Momma's Pregnant

(AUTHOR'S NOTE: Read my stories in order of upload if you want them to make any sense lore/story wise. Each upload is a continuation of the last.)

Courtney had just thrown up all over her lap, some having landed on the wall and on the floor beneath where she sat on the exam bed. The same nurse as before came in to help clean the mess. She could hear everyone in the room talk to her but her hearing was muffled like she was under water. This didn't feel real. She was pregnant this whole time and not once did the possibility cross her mind. She was pregnant with her son's baby and her boyfriend thinks that it's his baby. Courtney began to feel lightheaded but snapped out of it when Phillip gently pats the side of her face.

"Baby? Courtney, can you hear me?" He waves his hand in front of her and shakes her head then rubs her eyes.

"Pregnant?" She only focuses her attention on the doctor, leaving Phillip hanging.

The doctor nods. "I'd say at your age, this is the perfect time to start a family." She looks towards them both. Phillip puts his hand on Courtney's shoulder to try to offer some comfort. "This isn't your first pregnancy, is it?" The doctor picks back up her file and goes through it.

"I have a son. He turned nineteen this year." She could feel her heart beating against her chest. How was she going to tell Corey? And what would even be his reaction?

"Nineteen?" The doctor seemed surprised. "You had him quite young then." Courtney says nothing, so she changes the subject. "Based on you two's reactions, I'm going to go ahead and assume that this wasn't a planned pregnancy." The two couldn't hide the embarrassment on their faces. "Well, there are options-"

"No." Courtney doesn't let her finish, and it catches Phillip by surprise. He hadn't considered the idea yet but he didn't expect her to be so outwardly against it so quickly. "Let's just make the ultrasound appointment." She clears her throat and avoids Phillip's gaze.

Courtney sets up her next appointment for the ultrasound next week. When the doctor asked if the both of them would be attending, Phillip looked at Courtney as if to ask for permission and she simply nodded. Her demeanor towards him shifted the moment the doctor announced her pregnancy and it made him grow anxious. Neither of them said anything on the way back to the car but Phillip still opened the passenger door for her.

There's a long and heavy silence between them before Phillip finally musters up the gumption to finally speak. "What are you feeling?" He looked at her but she was staring down at her legs. "Can you... Talk to me please?"

"I'm worried." She says plainly and sets her hand over her stomach. "Corey was going to move out next year for college... And now I'm starting all over." Courtney never imagined or intended on having any more kids outside of Corey. Even Corey himself was a surprise, but he was all she needed. "I had his dad to help with Corey since he was born up until middle school. I don't know how to take care of a baby all by myself." She holds her head and her words become choked up. Everything felt so overwhelming and she didn't know where to start or what she was going to do. She could feel herself about to spiral.

Phillip leans over his seat to pull her hands away from her eyes so he could see her. "Courtney, look at me." His voice was stern and serious. Courtney sniffs and her watering eyes meet his. "You're not gonna be doing it by yourself. I'm one hundred percent taking care of you and my kid, do you hear me?" He wanted her to understand that. He never planned on having kids but now that this was really happening to him, he wasn't going to pass up the chance of being a father.

'My kid' hit Courtney in the gut like a sack of rocks. She could just about drown in the amount of guilt she felt over Phillip thinking he was the father. What would he think when the baby came out looking nothing like him or had all kinds of disabilities or fuck ups? Would he just dismiss it by thinking she just has strong genes and not second guess any pregnancy complications? It was one thing for a man to raise another man's baby, but it was another for the baby to be fathered by your girlfriend's own son. It's not like he suspected anything, but both Corey and Courtney's lives could fall apart if anyone knew.

Against her own will, Courtney begins to weep. She couldn't be honest about her feelings to Phillip or anyone else. This was her burden to carry and it made it all the more worse. All she could do for now was make an excuse and chalk up her feelings to something else entirely. Phillip pulls her close and holds her to his chest, stroking her hair as she cries. He rubs the small of her back and kisses on her shoulder. "We can still think about this, y'know? We don't have to decide right now..."

