Standing in for Dad

Backtracking a bit:

As planned, we had booked the Civic center as a command and control nexus for security as well as housing the dignitaries and their multitude of small security forces from each of the NATO member countries plus Russia and China at local motels.

Cheech and Chong coordinated all the security assets for the motels, festival sites, and grounds while our SEALs, along with our Marine contingent from the Mexican war, handled the security for the castle and surrounding area. No instances of any issues from dignitary clashes came to my attention during the week of the wedding so evidently the boys kept a lid on everything.

I had visited the summer festival two different times (It was a huge event covering 150 acres). The second time around, when I had Sylvia, Sue, Xi, Cathy, DD, Leesie, and Barbara with me was when we saw the greased pig chase, and the women laughed so hard they were all crying. It was freaking hilarious! The huge influx of foreign dignitaries and their entourages lost it as well.

I fully expected another 'Frog race of Calaveras County' write up by Mark Twain on the pig chase showing up all over Europe.

I also, with my women's vocal encouragement, entered into the daily milk cow judging contest held by the local FFA chapter. DD chimed in, "Harry, with you being such a connoisseur of women's breasts, judging cow teats should be a no brainier!" My women thought that was just hilarious.

I actually came in second to a local 14 year old.

Later that day when we were awarded, all the busty women of my entourage gathered around the boy and flashed a lot of skin and decolletage for the cameras. That kid was in breast heaven, let me tell you. He made a point of body hugging every one of the ladies, putting his face between their boobs, and there was no way he didn't have a healthy reaction. He kept it to himself, though. The girls loved it and the parents were laughing their asses off.

In fact, dad stated, "Now I am pissed I didn't enter and win! Well, my ladies took that as their cue and plastered their tits around the dad's face as well. Mom was still amused, knowing she was getting laid later. Being well endowed herself she knew her man well enough to know he was headed back home with her soon for an 'afternoon delight'.

All the accommodation plans went flawlessly. The boys, knowing who was out of sorts with whom, kept those factions from being close together for any length of time by redirecting groups at the fair and around town. Even segregating them with transportation and lodging.

Sylvia, of course, stayed with us, along with Trix, Debah, and Hulk.

I did enjoy one really good joke the boys pulled on the Canadian PM. Cheech hacked the Prime Minister's scheduling computer and changed his plans for visiting one of the more remote provinces for a week to a 5-day long excursion to the weddings. Even going so far as to mislabel the itinerary.

I got our embedded reporters together and gave them a heads up. "Fellas, the Canadian P.M. has no idea his plane has been diverted here for the weddings. It is payback for insults he gave to the family when we visited on a diplomatic mission as a protest against our freeing of Mexico from the Cartels. His wife is back in Toronto and he has his 'very' personal secretary with him for what he thinks is a week long vacation in one of his remote provinces."

"I know I said no embarrassing the diplomats; but this one is an exception. Consider him red meat."

The two lead reporters grinned, "We got your back, Harry. Full court press it is."

0o0

To say the Prime Minister was a bit surprised as he stepped out of his plane, which landed on the Craigg's private airfield, was a distinct understatement. The boys even made sure to have full, live, internationally broadcast press coverage and specifically let me know to be there to greet him.

I was smiling from ear to ear the whole time, killing the Prime Minister with kindness in front of the live camera feeds, treating the whole thing as a question and answer time with the Canadian Prime Minister... even going with him to his hotel to 'tuck him in'.

Reporter: "Prime Minister, does your attendance here at the weddings indicate a change in Canada's stance against those who do violence?"

PM: "There are political differences between Ambassador Walker and the Canadian government, for sure. But the political opportunities presented by all the attendees is not something to be lightly tossed aside."

Reporter: obviously enjoying the PM's unease, "We noted your absence at King Harold's funeral when there were a lot of NATO attendees, why is this different?"

PM: "Yes, well, there were important things that prevented me from attending his funeral, much to my regret. It is my hope, when I speak with Queen Sylvia, she will accept my apologies."

Reporter: "Prime Minister, It is rumored you were expecting to land in one of your provinces on an extended visit and vacation rather than attend the weddings. Would you care to comment on how you ended up here instead?"

