Role Model

"Mr. Hawkshaw." Dawson, my secretary, comes calmly walking into my office, not really bothering to knock, while I'm reading emails, not bothering to look up. "Ms. Lilith Greyfox has arrived for the monthly meeting."

My chest squeezes...

She's skipped the past three, giving bullshit excuses or only accepting phone calls.

But today?

Today was different.

She was here.

For a meeting with me. I stood from my desk mid-email response and nodded. It was clear my nerves were fried as I toyed with my cufflinks and adjusted my suit.

I walked up to the glass-walled office where Lilith was sitting on the long table, one leg over the other, despite the perfect collection of chairs circling that very table.

I take a shaky breath and push in, noticing a familiar shine on her thumb almost instantly.

I remain quiet.

"Pedro. Long time no see."

"Yes... very long, though it's nice to see you've had no trouble making it to and from shoots and runway shows."

"Oh! Of course, I wouldn't miss an opportunity so lucrative... It would be impolite of me to ignore such an opportunity."

The shine on her thumb catches my attention again as I lock onto it while her hand brushes her hair behind her ear. She smiles and toys with it.

"I see you noticed my new trinket."

"Is that... my old wedding ring?"

"Oh! Is it? I just found it... Huh, weird. You must've been worried sick about it. I thought you left it on purpose."

I remember the last time I saw it being the night we shared together; my chest aches as the divorce drama creeps back into my mind, making my jaw twitch in both annoyance and restraint. I fought to keep my expression even and unchanged.

Lilith was wearing a charcoal gray pencil skirt and an off-white ruffle blouse with off-white heels; my ring was the only thing on her out of place...

*Why, what would you keep that for? For all this time?*

My stomach twists as that night floods my head more; hell, as the full three-day march invades my being...

"I'm so fucking sick of you!!"

"Then fucking leave! Leave! Leave, Ashure! Leave! I'm not in the mood to be doing this back and forth with you. I've been telling you for months that I'm not fucking cheating and never fucking have in all our 15 years. You just want a reason to get a divorce! Why is 'I don't love you anymore' not a good enough reason for you to leave?! Why is the drama imperative? Why do I have to be the bad guy in this story?"

I watch my wife of fifteen years--the same one that's done everything short of just signing the papers to make me hate sharing my home with her for the past two years--pacing the bedroom like I was holding her captive.

"I just want to go to brunch, Pedro."

"Then go." I shrug.

"Why are you so eager to get rid of me? Huh?"

"At this point, to preserve my sanity."

She scoffs and puts her hands on her hips.

"More like so you can sneak your little toy in as soon as you get the chance."

I grind my teeth and attempt to keep a lid on my anger, but then she does that little 'see, I knew it' thing, and I snap.

"Do you want me to fucking cheat on you? Would that make you happy?"

"Don't ask for permission now, Pedro."

I roll my eyes and rephrase the question.

"Ashure. Tell me right now. This is the last time I will ask you, so don't lie to me... Do you love me?"

She laughs; she literally starts dying like I told the best joke she's ever heard, which hurts. It cuts so deep that I focus all my brainpower on keeping a calm exterior while the burn of incoming tears eats me alive.

"Hell no! I thought that part was obvious."

I was barely breathing...

"Why I--You know what? You're right... I have plans I need to attend to for the next three days. Don't call, don't text... I'm busy."

It wasn't a complete lie; I had a gala to attend... it's just I declined the invite because I didn't want to go to a party crawling with models just to come home and argue about what I did while I was gone... but it's whatever now. Let her assume... maybe then she'll get the villain she wants and finally sign the divorce papers and free me from all the bullshit.

I catch the next flight, book a high-end hotel room, turn off my phone, and have my assistant call the gala and tell the organizers I was coming, only to waste a quarter of it fuming in the hotel for even needing to do this... to make her hate me... to be free.

I didn't want to do it... I swear.

I just wanted the press, the "Look at the bad man" headlines.

Then I meet Lilith, and my rational thinking dies... doomed to melt into obscurity as she sits on my lap and protects me from unwanted advances the entire night... only to end the night freshly fucked by a woman I just met that night, getting on a return flight home without my ring--I didn't know I lost--and claw marks down my back.

When I realized I lost my ring, I think that's when I really started regretting everything.

I tore my luggage apart for that wedding band but never could find it, which prompted all the arguing when I got back to the house.

