forward, allowing me to rub her neck and shoulders gently with the cloth. The soap is oily, but leaves the skin very soft.

"Thank you Maggie - that feels good. After the stress of the day this is just what I need."

"Is the water warm enough my lady?"

"Yes, it's perfect."

I move down her back and wash down to the waterline then stand to move down to her feet. She instinctively extends her leg when I am in position and I take her very delicate foot in my hand. She has the feet and calves of a dancer, toned by hours of practice and also by the many equestrian hours that have strengthened her thighs. It's something we share. After applying the soap I begin massaging the soles of her feet. She lets out a low moan of pleasure.

"Mmmm - that is so nice. You have magic hands Maggie."

I smile shyly. "The feet are the most sensitive part of the body my lady. They control everything from your head to your toes. Let me know if I am pressing too hard."

"Oh no, you are doing it perfectly. You never tickle or hurt me. I love the feel of your fingers."

"I'm glad."

She shuts her eyes to enjoy the sensations. I focus my attention on my task then lift her leg to wash up to her knee before repeating the process with her other leg. She opens her eyes when I finish and looks at me with a satisfied smile. Her words then take me by surprise.

"Will you come and join me?"

At first I'm not sure of her meaning, so I ask, "I'm sorry, ma'am?"

Our eyes meet and she repeats, "Will you come and join me - in the water?"

I must have given her a shocked expression, so she continues her thought to sooth me. "I always feel guilty leaving you with lukewarm water at best. Why don't you come in and enjoy the water while it's warm."

My consternation continues so I attempt a weak protest. "But surely there's no room for two my lady?"

"I'm sure there is - we can squash in together."

I can tell from her direct look that there is no point in protesting further. I adopt a demure expression and murmur, "As you wish my lady," as I stand and begin undoing the fastenings on my dress, unsure of myself as I push the heavy velvet garment off my shoulders.

Lady Margaret closes her eyes again, gently splashing the water over her chest while she waits for me.

Relieved of my outer clothing, I pull off my undergarments and stand naked with the firelight flickering across my body. In the same light, my lady's skin appears to glow. The effect on me is different, appearing to make me reflect the glow of the embers that are gently warming the air around the still steaming tub.

Her eyes open and she looks at me calmly before sitting up straighter and motioning for me to come over. I climb the short ladder and step over the edge into the water, standing above her, enjoying for the first time the feeling of genuinely warm water on my legs. There still doesn't appear to be room for us, and my confusion is still obvious.

"Turn around and kneel down in front of me. Then I can wash your back."

I oblige, gently taking my position on the floor off the tub with my legs tucked under my body, leaning forward to rest my arms on the opposite side. Lady Margaret places her legs wide apart so she can wrap them around my sides. The feel of her soft thighs on my skin is exquisite and I instinctively lean back into her as she places her hands on my shoulders.

"How does that feel?" she asks soothingly.

The warmth of the water and the softness of her skin is an incredible luxury - one to which I am not sure I'm entitled. "It feels very nice ma'am."

She lets out a low giggle. "Just relax Maggie. After the events of the day I think we need as much distraction as we can find. I wanted to share this with you. You and Ellen are so dear to me, I want to give you this simple reward. If we are to have limited time together I want it to be special."

I feel partially frozen in position. Such an intimate embrace is unheard of between people of our standings, but the genuine warmth of her touch helps me to relax further into her. I can now feel the softness of her breasts on my back and I allow her to place her arms around my waist. She pulls me in closer, her forearms resting just below the curve of my breasts. Her words are cause for concern though, so I ask, "Do you think there is a chance we will be separated?"

"As I said, I will do my very best to ensure we are together, but the decision may not be mine. Lord Gordon has his own staff and he may insist upon me employing new ladies in waiting from among them."

I turn my head so I can look into her eyes, now only inches from mine. "Then what would become of us?"

"Something nice. I could see if there was a role in his estate for you. Or the King may have something in mind."

I feel a sudden chill grip my stomach despite the warmth of the bath. I don't want anything to change. Our life has been so blessed, but it feels like it is all tumbling down around us. I can't help but be honest in our current embrace. I place my hand on her knee and pull her leg closer so I can lean against it. Still facing her, I look past her shoulder and say to the air, "I don't want to lose you."

There is a pause, the sudden silence filled only by the still crackling embers. She nudges me with her leg and looks deeply and directly into my eyes as she states firmly, "Nor I you. I love you both so much. You are my only family. We have done so much together. Experienced so much. No matter what happens I will never lose you from my life. I will not see you cast aside and forgotten. I give you my word as a lady."

She lifts her hand from the water and strokes my damp hair away from my face, then leaves her arm resting on my shoulder. Our eyes are still connected - her's calm and firm, mine soft and pleading. For an instant I experience a sudden urge to kiss her, but I manage to control myself, letting the feeling dissipate into the water. Lady Margaret resolves the issue by kissing me instead, gently on my forehead. "It will be alright, I promise. Now, lean forward so I can wash your back."

I manage a shy smile and oblige her, allowing her to scrub me with her firm hands while I ponder the strange circumstance I find myself in. This is such a profound breach of protocol that any servants discovering us would be horrified, but there are just the two of us in our own private chamber - a perfect metaphor for our lives together.

"I wonder what Ellen would say if she could see us now."

"Oh, I fully intend to offer Ellen the same luxury when it is her turn to bathe me. I want to make the most of the time we have together, regardless of the outcome. We have our own rules. Do you agree?"

I laugh lightly at that. "I imagine we do. I've never really thought about it that way before. We are certainly a distinctive group."

