Black Rose

(A long one, here, on account of it being two episodes with closely related themes. I would tentatively suggest that the theme of Freya's identity as 'the shieldmaiden', someone who is defined by her skill at fighting and her chastity, is related to Ilkaya's remarks about how people in life assume roles which they then find are hard to change: as she puts it, 'the mask sticks to the face'.

It's ended up so long that maybe don't read the whole thing in one go, unless you've a huge appetite for it. Maybe I should have done this as two short chapters. Well, bit late now.

Freya's story--maybe most of the stories in this saga--is in part about a person's effort to identify the mask they've been wearing, and, insfoar as the mask doesn't fit who they feel they might be, to try to take it off.

Tova's undername is a real term, derived from the Dutchmierenneuker, meaning someone who's overly critical of others. I imagine that when she was younger, her critical tendencies were more prominent than her gifts.)

***

Chapter 17

Maiden/Legion

Part 1:

The Maiden

Memika

Freya and Five trained some more, that morning, then after some lunch, Freya led them deep into the city and stopped outside a solid, sober building with a discreet sign:House of Healing.

Great! Five thought. Get these cuts and bruises seen to.

But inside, it didn't seem like a healer house. It was too nice, for a start.

There were curtains everywhere, and soft smells, and lots of good-looking young women wearing very few clothes, and quite a few good-looking young men wearing very few clothes, too.

Freya stopped in the main hallway, looking around with a faint frown on her face, as if she knew the place all too well, and wasn't too pleased to find herself back.

Five saw one of the girls look at Freya briefly, and then peer harder, and then run out of the room.

Five was sure, now, that this wasn't some kind of hospital.

Then a voice sounded through the length of the hall; a warm, slightly amused, strongly southeastern-accented voice, a bit husky.

'Freya Aelfrethe!' said the voice. 'It's been a long while since you graced my house with your presence. May the moon smile on you.'

Freya turned around, and from the curtains that hung halfway down the hall, emerged a figure that was not what Five expected.

It was a tall woman; and not dark-haired, like most of the girls, but blonde-haired and fair-skinned, with a handsome, ruddy face, blue eyes and a broad smile.

She was wearing a dark blue embroidered jacket over a white shirt, and dark blue silk breeches, and sandals. It was cool and austere, and but it set off her beauty and sensuality.

She radiated energy and warmth; her presence filled the hall as soon as she entered it. You couldn't take your eyes off her. You wanted her to notice you and like you.

The woman walked easily and confidently up to Freya and Five.

'You don't have a hello for your old friend?' said the woman to Freya.

Freya nodded, but did not speak or smile.

'She's taken a vow of silence,' Five explained.

'A vow of silence?' said the woman, smiling broadly. 'If it'll stop her from telling me that my house saps the precious bodily fluids of her men, I'm all for it. What, she's not talking at all?'

Freya shook her head no.

'Very well,' said the woman, and turned to Five. 'Then she will not be able to tell you that I am Sophy Bunafashazir, owner and manager of this establishment.'

She tilted her head on one side, and regarded Five with great interest.

'I'm very pleased to meet you,' she said.

Five, unused to this level of attention from anyone, blushed deeply and mumbled hello.

'And you are?' said Sophy.

'Five.'

'No, I mean your name.'

'Me name's Five,' said Five. 'It's a long story, ma'am.'

'Is it a good one?' said Sophy, amused.

'Not really, no,' said Five.

'Then tell it now and get it over with.'

'I was a squire of Sir Snorri,' said Five. 'He always numbered his squires, 'cos he could never remember their names. I was number five. I didn't have a name before 'cos I'm an orphan, so that's what everyone calls me.'

Sophy looked at Five steadily, for a long moment, a slightly puzzled smile on her face. Her gaze roved over Five's body, up and down, staring, taking everything in, or so it seemed.

Five found it highly uncomfortable.

'"Squire", you say.'

'Yeah.'

Sophy stared into Five's eyes for a moment, with the hint of a smirk.

'Uh-huh,' she finally said. 'You were right, it's not a very good story. But you're young. Maybe it'll get better.'

She turned to Freya.

'So what brings Freya Aelfrethe from the field of battle to my house?' she said. 'For eight years you've been dragging your men out of here, saying it's sapping their morale, or something, and now you come here with one little chick in tow, and you won't talk. Where are all your men? Are you just here to break this one in?'

Five looked nervously at Freya, but Freya simply shook her head. Sophy grinned.

'Oh,' she said. 'Interesting. You're here for you.'

