Gone Astray

"Daniel is Black," said Jennifer.

Sara had been waiting for this day. She thought she pulled it off, being suitably surprised. She wasn't supposed to know that Daniel was Black.

Paul did not take it well. He had already not liked that Jennifer had a boyfriend. She and Sara had broken the news to Paul a few weeks earlier. He had been upset. In his opinion, Jennifer was too young. She should concentrate on school and only later find a man to marry. She could live at home as long as needed before she met a man who could support her.

Both Jennifer and Sara complained about his way of reasoning. Jennifer said her father was old-fashioned, and no one lived this way any longer. She said she intended to finish school and then find work. Paul disagreed when she said she wanted to be independent. She should live a similar traditional life to his and Sara's. It was much more secure. He believed it was safer if she had a man to depend upon.

Paul had many questions and wanted to know how they met, and Jennifer said she met Daniel at school. Paul was concerned, thinking it was better if she met someone a bit older with a steady job. He refused to give up the notion of a man supporting her. Jennifer said he was already working as a plumber and studying only part-time. This made Paul even more concerned. Being a plumber was a demeaning job with no future or prospect of development. Jennifer said she did not care as she loved him and wanted to be with him. They argued about Daniel's qualities. Sara kept a low profile.

Separately, Jennifer and Paul complained to Sara. Jennifer didn't understand why Sara was not more supportive. She knew how important Daniel was to her. Sara felt guilty because she was quiet. Mostly because she worried about blurting out things she should not have known about Daniel.

Paul wondered what had gotten into Sara when she seemed to think it was okay with Jennifer having a boyfriend. He believed she should be more supportive of his way of seeing things. He said it was vital for them, as parents, to show a united front. Sara tried to defend Jennifer and say that she was becoming an adult. They should respect her choices. Paul said that it was true that she was becoming an adult, but they had a responsibility as her parents to make sure she made the right choices. They argued but less severely than Paul argued with Jennifer.

Things started to cool down. Paul reluctantly agreed that Jennifer could have a boyfriend. It had been a strained period at home, and Sara had begun to feel less tense when Jennifer revealed that Daniel was Black.

It was by far the ugliest argument. Sara had rarely seen Paul this upset. He refused to say Daniel's name but called him 'that boy'. He said 'that boy' had corrupted Jennifer, and she had to stop seeing him immediately. It was so heated that Robert, who usually always took his father's side, kept to his room. Sara took her daughter's side more actively than ever. In the heat of the moment, Jennifer would not pick up on anything Sara said she was not supposed to know.

The argument went back and forth all afternoon and into the evening. Paul calmed down, and then it blossomed again after some time. Each time, he was a bit angrier.

"That boy will never set foot in this house!" Paul shouted, red in the face from anger.

Jennifer burst into tears and ran from the room. Paul and Sara looked at each other as they heard Jennifer run up the stairs, and then the door of her room banged shut.

"You handled that really well," Sara fumed. She was angry with Paul. Usually, she was calm and soft-spoken. You could count on one hand the number of times Sara had been angry with Paul during their marriage. This was one of them.

Paul stared at her. "What's gotten into you?" he asked, still red in the face. "Jennifer is way out of line. You and I are supposed to be on the same side and correct her."

Sara did not know what to say. She stared at Paul for several long seconds before leaving the room. She did not storm out, but she was stalking. She ended up at her usual spot by the sink. She picked up her phone. She wished to talk to someone to vent her feelings.

Darius was always available. But he was too young and inexperienced to understand her feelings.

Sara could text Andrew. He would understand her better, but she was wary of him after they had a drink together. She still didn't know how to label their meeting. Darius maintained it had checked all the boxes to qualify as a date. Sara protested Darius' conclusion. But anyway, she felt she was walking a thin line between being a platonic friend with Andrew and something more. She had the impression that Andrew also thought they were at a crossroads, and he had kept a low profile.

She was married. Andrew was divorced and felt he didn't get to see his children as often as he'd like. She could imagine he would find it difficult if he became a wedge between Sara and her husband. Darius said she should live a little and meet Andrew again. He was so young and irresponsible.

