Rugby Daddy

'Ehhh,' Stu and Nick said in unison, darting looks between one another as Eric looked on expectantly, wide-eyed and mouth agape.

Stu tried his best to form an answer, but all that came out of his mouth was a pondering 'ummmm'. His heart felt like it would explode from his chest.

Nick grabbed a nearby through and draped it over his shoulders. It barely covered the top-half of his body, and somehow made it worse, as if he were trying to hide something.

'Is someone going to tell me what the fuck is going on here?' Eric demanded.

'It's not what it looks like, Eric,' Nick said.

'Well what does it look like then?' Eric's brows furrowed, becoming angry.

'I-I came over this morning,' Stu stammered. 'I thought you were back already, but you weren't here, and I ... your Dad offered me breakfast,' he gestured towards the table on the patio. 'But I spilled coffee all over my clothes, so I took them off to dry ...' His voice trailed off, the makeshift lie sounding pathetic in his panicked voice.

Eric squinted his eyes and looked to the side. 'You wet your clothes...? So why aren't you dressed, Dad?'

'It got him too!' Stu interjected. He needed to calm down. His excitable demeanor was giving him away. Please believe me, he thought in his head.

'It looks pretty dry to me,' Eric nodded to the table, with its assortment of breakfast food. 'Ok, can someone tell me what's actually happening here, Dad?' He was losing patience.

Nick took a beat, looking at Eric, and finally turned to Stu. 'I'm sorry, I can't lie to him.'

'Wait!-' Stu started, but Nick held up a hand to silence him before continuing his explanation.

'Eric, I'm sorry. We didn't mean for this to happen, it was only meant to be a one time thing, but one thing led to another ...'

Stu stood frozen. It was happening. The truth was coming out and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He could feel his heart beating through his chest. He would give anything to just disappear and pretend none of this was real.

'What was meant to be a one time thing?' Eric held out his hand, palm up, his confusion strewn across his face and body language.

'Stu and I have been ... messing around.'

'Messing around, as in ...?' Eric looked from one to the other, an inquisitive look on his face.

Both Stu and Nick remained silent, their heads slightly bowed as if bracing themselves for Eric's explosive response.

Then it dawned on Eric, his body straightening up, his muscles clenched, his face frozen.

And the room became eerily silent, no one making any sounds, their breaths held in. It was like being in the eye of a storm, waiting for the moment the chaotic destructive winds crashed down on them.

'No ... no, you're messing with me. This is a sick joke, obviously. You're playing a prank,' Eric's mind suddenly went into overdrive, his mouth running explanations.

'Eric, listen-' Nick moved towards his son.

'It can't be true, my Dad and my best-friend?' Eric passed a hand through his hair and paced the room, not looking at anyone now.

'Eric, I'm sorry,' Nick held out his hand to the panicked man, but Eric shirked off the touch.

'Don't come near me, this is insane. I can't believe what you're telling me.'

'We didn't mean for this to happen.'

'But it did happen, is what you're telling me.'

Stu could only watch in horror at the interaction, the panic setting in, the rising voices of Eric and Nick as the truth spiraled and took everything inside its chaotic maelstrom. The two men walked in circles around the room.

'Calm down, please.'

'No, I won't. This is so fucked up.'

'I know, but listen-'

'No, you listen. You fucked my best-friend. He's my friend. Ugh, I can't get the image of you two together.'

'Eric-'

'I feel like I'm losing my fucking mind.'

'Please just sit down-'

'No! You don't tell me what to do. What did you run out of guys to fuck? So you had to try it on with Stu?'

'It's not like that.'

'And you!' Eric turned for the first time to Stu, who was still rooted in place where he stood. A confused look of hatred and hurt crossed his expression. 'How could you betray me like this? With my Dad?'

'I-I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do this to hurt you,' Stu said in a little voice. 'We were just ...'

'Screwing each other behind my back? Ughhh, were ye doing it while I was here? Sneaking off to be with each other,' Eric twisted his face up in disgust. The abject horror clear in his face.

'No! No, we never did,' Stu reassured his best-friend.

'Is that why you're friends with me, because you took a shine to my Dad?'

'You're getting this all wrong. You're my best-friend. I care about you, this just sort of happened...'

'Why him? There's plenty of older men you could've gone after. Why my Dad? Am I the only one who thinks this is so fucked up?'

'Don't you think we know that?'

'Well, it didn't stop you from having fun with each other!'

'Eric, please..' Nick started. 'It was only meant to be a once-off, but we clicked and really hit it off and ... have developed feelings for one another.'

Eric looked horrified. 'Uhhh, if you hooked up once, as weird as that is, maybe I could've dealt with that, but what are you saying about feelings? Are you dating? Are you in love?'

The two other men remained silent, not wanting to press on their feelings or speak allowed what their thoughts were, frankly they hadn't discussed it with each other so the last thing they wanted to do was open that out in front of Eric.

'You know what? I'm done, this is fucked. I'm done with this,' Eric threw his hands up, grabbed his stuff and made for the door.

'Eric, please stop, let's talk about this-' Nick tried to grab his son.

'Let me go,' Eric shrugged off his Dad and continued, making a beeline for the front door.

'Eric, wait,' Stu ran, but he was gone.

'Leave him go,' Nick told Stu, as they both watched Eric running down the driveway and away from the house.

The discussion was over, but the sinking feeling of guilt weighed heavily on both men.

Nick moved to wrap his arms around Stu so he could hold him tight, but the younger man squirmed away.

'I can't,' Stu said, slipping away inside, unable to touch the man who he felt dearly for. 'It doesn't feel good now,' he said before heading to the bedroom to get dressed.

*****

Stu looked towards the door of the café for the umpteenth time, and then checked his phone for messages just as many times as he had the door.