*

Freya scowled, but nodded. Sophy looked gleeful. She turned to Five.

'Little one,' she said, 'stay here, please, while I attend to your lady.'

'She's not my lady,' said Five obstinately.

'Well, your chief, then,' said Sophy, 'all right? You want anything, just ask.'

'All right,' said Five, and sat on a bench.

Sophy turned to Freya, who was still standing there in her plain shirt and breeches, stiff-necked, tense but impassive.

'Freya,' said Sophy, 'come with,' and there was something in her voice that would have moved a stone to follow her.

Five watched as Freya followed Sophy down the hall and through the curtains.

*

Sophy ushered Freya into her rooms.

Freya entered, looking around her, and when Sophy ushered her to sit down on the bed, Freya sat at the table.

'Will you have a drink?' Sophy said.

Freya shook her head no.

'You should,' said Sophy. 'Drink loosens the limbs, shieldmaiden. It makes the intolerable tolerable, and the barely endurable positively pleasant. I know you're holding your tongue, but if you want me to serve you, you'll have to be forthcoming, and a glass or two will help. So. Drink?'

Freya smiled briefly, to acknowledge Sophy's words, but shook her head no.

'Shieldmaiden,' said Sophy coolly, 'you are paying me for my time, and my time is precious. For years you've been coming in here, and all those times, I couldn't help thinking that of all of your lot, the only one who really needed my services was you. And now you're here, of your own accord, and I offer you my hospitality, and you won't take it. So, for your sake and mine, I pray you. Take a fucking drink.'

*

Freya sat still, stone-faced, and finally nodded.

Sophy took a metal goblet from the side table and poured it half full of crimson wine. Then she poured one for herself, and handed the first one to Freya.

'To your health, shieldmaiden,' she said, and she drank. Freya sipped hers.

'Well,' said Sophy, walking to the window, 'so for once you come to see me. From this, I can only assume that the great shieldmaiden has fallen, or is about to fall, from her tower of purity, and has landed in the gutter of fucking, with the rest of us.'

Freya was silent.

Sophy turned and looked at her.

Freya was staring at the table top.

Sophy looked at her, properly, for the first time.

'From the look on your face,' she said, 'I sense that I'm seriously misjudging the tone of this conversation.'

She put the goblet down and walked over to Freya and crouched down beside her, looking up at her.

Freya's face was rigid and impassive and she avoided Sophy's gaze.

'Forgive me, Freya,' she said quietly. 'I was wrong to mock you, wasn't I?'

Freya glanced at her briefly.

'You didn't come down from that tower by yourself.'

Freya, tight-lipped, stared into her wine goblet.

'You were thrown out,' said Sophy.

Freya nodded.

Sophy caught her breath. She stood up.

Of all the things. To happen to such a one as her.

'Fuck,' she muttered, putting a hand to her forehead. 'Fuck.That is the worst news I've heard in a while.'

Freya went on staring into her wine goblet. Sophy noticed that Freya was clutching it so tight that her knuckles were white, and the goblet's stem was slowly bending in her grip.

Sophy crouched down again and looked up at her.

'Has this to do with the fact that... you bring no other of your men with you?'

Freya nodded very slightly.

'This was not the doing of your men?' said Sophy sharply.

*

Freya looked at her and shook her head no, fiercely.

But the memory made her heart start to pound.

The memory of Five telling her that Ulf had done nothing to stop it.

It was the doing of many men. And women. And children, and the All-father. And Ulf too.

Freya felt ill.

'Ah,' said Sophy. 'I see. I think. Or, I don't. It was recent, then?'

With a great effort, Freya controlled herself, and slowed her breathing. She took another drink, and nodded.

*

'A few days? Weeks?'

Freya nodded.

'Was it a man, then?' asked Sophy quietly.

Freya shook her head no.

'Men?'

Freya shook her head.

'A woman? Women? It's rare, but...'

Freya shook her head.

'Well, then,' said Sophy, 'we are getting into the realms of the uncanny. I take it you could defend yourself against a pack of loups, so nothing like that.'

Freya shook her head.

Sophy got up, picked up a chair and sat next to Freya.

'So,' she said quietly. 'Something bigger. Older. Crueller.'

*

Freya grimaced, despite herself, her memories raising a hand against her, and nodded.

She realised that she was rocking back and forth slightly, and she stopped herself from doing it.

'I am not an expert in these things,' said Sophy softly, 'but I've heard of the things that dwell in the darker corners of the world, and what they'll do to people, given the chance. Was it something like that?'