Sara put down her phone again. She could talk with Megan the following day at work. She was increasingly becoming Sara's best friend.

Sara had always considered Justine to be her only friend. However, she was reluctant to call her. She had a growing feeling that Justine was distancing herself. In their friendship, Sara had always considered herself the lesser of the two. She had been okay with it. She was a housewife and mother and not much more. Justine had exciting work and a broad social circuit besides Sara. She traveled and did all kinds of things that Sara never did. Sara stayed at home, and Justine was worldly.

Sara had not realized it at first, but her gradual change as a person had shifted the balance of their friendship. It took a while, but Sara understood that Justine did not like the change. For some reason, she resented becoming on more equal terms. She seemed increasingly insecure.

The last time they had met was weeks earlier. Sara visited Justine, and they had coffee together in her kitchen. Justine's husband arrived at about the same time Sara was leaving. Justine was short, and so was her husband. Sara had three-inch heels instead of her usual flats. She discovered she was at eye level with her husband as she stood up. He didn't even try to hide when he gave her a once-over. He clearly enjoyed her short, form-fitting dress and long legs on display. Justine looked anything but pleased with her husband. Sara had not talked to Justine since.

Sara still felt annoyed, but her best option was to wait until the following day and vent her feelings to Megan.

Later, she went to bed. Paul was already in bed, reading something. Sara did not care what. He ignored her while she prepared for the night, and she ignored him as well. She felt so resentful. He should not have treated Jennifer like he did. She was becoming an adult. She had the right to make her own choices, and Daniel was important to her. It was wrong of Paul to say that Daniel could not set foot in their house.

Sara looked at Paul. He looked so smug. She felt resentment boiling inside her. He did not know Daniel had already set foot in their house several times. Not only the house, but also their bedroom. Daniel had put the pillow Paul was lying on under her hips and fucked her on top of it. Fucked her in a way Paul had never managed in their whole marriage. Sara could not suppress a giggle.

"What is so funny?" Paul asked, annoyedly looking up at her from what he was reading.

"Nothing really, I just remembered something," Sara apologized.

"Well, I don't see anything funny," Paul muttered and looked down again, dismissing her.

A while later, Sara checked her phone in the bathroom. Darius had texted her goodnight. She knew he started at seven the following morning and usually went to bed early when he did that. She had gotten to know Darius much better over the last few months. He was always kind to her. She wished to meet him and see his friendly face. It was a week until their next meeting. She guessed he was already asleep and texted him a good morning, a smiley face, and a heart. She smiled, thinking he would smile when he woke and found her message.

The week that followed was difficult. Paul had not changed his opinion, and Jennifer did not back down. Daniel was her boyfriend, and Paul could do nothing about it. The argument flared in waves. It was so bad that Sara worried about leaving them alone at home when she worked late. She texted Darius a lot about how it was going. It helped, but he was not the best person to support her, given his youth and inexperience. She thought about Justine, but she felt she could not contact her.

She talked with Megan. They were steadily becoming closer friends. But Sara felt they were not close enough yet to confide in her completely. Sara could not explain why, but she longed to talk to Andrew. She trusted him, and he would be understanding as well. However, they still hadn't talked since their date. She knew he would never hurt her. But she worried she would start something she could not control if she placed too much trust in him.

Sara felt increasingly tense in the days leading up to her meeting with Darius. Each time they met, she longed a bit more for his body and how he could make her feel. He was like a drug that made her a bit more dependent each time. This time, she felt it extra strongly. The tension at home made her want to escape for just an afternoon. It was good that she would talk with Darius about Jennifer and Daniel instead of texting as they did.

Besides texting about Jennifer, Darius teased Sara about not going on a second date with Andrew. Sara defended herself as well as she could. She told Darius that she wanted things to cool down with Andrew. As always, they texted intensively in the evening before their meeting, and their texts were full of sexual undertones. Sara believed Darius looked forward to their meeting as much as she did. Sara believed it was a hunch when Darius said they could have a date if she did not meet Andrew. Sara protested, but the more she said no, the more Darius developed the idea.

