Sex and Crime stories

Authors' note:This story was written as an equal collaboration betweenPenny ThompsonandActingUpforLitcon 2026.

It can be enjoyed as a stand-alone story. It features Hiraya, first introduced in ourWhat the Maid Saw and Didat Litcon 2025, and Jade, featured in ActingUp's'Jade' stories.

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Ingredients list (mild spoilers):2 (petite) cups lesbian romance1 cup murder most foul1/2 cup safecracking, lasers, spy stuff1 golden erotic object of ancient providence (handle carefully)2 cosplay costumes, of dubious quality1 extremely helpful IT support professional, in love1 Australian couple with (NPC) baby

Hiraya was tired and uncharacteristically grumpy. Storms over New York had led to a missed flight connection and a five hour wait before the trans-Atlantic flight to Paris. Her luggage had gone missing at Charles de Gaulle, and she'd spent two hours waiting to fill in forms before she could even get the bus to the hotel. She was desperate for a sleep, but due on duty in just a few hours, without anything to wear. It was enough to make even the most cheerful Filipina frown.

Still, here she was in the City of Love, and being paid for it. The Paris hotel had even ponied up for putting her in a regular guest room, as well as they should. This was mostly their fault, after all.

Just the previous day, she'd been doing her regular shift, troubleshooting for a cardboard packaging and toilet paper conference that had taken over the whole hotel in Washington. Settling down panicking conference organisers, managing sponsor sensitivities, handling VIPs. The Vice President herself had arrived with a typically glitzy motorcade to open the conference and pose beaming for a few photos draped in premium triple-ply, before an alert media manager hastily maneuvered her away to stand next to a giant cardboard cut-out of the corporate mascot, some kind of cartoon beaver. Apparently it was a celebration of the grand tradition of forestry products.

Sometimes she wished that she was back in her old job as a hotel cleaner, and not in guest services. It was occasionally gross, but it was uncomplicated: clean an unreasonable number of rooms efficiently, and get paid as little as the hotel could get away with. Not that the Grand Hotel was the worst by any means, of course. They didn't screw their workers, and the managers were quite nice, especially to staff that they deemed as having high potential. Including, for some reason, Hiraya, who had apparently consistently impressed her managers with her ability to calmly deal with conference folk.

Anyway, Anna, her boss, had rushed up to her straight after the Vice-Presidential beaver photo, a strange look on her face.

"Hiraya, you did that erotica conference last year, didn't you?" she'd asked. "With all the weirdos?"

Hiraya had giggled. "Actually, some of them were quite nice," she'd said. "And I learned a bit, I have to say." Her face had turned a little red as she'd tried to push some conference memories away. They wereparticularlyvivid memories, but she couldn't let on just how um,interactivelyshe'd helped with the conference troubleshooting.

Anna had been barely listening anyway. "Right, well, the same conference is happening at our sister hotel in Paris, starting in two days, but because of the time difference, it's kind of tomorrow. And the organizers aren't happy with our Paris colleagues. They say the hotel is nowhere near ready and there aren't enough English-speaking staff, and they are making all sorts of demands about continuity with last year's conference. Fuck knows why they chose to hold a conference in Paris but want English-speaking staff, but anyway one of the organizers has asked that you be sent across to help: apparently you made an impression. We'll do it as a goodwill gesture: we want their business next year. We'll pay for an economy ticket and your salary, and the Paris hotel will give you a regular room and board. Will you do it?

"Sure, but I don't speak much French."

"I'm afraid that's their problem. I guess you'll be dealing with the English speakers. Thanks. I'll let them know."

And so here Hiraya was, exhausted but expected to somehow make everything right for everybody. Well, at least she'd been given a couple of days off at the end of the event before she had to catch the flight back.

She hopped off the bus, narrowly avoiding stepping in some dog poop that had just been left on the sidewalk, and made her way into the hotel. Mercifully, the hospitality manager was there, spoke English, was glad to see her, and immediately found her a uniform, some pajamas and her room to rest in, while apologizing profusely for the situation. As far as she was concerned, everything was fine and the conference organizers were just being unreasonable in demanding more staff, but they were making enough profit from the event to indulge their client's whims.