PM: "My most sincere apologies," he spoke with a forced smile, "You seem to be badly mistaken. Where did you ever hear such a thing?"

The PM didn't wait for an answer and quickly ducked into the provided transportation with his personal secretary who was dressed very sensual/casual. As expected, his wife was notably not on the plane.

A reporter spoke into the closing door, "Prime Minister, are you having marital difficulties? Does that explain you coming to the wedding with your mistress rather than your wife?"

I entered the transport with Sylvia and two security bots, "I apologize for those reporters. The things they will ask in such accusatory ways just to get clicks on their blogs is just absurd."

The PM responded, "Why and how did you circumvent my vacation to bring me here and create such a fiasco? You know this is paramount to kidnapping a head of state!"

I laughed, "Well, after your Question and answer time in front of a live television audience, it is going to be difficult to make that assertion. As for why, you insulted me, my family, and my staff so my people thought it would be humorous. I must admit, when I found out about it I laughed my ass off."

The PM acted as if I didn't answer and looked to Queen Sylvia, "I was most disappointed at not being invited to King Harold's funeral. Might I inquire as to why that occurred?"

Sylvia just laughed, "Because you are a pompous ass and I had no no patience for nor need to enable your pettiness in a time of grief."

The PM's personal secretary harrumphed, "It seems the civility of the Norwegian noble house has diminished since the King's passing."

Sylvia smiled, "Even so, my station is still a tall mountain climb from being a sycophantic whore of a second-rate country's head moron with obvious inferiority issues."

The secretary tensed to launch herself at Sylvia. Both bots quickly shifted their positions and I lifted a finger into the air, "Ma'am, I am sure you saw the video of me vaporizing that apple when I was jilted by your lover during my recent visit to Canada. I suggest you visualize your head as an apple if you decide to follow through with your obvious intent."

She paled and quickly sat her snappy happy ass back down. "You would cause an international incident if you did."

"Yeah, like that obviously bothers me. I already absconded with the Mexican President's wife right out from under his nose, took out Mexico and sunk half of the Russian Navy. Not to mention several other assassination operations of which you may be unaware. Taking you out for physically attacking a visiting monarch in my presence wouldn't even register on the bull shit happens meter."

I looked to the PM and smiled, "As for your situation, it has been broadcast world wide now so you can either stay and enjoy the festivities now that we have gotten our hostilities out of the way or you can leave as soon as your jet can be readied for takeoff. Your four days of food and lodging at one of the nicer local hotels in the city are paid for if you decide to attempt to make the most of your situation. It is not often all of NATO's political leaders are gathered in one place."

"My security is not here."

One of the bots spoke up, "Mr. Prime Minister, M'Lady, I am more security than a small army. I will keep you both safe."

The PM raised an eyebrow, "And who are you?"

"I am an artificially intelligent security robot with," he opened and deployed his arm lasers, "enough firepower to take out a tank brigade and am in constant contact with the event's digital security infrastructure that includes weaponized drones, advanced stealth attack helicopters, F-35s, F-16 EX's, and several multi-purpose missile and laser defense sites along with undercover operatives including a whole, strategically placed, sniper network."

He retracted his lasers, "I am bullet proof up to and including 30 caliber projectiles and am a grand master of all martial arts with faster than humanly possible reflexes and strength. I have a 50-year energy life, and I am also fluent in all the world's languages and can act as an interpreter for your interactions with others."

The PM nodded, obviously impressed, "But can you be discrete?"

The security bot nodded politely, "I can."

The PM then looked to me and nodded, "Thank you for the accommodations and security. But, no more pranks or press, please."

"Done!" I smirked.

0o0

When the delegation of the Russian President arrived at the Craigg Castle, the boys let me know and I met them at the plane just as I did the Canadians. This time the press were told to behave since they had already had a serious beat down. I figured an olive branch might be a better ploy. Again, two of the security bots joined me.

As he walked off the plane, I extended my hand, "Hello, Mr. President. We are so overjoyed you decided to come for the weddings!"