Later in bed, she scrolled through the long conversation. She had been protesting but not saying no as Darius became more and more specific about having a date with her. She had been intrigued by the idea. In the end, Darius texted that if she wanted to meet, he would be at a coffee shop, and they could meet there. She had yet to reply to his text. She looked at it, feeling she was at a crossroads. She looked at her husband lying next to her in bed. He looked like he was in a bad mood and ignoring her, as he did every evening lately.

She stared at her phone, feeling conflicted.

"Where is that coffee shop?" she typed into a text. She hit send before she had time to change her mind. She was conscious that her question was an acceptance of his proposed date.

He must have had his phone next to him, as he answered with an address immediately. She looked it up. It was a coffee shop within ten minutes' walking distance from Darius's apartment.

A second text followed. "I guess you will be dressed for a date. I will do the same."

She smiled. He was hopeless.

"Don't get too high expectations," she texted back.

"One of the perks of dating someone who works in a lingerie shop" was the answer. She smiled again. He was hopeless for real. They were not dating.

Sara slept well and sent her family to work and school as usual the following morning. Once alone in the house, she prepared for work and for Darius. His comment about the lingerie shop echoed in her mind as she carefully selected what to wear from her growing selection of sexy lingerie.

The enormity of what she was doing hit her suddenly. She was preparing for a date with Darius. They had always met at his apartment, but were meeting in public this time. She was married, and he was half her age and Black. There was no reasonable explanation for why she would be publicly seen with him. She felt scared and hot at the same time. It was so wrong, and it felt so exciting. She should call it off. But she wanted to meet him. She wanted sex. It was so conflicting what she felt.

She debated with herself for a long time. Looking at the time, she realized she was running late for work. Hastily, she put on a matching set of bra and panties. She was aware that they were sexy. Darius was going to like them. Then she put on yoga pants, a sweater, and sneakers. She checked herself in the mirror. She looked twenty years younger, and the look surprised her every time. She had felt self-conscious at first about going out dressed like that. But she had slowly gotten used to it. Megan said it was good for business when she looked younger and so good-looking. She often said she could kill for having a body as hot as Sara's.

Sara wore pants instead of her usual dresses more and more often.

She did not want to admit it, but she would blend in better with Darius in public if she looked younger.

Throughout the day, she was conscious of meeting Darius in public. She was on the verge of texting him several times to say she could not come, but she also wanted to meet him.

"Have a good time," Megan said, her voice dripping with sexual ambiguity as Sara left for the day. She pretended not to hear and only waved goodbye.

Sara could not remember being as nervous as when she drove to her meeting with Darius. She should have called it off, but she wanted to have sex. Last week had been so stressful. She needed to feel good, at least for a short while.

She was early and had no problems finding the coffee shop. She drove by it slowly. It was not one of the larger chains. It looked cozy and had a local vibe. She could see people inside through the window, but making out any details was difficult. She drove past the coffee shop a second time. There were people on the sidewalk outside. Did she dare meet Darius there? Her heart was in her throat as she went past a third time. It was a mile difference compared to visiting him in his apartment.

She parked the car around the corner. She sat for a long while, watching people walk by on the sidewalk. Her mouth was dry, and her palms were sweaty. She berated herself. It was only a meeting. No one who saw them would understand they had sex. It was only a coffee between two friends. He was Black and almost twenty years younger. But it was still innocent. She looked at the time. She was running late. It was too late to cancel. Her sense of duty overcame her fear, and she exited her car.

She walked the short distance to the corner, rounded it, and continued towards the coffee shop. Someone was standing in front of the coffee shop, and it took her a while before she recognized Darius. She was used to seeing him in sweatpants, gym tops, or T-shirts. Her heart sank as she saw that he wore slacks and a white short-sleeved dress shirt. It was not empty words when he texted her the evening before, but he had dressed for a date. He was looking very smart. He was tall and handsome, with broad shoulders swelling in the white shirt. It made a dazzling contrast with his dark skin. His face broke into a big smile when he saw her.

