Clara's Descent

Chapter 5

We spent the whole afternoon drinking, smoking, cutting lines on the table, and making love without restraint. A feverish ballet of bodies, glasses, and suspended silences. Everything blurred together: alcohol, drugs, sex, confessions.

We talked a lot, too. Strangely. He wanted to know everything about me, and I gave him everything. No filter. No calculation. I opened up like I never had with anyone. I told him about my marriage, the love that had faded quietly, the frozen routine, the man beside me who no longer looked at me--and whom I hadn't looked at in a long time.

I told him about my downward spiral, my loneliness, my digital habits, the chatrooms where I got lost just to feel like I existed. About my alcoholism. About the fact that Jeremy didn't even know I smoked. I hid nothing. I was naked before him--beyond the body.

Before he left, I wrapped my arms around his neck. My forehead resting against his chest, still damp.

"Will you come back tomorrow, baby? I'm free all day."

"What time does he leave for work?"

"Eight-thirty. He'll be gone."

"I'll be here at nine."

"Will you bring more coke? I love it... And it lets me drink even more."

He smiled, then pulled the little white bag from his pocket.

"Keep the rest for tonight. I'll bring more tomorrow. I've got a good source."

"Thank you... you have no idea how much it'll help me tonight."

"Tomorrow, I'll bring you something else, too."

"What?"

"Meth. You'll see. You'll love it."

"Are you sure...?"

"I know what's good for you, baby."

I should've felt a chill of worry. I should've told myself to stop. But I didn't. I was excited. Eager to see him again. Eager to fall again.

He left around 7 p.m. I had barely an hour to erase all traces of this infernal day before Jeremy came home. Just before walking out, Alex paused at the door. He looked at me, intensely.

"I don't want you sleeping with him anymore. You're mine now. I'll text you tonight."

And then he was gone.

I was already craving him. His gaze. His orders. His smell.

I poured myself another drink. Lit a cigarette. Took two more lines. I opened the windows, aired out the apartment, cleaned the glasses, changed the sheets. Jeremy couldn't suspect a thing. But I was used to it. It had become second nature--erasing the proof, the smells, the excesses.

Right before the lock clicked, I took two more lines--just to brace myself.

Jeremy came in, grumpy, annoyed, tired.

"Shitty day," he muttered.

I thought: If you only knew...

I still had butterflies in my stomach. From the drugs, the sex, the high. I was buzzing. Unable to contain myself. Usually, I was the quiet, sad shadow in the corner of the living room. But that night, I was restless, too lively. He must've felt something. He frowned, but said nothing. Not yet.

I drank in secret. Drew more lines in the bathroom. And I was texting with Alex.

He ordered me to think about him. To have a drink. To find an excuse to get high again. And of course, I obeyed. Willingly. Happy to please. Happy, simply.

By the end of the day, I'd emptied a bottle and a half of vodka. I'd never done that before. But I didn't care. It was the least of my concerns. I was in love. Lost. Found. Already his.

Chapter 6

The next morning, I woke up before dawn, heart pounding, head on fire, nerves raw. I had barely slept. The coke, probably. But mostly, the anticipation. Nine o'clock. I needed it to be nine. Alex. My Alex. My whole body was already waiting for him.

I was up long before Jeremy. I drank my coffee alone in the still-silent kitchen, discreetly savoring a few puffs from my vape -- my secret morning ritual. The bittersweet taste of nicotine calmed me, centered me. I was jittery, but clear. Ready.

Once the first coffee was down, I poured another, but this time, a few drops of vodka slipped into the cup. Just enough to tint the bottom. Warmth rose to my face instantly. I smiled. Then, silently, I headed to the laundry room, where I had hidden the rest of the white powder. Two, three lines. My body lit up like a string of lights. Every cell buzzed. I felt invincible.

Another quick drink. Then a scorching shower. The water lashed my thighs like it was trying to wake a skin already awake. Jeremy was having breakfast. He looked at me in silence, surprised to see me so cheerful, so alert. Usually, I was grey, shut down. That morning, I was radiant, electric. He didn't say anything, but his eyes lingered on me longer than usual.

Me, I just wanted one thing: for him to get the hell out.

I sent a message to Alex:

"Waiting for him to leave. I can't wait to see you, baby. I swear I'll be submissive and naughty all day ❤️."

His reply came instantly:

"Good girl."

When Jeremy finally left the house, I downed a large glass of vodka in one go. I lined up four hits. Lit a cigarette. Then I undressed slowly, ceremoniously, and positioned myself on the bed -- open, impatient. I picked up my phone.

"The door is open. I'm waiting for you."

And for the first time in months -- maybe years -- I didn't feel like opening my laptop. I was in the real. My real.

He arrived. He pushed the door open and found me just as I wanted: naked, ready. He didn't even say hello. He threw himself at me, took me with that animal urgency I already loved too much. And there, between two moans, two thrusts, I felt the shift. It wasn't just sex anymore. It was something else. A merging. A belonging. I wasn't alone anymore. I was his.

When our bodies finally let go, he turned to me, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

-- Easy now, princess. I have a surprise for you. I promised.

He grabbed his satchel, pulled out a small pipe and some translucent crystals.

-- Meth, baby. Even better. You'll see.

I didn't protest. Not now. I didn't even need to understand anymore. He placed a shard into the pipe, heated it slowly, carefully rotating the flame. Thick smoke began to form inside.

-- Now inhale.

I put the pipe to my lips. I drew in. The smoke burned my throat, filled my lungs, and then I exhaled slowly, eyes closed.

First, tingling. Everywhere. Then suddenly, my chest, my sex, my whole being began to throb. A dense, massive wave of euphoria surged through me. I turned to him, mouth parted.

-- Fuck... fuck... Alex...

That's when I knew. Knew that this thing -- this magic smoke -- was going to take up all the space. That it would become my center. My fire. My ruin.

I took another hit. It was even stronger. A violent ecstasy, almost painful. I started touching myself, outside of myself, possessed. My body was screaming with pleasure, unfiltered, unrestrained.

Alex grabbed me. Fucked me hard. I was no longer me. I was something else. Unleashed. Dissolved. I soared into an orgasm so vast, so brutal I didn't recognize my own screams. I hadn't known a body could go that high.