The Tale of the Tape

It wasn't obvious. But I knew it was pornography the moment I saw the label. It was the lack of obviousness that tipped me off I think, like it tried too hard to be inconspicuous. I was upset at first though really it was none of my business. Dell was a guest in our house but this basement room was, temporarily, his space and he was a grown man. If he wanted to keep an adult videotape and didn't flaunt it to my husband or me, who was I to judge?

It was the title, though, that piqued my curiosity. "Catch Her on the Thigh," it read in small black letters on the muted gold spine. Part of the "Great Moments in Literature" collection, evidently. I had heard about examples of artful or intellectual pornography. Could this be such a thing? Let me spoil it for you. It most certainly was not. But my curiosity got the better of me and the thought of it would nag at me until I knew more.

Dell worked with our son Andrew until recently. They were on a specialty construction crew, travelling the country and sometimes the world creating one of a kind spaces. But Dell unfortunately suffered a career-ending injury and now that he was rehabilitated he faced a difficult transition into the sort of work that would accommodate his limitations.

Dell didn't have family to rely on so Andrew begged us to help him get started. I wasn't thrilled with the idea. But Andrew's dad was all for it so that's all there was to it. And I grew to like having him around. He was a lot like our son. Neat, respectful, easy to get along with. He was pessimistic about his chances to find meaningful work but I dedicated myself to the task and he responded to my enthusiasm.

I work from home, proofreading and editing copy for a magazine publisher. So I had the leisure to help him learn to type and keep books, work on his resume, practice his interviewing skills. We would sit at the breakfast table poring over the classified ads looking for something, anything remotely within his capabilities. I would send him out in his suit and tie to fill out applications and would console him when he returned in the afternoon, hopeful but dejected.

Over the summer I promised some favors and got him an unpaid internship at my own company, just so he would have some office experience. It was humbling for him, going from being a prized member of a skilled work crew to operating a copy machine and delivering inter-office memos. But he threw himself into the work and my colleagues reported satisfaction with his performance. The internship, unfortunately, was unlikely to turn into anything permanent.

I continued to work at home, an arrangement I made years before when I was raising a young family. As an empty-nester I saw no reason to change nor did my employer. I was paid by the work completed so there was no problem if I stepped away from my desk to visit the grocery or to do some housework. It was while running the vacuum that I noticed the videotape that led to my downfall.

'Catch Her on the Thigh', I pondered. A play on the name of JD Salinger's famous novel. I wondered if the tape followed the plot of the book at all. From what I recalled, there were a few scenes that might be sexualized. The book's protagonist, Holden Caulfield, interacts with and fantasizes about several women, including the mother of one of his classmates. He hires a prostitute but is unable to consummate the arrangement. If someone wanted to stretch the plot, I could imagine how it might be done.

The next morning, after Dell left for work, I slipped into his room with ill intent. He had a small portable television with a built-in videocassette recorder, something that travelling workers like him relied on for entertainment in their isolated dormitories. I turned it on and popped in the tape, rewinding it to the beginning and noting the counter number so I could put it back in the same spot that I found it. I was getting excited as the tape machine rewound, heat rising in my cheeks and breast.

The movie, as it turned out, had nothing to do with the book, nothing at all. In fact, it had no plot whatsoever. What it did have was a fairly attractive woman wearing a sexy bra and panties having vigorous sex with a fairly attractive, tough-looking man. I watched the entire first scene, still expecting some kind of plot or dialogue beyond 'Fuck me!' and 'Oh yeah.'

The man removed the woman's panties and performed oral sex on her. That didn't do much for me though she seemed to enjoy it. Then she removed his bikini underwear and performed oral on him. This was rather impressive because he had a sizable organ yet she was able to take it completely into her mouth. I shuddered to think how she managed that disappearing act.

Then they had sex in a variety of positions and before I knew it I was in full arousal. I didn't dare masturbate in our guest's room in case I left some lingering evidence of it for him to find. But I knew what I would be thinking about later when I was in the bath. It was a well-produced video and the actors were attractive and seemed to have real chemistry with one another.

Then they did something shocking. While they were copulating dog-style, the man pulled completely out of her vagina and began pressing his cock between the cheeks of her ass. She did not object to this. Rather, she lay her head on her arm and pushed her ass toward him, inviting him to take her that way.

The camera zoomed in while he sodomized her. It wasn't an optical illusion. Slowly but effortlessly, the head of his penis pushed her sphincter muscles aside and burrowed into her anus while she let out a long, satisfied groan. Then he began stroking in and out until he came with a grunt in her poor beleaguered butthole. Then a new scene started with another couple. No exposition, no explanation.