"Hi, I was afraid you were not coming," he greeted her. He put his hand on her arm and leaned forward. Sara's heart leaped in her chest when she thought he would kiss her. Instead, he brushed his cheek against hers in a half-kiss, half-embrace, and then pulled back again.

He seemed slightly insecure and out of his comfort zone, like when she first visited him in his apartment. This did nothing to improve her insecurity. She wished she were meeting Daniel instead of Darius for a brief second. He had a lot more self-confidence. She could relax, and Daniel would take care of her.

"You look good," she said, trying to improve his confidence. It was true. He looked more than good, dressed as he was.

"Thank you, you look good as well," he beamed at her. "You always look good."

She smiled, her mouth still dry. They stood for a while without doing anything, both smiling.

"Shall we go inside?" Sara suggested.

"Oh," Darius exclaimed and got started, opening the door for her.

Sara felt that the whole day had led up to this point. She was acutely aware of being together with a Black man decades younger than her. In her upbringing and adult life, there was no normal situation where she would be alone with a Black man. She expected all eyes to turn towards her when she entered the coffee shop. She paused inside the door. No one paid her and Darius any attention. The place was half full. To Sara's relief, it was a mix of Black and White people. Most of them were younger, but some were Sara's age.

"What do we do now?" Darius asked, stopping beside her. He sounded insecure.

Boosted by the non-reaction to their entrance, Sara replied, "Well, if this is a date, you buy me coffee while I find us a table."

Sara let out an involuntary sigh as she sat down. She felt her tension ease slightly as no one seemed to pay attention to her. Cautiously, she surveyed the place. It looked even cozier than from the outside. It was not too big, but it was not small either. People seemed relaxed, and there was no sense of urgency, unlike in larger coffee chains. Soft music played in the background. Sara spotted a couple of other mixed couples, which made her relax even further.

She looked at Darius, who was standing and ordering at the counter. She knew he had a handsome face and an Adonis-like body. However, she had never realized how strikingly good-looking he was until she saw him dressed in slacks and a shirt. For a brief second, she felt vertigo for being together with someone looking as manly as him. She was not the only one thinking so. A White girl in her early thirties was behind the counter. She was pretty, smiling an awful lot with sparkling eyes while taking his order. Sara did not like her.

Darius came and sat down next to her. They sat by a small round table, and Darius was next to her.

"I know that you generally don't eat sweets, but they make a mean cheesecake here," he said with a smile. "Since it is our first date, I ordered one for us to share."

His smile widened, and he put his hand lightly on top of hers. Her first impulse was to pull back her hand, but then she relaxed. No one in the coffee shop knew her or seemed to pay attention to them. His hand felt good on top of hers. She looked down. The contrast between his dark skin and her pale skin was captivating, as always. She felt the heat slowly blossom in the pit of her stomach. Everything around her was scary, yet she marveled at how he could turn her on by only touching her hand.

She looked around at all the people and then back at Darius. Emotionally, she knew they were going to have sex when they got to his apartment. Rationally, she could not connect the public coffee shop to the privacy of his apartment. She placed her other hand on top of his large hand. Her nipples were stiffening inside her bra. She wanted to say something, but did not know what.

She was interrupted by the girl behind the counter. She placed two coffee cups and a plate with a slice of cheesecake on the table. She beamed at Darius and chirped, "Let me know if you need anything else." Her hips swayed as she walked back behind the counter, and her moving buttocks were clearly outlined in her tight skirt.

Sara saw that Darius was checking out her ass as she walked away. The annoyance she had felt changed into something else. It was a sharp, acid emotion that she was not familiar with. It confused her why she felt like she did, and she realized it was jealousy. She had hardly ever felt jealous in her life. She was not used to it, and it was unpleasant, which made her upset with Darius.

"I don't like that girl," Sara snapped.