Cheating is Hard

Ok, here we are my dear readers, where our lovely ladies have so far successfully schemed for over a year. Yet, how can you account for unexplained issues? And what if, amidst all the plans, you forget to do one simple thing?

Thanks as always to my outstanding editor who remains Anonymous.

* * * *

Chapter 5 - A Little Mistake

Sunday morning Gordon decided to get up early and go out to bring breakfast back to his beautiful wife. He felt refreshed after a wonderful night of sex.

As he walked to his car, he noticed his wife's car tires were muddy with mud splashed in the wheel wells and the rear window and trunk was dusty. "That's curious," he thought. "There are no dirt roads in the city or in our subdivision. How did she get the car so dirty? Where was she?"

He hopped in his car to get to the bakery for their Sunday breakfast special. Gail always loved the special breakfast from her favorite bakery. But on the way his mind continued to dwell on the muddy vehicle. "Gail was going with Kamsey to the movies at the Cineplex yesterday. Its pavement all the way and paved parking. Something isn't adding up."

On the way home with breakfast he decided to leave it in the kitchen for Gail to discover when she woke up, and he grabbed her car keys to take her car to the car wash. After cleaning the outside, he decided to vacuum the inside and wipe down the dash. For some reason, he was curious about the glovebox and tried to open it, but it was locked.

"Locked? Why would you lock your glovebox - unless, unless there was something in there valuable. Is she keeping emergency cash in the glovebox?" Gordon used her key to unlock the glovebox and next to the owner's manual was a can of Febreeze, baby wipes, and a phone.

Gordon was not a stupid man. He is an Oxford graduate in economics and worked for a hedge fund on arbitrage modeling. His travels took him internationally, even to his home country of England where there are offices in London. So, an extra phone in a locked compartment in his wife's car driven on muddy roads is not hard to figure out there's something untoward occurring.

The phone was unlocked, though. "Weird. Why go through all that trouble to hide a phone yet leave it unlocked?" He opened the apps and scrolled through the pictures, all of which were of him and Gail, cats, meals. He opened the Waze traffic app and looked at the locations, all of which were usual places of no concern.

Gordon sat back in the passenger seat for a minute pondering the disconnect between hiding and locking a phone away when there's nothing of concern on it. "Of course, if you're hiding the phone, you're also hiding what you're doing on it! Hidden apps!"

Gordon went to the search bar on the home screen and typed each letter of the alphabet, looking at what apps came up in each search. And there they were! The hidden messaging apps, pictures, and videos!

An hour passed and Gordon was still stunned at what he was reviewing over the past year of messages between Gail and Kamsey and many, many men. Hook-up arrangements, tryst planning, tryst recounting, and graphic descriptions of sex acts planned and performed. And all these were supported by more than enough pictures and videos.

His own cell phone rang, it was Gail. He let it go to voicemail.

One of the messages referred to the can of Febreze. "Yeah, that explains that can in the glovebox," he muttered to himself. Another to clothing in the trunk of the car. He got out and opened the trunk of her BMW 4 Series and found a package of clothing under the secret stash compartment.

Emotionally Gordon was bereft of feeling. No pain, no anger, nothing. What he had just viewed was so complete in its proof of infidelity that there was no room for anger, animosity, or even pain. Perhaps all that would come later, but at this point the only thing to do was take action.

He pocketed the phone, called his corporate office for an attorney's recommendation, insisting on an immediate appointment in the morning. He then made an arrangement to consult with his corporate office in one week's time.

His phone rang again, it was Gail. He let it go to voicemail.

* * * *

"Hey Gail, what's up girlfriend?" Kamsey answered her phone happily. It was a warm blue skied Sunday afternoon.

"Kam, something's wrong. Gordon isn't answering his phone. He left breakfast on the table but my car is gone for hours now."

"Shit Gail. Did you say another guy's name again during your sex last night? Wait, he has your car? Is your glove box locked?"

"Yeah, it's locked. But he has the car keys!"

"But your burner phone, it's locked too, right?"

There was a painful silence across the phone lines at this moment. "Kam, I don't think so" Gail's voice squeaked out meekly.

"Oh shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit." Kamsey's voice trailed off. "Gail, why did he take your car?"

