The Way Back Home

The Way Back Home, Part 2: Crying

By Henry Jekyll

I accept all comments, including negative ones, even insulting ones, whether posted by an anonymous person or someone with a Literotica account. I have never deleted a comment and I've been doing this a long time. If you post a comment via your Literotica account, I will try to reply directly via Lit's email. Sometimes real life gets in the way and it takes a while.

Following my theory that sex can be the curse of sex stories, you'll have to use a magnifying glass to find sex in here. Just saying.

Many thanks to my wonderful editor, Bruce1971. And also to my beta readers who have given me fabulous advice and improved the story far beyond the power of your humble author: NickTee, Stev2244, Cagivagurl, Hooked1957, and Blackrandl1958! These folks have all written some fine stories. If you're looking for good stuff here, I strongly recommend them.

*****

I was all right, for a while,

I could smile for a while.

But I saw you last night,

You held my hand so tight,

When you stopped to say 'hello.'

I saw Adrienne, but it wasn't happenstance and she didn't hold my hand. It was months after our split and she just appeared at my door. Other than that, Roy pretty much nailed it.

When I left her I thought I'd be gone a day, maybe two, and I might have returned if I hadn't re-read her last text message, the one that ended with "I love you" and this: ❤️.

The day after you'd spent your time hiding away in Luke's place, in his arms, doing whatever you weren't doing with me and then lying to me about it.

So, no, I didn't go back the next day or the next or the next. I'd re-read the message and delay again.

Adrienne had tried to call, of course, but there was nothing to talk about. She left texts and voicemails saying she loved me and she wanted to explain, and to please let her explain. They were all variations on a theme and they got to be repetitive. She loved me.Of course she did.And she hadn't slept with Luke.Right.She was oh-so-sorry she'd hurt me, but if I'd only give her a chance to explain, we could work things out. She didn't want to leave me, or me to leave her. The meetings with Lucas had been a terrible mistake. She could explain everything. We'd laugh at how innocent everything had been. Please believe her. She'd hurt me and wanted to explain everything and to please give her a chance to explain. Over and again. It was everything anyone would expect.

Everything except telling me what she'dactuallydone with Luke in their secret time together. Maybe something like "I'm sorry I've been fucking him, Benji." It's hard to comprehend how much better that would have been than what I got. Yeah, a breath of fresh air.

She finally gave up. Her messages trailed off and she sent me one that said she'd leave for a while to give me some space. I could go home, to the house that had been our home. There, she'd left a hand-written note on the dining room table that said essentially the same thing.

What about me? I was a big disappointment as a Stoic.

That led to another long conversation with Marcus Aurelius and a deep dive into the "Meditations," which reminded me of what I already knew, including that I couldn't just ghost Adrienne. Be honorable. Let her talk. Consider the path going forward. So, I sent a text where I apologized for leaving her hanging and asked her to choose a day, time, and place. She didn't reply for two days, and when she did, all she wrote was:

"Forget it. It doesn't matter. You'll never believe anything I say anyway. Just file and get it over with!"

Was she serious or just upset? I tried calling, but she'd already blocked my phone. She'd taken the matter out of my hands, everything except filing herself. She might ask for court-ordered counseling, which would be a last opportunity to talk.

I went by a colleague's office to prepare the paperwork. Because we were part of the system, we could expedite things, and the actual forms were ready almost right away. The process server went to her parents' house, which is when we found she had moved into Luke's condo.

Of course.

It went breathtakingly fast. Adrienne signed the forms as soon as she got them. She didn't ask for counseling. She didn't contest anything. She accepted the proposed split of our estate. I kept the house and she got most of our savings. We didn't even have a court appearance, so we were officially divorced two months after I filed.

A month later, Adrienne married Luke.

*****

It was several more months before Adrienne came to my door.

I've heard a vampire can't enter your house unless you invite her in, but though I kept her out on the porch it didn't matter. How long had it been? I wasn't counting the days but it was long enough that I'd been working to put my life back together and -- yes -- I was all right for a while. I could smile for a while. Roy was right about those things. I didn't think about Adrienne every minute. When I opened the door and saw her, I couldn't even decide how to greet her and finally said:

"Hi."