Courtney shakes her head and keeps her arms around him while she speaks. "I'm not aborting it." She pulls away and wipes her nose with a sniffle. "I can't." Her eyes grew sadder and she slinked down into her seat. Instead of saying anything, Phillip waits for her to elaborate. She heavily exhales a shaking sigh before speaking up. "I was pregnant before Corey. I didn't want to get rid of it, but it happened anyway. And I'm never doing it again." She places her hand on her stomach again while her mind trails off to old memories.

Her family was from a small and very religious town in the rural midwest with a population less than a thousand. The families that lived there had been there for generations, everybody knew everybody and their business. Privacy didn't exist in a town that small. There was only one grocery store, one gas station, the high school, the diner, the roller rink and bowling alley, then the church and lastly, the VHS and DVD rental store. Corey's grandmother was a stay at home mom and an active member of the local church. His grandfather owned and ran the gas station corner store that was passed down to him from his father, and from his father's father. Courtney would help around the store after school and would close up shop from time to time if he ever needed to step out and help someone with his tow truck. Everyone in the town knew little Courtney, she was a part of the children's choir in church and the customers at the store would always let her keep the change whenever she was manning the register.

One night, her father was called out to help a truck that had gotten stuck in a drain ditch out the outskirts of town so he would be out for a while. He left Courtney in charge of the store until it was time to lock up in two hours and he promised to be back by then. When she was alone and the store was dead like this, Courtney would keep herself busy with homework or a book. That night she hadn't brought anything with her so she just skimmed over the newspaper her father had left on the store counter from this morning. She saw the same elderly couple that would always come and stop by to say goodnight and served one of her neighbors a tank of gas for cheap as long as he didn't mention it to her dad. The night was quiet and normal for the most part until later in the night.

An hour had passed and her father still hadn't returned, but she wasn't too worried about it. He said he'd come back and she believed him. The last customer of the night was a familiar face, he was well known to the town with a high reputation. Jacob Miller, the pastor's son. A tall young man with dark orange hair and straight teeth. He was in the top of his class, which wasn't very hard since there were fewer than a hundred students. Everyone in the church thought he was so charming and admirable. But around the high school, there was a rumor that Jacob and some other boys had their way with one of the cheerleaders in the fellowship hall. Word had spread to the adults and parents in the church, then the school staff. She was abruptly removed from the cheer team and her family stopped showing up to church. The family up and moved and nobody heard from them after that, and nothing ever happened to the boys.

Courtney's interactions with Jacob were very limited, his status made him seem intimidating in her eyes. She'd see him every Sunday at church and sometimes her family hosted his family for dinner since her mother was heavily involved with the church herself. The pastor and his wife and Jacob would come over and make nice with everyone. Corey had an uncle, Matthew. He and Courtney weren't ever close, he was off at military school most of her younger years, then he went into active duty when he turned eighteen. He was barely ever home, and when he was they didn't say much to each other. He was about nine years older than her, they had nothing in common and were very distant. Matthew and Jacob would hang out together whenever they'd have dinner at the house. They'd mostly lock themselves away in Matthew's bedroom until it was time to eat, smoking shitty pot and peeping at vintage VHS tapes from the adult aisle with the volume down.

Jacob had come into the store for some cigarettes and a bottle of that fake chocolate milk. He realized Courtney was by herself in the store and decided to make small talk. "So where's ya daddy? Or do you run this place now?" He grins and she smiles back.

"He's out towing someone I think." She shrugs. "Don't know when he'll be back. But I can take care of the store!" There was pride in her voice, manning the fort while her dad was away made her feel responsible.

He looks her up and down and his grin grows. "Yeah, I bet you do." He opens his new pack and pops a cigarette in his mouth then pulls out a book of matches. "Mind if I smoke in here, bossman?"

Courtney thought about it, she wasn't totally sure if her daddy allowed it or not. But her daddy wasn't here and she didn't wanna disappoint someone that the town made a big deal over. She nods. "Yeah, sure." She tried to seem casual about it but Jacob could hear the uncertainty in her voice. He liked that she was willing to bend the rules for his sake. He lights up his cigarette and takes a drag while looking her over behind the counter. He notices the newspaper in front of her and he gestures towards it. "You read the news? Big girl."

Courtney, almost embarrassed, pushes the newspaper away and shyly laughs. "Not really. There was just nothing else to do here, I didn't bring my backpack."

