Wait and Hope

Note: This is the eighth (and a half) chapter of a larger story. I strongly recommend checking out the others before reading this one.

Note 2: This is a slow burn, slice-of-life romance story first and foremost. There will be erotica, but not for a long, long time.

Music note: The song referenced in the chapter (Right before the midpoint) is "My House Your House" from Angus & Julia Stone. I recommend listening to it while reading the scene.

*****

Wait and Hope Ch. 08-Your House, My House

Chloe's POV

Damn, that's a good book,I thought as I put it down.

I had started it that very same morning, and I was already halfway through it.Wonderwas the title, and what a wonder it was! I'd have to thank Thomas for lending it to me. At this pace, I would need to make another trip to his bookshelf. Or maybe get myself a library card. It wasn't like I'd have much else to do for a while. I'd probably be raiding Thomas's bookshelf every few days, and it was bound to get annoying to both of us eventually.

I'd spent most of the day so far in my brand new room, and I loved it. In many ways, it was my dream room.

I still couldn't believe how much the Aldens spent on it. I'd never gotten a sense of the final number, actually, and I wasn't sure I wanted to.

From my bed, I could see almost all of it: the empty bookshelves waiting for books; the wardrobe Elena and I had filled; the desk Ruby and I managed to assemble without hurting ourselves, by some miracle; and, of course, the bed the boys had fought to put together. The plants were sprawling everywhere, and the lights were twinkling slowly.

There was one caveat, though. It felt lonely. Almost unbearably so. We had spent the whole weekend together in my room working on it, and I didn't get any chance to spend much time alone, except when I was putting the final touches. I had no choice; I had to get used to it eventually, but that day, it had been a struggle.

Still, the craziness was behind me. I was out, I didn't have to worry about my parents anymore, and I had somewhere I could stay for as long as I wanted

Eventually, I planned to look for a job, but I needed a break. I felt guilty about that, but apparently not guilty enough to start a proper search online. Even though it felt lonely in my room, what I really wanted to do was read--just relax, rest, and read.

The day eventually went by--rather slowly, but it went by nonetheless. At some point, I moved downstairs to the couch, but just kept on reading. By the time Jesse came home that evening, I'd gone through my whole book and had time to start another one. Maybe I should have taken the whole Twilight Saga when Thomas offered, instead of just the first book and the two others he'd recommended.

Jesse actually came home a bit earlier than I'd thought he would--a very welcome surprise after that long day alone.

When he walked in, he looked a bit tired. To be fair, he'd spent the whole day at school. Still, I had seen him come back from school a few times by then, and he'd never looked quite that exhausted. Guilt flared up again as I wondered if it was because of all the extra work he'd done over the weekend to help me get my room set up.

"Hi!" I said from the couch. "Home early?"

"Hi yourself!" he answered. "Yeah, the teacher was feeling extra generous today and let us off a bit early."

"How nice!"

He came to sit next to me on the couch, as he usually did.

"Everything alright, Jesse?" I asked. "You look a bit... tired?"

He looked at me, his smile almost outshining the fading light from the sun outside. "Yeah, I feel fine," he answered. "Why?"

"N-Nothing, I just thought you were tired or-or something." I shied away from his gaze, feeling my cheeks turning red by the second.Damn it, one smile was all it took

We then spent some time just hanging out, catching up on each other's day--or rather, I spent some time catching up on his day. He asked about mine, but there wasn't much to say.

However, he did have some work to do that day, unlike most of the previous week. Of course, I had no issues with that, but I didn't really feel like being alone anymore.

"Huh, actually," I asked as he went up the stairs, "would you mind if I just chilled in your room while you worked?"

"Sure, of course!" he answered, once again beaming his smile at me. It was again so intense that I had to linger downstairs for a few moments to calm myself down. To be honest, I was getting annoyed with myself.

He'd left his bedroom door wide open, so I walked in.

"Didn't feel like being alone?" Jesse asked from his desk on the left-hand side of the room, on the opposite side from the bed.

I shrugged. "Yeah, might as well hang out in the same room. Unless you'd rather work alone, of course?"

