Innocent Milf

Chapter 34

Chapter 34

I dodged the point of safety-orange plastic Bowie knife and snapped a backhand cut up to my opponent's wrist while pushing his elbow away with my off-hand--and therefore into my counter-cut. Since the group had introduced face protection to practice, sparring had gotten a lot more vigorous. I grinned as Instructor Joe called out "Good, Baker! Nice cover!"

I would be heading back to college tomorrow, but going to Bowie knife practice had been good for me. Even though Cary's absence was like a hole in my heart that just kept leaking, the familiarity of the environment, the people, the equipment--it was as much like coming home as actually coming back to my parents' house for Christmas break had been.

Nineteen-ninety-six had arrived with little fanfare. Jack and Jenna went to a New Year's Eve party and called me tipsy to shout their well-wishes. For my part, I stayed home and watched old black-and-white sci-fi movies:King Kong,Godzilla, andMetropolis. As far as I was concerned, this was the year that Cary and I would get back together, and life could resume as normal. And it might even be the year that I graduated, if I played my cards right.

My opponent broke my reverie by slapping my back. He pulled off his face protection--a jury-rigged foam boxing practice-helmet with some clear plastic taped over the eyes and mouth. "Nice shot, Baker," he said. "Looks like your karate has been keeping you in shape."

"Aikido," I answered absently.

My opponent was Paul, who had been disappointed by Cary's relationship with me at our first Rendezvous together. He swiped sweat-dampened dark hair out of his eyes and breathed out. "Let's take a breather, huh?" he said. "I wanted to talk to you about something, anyway."

Curious, I walked over towards the bench of the dilapidated dance studio that served as our practice space, and we both sat to gulp down some water. He nudged me. "So, listen. I know you and Bernham were taking a break. That still going on?"

Suddenly tense, I nodded once, curtly. "Yeah."

His answering nod was sage and slow. "I get it. College is rough on relationships. I'm surprised you made it through the first year, to be honest. Anybody could have made the same mistake."

I frowned. "What? What mistake? Did she say something?"

Paul shook his head. "No, she hasn't said anything. But one week when she wasn't here, her ex-husband caught me outside of practice. Eric, right? Seemed like a nice enough guy."

Just the sound of his name set my teeth on edge. "He's a rat-fuck piece of shit," I snapped.

Paul leaned back in surprise at my rancor. "Jesus. Wow, I guess youreallydon't like him. Well, anyway. He said you guys were broken up, and that you'd slept around with some girls at college."

My breath was coming faster than it had been during sparring. "That's a lie, and Cary knew it. I never cheated on her. They even made fun of me for it at college. Called me 'Galahad.'"

Paul's look of surprise was replaced by one of uncertainty. "But... shit. But you're still broken up?"

I nodded miserably. "Sort of. Cary wanted to take a year apart so that we could 'find ourselves.' It had nothing to do with Eric's lies."Well, almost nothing, I amended silently to myself.

"Yeah, when I finally asked her, she said 'time apart' too, instead of 'break up,'" Paul answered. "Damn, man. I'm sorry. I thought you'd... you know. Done the whole college thing. Sowed some wild oats. I figured that was why she wanted space." I noticed that he was talking to me like he talked to any other of the guys in the group--and not like a high school tag-along. Maybe it was the thin shadow of beard I now wore, or the fact that exercise had become a way for me to keep myself from falling into further depression, and I looked more 'rangy and tough' than 'gangly' now.

"Anyway," he continued, "her ex seemed pretty worried about her. Said she wasn't acting like herself." He flushed. "Uh, he said it was your fault, but it sounds like maybe he was jumping to conclusions."

"He's 'worried' that his justified reputation as a philandering rapist will mess up his career," I bit. "And he's trying to make Cary as miserable as he is inside. He's been trying to mess up her business by telling people she's a predator who preys on high school boys."

Paul's expression curdled. "That's screwed up. Man, if he ever shows his face around here again, I'll send him packing."

"Why wasn't Cary here?" I asked. "And how did he know she wouldn't be?"

Paul shrugged. "I think he said she was at her therapist."

"Hertherapist?"

"Yeah. She kind of disappeared for a couple of months, but started coming to practice again around Halloween." Paul frowned. "Has she not told you any of this? She said she's been going to a therapist to 'straighten things out.'"