*I didn't mean to, I didn't mean to--I take it back... please.*

"What did you do with your ring? Toss it in a river?"

"What? No?!? Look, I genuinely misplaced it. I'll find it... I'll--I'll buy ano--"

"Don't fucking bother, Pedro! This is fucking embarrassing! Are you fucking serious!?! Let me guess, you went to meet your little whore."

*Oh yeah... she actually hates me... Damn. I just gave her another reason to leave.*

"Right." My eyes sting with tears as I leave the room without another word and enter my walk-in closet, feeling rejected and unwanted and utterly fucking stupid.

I start peeling layers off, not hearing Ashure follow me in to continue berating me.

Her gasp is the only thing that solidifies my actions as real, confirming that last night was real, it happened; I fucked up.

*God, I really fucked up. Why? Why did I do it? I'm sorry.*

I peek over my shoulder with tears pouring down my cheeks to see the fresh scratches on my back, looking at her and being met with a hateful glare and annoyance.

"Who did that to you? Pedro, answer me, damn it!! Y-You really are cheating on me... you bastard."

Her words hinted at a faint disbelief and pain, but her tone?

Annoyance.

Inconvenience.

Almost a giddy "Finally" to her.

I think that's what finally chewed up my guilt and shat it out... that complete lack of betrayal in her tone. Like no matter how hard she tried to pretend brokenhearted and sad, all I could sense was distance and nonchalance.

"Does it matter who?" The words were hollow, distant, not mine despite coming from my mouth, and acid in my mouth as I continued to spit more horrid bullshit. "You have your villain... enjoy preaching your *heartbreak* to the world, and leave me the hell alone. You owe me that at least."

And that was the last "proper" conversation we ever shared. Now I'm here beside myself because the only other woman who had a taste of my love was wearing a relic of my past while smiling in my face, ready to negotiate a big upcoming photoshoot.

*What do I do?*

I feel like a crack was reforming on the mask already marred with patchwork mending.

Closing the distance between us, I don't hug her, kiss her, or caress her cheek like she probably expected; instead, I seize her wrist and pull my old ring off of her thumb, releasing her roughly while glaring at the stupid phantom thorn in my side, bleeding me dry.

I white-knuckle clench my fist around the warm paperweight and burn holes into the conference room carpet.

"Whatever you're here for, you can have it. You want to be in the photoshoot? You're on the roster. You want an appearance in the commercial? You're slotted in. Just get the fuck out of my office... get out of my building. Leave."

My tone was venomous.

My glare was sharp and averted.

I watched through the corner of my eye as she slid off the table, stood, sauntered over to me, and cupped my cheek--not to make me look at her, just holding her hand there--before kissing my throat and leaving.

Meanwhile, my heart jackhammers.

The second she's gone, I whip the ring at the glass conference wall, shattering it. Shards decorate the hall and boardroom.

Dawson is at the doorway in seconds.

"Are you okay? What happened?"

"Get it fixed..." That's all I spare him before leaving the room, chest heaving, nose burning, and one gust from curling into the fetal position and crying.

Two days burn off like tissue in a bonfire, and now? It's the photoshoot, and of course, she shows up. With Melissa.

I find myself in and out of the studio, doing my best to avoid her.

But she finds a way.

I'm not surprised.

I'm outside, puffing on a cigarette, praying the toxins will glue me together enough to make it through the day.

Lilith, a whisper in the wind, somehow joins me; unheard, she pinches my cigarette and perches on the handrail of the balcony, making my stomach lurch with worry that any sane person would feel.

"Awfully quiet lately."

**Puff.**

"Get down from the rail."

Her eyes narrow, then roll. "I'm fine as I am."

"I didn't ask." I then seize her hips and plant her firmly on the flat ground before fishing for a new cigarette.

I hold the vice stick between my lips and struggle with my lighter before growling in annoyance.

"You have a funny way of getting on my nerves."

My eyes snap to her, sharp and slowly getting more annoyed. My attention flicks to the cigarette she stole.

"Let me borrow a light."

"No."

My jaw clenches and my eyes narrow before I grip the back of her neck under her hair and yank her to me, leaning in and lighting mine with the one she stole before abruptly releasing her.

"Thank you."

It is her turn to narrow her eyes before she takes the cigarette perched between her lips, flicks it over the balcony, and grips my shirt, pulling me to her level, snatching mine... *Again*, and puffing away on it, blowing the smoke in my face.

