Illicit Affair

Are you the teacher of anal sex?

Are you the teacher of anal sex?

Yes, but just for thee.

Yes, but just for thee.

(paraphrasing Leonard Cohen)

(paraphrasing Leonard Cohen)

On Saturday morning I prepared breakfast for both of us. My wife looks good in the morning, before she puts on her make up. After we finished drinking our coffee, she started to put the dishes into a dishwasher. I decided to start a conversation, despite the fact that a part of me wanted to stay in my comfort zone. No one teaches us how to start the conversation about possible cheating with our spouses.

- Can we talk about something serious? We haven't really talked about anything substantive in a long time.

-Is something wrong? Are you ill?(she sounded genuinely worried)

- Everything is fine with my health. I want to ask you something else, but I don't know how to start.

- Now I'm really worried.

- Kate, someone told me you're in love. Not with me, with someone else. Don't be mad, but I'm curious if that's true.(she remained silent far too long, so I new then and there that my wife also has an affair behind my back)So its true, right?

-What do you really want? Where is this conversation leading us?

-Our marriage hit a dead end a long time ago. Ever since we moved to London, our daily activities have been pulling us further and further apart. We hardly do anything together anymore. None of us are to blame for this. We're just too different. In Manchester we had similar goals, each our own studies and lots of sex. Lots and lots of good sex. But nowadays... We don't even like the same music or movies, we follow different public intellectuals and like different politicians.

-So what do you want now? Should we start having sex again?

- No! Holy Marx and Engels, this would be a rape of some sort! I think that, concerning our feelings, the matter is very simple. You do not love me anymore and I do not love you anymore. Sex is totally of the table now. The real question is if we can stay friends and help each other in this unusual situation.

- Help each other? Do you not realize how silly this sounds at the moment like this?

-Not necessarily. I don't care that you probably want to spend the weekend with someone else, not me. The truth sets you free, say the old people in Bosnia. If possible, call him and agree on what to do today and tomorrow. There is no need for you and me to have lunch or dinner together. I don't care if you don't come home tonight. Isn't that good news for you? I have no other intentions than to prevent both of us from slowly poisoning each other. I'm not going to secretly check your phone, I'm not going to eavesdrop, I just accepted the situation. Love is like a tide, when it comes, no human can stop it. We can just admit the fact that you love someone else and so do I.

- So do you!? You are having an affair? How long?

-About two weeks. Let's be frank. We both can't wait to be alone in our study so we can call or write to our lovers. There is no need to pretend that this is not true. Why not do it without hiding and feeling guilty? We can go to Pho City restaurant for lunch together if you have nothing better to do. Until then we can go sexting.

- You cannot be serious!

-I am serious. You do call your lover often, don't you? We can also pretend that we are very busy preparing work materials for next week, if that's what you want, but it's childish not to accept reality. We can be roommates who have a good relationship, or we can destroy each other with the help of divorce lawyers. I will leave you now. Think about it. We can meet in the kitchen around one o'clock.

- I don't know ...

- Just think about it, yes.

I went into my study and turned my laptop on. First I check my official email, then I sent Zahra links to music videos, which I compiled on Thursday, videos of Divanhana, Mostar Sevdah Reuinion, Amira Medunjanin, Damir Imamović, Tuzlanke and Himzo Polovina. Our music is known as Bosnian sevdah. Bosna was, until 1878, part of Ottoman empire, so sevdah rhythms have a lot in common with Turkish folk music, but the lyrics are in Slavic language, albeit with many loan words from Turkish, Persian and Arabic, such as komšija (neighbor), pendžer (window) or din (religion). After half an hour Zahra replied.

Shirin1177>

listening to music?

Farhad1177>

Hello my Sweet. Not really. I just wanted to send you this, before I forget. Something happened today. In the morning at breakfast, my wife and I started talking about the fact that we were both having an extramarital affair.

Shirin1177>

you told her about us?