"She wanted it to be a clean break for a year," I explained for the millionth time. It wasn't any easier. "We haven't been talking."

Paul suddenly looked nervous. "Shit. Then you don't know..."

"Know what?" Any principles I had held about not prying into her life flew out the window as alarm rose in my throat. "Is she okay?"

Paul nodded hurriedly. "Yeah, she's fine. Just... we went on a date."

A high whine had started in my ears, which I felt flushing. "A--a date?"

Paul squared his shoulders a little defensively. In the background, I could see several of our clubmates still sparring, their shouts of enthusiasm and theclackof plastic knife trainers seeming like they were a thousand miles away. "Well, yeah. Itoldyou that I'd be next in line if you guys broke up. At the time, I thought you had cheated on her."

I slowed my breathing with an effort.Fear is the mind-killer, I reminded myself. "Um. Well, that's what we said we were supposed to do. Get some space. See other people." I tried to make myself believe it. "But I think I've heard enough," I said. "I really shouldn't have asked about any of this--I've been trying to let her life be private and not snoop."

He caught my arm as I started to stand. "Nothing happened, man. I took her to dinner and we sawGoldeneye. She was really quiet thoughtful afterwards, and gave me a peck on the cheek when I dropped her back off at her apartment."

I thought I could guess why she had been quiet and thoughtful--it probably reminded her of Ty's party and our first night together. I sighed. "It's cool of you to tell me, man. No hard feelings. I hope you guys had fun."But I'm glad it wasn'ttoomuch fun.I could say the words, but I didn't feel it in my heart. I had told Cary in my first letter to her that she should follow her own advice--go out and act as if she had never met me, either.

It was one thing to write it. It was entirely another thing to think of it actually happening.

* * * * *

* * * * *

Mon amour,

I'm back to classes now. I've signed up for journalism classes, and have basically maxed out as much French as I can take before they just start sending me overseas. I'm starting to work on dialects like Quebecois (which is closer to what the French fur traders would have spoken in the 1820's anyway, so that's cool). I'll be participating in the music department's Folk Music presentations this spring, and it bums me out that you won't be there to hear how my mandolin sounds.

I'm in line to start working on the student newspaper (The State Press) next semester. It looks like I'll be graduating in either December this year or spring next year, depending on how hard I push myself. Since there hasn't been much reason for me to do anything else, I've just been really concentrating on getting through school.

I had a brief talk with Paul from knife-fighting the other day just before I left. I wasn't spying--he just wanted to talk. He did mention that Eric caught him outside on a day that you were at therapy. I hope you're okay. Hearing that you were at therapy made me ache to comfort you but also proud that you're getting whatever help you need. You've been through so much. Again, I have no expectation that you're reading these letters, but if you are: be careful. Eric told Paul that I had cheated on you, and that's why you wanted space. He's still meddling and trying to ruin what we had.

My quest to 'find myself' so far has just revealed that I am mostly who I thought I was. Having Todd's curated 'real college experience' has made it obvious that I only like going to parties with you. So once I've gone to this 'Lonely Hearts V-Day' party in a few weeks, I'm calling it quits. I have too much to do anyway to indulge in Todd's party life. If opportunity comes knocking, I'll try to honor what you expect, but I'm done putting myself out there.

I've nearly finished theDuneseries that you got me started on. It gets real weird. I think the first one is the best, and it sort of goes downhill. I hope you've been enjoying yourOutlanderbooks. I miss talking about what we're reading and watching together.

Happy memory: remember that time we both woke up at 3:30 am for some reason, and decided to just make early breakfast together and then go watch the sun rise over the rocks in Breakenridge Park? It's little magic moments like that that I think I miss the most.

Yours always,

--Matt

The "Lonely Hearts V-Day" bash was specifically for singles, which meant that it was a meat-market. I had promised Todd that I would go, but as I had written to Cary: I was done after this. Getting serial blowjobs from horny coeds was great, but I really wasn't interested in just sex. Once I had been with Cary and knew how great it was to have sex with somebody that you loved, empty no-strings-attached fucking just didn't appeal to me.