"I'm not sure. I slept in, he drove to the bakery and brought home my favorite breakfast. When I woke up my car was gone. I've been calling him and he's not picking up or texting me back."

"What did you do last night?"

"Well after my, well you know, I came home and had dinner with him and last night made love. It was really good!"

"Wait, Gail. You saw your AP yesterday? On a Saturday? While Gordon was home from work for the weekend? You know we DON'T DO THAT! It's against our rules! It's hard to explain to our husbands Gail!"

"I know Kamsey, but it was that farm boy over in the next county! You know how hung he is, how he really stuffs me! I cum and cum repeatedly. You know that feeling, it's like catnip to me!"

"Wait, you don't mean you drove all the way over to the next county, to farm country, all those dirt roads. Is that what you did?"

"Um, yeah, that's where he is!"

"Fuck Gail, I hope you washed your car before you came home!"

Again, silence on the phone.

"Gail, tell me you washed your car! Tell me, please tell me you washed the car!"

In a low, sad voice Gail responded, "No."

Kamsey's knees grew weak and she grabbed the wall as she tried to make it to the kitchen chair. "Gail, did he take your car to the car wash? Is that why it's gone? Girl, how could you be so careless, so reckless! It doesn't take hours to wash a car, he's probably not only found your phone but if you had it unlocked - oh God, this isn't happening!"

Just then Kamsey's husband Kurt appeared at the top of the stairs holding his phone to his ear looking at Kamsey with fierce intensity. Kamsey overheard him say "Thanks Gordon, I appreciate it. See you soon." Her heart slowed to a crawl, the beat so heavy her ears felt like splitting from the pressure. She watched her husband walk down the stairs to the front door, pause and look at her with dismay - or perhaps disgust, then leave and drive away.

"Kamsey? Kam? Are you still there?" Kamsey heard Gail's voice calling to her from a distance. Kamsey looked for the phone, it wasn't in her hand. She slowly glanced around and saw it on the floor and picked it up.

"Gail. We are dead. Kurt just heard from Gordon and he walked out to meet Gordon. He just looked at me with burning eyes. They've got to know."

"What do we do Kam! What do we do?!!"

"All that work to hide our cheating, all that work," Kamsey lamented. "All that work and you blew us up violating our rules. I told you, Gail, I told you! and you just ignored it and got your fix from your farm boy on the worst day of the week and didn't even stop to cover your tracks. You deserve everything coming at you Gail, but I don't. I didn't screw up but I'm probably going to pay the price, especially if Gordon found your text app. Tell me you hid the texting app!"

"Yes, that was hidden."

"But you didn't lock your phone, you dumb cunt." Kamsey hung up on her friend, her hands shaking as if she had Parkinson's, her lips quivering in fear, the enormity of what existed in those text messages was weighing down on her shoulders, her heart, her mind. She couldn't even cry.

* * * *

Gordon hung up his phone and drove to the bar to meet Kurt. Gordon and Kurt knew each other only in passing at the wife's company events, but Gordon was surprised to learn what Kurt told him minutes ago, that he had contracted a STI and it could only have come from his wife, and her STI could only have come from some other man.

In briefly relating what he had seen on the text threads, Gordon was somewhat surprised at how Kurt took the news and guessed it was because he already suspected something from the STI results.

The men immediately recognized each other and approached the bar and ordered shots. Downing the shots and slamming the shot glass they ordered another and slammed it, then ordered up a beer and retreated to a table.

Staring at each other in recognition of how their mutual lives were fucked, they sipped their beer trying to think of something witty and humorous to say about the situation. Instead, Kurt said, "Fuck it. Let me see those photos and messages Gordon."

"Sure thing old chap," replied Gordon in his British accent. Kurt shook his head as he swiped through the pictures. When reading some of the text threads he had to look away for moments before continuing to read.

"I don't get it Gordon. I've given her everything. Security, luxury, my time, my love. I give her orgasms, clothing, I rarely question her spending. She tells me she loves me. We have great communication, even when we're angry with one another we get past it. I never suspected this, I never even thought she'd cheat on me with anyone, much less, well, how many men has she been with?"

"How many? It goes back over a year, Kurt." Gordon scrolled through the texts. It's got to be dozens. And I, too, never had an inkling."

"What are you going to do Gordon?"