Freya nodded.

'I know you're not speaking,' Sophy said, 'but I can't guess. Can you give me a word?'

Freya drank some wine, cleared her throat, swallowed, and croaked, 'Worm.'

As always, the effort to speak made her throat throb with pain. She glanced up at Sophy, who went pale, and smiled bitterly.

'In god's name, ' she said. 'What a way for it to happen. No wonder you will not speak. Will you show me where the pain is?'

Freya put down her wine goblet and placed her hands on her mouth. Then she reached down and tentatively touched her lower belly, avoiding Sophy's gaze. Then she touched her throat, and folded her hands in her lap once more.

'Oh fuck,' Sophy breathed.

Freya sat, containing herself. She felt as if she moved, she would fly apart.

'And also,' said Sophy, 'I would imagine,' and she pointed a finger at Freya's head.

'Here,' she said.

Then she lowered the finger and pointed it at Freya's heart.

'And here.'

Freya nodded.

'I've only read about it,' said Sophy, carefully avoiding Freya's gaze. 'I didn't think it could still happen to people. Now I see why you came here.'

Sophy got up, took her goblet and had a drink. She walked to the window, turned and viewed Freya.

'Look,' she said, 'I know you've never liked me. You've always thought me a whore. And a whoremonger.'

Freya shook her head. Sophy waved her down.

'Come on,' she said. 'Let's be straight, Freya. You have. And I am one. For my part... hell, Iadmireyou. You fight like the sword of god, or so I'm told. Folk I respect call you a great leader. Maybe our greatest. You've beaten the men at their game.'

And now you laugh at me, Freya thought. You hide it behind quiet voices and soft looks, but you laugh.

'Even so,' Sophy said, 'I've always thought that you were an uptight spinster who seriously needed to get laid.'

Freya looked up at Sophy, feeling her rage rising. Sophy walked over and knelt, next to her.

She held out her hands and said, 'May I?'

Freya stared down at her hands. Sophy made a beckoning gesture.

'Only if you want,' she said.

Freya cautiously laid her right hand in the other woman's.

Sophy took it very gently.

'My god, Freya,' she said quietly. 'If giving you my blood would heal you, I would do it.'

*

Freya's eyes, clenched and furious, darted at Sophy and she snatched her hand away and stared at the wall.

Sophy got up and went back to the window and took a deep drink from her goblet.

Freya was sitting in the chair at the table, clutching her goblet in both hands. It looked like it wouldn't survive the conversation.

'I don't know what made you think to come here,' Sophy said, 'but, it was a good thought. If there's one thing we know how to do, here, it's look after people who have suffered the kind of thing you have.'

Freya did not move.

'All right,' Sophy conceded, 'there are other things we know how to do, here, for sure. But... youcantalk?'

Freya nodded.

'It just hurts to?'

Freya nodded.

'Uh-huh,' Sophy said. 'Well, I don't know if you thought that I could rub you with some ointment and you would be fine, but I can't, and you won't. I've run this place for fifteen years, and I've seen women, and men, who've been badly used by evil folk, and I've done my best by them, and sometimes they've got better, and sometimes not. This is not the kind of thing where I can just give you a big hug, and it will all go away.'

Freya swivelled her head and stared at her.

'I'm not mocking you, Freya,' Sophy said. 'I wouldn't dare, for a start. But also, you deserve better.'

Freya lowered her eyes.

'It hurts to talk?'

Freya nodded.

'Much?'

Freya paused, and nodded.

'What happens if you talk a lot?'

'I bleed.'

Sophy nodded thoughtfully.

'A lot?'

Freya shrugged.

Sophy looked around her chambers.

'I'm afraid that there's something you'll have to do, before I can help you,' she said.

Freya did not move.

'You're going to have to tell me what happened,' Sophy said, cool and calm. 'As you saw and felt it. Leave out nothing that you think matters. It's going to hurt like hell, and I don't know what it will do to you, but if I think you are suffering, we can stop, and pick it up later.

'But you have to tell it tosomeone, Freya. Because I sense you haven't told anyone, yet. Not all of it. Am I right?'

Freya nodded.

'Uh-huh. And it may as well be me. I will do my utmost to make sure you don't damage yourself. But can you do it?'

Freya nodded.

'No bullshit heroics, Freya,' Sophy said, with an edge of warning. 'Can you do it? If you can't now, we can always do it later. But this is theonlyway I know to help you.'

*

The idea of it filled Freya with a sense of immense exhaustion.