Ten minutes in, Sally from the end-of-the-semester party last year found me. She brought drinks for both of us, and we ended up sitting on the couch drinking and chatting. Surprising me, she turned out to be a friend of Leigh--the girl who had introduced herself as Tiffani at the wet T-shirt contest nearly a year ago. The two of them had been on the same floor in freshman year. We chuckled about last year's Spring Break, but Sally noticed my facial expression.

"Aw, are youstillsad about your girlfriend?" she asked. "She was the girl who had already graduated, right? You and Lewis went up and double-team sprayed her down. Esmie played with her tits a little."

I nodded, suddenly trying to speak past the thickness in my voice. Maybe it was the alcohol that was making me so maudlin. Maybe nearly six months of separation was weighing on me. But I found myself having to take deep breaths. "It's not your problem, sorry. Nobody wants to be around a sad sack on Valentine's," I muttered. "And I know it's a party foul to be talking about your ex."

Sally smiled. "That's what this whole party is about, though, right? Lots of sad single people hooking up."

I gestured at nothing with my half-empty Corona. "She might be out there right now getting some. She told me to go have the full experience and see people, and I told her the same thing. It'ssupposedto make us stronger." I raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Why would I want to go back to eating junk food when I've had steak?"

"So,isshe seeing other people?" Sally's attention was laser-focused.

"She went on a date with one of my knife-fighting buddies." I frowned as I said it. Since when had I considered Paul a 'buddy'? The beers were getting to me. "Well, that's not right. He's more like an acquaintance." My sibilants were getting mushier as I spoke. I hadn't been this intoxicated since Ty's party, what seemed like a lifetime ago.

"And she said to try other things," Sally said. "How many girls have you slept with since then?"

I held up my thumb and forefinger in a 0.

"What?" Sally was incredulous. "You got a free pass to screw around as much as you wanted, and you didn't?"

"I screwed exactly as many women as I wanted to, given the circumstances." I felt pretty proud of being able to get all of that out in one sentence.

Sally scrunched up her face. "Not exactly being adventurous, are you?"

I slouched upright, pride stung. How had I slipped down onto my back? "I can be adven'trish. I once fucked at midnight on Solstice with a bunch of witches," I slurred. "MY first date with Cary was a swingers' party. I've screwed under the stars, in the rain, in a public park, in a clothes closet--"

"Thatone sounds funny," Sally said.

My eyes crinkled at the memory. "Her ex-husband brought the kids over early--he did that a lot to try to catch us, and I pushed Cary into her closet and we kept going standing up in there until he went away and took them to McDonald's." I chuckled. "She said the orgasm almost made her fall and hit her head."

"Ever had a threesome?" Sally asked.

I shook my head. "Her friend offered. I felt weird about it." I sighed. "Now I'd screw all of her friends at once if it meant being with her, too. Even the mean one with the purse-guns."

Sally laughed, her own voice a little shrill with drink. "I checked up on you. Everybody says you're nice, but bookish." She squeezed my arms and ran her hands up and down my chest. My dick woke up to see what was going on. "But you obviously work out. And I've heard you do some martial arts, too. You know what, though?"

"What?" I tried to guess what she was about to say, but failed to summon a coherent thought.

"This is the most I've ever heard of you talking unless it's about literature or history." Sally scooted closer beside me. Her warmth was confusing. "You must really love her."

I found myself touching my ring with my thumb, nodding. "She's my Ayla. My Elizabeth. My Cammy."

"I don't know who those are," Sally smirked. She glanced down. "Oh, sothat'sthe ring!"

I held it up, proud of the way the light glinted off its polished, dark stone. "Iss white gold," I said, somehow misplacing a consonant. "She gave it t'me. To remind me." I turned an accusing glare nowhere. "And then she told me toforget. For a year."

"That's not fair," Sally said soothingly. "I mean, how wouldshefeel ifyoufucked somebody else?"

"Bad, maybe. Or proud that I tried something new." I tried to work through it in my muddled state. "I dunno. It's hard to get my head straight around it when I'mnotdrunk." I leaned towards her confidingly. "I'm kinda buzzed right now, to be honest."

Sally's nod didn't quite hide her smile. "Oh, I thought maybe. You wear it well."

My face fell. "Do you think sheisfucking somebody else? Valentine's Day is hard for her, you know." I was getting unaccountably morose. Somewhere in my brain, I thoughtthis is bad--you're further gone than you've ever been. "She has bad memories about it. We had a good one last year, but... I don't know."