—

Five hours later, she was feeling much better, after a quick nap, a shower, and breakfast. She was put to work as a wandering troubleshooter, wandering the exhibits and workshop rooms during the final phases of the set up, talking to harried sponsors and organizers, and generally smoothing the bruised egos and minor conflicts that seemed to spring up around events like this. Hiraya's friendly personality, air of innocence, and genuine helpfulness seemed to be particularly good at settling things down.

She quickly realized that the local conference manager was right. The main issues were coming from a small number of people who didn't like France, didn't 'get' Paris, and just wanted to complain loudly to somebody who spoke American English. For these people, she just put on her sympathetic smile and made a big show of 'negotiating' solutions that the locals had already put in place.

Fortunately, the great majority of people were absolutely fine, and there really was very little for Hiraya to actually do, which was just as well given her lack of French. By Friday evening, it seemed like everything had been sorted out. There was a soirée to open the conference, but she wasn't really needed and she was dog-tired again, so she gratefully slipped off for a long and peaceful sleep.

---

She was awake bright and early on Saturday, well rested. A text message during the night had indicated that her luggage would be delivered before 8 am, and she decided to have breakfast in her room while she waited. It was a bit awkward being a guest at the hotel that she was theoretically working at, and she thought she'd better avoid the breakfast room downstairs. She had a look through the conference program while she was eating, seeing with a pleasant shock that two friends of hers, Scout and Jeremy, were running a workshop in the afternoon. It had been them more than anybody who had helped blow Hiraya's mind the previous year.

Of course - Scout won a prize last year and has been invited back. Hopefully I can attend. And um, maybe, um, more.

The luggage arrived as promised, and she managed to have a shower and make herself presentable in time to start work. The morning plenary program looked a bit dull, and Hiraya decided that she would be best used by making sure that the exhibitors and sponsors were all happy, and by checking all the workshop and 'special' rooms. All chains and whips accounted for, fresh linen on the participative beds, and so on. She was kind of shocked at how blasé she was about it compared to last year.

Everything seemed pretty much in order. The trade exhibitors were looking bored, some of them mindlessly fiddling with their sex toys while others seemed to be discussing football results. Everybody seemed to be in the morning plenary - the all-in session in the main hall. There were shrieks of laughter coming from inside, which was a bit odd. She did one more circuit of the workshop rooms, but there was absolutely nothing for her to do. The French had things totally under control.

There was a bit of excited chatter as some people came out of the first talk in the plenary to duck to the bathroom before the next session. For a moment Hiraya toyed with the idea of just going in to sit in the audience for the next talk, but she decided to do the 'right' thing and to keep looking for any trouble to shoot.

And so it was that, walking past one of the more expensive rooms on an upper floor, she noticed that the door had been left slightly ajar, which was unusual. She hesitated... was this anything to worry about? It certainly wasn't reportable as a security incident: at least, not yet. She gave a gentle tap on the door, and called out"femme de chambre", which she had heard the housekeepers calling on another floor. All seemed quiet.

Still, perhaps I should look?

She opened the door and peeked in: still nothing. She moved inside, into a small corridor that opened out into the main suite. There was something odd about the lighting there...

Suddenly, there was movement behind her and a soft hand clamped itself over her mouth, while another hand pressed a hard plastic object into her side.

"Don't move, I've got a taser!" a voice hissed in her ear in an unmistakable Australian accent. Followed a moment later by an "Oh crap, I don't speak French. Non movemento? J'ai un... Zap zap?"

Hiraya had had the fright of her life and had frozen solid, but as she processed what had just been said and the feel of the object at her side, she was suddenly stifling a giggle. The hand over her mouth relaxed, as if sensing that Hiraya wasn't about to scream.

"I have no idea what that is in French," she whispered back. "Can you do Talagog? Also... that's not a taser, I know what a hotel television remote control feels like, I've cleaned enough of them!"

"You're... Filipina?"

"Yes. And American," answered Haraya.