"Well, tomorrow morning I have an appointment first thing with Scarlett Jennings, a shark of a divorce attorney. She hates cheaters. Maybe you can come and we'll get a package deal!"

"Sounds like a plan." Kurt reached out to shake Gordon's hand.

Gordon continued, "I have been sitting on a career offer with my office back in London. I've been putting it off because Gail doesn't want to move away from the States and her family. But all my family is over there as well. But this may work out for me because - now Kurt, you've got to promise me this is between us, right?"

Kurt held up his hand, "Scouts honor Gordon."

"I plan on burning Gail badly. I'm not too emotional about this for some reason, at least not yet. But like you I've made a lot of sacrifices for my wife. I'm not perfect, neither is she. But whatever problems there are they don't justify cheating, and certainly not such nefarious plotting to cheat as our wives have.

"Goodness, they'd be perfect project managers! They've covered almost every contingency! If it wasn't for my wife's foolishness in not washing the car I never would have found out."

Kurt was amazed at how a little thing, like mud on a car, disrupted the well-thought out plans of Gail and Kamsey. "And my wife's STI, I still don't know how she let that happen, but sooner or later we would have found out Gordon. It's impossible to hide affairs for long, but they managed to do it quite well for a long time.

"I think she believes I didn't catch the STI from her, but I did. Oh, did I ever. Does that piss ever burn dude! But I'm on medication and am just letting her think I'm not interested in sex for now. Surely, she won't believe that and will know something is up. Anyways, mistakes happen and they got caught."

"Yeah? Well Gail's mistake is going to cost her all my money. I'm moving it overseas, gifting most of it to trusted extended family members among other financial moves I'm skilled in. We'll find out from Scarlett tomorrow, but in the divorce, they'll have a hard time repatriating that money. Meanwhile, I'm going to pack up without Gail knowing it and send everything home to Britain and fly over without her knowing it.

"She'll have to move out of the corporate housing since I'm not there, and figure out where to live and how to pay for herself. I'm not giving her anything, and the US courts will have a hard time enforcing anything she might get in a judgment."

That plan got Kurt's mind thinking conspiratorially. "What about your work? Won't you have to fly back to the US for different work-related meetings or clients or conferences?"

"Sure I will. But I don't think the airport customs is going to have a list of deadbeat husbands who haven't paid alimony. Anyway, my payroll is in London so they can't garnish that either. Besides, we have offices in multiple countries through whom I can get paid if necessary. So, fuck Gail."

"That's some serious burn, Gordon. Shit, you're creating a nuclear wasteland for Gail!"

Gordon finished his beer and motioned the bartender for another. "Look at it this way, Kurt. I've had a little time to review these pics and texts and here's what they've both done. For over a year they've gathered the materials, then carefully arranged the tinder, kindling, and firewood. Then they struck a match and started the fire. Not only that, they kept feeding the fire continually, never feeling the flames burn them.

"But how does the expression go? 'Get too close to the fire'? They've been way too close for so long they probably got used to the heat. It singed their consciences so they couldn't feel any consequences. I'm sure Gail will feel bad, feel the burn, but of what? Is it the embarrassment of getting caught? The loss of my assets and income, her lifestyle? Or will it be the loss of our relationship, the reliable companionship and not the one-night stands? To be honest, I'm not sure. Those texts don't show a hint of any remorse.

"I'll be overseas by the time the bomb drops on her, far away from the blast. I'm thinking the only thing I'll leave her is just a note that says "burn baby burn."

Kurt actually laughed at that, his smile disappearing quickly, wishing he could disappear as well. "God, it's great we learned about this before we had kids, right? Anyways, I'm not sure what I can do in a divorce. I'm stuck in the States."

"And you own a home, don't forget that. And you'll probably have alimony. But you could do what I'm doing and move assets overseas as just one of many options available to make them untouchable."

"How could I do that? I don't have any relatives or contacts over there. I'm not a money manager."

"It would involve some risk and some trust. I have plenty of resources in my occupation where money can be parked, appearing to be for a specific purpose, and later the money moved elsewhere. I'd never propose this officially to anyone, but we're two aggrieved men in similar shitty situations. Basically, it's a shady but legal form of money laundering."

Kurt reacted, "that term alone sounds bad Gordon."