"We are the best group. I like to apply the wedding vow to us - let no man cast us asunder."

We laugh louder and try to cuddle as best as we can in the tight space. I end up facing her, still kneeling, but with our breasts pressed together and her legs on either side of my waist. Her arms are around my neck, with mine around her back. It is an almost nuptial embrace. That thought is clearly shared as she appears slightly more apprehensive and looks at me searchingly.

"I do worry about marriage though," she says with concern, leaving her arms draped around my shoulders, our nipples pressed together above the waterline. It may be the air in the room, or the sudden friction, but mine have grown firm and are now more sensitive to the touch. Hers are likewise puckered into hard peaks.

"In what way ma'am?"

"In this way - the embrace of union. I have no experience. I don't know what to do with a man."

It is a strange turn of topic. "I suspect none of us do," I reply, striving for some normality.

She nods. "But I suspect all men are able to find subjects with which to practice before their nuptials," she states dismissively.

"You mean women of loose morals my lady?"

"Yes, I do. There are plenty available, and not even the common type that walks the streets and frequent the taverns - I mean there are certain 'ladies' that will debase themselves to a Lord for the opportunity of their favour."

I allow my hands to slip further down, resting them on her waist where they are more relaxed. She keeps hers resting on my shoulders while we continue this suddenly provocative dialogue.

"I'm sure your Lord Gordon is not one of those. He seems like a noble man."

"That's very kind Maggie, but sadly it is true that all men are alike given the opportunity. The fate of my own mother is proof of that."

That is a very candid confession and not one I expected to hear. Lady Margaret was born out of wedlock, with her father the King taking her mother as his mistress before moving on. While his affection for her was clear in taking in Margaret into his house as a baby, the very fact of the relationship confirms what my lady is saying.

All I can say in reply is, "It is true we live under the authority of men, and they make the rules more than we can possibly resist."

"Well Maggie, I don't think that is fair. I am a proud woman and I will not be made a vassal for the pleasure of my husband. I want to show him I have a mind and spirit of my own."

"That you do my lady."

There is another pause while I search her eyes for a clue to what is on her mind. It only takes a moment for her to share it. Without a word she uses her forearm to pull me forward so that our faces are as close as they can be without touching, except for the tips of our noses. I can feel her breath as I freeze, feeling a sudden surge of fear. But is it fear? Maybe something else equally strong is gripping my stomach, something surging lower into my belly and extending into my most sensitive region, still bathed in warm water.

"Maggie, how would you feel if I kissed you?" she whispers as our foreheads touch.

I pull back slightly to look into her eyes, trying to read her intention. She bites her lower lip lightly. Our breathing has quickened. Our eyes search each other for permission to proceed.

"Kiss me my lady? In what way do you mean?"

"I mean as a man would kiss his bride."

We pause again. For some reason the water now seems colder, but I suspect it is because our bodies are suddenly flushed with heat.

"My lady..."

My voice trails off as she leans forward and our lips meet. They are soft and moist from the steamy air. We press fully together, allowing no space for retreat, our bodies meeting from head to hip. For some reason I don 't resist, slipping my hands further around her and pulling her in, my legs beneath her buttocks as she floats on top of me. We end up kneeling together on the floor of the tub, our bodies instinctively rubbing together as our kiss extends. I feel the tip of her tongue extend and catch my top lip before I pull back to gasp for breath. Our breathing is now ragged, gasping. I hear a low moan from her as she returns to me and we resume the exploration of each other's bodies. My hands slide further down and come to rest on her buttocks, which I squeeze. They are delightfully soft and round, giving easily to the pressure of the palms of my hands.

I kiss her neck and she rolls her head to the side to allow me access, curling her fingers into my hair as she does. I lick up to her ear then pull back to face her. This time there is no hesitation and we kiss again, this time more passionately, her tongue coming into play, searching my lips for an opening which I gladly give her. Our tongues entwine, dancing to their own tune as our bodies melt together, our nipples now as hard as pebbles pressing together and rubbing against the soft firmness of our breasts. We break again for air, our foreheads pressed together, our breathing rapid and shallow.

"Oh, my lady. Was that wrong?" I gasp. The strangeness of the situation has now gone, replaced by the realisation that we are in totally unfamiliar, yet magical, territory.

"Yes, it was, but it is what I wanted. I want to know the pleasure of my own body before I give it away. I want to show my man how to please me."

"But he may think less of you. He will expect a virgin."

"He will get a virgin. But he will also secretly revel in the fact that I am not totally naïve. I can play the part of a novice bride that has a burning desire. It is the desire men crave, not the simplicity."

"How do you know this?"

I pull back sightly and our eyes meet again. She wrinkles her nose. "I have been informed by many older women in the court in private conversation. They have wisdom in such matters."

I laugh lightly. "I must have missed those conversations."

She laughs laconically in return. "I'm afraid you did. But I am letting you into their secrets now."

We pause, sharing a look that confirms our comfort but that also questions how to proceed. I break the silence. "And...what else did those ladies tell you?"

"For that, we need to retire to the bed chamber."

Our look hardens into something approaching hunger. I break our embrace and slip back against the wall of the tub, my head dizzy. Margaret stands and extends her hand. "Come Maggie. We need to go exploring."

I say nothing, but stand with her and follow her out of the tub into the warm air, holding her hand and watching the beauty of her back and buttocks in the orange glow of the room as she paces ahead of me into the darker bed chamber, lit only by the two candles on the mantelpiece and the fire in the hearth below.