He blows out smoke over his shoulder. "I can stay here and keep ya company so that you're not bored." He grabs his bottle of chocolate drink and twists the cap off, keeping his eyes locked on her even as he takes a swig. He swallows before speaking. "Or lonely." He doesn't wipe off the chocolate mustache and it makes her laugh. He lingered in the store for a while, making small talk with Camille and just asking questions about herself. What grade she was in, how old she was, what her favorite books were. He propped himself up by his arm while leaning on the counter. He watched her go on about herself and could see she was finally letting her guard down. She began talking to him more friendly than polite. She liked that he didn't talk to her like she was a child, he actually listened to what she had to say.

Jacob swirls his finger around the rim of the glass bottle. "So Courtney. You like going to church?" He takes another drink.

She nods. "Well, it can be boring." She awkwardly grins. "But I like singing and I like that the whole town comes together in one place. I think that's nice." She loved the sense of community that the church brought. People from worship would traffic in and out of her family's house for bible study or just casual visits with her mother. It felt like she had a lot of people to turn to, these people made her feel safe and supported.

For a moment Jacob goes quiet. "Do you believe in God?"

The questions caught her off guard but she answered quickly, and honestly. "Of course I do!" Was that question a trap, like some sort of test? It made her nervous. Her faith had never been questioned before. Evangelical Christianity was all this town knew, it was all that Courtney knew. It was what was taught to her and it was what everyone else she knew believed, so she had no reason not to. She was taught to have her own personal relationship with Jesus, something she felt like she took seriously. She prayed every morning, every night, before eating, and whenever she felt like she needed guidance or assurance, She never once questioned it before and it shook her to be faced with it. "...Do you?" She asks in return.

He takes the final drag of his cigarette then exhales, shrugging casually. "I'm the pastor's son." He doesn't say anything more than that, like that itself was enough of an answer. "That's good, though. Your relationship with God is important." His words sounded rehearsed, like this was something he would say just because he's supposed to say it. There was no actual belief behind the words he said, and they felt empty. She watches Jacob reach over the counter and switch on the cassette radio, it starts playing a rock station. When he pulls his arm away, his elbow knocks his drink off the counter and the glass shatters, but he remains unphased. "Whoops! Sorry about that." His eyes follow her as she hops off her stool and scurries to get the broom and rag for the mess.

"That's okay! I got it." She opens up the closet and tosses the dust pan down before bending over to soak up the chocolate drink with an old dirty rag. She picks up some of the big pieces of glass with her hands and gently drops them into the pan. Suddenly, the radio's volume gets turned up loud then Courtney falls forward from being pushed. Her knees and palms fall onto small shards of the broken glass beneath her and sink into her skin. Jacob forcibly rolls her over then climbs on top. She fought and screamed but Jason was almost ten times her size and nobody could hear her, so nobody was coming to save her. Her attack lasted the entire duration of 99 Red Balloons by Nena, almost four minutes. And then a mattress ad right after. He left her a bleeding and crying mess on the floor. She was bleeding on her hands, knees and between her thighs. And that chocolate drink had gotten on her clothes and in her hair. Courtney had managed to get the mess cleaned up and close up the shop like normal, still shell shocked from what had taken place. She even made sure to clean up the blood streaming down her legs. She felt a pit inside her telling her that this was bad, and she had just done something really wrong. Sinful. And she felt ashamed and needed to hide this.

She had a limited understanding of what just happened, her parents avoided any real birds and bees conversation. When she got her first period all her mom told her was that it meant that she was a woman now and that she could now carry babies like God made her to do. She still wasn't entirely clear on how the baby occurred. All she knew was that the baby would be in her belly, she could only have a baby after she's married, and that she wanted to be a mom when she grew up. The church made it seem like being a mother was the best thing a woman could do with her life and it was what God wanted, and she fully believed that.

Courtney limped all the way back to her family's home. Her dad's truck was still gone so only her mother was home when she arrived. When she came in, her mother immediately questioned what happened to her. All she said was that she had broken a bottle and slipped into the glass, and her mother believed her and didn't ask any more questions. That night, after about two hours of her mother plucking shards of glass out of her skin with tweezers, Courtney didn't sleep and spent the night kneeling over her bed and praying. Her knees bled through her bandages from being on them all night long, but she powered through the pain just begging God to forgive her for what she did and for help on what to do. At that moment she had never felt more desperate.

