Finding My Feet

Small Penis Adoration is, as far as I know, unheard of, until now. In BDSM circles, especially encounters with Femmedoms and male submissives, you sometimes hear about Small Penis Humiliation, but SPA is hugely less common. Pun intended.

SPH even has its own Wikipedia page. Not so SPA. I'm here to nominate it for its own place in the BDSM acronym world, right up there with CFNM, ANR, DDlg, RACK, D/s and of course, BDSM itself.

I think it's just as fair to worship them as to humiliate them, as I personally LOVE them. It seems I am in the minority, though.

As an Uber driver, I hear a lot of really crazy conversations. One night, three girls climbed into my Honda Fit, two in the back and one in the seat next to me. They were chatting away as if I didn't exist.

"Chad called me and said he's going to be in town next weekend," said the girl riding shotgun.

"Ewww, isn't that the one with the pencil penis? You aren't going to *see* him again, are you?" came from the back.

"Well, I was going to let him take me out to dinner. He IS a really nice guy."

"Yeah, but you aren't actually going to FUCK him, are you? I mean, *can* you even fuck him?"

The back seat burst into laughter. The one in the front suddenly acknowledged my presence and asked me curiously, "What about you? Would you fuck a guy with a tiny dick?"

Luckily my opinion never came to light as, while I'm perfectly comfortable writing all kinds of things about my sexual opinions and experiences and fantasies on alternative sites, it feels a bit unprofessional when I'm driving for rideshare, and could even get my account deactivated. But one of the girls in the back started bragging on the size of her guy's member and they all went back to forgetting I existed.

And so, since I never got the chance that night, I'll take the opportunity to discuss it here with people who might be a little more curious than the chatty chicks that night.

When I was pregnant I learned that I have a tilted uterus. (Leave it to even my uterus to be weird.) That did not affect my ability to have a natural birth. But you know what it does affect? Yep. Sex.

When a particularly long penis is pounding into my cervix, it does not shake my body with pleasure. It racks me with a sensation much like menstrual cramps. And while I have a very strong masochistic side, that kind of pain is not what I'm going for, ever.

I have never had to tell a man to stop fucking me because his dick was too small, but I've had to stop sex many times because the dick was too big and it hurt.

So, there's that. Then let's talk about another part of my anatomy that seems to have betrayed me: my mouth.

I have had both a vocal coach *and* a dental hygienist tell me I have a small mouth. Now, I might not totally believe it if only one of them had said it; I might have hoped I heard wrong or maybe their assessment was somehow off. But hearing it twice from two very different professionals? I think it's safe to objectively say I have a small mouth.

Guess where this leaves me when giving blow jobs.

As is the case for many women, while pleasurable, penetrative sex rarely gives me an orgasm. It does make me feel more emotionally attached to my partner, but it doesn't get my rocks off. For that, it's clitoral and anal stimulation all the way.

So what is a dick most useful for? For me, it is playing with my partner. Making him feel good, denying him, caging him, torturing him, sucking him. I never liked giving blow jobs (unless I REALLY liked the guy) until I discovered the joy of doing it with a dick that ACTUALLY FITS in my mouth. It's so arousing to be able to take the whole thing in, wrap my lips all the way around it, suck on it, feel it at the back of my throat...without feeling like I'm going to vomit. Like menstrual cramps, vomit just doesn't do it for me.

It really resonated with me when I came across this concept from the Kama Sutra:

Man is divided into three classes, the hare man, the bull man, and the horse man, according to the size of his lingam.

Woman also, according to the depth of her yoni, is either a female deer, a mare, or a female elephant.

It goes on to talk about unions of different sizes, which gets a little complicated, but what made sense to me is that if my yoni is a female deer, I should avoid the horse lingam.

I didn't need a text from ancient India to tell me what I already suspected, but it helped validate the idea, because all I'd ever heard, from men AND women, is that bigger is better.

I would often get messages from men on dating sites who would START OFF telling me the measurement of their cock. Like they took a ruler to it when they were 12 and decided that that was it, they'd hit the dick jackpot and women would forever be fawning over them. What they don't know is that all they'd done was repulse me. Actually, if I was feeling nice, I'd reply and try to gently explain that that may not be the best introductory message. But often they'd get offended that I was not impressed, so it was usually easiest to just block them and their monumental dick from my life.

And here's the other thing about big dicks. I've found that the men who have them often (but definitely not always) have NO IDEA how to actually pleasure a woman, because they've just relied on size their whole life. And I suspect that while a lot of women DO get off on that, there are many of us who politely endure the thrusting, wait for the guy to instantly fall asleep, and then finish ourselves.

At least in my generation, no one talked about what women wanted and everyone assumed that the larger the dick, the better. We didn't even know we had options.

But I've been lucky to explore options and I'm here to say, I'd happily hang out with Chad, and not just for the free dinner. Of course, I'd need to get to know him better before I'd do anything sexual with him, because that is another option I've discovered: I have a say in how slow or fast things go. But he'd have a chance at least, being a nice guy and all.

I don't invite every guy with a small dick to send a photo to my inbox, either. I don't like seeing any dick, large or small, without consenting first.

And I generally insist on questioning the status quo, on not trusting the tendency, and certainly on not believing the snarky drunk sorority girls that get in my Uber car dissing on pencil penises.

So while I have nothing against all the women who seem to NEED huge cocks, I'm not buying it for myself. I've even heard of kinky play parties where only well-endowed men were invited. To each his own, who am I to judge their kink? It's their party.

But I do like discussion about things people don't seem to talk about much. And I am forever curious about all the amazing and beautiful and different ways we exist in this world.

You know what size really matters most? To me, anyway.

The size of someone's compassion. The size of someone's empathy. The size of someone's tolerance, openness, kindness, intelligence, humor.

The size of someone's heart.

You still may not get a blow job if you have a huge heart but your dick triggers the gag reflex more than I can handle. But, I'm discovering there are options. And I'm always curious to explore.

And if you do have a small dick, watch out. I'm the girl who's coining SPA. Anything could happen.

Now, let's talk about height. ;)