"Ms. Greyfox, we need you now."

She spares them a hostile glare before inhaling one last time, putting the cigarette out, shoving it back between my lips, and releasing my shirt.

Walking away.

A chill takes a sprint over my skin as I struggle to stay composed, my posture still lowered like her grip was still on my neckline.

Before I swallow the surprise and struggle to light the damn thing while replaying the last five minutes.

Finishing my break, I suffer through two minutes of explaining the vibe I'm looking for for Lilith's set of photos before retreating to my temp office and disintegrating, my head hanging over the back of my chair, my arm shielding my face from the fluorescent lights.

Hiding there for half an hour.

"Hiding in your room? Is this how you treat special guests?"

"No. It's how I treat nuisances with god complexes and an addiction to power."

"Ouch." Lilith pinches my ring finger and uses her hold on my finger to remove my arm from my face. "So cold. I must've poked all the nerves."

She lowers my office chair using her foot to trigger the lever.

"What do you want?"

"Company. It's only fair."

I groan and roll my eyes, and she covers them with her cool fingers.

She uses her hold on me to pull my chair back, pressing a kiss onto my lips and making my heart crash into my ribs at Mach 20.

I take her wrist in my hand and move it off my face as she pulls away, perching on my desk. I fight to collect myself before looking at her, but I fail miserably; I know I do.

My eyes scan her once, then again.

"Another."

"Greedy."

"Lilith, I said another."

She hops off my desk and trails her hands up my chest while pushing between my legs. Both of her hands slowly snake their way into the hair hanging at the back of my neck, slowly pulling me to her before pausing mere breaths away from her lips touching mine.

Completely disengaging.

I grip her waistband and pull her to me, only to let her go instantly when a doorknob rattles.

"You don't want it bad enough, Pedro... A shame, really."

Dawson enters.

"All of the models have been photographed. Is there anything else you need from everyone?"

Lilith slips out of the room past Dawson.

"For you to fucking knock, or be fired the next time you barge in," I hiss.

If I got any angrier, I swear I would spew fire.

"Y-yes, sir." I slam into his shoulder on the way out and tail Lilith out to the group of models. She was already locked in small talk when I closed the distance between us.

She never finishes that conversation.

I throw her over my shoulder and take strides down the hall to the elevator.

"Let me down."

"No."

"God, you're insufferable!"

"Liar. If you found me so annoying, maybe your lips shouldn't be on me."

I turn to watch the door close with Melissa trying to run after us.

We descend in the elevator until we reach a darkened, unscheduled studio. I walk us in and place her down while I check the rest of the studio alone.

"What are you doing? What are we here for?"

"I'm showing you exactly 'how bad I want it.' Isn't that what you want?"

"Pedro, this is insane. What will the company think of you kidnapping me from a photoshoot? Bad enough you are still in hot water because of your damn divorce! Are you trying to drag my name t--"

"Enough! Enough with mentioning shit I can't control, mentioning what I couldn't change!!"

"You could've changed it!! You cheated on a wife that loved you for a temporary high!!"

"Stop acting like you fucking know what happened! She didn't fucking love me; she hadn't loved me for the last two years! She was just praying for a dramatic out, a villain to blame so she could feel better about herself when she gossips to her bitch posse at brunch."

I was crying, choking on tears, drowning in pain I thought I swallowed.

"I was unwanted and discarded, made a fool of. She wanted a villain, so I gave her one. Not that I actually fucking wanted to! But then you came along, sitting on my lap, touching me... even if you were using me, I was needed."

A long silence suffocated the echoey space, ruining all my resolve to entertain this cat-and-mouse I was somehow roped back into.

"I--" I interrupted her... I just didn't want to hear her. I wanted to be heard.

"That marriage was dead long before me and you even spoke... we just finally killed it." I hiccupped and swiped at my face, anger biting at the edges of my want until there was almost nothing left as I met her eyes and saw...

Shock. Regret. Guilt.

"Pedro..."

"I just want... you know what? Fuck what I want... It never fucking matters. I'm done chasing the carrot on a stick; I fucking give up. You win... I'll just take my loss and add it to all the fucking others."

I storm off, no longer in the mood for company, leaving Lilith on the darkened, unscheduled floor alone.

I ignore my door, my phone, my body as I stay shuttered in my room.

But day three, I wake to incessant banging on my bedroom door... my bedroom door.