"Hello, Ben."

"I'm sorry, but what do you want?"

"I thought we could talk."

So said the woman who'd left me to go back to her number one, to her "Lucas," who had refused to talk, who had basically ordered a divorce, and who then could hardly wait for the process to finish before marrying him.

"Why now? We could have talked before."

"I miss you." She shuffled her feet. "And you always had good advice and good insights."

Not good enough to keep you.

"I don't understand. You 'miss' me?" I ran my hands through my hair. "Well..." And I was lost for words, truly lost, and it was up to Adrienne to fill in the silence.

"Yes I do. I miss you. And I thought we might talk about... things."

"Addie! What are you doing here?" I raised my hands, palms out toward her. "We're divorced. I'm your ex. You've remarried. Talking is what a husband is for."

"We're always fighting."

"Couples often do. We fought."

"It's all the time."

"Stop it, Adrienne! Don't do this. Work with your husband on those things."

"I thought I could talk with you."

"Do you know how bizarre that sounds? You hooked up with your ex-boyfriend when you were married to me. Crap! Now you're coming to me when you're married to Luke. I bet Luke doesn't know you're here, does he?"

She shook her head.

"Of course not. Behindhisback, too. Well, I won't play that kind of game."

"I don't know who else to talk to. I don't know. There are things, sensitive things. It's hard, Ben. There are sexual things."

Could anything she brought up be stranger than that?Have you fallen down the rabbit hole?

"Just stop right there! I certainly don't want to hear about your sex life. Jesus!"

"I don't know what to do. Lucas wants to do things. Things like threesomes."

"Jesus Christ Almighty, Addie! Don't! Just don't. Couples often disagree about sex. You discuss it, the two of you. Or you argue about it. Maybe get advise from your girlfriends. You make your compromises. If that doesn't work, you get a counselor. What youneverdo is bring it to you ex!"

"But I don't know what to do!"

"Go talk with yourhusband!That's what you do. Start the process. Don't bring something like that to me." I had to end the conversation. "Please leave now. And Addie? Don't youevercome back here. Never again."

I closed the door on her. I had no idea what she'd hoped to accomplish.

*****

But she did. Come back, I mean.

I don't know how much Adrienne talked with Luke, but though I was through with her she wasn't through with me. She came back, but oh it was different! It almost wasn't Adrienne at the door the next time, or not all of her, and I didn't have a choice. Ihadto take her in.

I was in my office when she knocked, just a little knock that I could hardly hear, something tiny and quiet, more like a tap than a knock. I'm not certain how I heard it at all. I came out into my unlighted living room and I heard her voice through the door. Adrienne's voice. "Ben. Help me." She sounded desperate, like she was crying but also drunk or breathless or I don't know what. Not like hyperventilating. More like she almost wasn't there.

I opened the door, and she must have been leaning against it, because when I did she collapsed against me and would have fallen to the floor if I hadn't caught her. Her legs didn't support her, nor did her arms. She didn't even try to hold onto me. She was like a sack of something that was so loose it was hard to grip.

"Hold me, Addie. Can you hold me?"

No she couldn't. I tried not to let her slide all the way down. I pulled her toward the couch.

"I'm sorry." She was whimpering.

Sorry for -- what? For everything?

"Okay. Try to stand. Can you walk?"

No, she couldn't walk. I managed to pull her up enough to lean on me, so I could walk her, while she mumbled something.

"It was my fault."

"I know. Here. Can you sit?"

No, or just barely, half folded over on the couch. I turned on the floor lamp.

"I started it."

The lamp, though, brought her face out of the shadows and changed the scene.

"My God, Addie! What happened?"

One eyebrow was cut. There was a bloody abrasion on her cheek, what looked like a developing bruise on her cheekbone, and her lip was split. That wasn't all. There were two half-dried trickles of blood, one from her left eyebrow to her eye, the other meandering from lip to chin. She seemed to be having trouble focusing her eyes. I saw all of that and realized she wasn't apologizing to me but to the man who had done that to her.

"It's my fault."

She collapsed again, this time to the back of the couch. She tried to sit up but fell back. She tried again with no better luck. She was breathing hard.

"Shh. Wait here." She wasn't going anywhere. "I'll be right back."