Blond locks were twisted around one of Sally's fingers as she moved her other hand up and down my front. "Nobody should be alone on Valentine's Day, right? Wouldn't youwanther to get some release?"

The thought immediately made my heart thunder and my teeth clench. "With some other guy?"

Sally laughed. "It's just sex. It doesn't have to be anything except feeling good."

I frowned. That sounded right, but also not right.

Seeing my expression, Sally pressed her point. "People need to fuck, Most people, anyway. Just like the need to eat and sleep. As long as you're honest about what it is, it doesn't make it wrong to just treat it as fun."

"Sure," I slurred doubtfully. "I guess."

"Do you think there's something magical about girls' pussies?" Sally emphasized her point by taking my hand and resting on her mound. "Any more than guys' dicks? Does it make you 'tainted' to get your dick sucked by half the film studies students at this college? Would you somehow be dirty if you and I went and screwed like the world was ending right now?"

I frowned. "No. Of course not."

"Same for women," she said firmly. "It's just a way to feel good. I could fuck a dozen guys tonight, and if they were all clean, there wouldn't be anything different about me tomorrow except that I'd be a little sore and super relaxed."

I wasn't quite ready to let go of my possessive feelings raised by the notion of another guy screwing my Cary. "She said webelongt' each other. I felt like that, too."

"Maybe yourheartsbelong to each other," Sally said. She stood and stretched, and then leaned over, giving me a great view of her cleavage. "Burt that's love. Sex doesn't have to be the same thing. Bodies can be shared around. Come on, Galahad. Time to see if you can play at being Lancelot, too."

A surprised laugh burst out of me, too loud. "Ha! That's a literature jokeanda dick joke! You're clever."

"Econ majors take lit classes, too," Sally said. "And your special lady isn't the only one with a brain." She tapped at my hardening dick. "Let's take this guy for a walk. I think we can push some boundaries tonight that will fit the bill for 'try something new.'"

My memory of getting to her house a few blocks away was dim. I remembered being surprised by her bedroom: totally normal until she opened a tall armoire in the corner, which was filled with all sorts of bondage gear. She smiled tipsily at me and giggled. "We'll go easy this time, since you've never done this before," she said.

Part of me made excuses because I was drunk, but a clear, cogent voice in the back of my head knew what I was doing. I wasn't cheating, I told myself--Cary hadtoldme to go wild. Besides, Cary was a little submissive; maybe she would like something that I learned tonight.

It went by in a blur--Sally had some hooks on her bed frame that I was able to tie her arms to. She was very clear in her instructions: slap my ass. No, harder. Harder thanthat. There, that's good. Slap my tits. No, it's okay. I like it. Now fuck me. Harder.Harder. Slap my tits again. Keep doing it. Pull my hair. In some ways, it was very elucidating. I'd never had a woman tell me exactly how to screw her before.

The choking made me super nervous. She had a light blue silk scarf double-wrapped around her neck, and told me to just lightly pull on it while I was pounding her. I was so afraid of hurting her that even in my drunken haze, I kept moving back and forth between erect and only semi-erect. The result was that even though she was as wet as a moaning water fountain, I lasted for a long time.

"Just... just pull lightly on each side, and keep increase... increasing tension," she directed. If I could give clear instructions half as well while in the throes of ecstasy, I would have applied for Mensa. I did as she said, and could see her eyes rolling back. She made some little gasps and twitched. I could feel her pussy shuddering around me as I leaned back and pulled.

She was sweating and soaking wet, and I slammed into her like a machine as I pulled slowly on the scarf. Her eyes went wide and her tongue stuck out. She spread her legs further, and kicked them up to accept me further into her. Somewhere in the most primitive part of my brain--nearly the only part functioning--I found that incredibly hot. Her arms thrashed against their restraints and she made a gurgling sound I never heard before.

"I wanna cum," she whined.

"Not yet," I said, trying to get myself synched up. "Just a little longer."

For some reason,thatdrove her wild, and she bucked under me. I pulled on the sash like reins, and she went rigid, eyes rolled back. A shuddering gasp tore through her, and she shrieked. Her belly and thighs spasmed in time with her orgasm. Of course at that point, I came too, which just seemed to escalate her pleasure. Wordless babble streamed from her, and I released the tension on the scarf.