Out of habit, I almost went to lie in bed, but I remembered in time that it wasn't mine anymore. The thought of stealing it from him again, no matter how irrational, led me to the couch instead.

He turned his chair to face me, his gaze softening. "No, I don't mind one bit. In fact, that's a pretty good idea. Beats being each on our own!"

We both settled in for a while, him working away -- maths, judging from the calculator he was typing away at -- and me reading.

Fifteen minutes or so later, he asked, "Everything okay? You're unusually quiet."

"Yeah... Well, I don't want to distract you."

"You sure?" He got up from his chair and came to sit next to me. "You sound a bit... sad?" He looked at me with an air of worry in his eyes.

"No..." I pondered while he observed me. "I just feel weird, I guess. Everything does."

"It's been barely a week," he said softly. "I'm pretty sure it's normal. Your whole life just got thrown out the window. It's not something you can just shrug off." He took my right hand in his. "It's not something youshouldshrug off."

My heart faltered at the touch, but I willed it down.

"I know, and I'm not shrugging it off," I said while trying very hard not to think about the fact that he'd just grabbed my hand. "At least I don't think so. The thing is, I don't know what to do." My voice crackled despite my best efforts. "I-I don't have a family anymore."

Jesse began to slowly caress the back of my hand with his thumb. He had no idea he was making things worse--or, well, a different thing.

"Th-they threw me out."

He shook his head. "No. That's not true."

"What?! My parents threw me out! You know that!"

"No, of course they did. Sorry." He looked beside me, his gaze lost in his thoughts with a twinkle in his eye. "I meant the other part. You do have a family."

I raised an eyebrow.

"I think that as long want, you'll have us around. My parents, me... my friends, too. It's not a familyper se, but it ain't nothing."

Flashes of Mr. and Mrs. Alden's smiles went through my head, followed by flashes of everyone -- including Thomas and Ruby -- working in my room that weekend, all of them smiling and having a good time.

I could see that he was right. A tear pearled in the corner of my eye. "I'm so afraid," I said.

He stayed silent, just looking at me. His thumb was still slowly -- and ever so softly -- rubbing across the back of my hand.

"Afraid of being alone," I continued, almost choking on my own words. "Afraid of having nowhere to go."

I suddenly felt the cold air on my hand as Jesse removed his. Before I got a chance to protest, he put it on my cheek. Just like on my hand, his thumb slowly caressed me, soothing me more than he could have imagined.

Just like before, I felt my heart speed up and miss at least a few beats. I tried to will it down once again, but to no avail. It had found a new ally, also swelling with me: hope.

The feeling was powerful--so much so that it almost got me out of my head for a moment. Jesse's simple presence and gentle touch had reminded me that there was always hope.

"You'll never be alone, Chloe," he said. "I promise." He looked sad for a moment, his own voice cracking slightly under the weight of his own emotions--a very rare sight. "And I'm sorry you ever felt alone. I called myself your friend all these years, and yet I had no Idea. I-I..." The stammering brought him to a halt. He looked down.

Another tear pearled at the corner of my eye before running down my cheek. I put my hand on his own, pressing it more on my face. I found the warmth of his skin strangely comforting. By then, it was the only reason I hadn't crumbled into a sobbing mess.

"Jesse," was all I could say. Words could hardly describe how I felt, and yet I had to try. "It's not your fault, it's--"

He looked up at me, his own eyes watering. I'd known him for the better part of a decade, and I'd seen him sad a couple of times, but I'd never seen that. It was as troubling as it was touching.

I did my best to keep going, despite wanting nothing but to sob uncontrollably while he held me. "It's not your fault. And you are the-the best friend anyone could ever ask for."

His gaze softened. "Do you mean that?"

I nodded, smiling ever so slightly, even through the tears I was holding back. "Every last word." I pressed his hand harder. "How could it be your fault?"

Whether as forced as mine or not, a smile did begin to creep upon his face. "I don't know," he said. "I should have-I should have realised?"

I put my other hand on his arm. "How could you have?" I answered, barely whispering. "I didn't realise it myself until it was too late. There was nothing anyone could have done."

"I should have tried anyway," he said, looking down at the floor once again. "Even if it was doomed to fail, I should have tried something--anything. If I'd known, I would have."