He quietly responded in passable English with a heavy Slavic accent so the press would not hear, "Yes, well, after the recent catastrophe, it was decided a personal visit to test the waters was appropriate and this was the perfect cover."

Reporter: Mr. President, do you have any words for the world today?"

"Yes, I do. We are here to promote peace and understanding with the United States and NATO. We are hoping our gesture will be well received."

Reporter: "Ambassador Walker, do you have authority to speak to that today?"

"I wish to convey to the President that we and NATO would love a cessation of all hostilities and have open trade with the Russian government and people. It is time to put the past to rest and look to a mutually beneficial future."

When we entered the converted armored transportation and sat down facing each other, the President asked, "Can I confirm it was your people and not the United States itself who exploded our land based nuclear rockets while still in their silos?"

"Yes, it was my people. We thought it was an appropriate response to your government's attempt to sink the Embassy Afloat. Those primarily responsible for the attack in Washington have been eliminated. We are sincerely hoping no more escalation or responses will become necessary. Also, we have no intention of running anyone's country but we will vigorously defend family. As long as the extended family is safe, we have no issues."

The Russian President looked me in the eye and asked, "And what about our nuclear arsenal?"

"My people own all the nuclear arsenals around the world. Nuclear war is now forever off the table. Traditional forces are none of our concern. We only require national borders remain stable and if there is a need for something like warm water port access or territorial disputes, we will be happy to help negotiate terms."

"What if we want to expand our borders?"

"War will not be tolerated. Rigged voting will not be allowed as a justification for national expansion, but we would be happy to act as mediator for land purchases or treaties."

"Purchasing disputed or needed territory is not our preferred method of expansion."

"Yeah, well, trust me when I say war would be even more expensive for you."

"By the way, my associate here, by the name of Ivan, will be your security liaison while you are here."

The President nodded to his Spetsnaz companion, "He is all the security I need."

Ivan responded, "He is not connected to the intelligence or security web we have created for this event to include personnel identification, threat assessment, air support, ground support, and local cultural support. I am. Plus, I am better at everything." He looked at the hulking Spetsnaz person, "No offense meant, just stating facts."

The Russian security officer looked at Ivan and snickered, "Care to test your reflexes?"

Ivan just laughed, "Give it your best shot, no holds barred."

Without blinking an eye, the Spetsnaz officer pulled and threw a knife at Ivan's chest from 6 feet away. Ivan moved and caught the blade as it left his hand.

"I believe you may have dropped this." Ivan said as he handed the knife, hilt first, back to the security officer. "Care to try again? I promise not to catch it this time."

The security officer threw it again, without preamble, and Ivan let it hit his chest. It hit so hard it bounced back into the officer's lap with a curled tip.

"I am so sorry, please accept this as a replacement for your fine knife I ruined."

Ivan held out a 12-inch tactical knife in a forearm sheath, "This blade is made from 10,000 compressed layers of graphene scrim infused with Aluminum, Boron, Magnesium and Titanium Boride. It is sharpened to a razor's edge and can only be sharpened with diamond or laser.

The knife is perfectly balanced, and the finger groove grip is para cord wrapped around an ergonomic handle. The metal goes fully through the handle; forming a throwing ring at the end."

Ivan handed the blade to the security officer who took it, inspected it, tossed it in the air a few times, and shaved his arm hair with it. The double edged tip, reverse tanto pointed knife was a dull carbon color with almost microscopic gold lines from the layers of the substrate.

The back of the knife sported a fence cutting, short, and offset fingered edge with the fingers separated by a long cut down the center of the back forming two lines of prongs whose flat tips were level with the top of the knife.

Each line of fingers arced in opposing directions with hollow ground, sharpened edges facing each other across the cut, and were spaced so a strand of fencing could be wedged between them and the knife twisted back and forth to cut the fence.

The flat tops of the fence cutting fingers doubled as a fish scraper.

The face of the blade featured blood channels. The heft of the knife was just enough to achieve good penetration when thrown but not so heavy as to be difficult to handle or carry.