Farhad1177>

Not really. About someone unspecified. I looked her in eyes and asked: are you having an affair? She was not ready for this question. She couldn't respond, just remained silent. I told her, that I'm totally okay with her affair, because I have an affair of my own. I don't know what will happened next, but I have a vision for our future. My vision is that your husband and I, in a way, switch wives. My wife and your husband are probably completely compatible outside of the bedroom. A successful careerists in the world of multicapital and multicorporations. CEO is the word for that, if I remember correctly. You and me, we are also compatible outside of the bedroom, or so it seems to me. We can swim together, we can go to concerts, we can go to anti-war protests together, we can listen to Tariq Ali or Slavoj Žižek, we can turn photography into a joint hobby and much more. Why should we live with lies? The truth can set all four of us free.

Shirin1177>

What if your wifes decides she wants a divorce?

Farhad1177>

Then so be it. As long as you love me, we will find some solution. By the way, if you want, we can go somewhere outside together, perhaps to the park.

Shirin1177>

ok. after lunch I will say, I want to take a walk; hopefully Malcolm will decide not go with me and stay home sending naughty messages to your wife.

Farhad1177>

I do not blame my wife and your husband and wish them the best of luck in the future. I will pick my photo bag and head to the park at around three. I will wait for you at the entrance to observatory. If you don't come by 15:30, I will go for a walk around the park alone. If you can make it, we will walk together. I would genuinely like to take some portraits of you in the Autumn colours surrounding.

Shirin1177>

Deal.Truth:did you ever engage in anal sex?

Farhad1177>

This was a surprise chess opening. Yes, I have experience with anal sex. Have you?

Shirin1177>

No. Moretruth. Did you ever done it with your wife?

Farhad1177>

No. And now something serious. Can we agree on the following? My principle is to protect privacy of all women who have ever shared a bed with me. Please don't ask me about the details of my relationship with Kate. Of course, this also applies to you. Protecting your privacy is something sacred to me. I will never discuss with anyone something that concerns you or both of us, neither spoken words nor written words nor actions. I am a black hole of information. I hear everything, I don't reveal anything to third parties. We can talk, abstactly, about women in Bosna, because you will never meet them and don't know their names. Anal sex is, methinks, rather common natural contraception method in Bosna. I have done it with quite a few women. We call it "the Turkish way".

Shirin1177>

By the way, why you always write Bosna instead of Bosnia? Why is Bosnia not correct?

Farhad1177>

Many Slavic words end up in "ija", for example Srbija, Makedonija, Slovenija. The letter "j" is pronounced as "y", so it makes sense to spell it Serbia, Macedonia or Slovenia, but Bosna is different. We are not Bosnija, we are Bosna and Hercegovina, no need for additional "i". If yes, than why not also Herzegovinia?

Shirin1177>

As you say, Damir from Bosna.Truth. So you know all about anal sex?

Farhad1177>

I know quite a lot. Why?

Shirin1177>

I want to be your student. Teach me anal sex.

Farhad1177>

Does it excite you to write the word "anal"?

Shirin1177>

No. I'm serious. You will teach me how to swim. You are natural teacher, you can teach me anything you know. Teach me anal sex. There will be some opportunity, perhaps in some hotel or somewhere else. I just know that you have all the patience and course designing capabilities. Design an anal sex course for me. I want you to be the first man who takes me from behind. There are many videos about anal virgins on the net, I know what I want.

Farhad1177>

Okay. If you want, we can start our sex life with anal sex course. You have something specific in mind?

Shirin1177>

Just to obey you like I obey you in the swimming pool. Every time I obey you, I end up having good time. Is it painful at the beginning? The anal sex.

Farhad1177>

Not if it is done right. If I design an anal sex course, it must be all pleasure, zero pain.

Shirin1177>

You already have an idea how to start it?

Farhad1177>

Yes. Lesson one will be something I mentioned last week. I want to wash your body in a bathtub. With a sponge or a small soft towel. I want to wash you thoroughly and slowly. From toes upward all the way to your hair. Before that, I want to undress you myself.