Nobody knew about what happened and Jacob was quite pleased with himself. Courtney stayed glued to her father's hip when at church and never once looked in Jacob's direction. When he and his family would come over to dinner, Courtney would cower to her bedroom. Once she was stuck on the stairs while her brother and Jacob walked past her, but Jacob didn't even bat an eye. Like she wasn't even there. This made her feel worse. Their secret was hidden until she couldn't hide it anymore. She got really sick, puking all day everyday for weeks on end, then her mother noticed she hadn't had to clean any bloody sheets or underwear in the laundry in a good while. When she brought it up to her husband, he was offended by what she was implying. His daughter was a good girl who didn't care about boys, she would never. But her mother made Courtney do a pregnancy test anyway.

Courtney's entire life changed when two lines appeared on that stick. She sat at the dining table with her parents, hanging her head in shame while they both stared her down and demanded that she tell them what happened and with whom. Her mother's anger was directed at her. In her mother's eyes, Courtney was a sinner and had tainted her innocent flesh with temptation and was now carrying a bastard child. While her father's anger was directed at whoever the hell did this to his baby girl. Unlike his wife, he knew this wasn't something his daughter did willingly. Even if she wouldn't say it.

"Courtney Leslie Webber, if you don't tell me what you did so help me-" Her mother raises her hand high overhead and Courtney shields herself, but her strike is blocked by her father standing in the way. He gave his wife a dirty mean stare until she backed off then kneeled down to be at his daughter's height.

He sighs and touches her arm. "Baby girl, please. We have to know. You won't be in trouble for telling the truth. God wants us to be honest always, even if it's bad."

That finally strikes a cord with her and she comes clean. "... It was Jacob Miller. The night I had to close up shop for daddy... I'm sorry." She kept looking at the ground, finally saying it out loud made no difference.

Her father lost his balance while kneeling and fell over, his hand over his mouth. He never returned back to the store that night because he got caught up with some old friends from town and stopped to chat and drink a beer or two. If he had just left after towing that car, Courtney wouldn't have been alone in the store. Her mother was too much in shock herself to aid her husband off the ground. This couldn't get out there. The town couldn't know that her young daughter was pregnant with the pastor's son's child, and they wouldn't. And neither would Jacob or his parents, especially not his father. This would ruin them and run them out of the church. Her mother could see the fury in her husband's eyes and she pushes him back down when he tries getting up.

"You don't say nothing to that boy or his family!" She sticks her finger in his face and he swats it away.

"Like hell I won't! That preacher boy can't keep getting away-"

"Enough!" She stomps her foot then turns back to their weeping daughter. "You go to your room and pray, and you don't come back down until I say you're done." Courtney looks to her father but her mother slams her hand on the table and she bolts up to her bedroom.

She could hear her parents screaming at each other all night. Matthew was off at military school again, so he knew nothing about this. And still doesn't. She prayed for forgiveness all night until the sun beamed through her curtains in the morning. Her mother found her still kneeling on the ground while slumped over her bed asleep. She woke her up and instructed her to pack a bag and to go wait by the truck when she was done. Her mother met her outside and put their bags in the trunk. Courtney asked questions but her mother kept the answers vague. All she told her was that they had to go to the doctor for the baby but that the doctor was very far away, so they had to drive for a whole day and they'd stay in a motel for one night. She tried to make it seem like something fun, Courtney had never been in a motel before but she wasn't excited. She felt that something was wrong. Why was the doctor so far away? They had doctors in their town. She and her mother barely spoke during their road trip together. To fill the silence, her mother played an audio version of the bible on cassette. She and her mother weren't very close, she's always been a daddy's girl. Her mother's focus was mostly on disciplining her brother and then catering to him when he came home. The hotel stay was awkward, her mother got them two beds and made sure that they both prayed together before bed. When Courtney woke up in the middle of the night, she found her mom praying by her bedside, so she pretended to still be asleep and listened to her mother's prayers until she drifted off.