I got an ice pack for her eye and cheek, and a wet wash cloth for her lip, and I held them to her. Her eyes had closed while I was up, and I thought she might have passed out while I was gone, but she pushed everything away.

"Luke did this to you."

"It's my fault."

"He beat you."

"I hit him. I hit him first."

"He doesn't get a pass."

Could she have driven in this condition? No. Where was her car?

"How did you get here?"

"I..." She concentrated, like she wasn't sure. "I walked."

"All the way?" In her condition? It would have taken an hour. Maybe more.

"I fell down. I think... I fell. I was dizzy. I didn't know where to go."

Then her eyes rolled up and her head fell to the side. She was out of it.

"Addie? Come on, Addie. Up. Can you hear me? Wake up. We have to get you to the ER."

She opened her eyes again though I wasn't sure she could make out much, and she tried to raise her head up but couldn't manage even that. She tried to look at me and put a hand to my chest

"Don't, Benji. It's my fault. They'll blame him."

"I've got to get you there, Addie. You're really hurt. We have to go. And if you don't tell them the truth, they'll just blame me."

I ended up carrying her to my car.

*****

Of course they blamed me.

"You're her ex? The guy who divorced her?" asked the bad cop. "And you're claiming it was herhusbandwho did that to her? And you... the gallant ex... who saved her?"

"I am and I do. Lucas James, her husband, did that to her. She came to me and I brought her in."

"Pardon me, but her ex?" This was the good cop, or at least the better cop.

Oh crap! Here it goes.

"Her ex."

"And why would she come to you, Mr. Butter-wouldn't-melt-in-his-mouth Ex?" asked the bad cop.

"I wish I knew."

*****

They didn't arrest me. They didn't even take me in. They told me to sit tight. At least one of them was watching me every moment.

Finally, the bad cop came out of Adrienne's ICU room and told me, "You're free to go."

He didn't sound pleased.

"Why?"

"She's sticking to her story that it was her husband. They won't let us stay, so for now she's your get-out-of-jail-free card. But don't leave town."

"Are you checking on Lucas James?"

"We'll look into it."

It turned out theydidask around, and a group of kids at a backyard party had seen her stumbling along 126th street in the general direction of my house. They had thought she was drunk or high. No one had offered to help her, but a couple of them had thought she was funny and had videoed her after she bumped into a sign and fell down and was getting slowly back to her feet. That alone would have gotten me in the clear, though it turned out not to be necessary.

*****

I wasn't leaving anyway, not until Adrienne's parents came in. The PA told me she had a traumatic brain injury, a serious concussion or something, and they were monitoring her closely for signs of bleeding. She needed someone there. She wasn't getting out tonight and they thought she probably wouldn't get out tomorrow.

Her folks got to the hospital and saw me talking with the PA, and they put two and two together the same way the cops had. The police had called them. I don't know what took them so long.

"What did you do to her?"

Her father stood over me, his hands in fists. I just shook my head.

"Luke beat her. She came to me and I brought her in."

"You?"Just pile it on, everyone!Though I understood. His daughter might be dying and he'd heard the cops' version of the story.

"Me."

"You say you didn't hurt her?"

"I didn't hurt her."

I'd like to have hurt her. Maybe I just should have told him that. I'd like to have slapped her, humiliated her, ruined her life, but I hadn't done any of those things.

"Why would she come to you?"

Yes. Why me? The damned ex. Why, Addie? Some things travel all around your mind with no offramp.

"I'm not sure."

"Why didn't she call us?"

"She didn't have her phone on her. She didn't have her purse. She didn't have anything."

"Why didn'tyoucall us?" This was Adrienne's mother.

"I wanted to get her to the hospital as soon as possible."

"Where is Luke?" Her dad again.

"That's a good question."

"By God, if you hurt her..."

"I didn't hurt anyone. You think I did? Well, talk to the cops."

Good cop interrupted us and led them into another room. I had an idea of what her parents were thinking. I don't know what Adrienne had told them about the divorce. They certainly hadn't been interested in asking me about it, and I decided I must be the bad guy. Now I'd added to things by beating her up. I wasn't going to be able to clear anything up tonight, much less fix the entire mess, so I let it ride. When they finally came out, they waited just like I did, but Adrienne's father looked over at me a few times.