Shirin1177>

Sound nice. I should lose a pound or two.

Farhad1177>

Please, never say this again. I mean it. I have a pretty good idea how you look naked, swimsuits really don't hide that much. I like you just the way you are, natural non-anorexic working class kindergarten teacher with no chemical additives.

Shirin1177>

I wasn't really serious but many thanks. It makes me feel loved to read your previous message. I will really try to persuade Malcolm I need a good walk in the park after lunch.

Farhad1177>

Inshallah, see you today.

I thought for a while whether Zahra was serious or not, but then I decided to think about the matter from a completely abstract angle. How can a man teach a woman to have anal sex so that she enjoys the learning process all the time? What accessories and sex toys should I order? What should I do during our first session after her body is washed and dried? I started to make notes, directly on a laptop into a password protected file.

At one o'clock I entered the kitchen. Kate was already in and I saw that she took lasagna from the fridge.

- Kate, I will go out after the lunch. I will go to park, perhaps take some Autumn photos. If you want to invite your lover here, feel free to do it, just let me know when should I return.

- You are going alone?

- Maybe yes, maybe no. I'm not sure yet.

- I can't believe all this is happening.

- Just start playing with open cards. It will set you free.

- So you can promise me, you will not come back before seven?

- Yes, if this is your wish. Maybe I will go to that Vietnamese place for dinner. I haven't eaten pho sup for more than a year.

Microwave began to beep, and pizza was ready. For many months we have eaten lunches and dinners mostly in silence. Not today, however. I asked her question about her parents, her work, the opera Carmen she was planning to attend alone (or so she said last week) and from time to time teased her about her lover: Have you already taken him to meet your parents? Is he also a classical music lover? Does he work for the same company? (no, yes, yes) We didn't actually laughed during the lunch, but some of the tension in our relationship has been relieved. After the lunch was finished, I helped her to clean the kitchen.

It was already close to two o'clock, so I went to prepare. Weather was cloudy but no rain has been predicted. I went out in my red gore-Tex jacket and dark blue hiking trousers. I took only my digital Canon camera and arrived to the observatory 10 minutes early. Many tourist, mainly Asians, were taking selfies while standing simultaneously on both hemispheres. I stayed around 50 meters from their photo spot and tried to catch their group dynamics with my telephoto lens. After a few minutes, I felt someone wrap their arms around my waist and snuggle close to me.

When I opened her arms and turned around, I saw that she had was again wearing a black coat and a red beret.

- What are you wearing under the coat?

- What do you expect?

- Che Guevara T-shirt? Rosa Luxembourg T-shirt?

- Norwegian sweater. Mostly blue, with added red and white decorations.

- I have thought seriously about your wish. I must order certain items from on-line shops. Do you have any objections to soft cotton rope? Do you use any sex toys? I don't have any, so, unless you object, I also need to order few items.

- I don't object to anything. I trust you completely.

- Okay. Do you like Vietnamese food? It is not far from here, perhaps 15 minutes. We can go there later.

- I would love to. I never tried Vietnamese. Lots Chinese and some Japanese, but no Vietnamese.

-Their signature dish is called Pho. It's a version of noodle sup. In the mean time I would like to take few portraits of you. If I'm already carrying this heavy bag around, I can at least put my equipment to good use.

We walked around the park hand in hand and chatted about many things. The more I listened to her, the more convinced I was that I had finally met my perfect match. From time to time I told Zahra to stop and photographed her in various poses and backgrounds. Today Zahra's hair was not braided or tied together, so it was blowing in the wind, which added a dynamic note to her portraits. Time went by so fast. She liked the taste of her Pho soup and was also very skilled with chopsticks, which was one more bonus in my assessment about our out-of-bedroom compatibility.

When I stepped to the counter to pay the bill, she went to the toilet. We stepped into the cold Autumn evening. As we slowly walked to the tube station, she reached into her coat pocket, took out some fabric and handed it to me. I knew immediately by the shape that these were her panties. Blue classic cotton panties with some white geometric patterns, which I already saw in Reading.