To go over it all again. When she had gone over it so often, on the walk. And when it had come back to her, in the inn.

But to tell it to someone else.

What the hell, she thought. It is just another battle. Battles are what I do.

She nodded.

*

Sophy called for more wine, and water, and towels, and honey, and other things.

Then she sat down again, Freya staring at the wall, and Sophy sitting next to her, facing in the opposite direction.

Sophy gave a gesture of invitation.

'My father,' Freya began, 'called... a meeting.'

***

Six hours later

'We came here,' Freya croaked, and reached for the water and took a drink.

Sophy was sitting next to her, both of her hands holding Freya's right hand, her head lowered, her chin almost on her chest.

Freya's voice had failed completely after four hours, and Sophy had got much out of her by asking questions and paying attention to Freya's yes/no responses. Then, in the last part, Freya had got her voice back, a coarse rasp.

Sophy slowly raised her head.

She reached up and wiped her wet face and looked at Freya.

Freya's face was grey and drawn, and she was soaked in sweat.

Her chin was red with blood, as was her shirt. The basin before them was full of pink water from where Sophy had mopped the blood from her mouth.

'Thank you,' Sophy said. She lifted the cup to Freya's mouth and Freya drank deeply of the honeyed water. It soothed her throat, a little, for a few moments. Then the pain came back.

'I suppose,' Sophy said, trying to keep it light, 'the thing I don't understand is, why you haven't just killed and killed lots of people, since then.'

Freya looked back at her, and, exhausted as she was, she managed to give a look ofSeriously?

'That's why you're the hero and I'm the whoremistress, right?' Sophy said. 'I would do it all wrong.'

Freya nodded, with a smile that Sophy thought was faintly condescending.

'Do you want to know what I think?'

Freya paused, and shook her head no.

Aelfrethe, Sophy thought, you don't know how long I've wanted to have you here in my room.

Of all your lot who've come here, you were the one to whom I lit a small, secret shrine.

I always thought you'd yield some day, and marry some likely man, and then I'd make my move on you, and because nobody I make my move on ever says no for long, I would sooner or later have you in my bed, and I would have tasted your power and your beauty, and have you feel what I know I could have you feel.

I never dreamed that if there were one thing I would urge you tonotdo, it would be to let me seduce you.

Not after what has happened to you.

And, to be sure, not that you seem like you want that.

She looked out of the window. It was dusk.

'Are you tired?' she said. 'I'm... very fucking tired.'

Freya nodded.

'Lie down with me,' she said. 'Let's get some sleep. I'm sure you haven't had enough sleep in your life.'

*

Freya drank the last of her wine and lay down next to Sophy, her arms stiffly by her sides.

'Roll onto your side,' said Sophy patiently. Freya did so, and felt Sophy fitting her strong body behind her own, Sophy's legs against hers, her groin against Freya's rear, her breasts warmly pressed into Freya's back. An arm came over Freya's shoulder and held her.

'You're safe here,' Sophy murmured. 'Sleep now.'

***

Freya awoke to find the early morning sun coming in the window, and a stream of young woman coming in and out of the room carrying jugs.

What? It must be hours.

I have not slept so long in weeks.

I had no dreams. I did not snap awake.

She felt rested and thirsty.

Sophy entered, bearing a pot and a plate.

'Morning,' she said. 'I bring breakfast.'

Freya sat up.

Sophy poured her some water and gave her a piece of bread with some honey and butter and cheese.

'I'm going to run you a bath,' said Sophy. 'Apart from anything else, you smell, so there's that. Also, I think you could use one.'

Freya drank and ate.

'How are you,' Sophy said.

Not whole. But rested. And now someone else knows what happened, as I saw it.

'You got some sleep,' Sophy said. Freya nodded.

'I reckon you hadn't had much in a while.'

Freya made a face and shrugged.

'This is going to take a while, Freya,' Sophy said. 'You've done the hardest part. You told me what happened. The rest is mostly, just, looking after yourself.'

Looking after myself? I am a warrior. I go after harm. That is my nature.

'Listen,' Sophy said, 'while you were sleeping, I looked up a few things. Nobody has ever got away from a worm, before you. So, by all means, give yourself a cheer, but don't think you can make a habit of this.'

Freya ate some bread and honey. It was very sustaining.

I never knew I liked honey before now.

'I'm quite serious,' Sophy said, leaning forward. 'We all thought you were made of iron, but you're not. I rejoice that you're alive today, but if it weren't for the fact that you'renearlymade of iron, and also for that duckling of yours downstairs, I think you'd be dead now.'