"This is a good knife. I accept it, thank you." He nodded his appreciation to Ivan and immediately belted the sheathed knife to his left forearm.

The security officer then asked, "What is your martial arts specialty?"

"I am a grand master of all forms of martial arts including Jeet Kune Do."

"Other armaments?"

Ivan popped up his forearm lasers, "These can cut a heavy battle tank in two within seconds."

The security officer raised an eyebrow, "What else?"

"Impervious to 30 mm anti-tank rounds, the strength of 500 men, faster reflexes than humanly possible, hearing greatly enhanced, and selective vision from beyond ultra violet to microwave."

The security officer then looked at the President and nodded. The President responded, "We will accept his assistance. Thank you."

"However, we require control of our nuclear arsenal be returned to us."

"Sorry, we do not trust you enough for that. Your country's history of threats and abuse and uncaring attitude towards the sanctity of human life doesn't lend itself to us trusting you with earth killing bombs. That is not negotiable."

"You realize we will develop an artificial intelligence to circumvent your control."

I smiled, "I realize you will try. I have no issue with such attempts. Just don't go killing off your best minds because they fail."

The president scoffed, "You reek of American smug superiority complex."

I shrugged, "Oh, I am worse. Even the Americans are scared of me. We had to eliminate the entire group of Joint Chiefs and others who planned the assault with you and we did it while they were in their most secure bunker with no one the wiser until after it was all over."

I looked the President in the eye, "As I said, family is off limits. This time it was just a warning. Things get more severe from here and neither the United States nor Soviet governments would survive another attempt."

"You are not the ruler of the world!"

"Oh hell no! I don't want to rule shit! You can have it! I am just saying there are limits to aggression which I will not tolerate and am fully capable of enforcing whether you like it or not. I truly could not care less which way that goes. If you try me, you pay the price. Leave me and mine alone and don't invade other countries and I will reciprocate. Simple, concise, and absolute."

"And still unacceptable."

"Don't care if it is or isn't. Frankly, I would be surprised if it was." I shrugged and smiled, "I hope you enjoy your time with us, Mr. President."

0o0

Meetings with each head of state went similarly. The non-nuclear countries praised my taking control of the nukes and the nuclear countries vehemently opposed. All of them realized they had no say in the matter... which probably influenced the non-nuclear countries' approach.

Regardless, all the leaders, including the big boys, were playing nice.

Until they weren't.

0o0

The family was all at the fair early one morning, including Xi and Sue. The Nurse was in the baby's bedroom, watching over him while he slept. Everything was peaceful and quiet.

All of a sudden, a group of Russian special operators burst into the room. The first one in saw the maid and zapped her with a high voltage stun gun and the second one moved to grab the baby. The nurse went down hard, flopping on the floor.

*No! They can't have the baby! It is innocent!* she thought to herself, being unable to speak or shout for help.

As soon as the operative lifted the baby off of the crib mat a silent alarm went straight to the security room of the castle, the crib having a hidden security button that turned off said pressure switch/alarm. An operator wasted no time. She instantly got on the encrypted house communication's frequency, "Code RED! Baby's bedroom! All units, lock down all entrances and exits and conduct a comprehensive building sweep!"

In a matter of 60 seconds from the time the alarm was set off, every entrance and exit to the castle was shut down by armed Marines. The overhead air cover, from the patrolling Embassy helicopters, immediately spotted a transport helicopter taking off from the Craigg airport that was headed straight for the castle.

One of the Apache-like helicopters radioed, "Helicopter flying towards the castle, you are entering highly restricted airspace and will be shot down before you reach your objective. You have one chance to exit the area before we open fire!"

"Negative! We are a diplomatic transport and have immunity!"

"Not here you don't! Knocking you down in 3, 2, 1... "

The helicopter ignored the warning and one of the cover helicopters released a proprietary missile which exploded over the top of the transport, knocking the helicopter out of the sky by covering its main rotor with a tungsten and carbon fiber net.

The transport still had enough lift to land without crashing, barely. Within a minute, the transport was surrounded, and the uninjured pilot was taken, under guard, to a secured underground medical facility for evaluation before being transported to the castle.