"Hey," I interrupted him, "look at me."

He did, and that surprised me as much as my own sudden forcefulness had.

"I called you out of the blue after months of barely speaking to you, and you dropped everything to come get me." I felt his hand twitch ever so slightly against my face. "You did more than I could have ever asked for. Here I am, almost a week later, surrounded by some of the best and nicest people I've ever met--kindest, too--and most importantly, I'm here with you."

It seemed he did not know what to say anymore. Neither did I. We weren't the chatterers that Thomas and Ruby were, but usually one of us would manage something.

We both stayed still for what felt like a very long time, but that probably was just a handful of seconds.

Finally, when the silence was too heavy to bear anymore, I pulled his hand off my face -- to his surprise -- only to turn around and lean backwards until I was resting against him. He felt so warm and comfortable.

For a while, that was all that existed: both of us, on his couch, huddled up together. The only thing I could hear apart from our breathing was music softly playing; there was almost always music playing in his room. In that moment, it's all that mattered. It's all I wanted to care about.

"Just a friend of mine," the song went.

Two friends, closer than ever before. My entire life had just fallen apart. And yet in his arms, in this house I'd never seen a week ago, I was starting to feel okay. Even more than okay, everything had started feeling right.

"Maybe this is where we belong," the song continued.

Had I found somewhere where I could belong?I asked myself.A home, a family?

I wasn't sure why then, but Jesse's arms were the only place I wanted to be -- the only place I truly felt comfortable.

"Your house, my house," the song ended.

I wanted ours to only be just beginning.

***

Before I knew it, another week had passed, each day feeling better than the last.

Most days followed the same routine. I'd spend the daytime reading, although I would occasionally go on walks to visit the local library and restock my stash of books.

After he came home, we'd spend some time together in his room while he worked, catching up on each other's day. Then, we could cook with Mr. and Mrs.--uh, Elena and Ray -- as they insisted I call them -- before we all ate together.

Finally, every evening, Jesse and I would find ourselves on a couch together -- whether in the living room or in his room. It didn't matter if we were just chatting or watching something; we just did. And every single time, after a while, we'd end up cuddled up under the same blanket. And that was my favourite part of every day.

Friday night came and went, that time at Jesse's. It played out pretty much the same way; we ended it in front of some soap opera Ruby had chosen; she would never cease to amaze me. Jesse and I were on his couch while his friends were on the seats around the table in his room.

The look they gave us when we inevitably cuddled up was a happy one -- for Jesse mainly, but for me, too. Maybe it was also a little bit amazed, but more important was what I didn't see or feel: any hint of vicarious shame or embarrassment.

Ruby asked me to go shopping with her, but I declined--not a hard no, but more a "maybe later." I still felt somewhat weird, and I figured I needed some more time to rest. It had barely been a couple of weeks, after all. She didn't seem upset; she said she'd be happy to go anytime.

Soon, it was Monday, and I was alone again. However, a thought had been bothering me for the past few days. I could handle being alone. I had been alone for a year at my parents' house, and it had mostly been fine. I realised that being away from Jesse, specifically, was what I found myself unable to handle.

I still didn't really have a choice in the matter, but it sucked nonetheless. I'd been going through almost a book a day, trying to keep myself from going insane.

I wasn't quite sure why I felt like that. It's not like he would go away for days on end. It was about ten hours every weekday, give or take, and we would always spend a lot of time together in the evening. I should have been fine, but I missed him--missed him as I'd never missed anyone. It was almost like a part of me wasn't there.

There weren't many explanations as to why that was. In fact, there was only one that made any sense at all... We may not have seen it at first, but it had become painfully obvious. At least, I hadn't, but I was willing to bet he had been as oblivious as me.

We had been friends for the better part of a decade, I thought.What could explain a change so sudden, so intense?

That had been a recurring thought over the past weeks. The answer I had eventually arrived at scared me so much that I tried my best not to think about it: Jesse had been the one who had literally saved me. He'd been the one who'd answered the phone and who'd dropped everything to come get me. He was my saviour. Could this be all there was to it? Some kind of desperate attachment to the first kind face I had seen in months?