'Where is he?' he thought, wondering where Joao was. He wasn't normally the late one.

He played with the napkin beside his coffee cup, now nothing more than shreds due to his impatience and anxiety.

The sound of the door opening drew his attention and exhaled a sigh of relief, glad to see the familiar face of Joao entering.

'Hey,' Stu called, waving to his friend.

'Hey,' Joao weaved in between the other customers and sat himself down opposite Stu. He looked evasive, avoiding eye contact with Stu.

'Thanks for coming. So, have you heard from him?' Stu asked, not needing to mention Eric's name. They were both well aware of the topic at hand.

Joao made a sigh. 'A bit,' he pretended to look at a drinks menu on the table.

'Well?' Stu pressed.

'He's only spoken to me a bit...'

'Where is he? Do you know where he's staying? I haven't heard anything from him in days. He hasn't been returning any of my messages.'

'I don't know,' Joao still had his eyes lowered, looking at the piece of card in his hands.

'Will you look at me?' Stu said finally, raising his to the surprise of the nearby customers.

Joao looked up at him in shock. He wasn't his usual chirpy self. Something was definitely up with him.

'What aren't you telling me? And why are you acting all weird?'

'Dude, I'm the one who warned you about this, messing around with Eric's dad. It was always going to end badly.'

'So you're a sage all of a sudden,' Stu crossed his arms in a huff.

'You know what? I don't need this. I've got stuff going on.' Joao made to get up, but Stu grabbed his arm.

'Wait, I'm sorry. I just want to know he's ok.'

Joao breathed deeply and resumed his seat.

'He's fine, he just needs time away from you and his Dad.'

'So you've spoken to him, have you seen him?'

Joao bit his lip.

'Wait, is that why we had to meet at a café? Is he staying with you?'

'Uhhh, nothing gets past you, girl,' Joao threw his hands up, annoyed he couldn't keep Eric's whereabouts a secret.

'I have to see him-'

'No! I promised I wouldn't let anyone know where he was. And you better not go over there, or else he'll cut me off too and no one will know where he is. Trust me, Stu, and this isn't a faux plea to stay away: don't come over. You'll only push him further away, and believe me, he's still not over what happened.

Suddenly Stu was the one lost for words. Joao's words had put a stop to his plan to track down his best-friend. If he didn't want to see him, maybe it really was better to keep his distance.

He looked down at his coffee, long gone cold at this stage.

'Uhh,' Joao cut in on the silence, 'all this drama between you guys. You know, having to take care of Eric and also secretly know about you and his Dad hasn't been all roses. I have things going on in my own life as well you know, not like anyone cares to ask how I am. I haven't had any time to deal with it though, thanks to you all overshadowing it.'

Stu blushed red. 'I'm sorry, I've been a horrible friend. To Eric, for obvious reasons, and you too, I haven't taken much interest in your life lately. How are things with you anyway?' Stu tried to claw back a smidge-worth of normality between them, before when things had gotten all messy.

'Ah, just dealing with men, I don't wanna talk about it,' Joao rolled his eyes and waved his hand dramatically, back to his old sassy self.

Stu couldn't help but smile at his friend's humour.

The two men laughed lightly, a levity returning to the air between them.

'But seriously, girl, you need to just give him space. He's processing things. Don't pressure him. You don't need me to tell you know fucked up this situation is.'

'I know,' Stu looked down. 'I just miss him.'

*****

Things had become adrift between Stu and Nick too.

After Eric had stormed out, Stu had gotten dressed, professing to Nick how much of a mistake their affair had been.

They were both upset, emotional and wracked with guilt over Eric, who they cared deeply for in their own way. It had cast a dark cloud of their time together, their interactions with one another. Like something had been spoiled and all that remained was the rotting smell, taking the place of what had once been wonderful and joyous.

They hadn't seen each other in the days afterwards, and their initial messages back and forth over Eric's whereabouts had soon petered off to a radio silence.

That was until Stu, at home one weekend evening, feeling the guilt consume him like a bubbling swamp from beneath, messaged Nick about his feelings.

'We can't do this anymore, Nick,' he sent.

'What do you mean?'

It's over.'

'You know how much I like you, Stu,' Nick replied.

'I know, I like you too, you know I do, but Eric is my best-friend. He's really important to me, and I hurt him badly. And he's your son, you need to put him first, as a priority.'

Nick took a while to reply to this.

'You're right. I know you're right. It's a shame it has to be this way.'

Stu had tears in his eyes upon reading the message. He knew what Nick meant. They'd really clicked, a connection made between them, but they had to put that aside for the good of Eric. To keep the friendship between them intact and the relationship between Eric and Nick too.

But it didn't lessen the hurt of having to swallow the strong romantic feelings they had for one another - just pushing those aside as if they didn't matter was painful.

He thought back to the times they'd had with one another - in the living room watching the rugby, hooking up in the woods on the trek, making out the showers of the locker room, having a romantic dinner together, wrapping up in each others' arms in Nick's bed, smiling across from one another at breakfast. The brief memories were more than just sexual escapades, they were a collage of two men who gravitated towards one another and who wanted to repeat those moments again and again stretched out into the future of their lives.

But that was over now. It was no longer possible to see that future ahead of them. Tears streamed down Stu's face now as he tried to wipe them away from his eyes.

'I love you,' he typed, but deleted it and wrote a new message.

'I had fun, but it has to be this way. Thanks for the memories,' he sent the message.

Cold, he thought. With an obligatory sign-off. He was ashamed at how pathetic he had sounded, after all he had felt for the man, but what more was there? He couldn't keep clinging on to their romance when it was dead in the water.

So he chucked his phone on to the bed, not wanting to delve more into his hurt, pained feelings.

The deed was done. Time to move on.

All that was left was the barren hole in his chest that felt like it would never stop aching.