"I'm sorry aboutthat. But I guess that wasn't your choice." The woman relaxed her grip on Hiraya and the remote down on the low console next to the doorway. "You're not in danger from me, but I don't want you to stumble across the beam alarms," she said.

Hiraya peered into the room, looking for gritty red lasers like a Mission Impossible movie. "I don't see anything," she said uncertainly.

"You wouldn't see... Never mind. Trust me that they're there. I'm just working out how to get past them."

"Why," Hiraya whispered, intrigued. "Why do you have to get past them?"

"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you," the woman said, and then giggled softly as Hiraya tensed up.

"Sorry," she said. "I've always wanted to say that."

Now Hiraya was getting irritated. "Cut to the chase," she whispered. "I'm not in danger from you? Fine. Convince me why I should not be immediately calling hotel security."

"Okay," whispered the woman. "Let's start again." She released Hiraya completely and stepped back toward the door, Hiraya turning to face her.

In the dim light, Hiraya saw a slim, poised young woman, probably in her 20s. She had a beautiful face, light gold skin and almond-shaped eyes probably reflecting a mixed heritage: Hiraya would guessed from Laos, Cambodia or Vietnam. South-east Asian, anyway, with some Caucasian mixed in. Not that that was particularly important, of course. Her hair was in a jet-black pixie cut. She was wearing semi-formal conference wear in various shades of black: a buttoned cotton blouse, linen pants, practical soft-soled shoes in a popular European brand, and black pearls in her ears. The total effect was professional and charming. Hiraya saw a conference lanyard around the woman's neck, but it had been tucked under her blouse.

"Call me Jade," the woman said. "Vietnamese Australian, in case you're wondering how Asian Ireallyam with this accent. I'm here with friends of mine. Last night they told me something interesting, and because I have certain... skills, I volunteered to investigate further."

Hiraya introduced herself. "I've been seconded here from my hotel in Washington. Apparently I also have certain... skills. For troubleshooting at erotic conferences. What did they tell you?"

"Well, they were offered something for sale, at a rather large price. There are potential issues of authenticity and legal ownership. They're not above dealing in interesting art objects with dodgy people, but they still want to know as much as they can before they deal."

"I see. Including breaking into hotel rooms as part of the investigation?"

Jade shrugged. "I freely acknowledge some moral ambiguity here. But it's in the hotel's interest to be across this as well. The object we might be dealing with has an interesting past, but it could also be a potentially powerful disrupter to the smooth operation of this conference. Bodily fluids all over the place, and not necessarily the fun ones. Corpses tumbling out of closets. Poor reviews on social media. That kind of thing. Perhaps you could join my investigation on that somewhat sketchy basis? I could throw in a free set of steak knives and some basic safecracking tuition if you're interested?"

"Steak knives?" asked Hiraya, confused.

"Infomericials, don't you have them in the States? Buy this BBQ, get a free house thrown in, all for a snip at two million, nine hundred and ninety nine thousand dollars plus postage fees, broken up into a thousand easy installments. Terms and conditions apply."

"My family didn't have cable TV, but okay, I get it. Um, I guess there's no harm in a quick look, is there?" said Hiraya.

"Trust me, things hardly ever go wrong at this point", said Jade confidently. "For more details, read my previous stories."

"Do you know where the room occupant is?" asked Hiraya, trying to instill order into Jade's narrative.

"Sitting in the plenary session, being watched by my associates. I'll get a text if they leave. The first talk was hilarious: there was a proposal!"

"I thought it was about adultery and divorce? Since when does that have romance in it?"

"There was a switch: I'll tell you later. Cute couple though."

As she spoke, Jade was fishing in her pockets, pulling out a small toolbag and setting it on the console next to the remote-cum-taser. Then she pulled out her phone, opened some kind of photography app, and started adjusting the settings.

"The room's occupants brought a portable laser security grid with them. Some of the beams are obvious, but others are harder. However, if you tweak a digital camera's sensor just so..."

She leaned back to allow Hiraya to look at the phone screen. It showed the hotel suite in greyscale, and revealed a series of faint beams of light criss-crossing the room. Looking back at the room with her own eyes, Hiraya now noticed some small, black plastic objects in the same spots, barely larger than a lipstick.