- Is this a gift for me?

-Yes. It was your dare, you remember. I'm walking the streets of London with you and without my panties. You can put them in the front pocket of your trousers and hold them when you speak with other women who want to flirt with you.

- Who on Earth, except you, would want to flirt with me?

- Are you blind? All women at the pool would want you as their personal coach.

- I haven't noticed that. I am rather monogamous by nature. When Kate and I lived in Manchester as PhD students, I had eyes only for her. It was the time when we still haven't discovered how ill matched we really are. Now, when you and I are in public, I have my eyes only for you. There are many good swimmers in town, so I hope those other ladies will found the teacher they deserve. So, if this is a gift, I can keep them?

- Yes. This a souvenir, instead of a lock of my hair.

- Reference to Cohen?

- Yes, reference to Cohen, except my "famous" coat is black not blue.

We walked hand in hand almost to our street. She hugged me and I held her for several minutes softly singing our folk song Anadolko (Anatolian woman) into her left ear. We parted and she walked home first. I looked her departure and after I was sure, she was at home, I followed her. Upon my arrival house was empty. Good for Kate. I went to my study, opened my laptop, turn on music from my sevdah play list and open my software for photo editing. While I was working, I kept Zahra's panties in my pocket.

Kate returned after nine o' clock. I didn't know how she would respond, so I didn't step out of my room. She took a shower and retired to our former sleeping room. I went to shower after her and retired to our guest room. It has been several month since we agree to sleep separately, as if we would get enough rest during the night, since our timing was not in sync. She has to leave house before me and go to sleep when I was still awake. I have a habit to read a book, with lights on of course, until 11 or even until midnight. That night I put Zahra's panties below the pillow and took several pieces of the paper and a pen. My unique, once in a life time, course of anal sex was definitely progressing. At around midnight, I turned off the light and closed my eyes.

After breakfast with Kate, we went each to our separate study room. I spent rainy and cold Sunday morning browsing through British and German sex toys shops. They all provide easy shopping, and "discrete" delivery with all on-line orders. Until that Sunday I never used any sexual toys, neither in Bosna nor during my relationship with Kate, but on-line sex shops provide enough information, so I could quickly find my way around. In a couple of hours I ordered all I thought will be needed for Zahra's anal course. Most of the purchased toys are very easy to use, except the ropes used for bondage. I tried the search term "japanese shibari kinbaku bondage how to". The search engine found several hundred hits, so I quickly learned how to perform some simple single column ties and two-column ties. Before the lunch I checked my secret mail and found three messages from Zahra.

Shirin1177>

Good morning my love.

Shirin1177>

Where are you? Is all okay?

Shirin1177>

Huston, do we have a problem?

Farhad1177>

Sorry sorry sorry. Thousand apologies. I was designing our new anal sex course.

Shirin1177>

I am sorry. I don't want to behave as a hysteric lover. Please forgive me. I know that you cannot spend all day on-line.

Farhad1177>

Let's drop it, but the fault is entirely mine. In less than a minute I could send you a message: Good morning Sweety, I must do something, will call you in few hours. By the way, today I slept with your panties under my pillow. Now I keep them in my trousers pocket. After lunch, I will call my friend Senad from Sarajevo, to find out if we can use his London studio for our lovemaking. I will write to you later on, perhaps around three o'clock.

Shirin1177>

OK. Love you. Over and out.

When I walked into the kitchen, Kate was already preparing spaghetti with thick Bolognese sauce. The atmosphere between us was tense and I couldn't think of a good opening line to break it. We ate in silence. After we put the dishes into a dishwasher, I decided to resume our conversation.

- Kate, can I ask you something about your lover?

- Why? What do you expect to achieve?

- Someone told me that you have affair with one of our neighbors. Is this true?

- I don't want to talk about it. I really really really don't want to quarrel right now.

- I also don't want to quarrel. I'm totally calm. I want to propose the exchange of information. Just say yes or no. Is Malcolm from number 22 your lover?