"Sure it does. But let me tell you: I run with the big boys, the billionaires, the people that invest hundreds of millions in hedge funds. There are all sorts of ways to legally move and shield money. The ultra rich know these things because they use people like me, and we make them ungodly amounts of wealth and we get the fees"

"Then I'm in. I trust you, Gordon. After all, what have I got to lose but half of everything to my cheating wife?!" Gordon nodded and they shook hands.

Both men looked at their phones during the break in conversation and noted missed calls and texts from their wives. "Gordon? I think I'm due for a night on the town followed by a hotel room, followed by a good, hearty breakfast, followed by a meeting with Scarlett Jennings!"

They each gave a high five and Gordon said, "let's head to my office and get a head start on our finances. If the girls were skilled enough to hide their affairs, they might be skilled enough to recognize the jig is up and they might try and mess with the money."

When the men were done splitting funds, moving money, making calls and arrangements, pulling together what Scarlett was sure to want they headed downtown to the entertainment district, enjoying a Ruth Chris steak dinner, followed by drinks and dancing with beautiful women at a nightclub. After all, Gordon and Kurt were good looking, attractive, successful men. soon to be eligible bachelors. That night they got separate rooms at the Hilton, and roomed alone. The dancing was great, but bringing any woman back at this time with all that was on their minds was not a wise move.

Their phones were shut off the entire time.

* * * *

Chapter 6 - Reality Bites

"Gail, have you heard from Gordon? It's almost midnight and Kurt isn't home yet!"

"No, Gordon's still gone. And I think his phone is turned off."

"Shit. We're in deep shit. If those two are together there's no amount of trouble they can create for us. They're both smart, accomplished men."

"What do we do Kam? What do we say when they finally come home?"

"I've been thinking about that Gail. We have to assume they both have the pictures and text threads from your UNLOCKED phone, you stupid cow. So, we can't make excuses, not for what we've done for over a year! I think we have to admit everything and plead on our knees and promise never to do this again."

"Do you think that will work, Kamsey?" asked Gail tearfully.

"No, I don't. But it's about the only thing I can think of."

"What if we tell them it was only sex, that it wasn't love - which it wasn't, that we can get counseling?"

"It's worth a try, but knowing Kurt, the very fact that I lied is more than enough - and I lied for over a year."

"Well, Kam, maybe I can get Gordon to back down if I tell him I never gave any less to him, and I didn't mean for it to go so far. If he doesn't accept that I can make something up, like, tell him it was a way to cope with something like childhood trauma pain by becoming someone new, that I knew it was wrong but it was like I was a different person."

"Actually Gail, that last line is pretty good. I might be able to expand upon that with Kurt. Maybe something like I knew it was wrong and my mind split. It had nothing to do with Kurt or anything he did that was wrong, it was like I lived in a different world, like I had a different personality, a split personality! What do you think of that Gail?"

Gail thought quietly then said, "anything is possible, we're desperate, but if they saw all those messages about our planning, they'd know it wasn't some split personality. God, Kamsey, we're two evil women the way we conspired to cheat on our men. All that planning to avoid getting caught, but we never planned on what to say or do if we did get caught."

"Well," Kamsey admitted, "I guess that's something we could put in our newsletter if it comes to that."

* * * *

Scarlett Jennings had a particularly nasty reputation as a divorce attorney. She loved the cases involving cheaters, typically men, and to say she argued a 'vigorous' case against the cheater would be too light an adjective to describe her advocacy.

Still, in all her years of divorce law she had never seen such an organized effort to cheat and deceive the loyal spouse. "Gentlemen, in a sick, fucked up way I actually admire the thoughtful planning and scheming and discipline your wives have put into their entire sordid mess.

"I mean, usually cheaters get so caught up in the affair that they ignore their spouse and raise suspicions. Or they eventually become guilt-ridden and confess, or become fearful of getting caught or exposed by someone else and decide to come clean.

"But your wives? They avoided a lot of that by not being anywhere near where they might be spotted with their lovers. They didn't really lie about their whereabouts, and don't really have any suspicious spending. No strange cars parked in the driveway. No chance of getting caught in the home. And the burner phone? That's pure genius! I mean, I bet if you look at their personal phone pics and messages it's spotless and completely innocent!"