"Wait here, don't move," Jade said, taking her toolcase, and then flattened herself on the floor and crawled into the room. Hiraya watched with fascination as Jade made her way around the room like it was an invisible obstacle course. Ducking here, arching her back there, raising her tight athletic bottom into a Downward Dog. Hiraya started to wonder how much of Jade's performance was necessary and how much was showing off, but she was enjoying it either way.

"It's not the most reliable security set-up," Jade muttered as she systematically snuck up to each beam and disabled it. "A simple passive IR motion detector would have been harder to get past. But these art collector types, they always seem to go for the more theatrical option."

Finally, she was done. "Okay, all clear," she called. "Come and join me."

She was kneeling in front of the room safe, which was on one side of a living room area in the large suite. Hiraya could see that it was a better-than-average room safe, similar to what they furnished the expensive suites with at her own hotel.

"Can you open that?" she asked curiously, wondering if she would need to call the hotel manager to do it.

"Is the Pope Catholic?" Jade snarked as she examined the safe's key pad. "Don't answer that, you're Filipina. The next Pope will probably be a relative of yours."

"Well, we do have links to a few bishops in the family. Although none of them are officially acknowledged despite the DNA tests... never mind."

Hiraya trailed off: the safe door was already swinging open. Jade made a professionally satisfied sound, and reached inside to retrieve a parcel with her black-gloved fingers, raising her eyebrows at the weight of it. It was a soft, aged black leather box, about the size of a hand, tied with what looked to be a white silk ribbon.

Jade put the box on a nearby table and waved Hiraya to a chair. Together, they bent forward as Jade undid the ribbon and lifted the lid.

They both sucked in their breath. Inside, resting on a fine velvet cushion, was a bright gold amulet. It was round, big as a satsuma, decorated with fine etchings in mysterious, flowing lines. Flat like a river stone in its form, but with a mushroom-shaped void inside. A black leather cord was fastened to the top, suggesting that it was meant to be worn as a necklace.

"Alingling-o!" said Hiraya, surprised. "My auntie has one. But not like this..."

"A lingling-what?" asked Jade. "My associates were simply told that it was an ancient erotic talisman of great power."

Hiraya bent down, inspecting the object carefully, then took a tissue from a nearby box to lift it out from the box, weighing it and lifting it to her eyes..

"You can probably judge better than me whether it's solid gold or not," she said eventually, and passed it to Jade. "We've got enough bathtubs here to imitate Archimedes with, anyway. And maybe we can work out a test to see if it's got great erotic power, considering where we are. But it really looks like the real thing to me, as far as I can tell."

"A real what exactly? Sorry, if it's not been on the Antiques Roadshow, I struggle sometimes," said Jade.

"I'm no expert, I just know a little bit from listening to my Auntie Diwa. She's into pre-Christian Filipino history and culture. Lingling-o are like... Fertility objects. The round outside is like the womb. The shape inside is a man's, um, you-know-what," said Hiraya, blushing a little. "It's meant to be the masculine and feminine together. It's erotic, yes, but it's also like a protective charm. This could be thousands of years old. I think you have them in Vietnam too, but I'm not sure about Australia."

"Australian men and women don't seem to think they need erotic assistance," said Jade, "Although user experience varies, if I'm any judge. It could well be Vietnamese too, but my own cultural education is a bit lacking. I have a deep well of mixed-race baggage, by the way: don't get me started."

Further conversation was interrupted by a quiet buzz on Jade's wrist. She flicked her eyes down to her watch, which was displaying some scrolling text, and then she hissed and sprang into action.

"Put this on, stuff it under your blouse, and meet me at the door!" she said urgently, thrusting the amulet at Hiraya. She grabbed a heavy glass ashtray from a nearby table, put it in the now-empty box, closed and re-tied it and shoved it back into the safe, closing it quickly. She dashed over to one of the motion sensors, bent down for a few seconds to turn it on, and then bent and executed a simple sideways roll to spin under the beam.