Thankfully, there was one thing going against that frightening theory. The only time we'd really talked about it -- on the way home, after I'd cuddled up against him that Friday -- we had agreed on just going with the flow.

The most important word in there had been "we." It had told me that, at the very least, I wasn't imagining the way he seemed to feel about me. There was no telling just how strong those feelings were, though, and I was convinced I was in way more deeply than he was.

Thoughts kept on turning in my mind for an embarrassing amount of time that afternoon. At the end, I was no closer to anything remotely like an answer than I had been when I'd started. If anything, I'd just made myself more scared and nervous.

Thankfully, Jesse hadn't come home late that evening, saving me -- even if only for the time being -- from my endless spiral of questions without answers. We spent some time catching up on each other's day, and I chilled in his room while he worked.

Later that evening, while he was taking a shower, Ray, Elena, and I were getting dinner ready. Needless to say, Ray was cooking while we were setting the table.

"By the way," Elena said, "Jesse told me you declined Ruby's offer to go shopping the other day?"

I shrugged. "Oh yeah, right. Well, I wasn't feeling like going out, and to top it all off, I was pretty tired Saturday--and, well, there's not much point to going shopping without any money, is there? It would have been akin to torture, having to see all of those clothes without being able to get even a few."

Elena laughed. "It most definitely would have!"

"I said we would go once I was feeling better, and once I'd found a job to have some money to spend, too."

"Sounds good," she said, looking a bit relieved. "I was worried you didn't want to go out with one of Jesse's friends alone. Anyway, once you feel better, don't hesitate to ask us for money to go have some fun. A girl gotta shop!"

"And I'm sure Jesse would be more than pleased to carry your bags around," said Ray from the kitchen, laughing to himself, "if you really wanna go with him, too!"

I froze for half a second, realizing what I'd just said, never mind the offer they'd extended in response. I couldn't believe how careless I'd been; I'd barely made peace with the fact that they'd spent so much on my room for things that just looked nice.

Jesse's words from the other day echoed. "When you start feeling like a burden, talk about it."

I sighed to try to ground myself before keeping my promise. "Okay, hmm... Just so we are clear, I am, and I always will be, enormously grateful to you and to Jesse for all that you did for me."

They both looked at me, a hint of worry in their eyes, but they didn't interrupt me.

"I could have never even hoped for a tenth of that a month ago, and I will never be able to repay you." I looked down at the pile of plates and cutlery on the table. "But being offered all of that, with no expectation of anything in return... It doesn't sit right with me. It's also making me feel like I'm some sort of charity work--I know it's not the case, but... still."

Silence fell in the kitchen. I dared to look up. I was expecting to see pain or sadness on the Aldens' faces; instead, I saw two adults who were concerned, yet caring in a way I'd truly never felt before.

"Oh, sweetie," answered Elena, "is that why you wanted to make sure we were okay with furnishing your room the other day?"

"Yes," I answered shamefully while my cheeks were burning up -- something not unusual in itself, but not triggered by Jesse, for once.

Elena reached for my hands just as she had when I'd met her. "I had no idea you felt that way. I'm sorry.Wehad no idea." She pointedly looked back at her husband.

Ray stepped closer. His voice was even softer than usual. "You're not charity work, dear. You never have been, and you never will be, I can assure you of that."

"We don't want you to repay us in any way, shape, or form," Elena resumed while slowly caressing my hand.

The physical contact pulled my focus. It reminded me of Jesse at first, but then I noticed the difference. She was being slower and gentler--more motherly.

"And yet," she said, "you did."

Ray nodded.

"Perhaps not monetarily," she explained, "but we don't care about that. I'd even argue you still are repaying us."

"How so?" I asked.

"How best to put it?" she wondered out loud. "You've... breathed a new life into this household. Of course, someone new moving in always changes things up, but I think you did more than that." She paused for a moment, looking at me. Her eyes weren't that far off from Jesse's, but still unique--maybe a lighter shade than his.

"Most of all, though," she continued, "you changed Jesse. In two weeks, your presence has changed him -- for the better. He seems so much happier -- so much lighter."

"Yeah," added Ray. "Even I noticed it, and that's saying something."