It was about two a.m. when I decided I wasn't needed. A new officer had taken the watch, and there was a woman from the Domestic Violence Center. I talked with her a moment and told the officer I was going home. I went over to her parents.

"I'm leaving. I want to tell you again: I didn't hurt Addie. She'll confirm it. I know you're upset, but it wasn't me."

Her father answered, "It better not be."

That was it. I thought it was over.

*****

I'd felt some pleasure at the karma striking her:You left me for Luke, who then hurt you. Nice!That evaporated when her parents arrived. God damn me! They didn't deserve this, no matter what they thought of me. And neither did she.

I lay in awake in bed that night, trying to justify my shamefulness at feeling any joy in Adrienne's misery, and failing. She didn't deserve it. I was sure she couldn't help loving Luke or -- like so many battered women -- wanting to protect him, and I had a responsibility to be honorable in my dealings with her. Practice virtue, justice, self-control and balance. Marcus again. Control the things that are internal and learn to deal in a positive way with the things that are external. I had to be the better person, but I wasn't handlinganythingproperly.

That wasn't completely true. I had helped Adrienne. I had done what she needed me to do, even though she resisted it. All right. I took some comfort in that. Now I needed to practice controlling my thoughts and feelings better going forward. Yes, she had acted dishonorably and hurt me terribly, but that wasn't the end of my world, just the end of ours.

*****

Why couldn't they find Luke?

It could be funny if you weren't involved. The police couldn't find Luke because he was at the police station.

He'd gone there to give a statement and show a video of Adrienne attacking him and of poor, dear Luke defending himself. It ended with Adrienne getting up and running out. I haven't seen it, but the good cop did. It seems she went berserk over something, and when she picked herself up off the floor and left, she didn't even close the door behind herself. Luke had to do that himself, poor boy. Life is hard. I imagine he had to bandage his own knuckles, too.

So Luke was getting his story out rather than searching for his wife. He must have made a few calls before going to the Carmel police because after a while one of the senior partners at his firm came in with a defense attorney, and shortly thereafter the police decided that Luke was -- if anything -- the "victim," and therefore free to go. They all but apologized to him. That's what the good cop later told me. He was disgusted, but what could he do? The prosecutor's office agreed the next morning. No "probable cause." Nothing. Zip. Adrienne had apparently caused her own victimization.

Luke checked into the Hotel Carmichael later that night, and in the morning he filed for divorce. He didn't go to the hospital, or try to call, or speak to Adrienne's parents, or -- well -- do anything human. I'm surehedidn't wrestle with shame all night.

Adrienne spent the night in the ICU and the next two days in a hospital room, then moved into her parents' home to recuperate.

A few days later, her Dad called me.

"I'm sorry, Ben. I was just fit to be tied and I blamed you. I'm asking you to please forgive this old Marine."

Have you ever just felt sorry for someone? His daughter had been hurt and he felt guilty. Oh, God damn! All along he and the missus had been blaming me for the divorce, and now they weren't certain. After we talked, Adrienne's mother got on the phone and apologized too. I accepted both their apologies. At the end of the conversation, she invited me to dinner. I was pleased that Adrienne was recovering, but I didn't want to see her again. They understood.

Adrienne called later that same day and wanted to come over to thank me, and to apologize again for ruining our life. That was when I learned she and Luke had split and were divorcing. Not much of a surprise. I accepted her apology and told her I hadn't done anything any decent human being wouldn't do -- which excluded Luke -- but that no, she shouldn't come over. Yadda, yadda, yadda. I wanted to hang up. I couldn't stand hearing her. I wanted to scream at her and to hold her.

I wasn't controlling my inner self at all well, and some things don't leave you that fast. I had evil thoughts of what I wanted to say.So what you gained from cheating with Luke was getting beaten up by him and losing not one but two husbands. My you've accomplished a lot in a short time!What I actually told her was I hoped she'd have a good life, and frankly I half meant it.

Before we hung up, she said, "I'll always love you, Ben."

"Thanks, Addie. Bye."

That was the end of it, until it wasn't.

The Way Back Home, Part 2

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