"Who the fuck?"

I storm to the door and yank it open.

"Pedro..."

*Why am I not fucking surprised? Why are you in my house?*

"Ha! You look like shit."

*Ashure... always a pleasure to be kicked while I'm down... I don't know why I expected anyone else to have access to my house.*

"I hear that you're having your na--"

I slam and lock the door on her and march back to bed, covering my head and pretending I don't exist.

But as if she has no other purpose in life than to be a hell-born bitch, she hammers on my door on and off for hours.

Until through the door.

"Who are you? Helloooo? What are you--Ow! What are you--Ah!"

I scramble out of bed to see Lilith slamming my front door before taking one deep breath, her hand lingering on the door, her back to me.

"You should really get a no-loitering sign." I stand in shock for a beat longer. "I waited patiently; I thought she'd leave, but her voice is shrill, and I'd sooner puncture my own eardrums than continue to listen to a banshee screech."

I feel the exhaustion set in heavy on my shoulders before silently turning to re-enter my room. Lilith tiptoes into my room after me, sitting on the edge of the bed while I bury myself under the blankets.

I feel her hand brush my hair.

"I'm... I'm sorry." She falls silent, and I remain unresponsive. "You're right. I should have done my research, I should have asked, I should have bit my tongue or been a bit more sensitive when I approached it..."

I chuckle.

Lilith pinches my cheek and pulls.

"What's so funny, fossil? I'm trying to be sincere; this will be the last time I apologize for anything."

I laugh harder and sit up, gently taking her hand and pressing my lips to her knuckles.

"Hell must have frozen over. Lilith Greyfox just apologized to me without prompting. Where's my pulse? Am I dead?"

"Careful, fossil; I can still take you out." She giggles softly.

"I'd let you. I mean, honestly, that doesn't sound too terrible. At least you'd be... I don't know... nice about it?"

Lilith just scans me and leaves my room, disappearing for about twenty minutes, only to reappear in my kitchen.

Which threw me off balance.

"What are you doing?"

"Looking for your espresso machine."

I furrow my brow.

"I don't drink coffee."

"What? How the hell do you make it through the day?!"

"Energy drinks."

"EW. Battery acid. I knew dinosaurs ran on batteries."

"Not everyone is a dirt bean gremlin; if I wanted to drink burnt water, I'd ask my mom to make me soup."

Lilith's jaw drops. "My mommy could never."

I laugh a full, hearty laugh for the first time in months, doubling over the counter and sinking to my hands and knees.

"Mommy?" More breathless, side-splitting laughter. "What are you, five?"

"Oh, fuck yo--"

**Bam Bam Bang.**

"Who the hell is at my door now?"

"Ashure."

"What? Now wait, how do you know--you know what? Never mind--she wouldn't knock; she has the key."

"No, she doesn't."

"Yes, she does. That's how she got in--" I choke on my words as she dangles keys in front of her like she is looking at a carnival prize she won after cheating a rigged game.

"Someone should tell her leaving the keys in the doorknob is dangerous... someone might steal and copy 'em... or worse. Move in."

I stay glued to the tiled floor, barely breathing, heart hammering in my ears so hard it makes me dizzy.

*Move in?*

"Get off the floor, fossil, or have you gotten comfortable being on your knees in my presence?"

I was still in shock, but I gathered myself enough to stand.

"I'm no stranger to kneeling, but it's bold of you to assume you've earned that privilege."

"Why earn what I already own? What makes all of this better is that now only I own access to you."

My face falls flat slightly.

"Is that all I am? A prize?"

"No, not a prize... as you said earlier, you're a privilege. One only I have the right to."

My world felt like it was being whipped around by the feet.

I couldn't tell if I was glad or upset... I just... I just knew I wasn't fighting to be seen or heard, which, right now? Was more than enough.

"I see."

"I have dinner plans and no date. Lucky me, your schedule is so clear. Get dressed."

"Are you asking me on a date?"

"I never offered you a choice."

I scoff in disbelief before letting the silence sit, before turning to go get changed. "You're not the same brat as before..."

My back to her hid the soft smile on my face.

"That's a good thing," she states calmly. "Old Lilith wouldn't be here."

We go to dinner, and paparazzi catch us out and about, but she doesn't shy away from me; she clings, she smiles at them, or waves. And by morning, the world was buzzing with headlines focused on my fast recovery after Asher.