I was stunned as I forwarded the tape to the starting point and placed it back among the row of videocassettes. I went to my own bathroom and started the hot water running. I was disturbed and a little sickened by how the scene ended. I mean, I've watched porn before and I have even seen women taking it up the butt. But it always seemed like the women in these scenes were less attractive than other actresses, less desirable, and the act was always treated like a special event, like a circus sideshow.

The woman in the scene in "Catch Her" was rather pretty, like me. Or, rather, like I might have been ten or twenty years ago when I was still attractive to the opposite sex. And the way they switched so effortlessly from the right hole to the wrong one. They didn't treat it like a special event. They made it seem like something people just do. I thought that was wrong.

Despite my disgust, I was still aroused enough to be impatient for the bath to fill. Resting in the hot sudsy water, eyes closed and middle finger in the joy position, I visualized the actress lying spread-legged on the couch and imagined I was her, the tough-looking young man looming over me with his hard cock pointing at my womanhood.

As my finger worked and my breath grew short, the scene changed in my rebellious mind and I heard the woman's long, satisfied groan. My free hand went under my left cheek and sought out the cleft between my buttocks. Against my better judgement and almost against my will, I touched my own anus, marveling both at the wrinkled landscape under my fingertip and the alien feeling of being touched there for no reason other than pleasure.

And it was pleasurable. My climax struck almost immediately and I shame-facedly finished my bath as if nothing had happened.

*****

It felt weird interacting with Dell after that. I had a nagging fear that I left some evidence of what I'd done. Though going over it in my mind I left nothing to chance. I also couldn't stop imagining Dell watching his dirty movie in the privacy of his room. Did he do so nightly or only once in a while? Would that sort of thing ruin him for normal women? If he was with a girl, would he resent her for not having big bouncing breasts? Or her inability to deep throat him? Or her unwillingness to have unnatural intercourse?

I also felt weird because each morning after Dell went to work I invaded his room again to fetch the tape and take it to the living room so I could watch it on the 40-inch. One day, one scene, each much like the others only with different attractive actors. A round of mutual oral, an energetic fuck in multiple positions, finishing each time in the ass as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

Knowing what to expect each time, I didn't hesitate to begin pleasuring myself the moment I hit play on the remote control. I tried to time my orgasm during the vaginal portion of the program but if I was still en route when the man spread the woman's cheeks I would certainly finish the moment his big dick began squeezing into her butthole.

One day I noticed that the tape was stopped at a different point. I had a moment of excitement to realize that Dell must have watched the tape the night before, perhaps masturbating as I would soon be doing. I rewound the tape just far enough to watch the scene he must have been watching. I finished very quickly that day, long before they switched to anal. But even then I watched the scene through to the very end.

Perversely, I took up the habit of exploring myself while I was in the bath or shower. It wasn't masturbation. As I said, I was taking care of that need on the living room couch. But I grew to enjoy the feeling of spreading myself and stroking my anus and even trying to push my fingertip inside it. When I finally succeeded it was a feeling I could not have imagined. I pushed it in and out for several minutes, imagining it was a penis.

But there is a magnitude of difference between a lady's slender finger and a man's stiff dick, especially the big healthy cocks featured in the videotape. My own husband's penis was big enough, from what I could remember. It had been a while since I was in any danger from that quarter.

Out of curiosity I made a field trip to the adult bookstore just outside the city limit. There were shelves of pink and purple dicks and I even found toys made specifically for sticking up your bum. But I imagined the shame I would feel if such a thing were discovered in my possessions. So I bought a small vibrator fashioned to look like a lipstick, paying cash to cover my trail. I put it in my purse and it quickly became my favorite accessory.

*****

The makers of "Catch Her on the Thigh" made some attempts at changing things up in later scenes. Sadly, the situations were awkward and the dialogue forgettable. The sex was up to standard though so I had no complaints. Surprisingly, they saved their very best scene for last. The action was the same as the others. But the actors were dressed up as adult versions of Alice in Wonderland and the Mad Hatter.

I liked this very much because I was a fan of Lewis Carroll and also because the actors were so attractive. The Alice was an absolute bombshell in her white thigh-high stockings and blue gingham dress. The Hatter was more traditionally handsome than the other men on the tape and his stylish attire added to the allure. It was amazing to watch how hard he fucked this innocent-seeming woman and I wasn't even in a hurry to come when he pulled her ass down on his dick.

The little lipstick was buzzing away in my ass and my finger was working lazily when the rattling of keys snapped me back to reality. You would not believe how quickly I turned off the television, got my clothing in order and lit a candle just in time to greet my own son Andrew at the door. I was so pleased and also so mortified to see him. I hugged him with one arm, holding the other behind my back in hopes he wouldn't smell his mother's vaginal juices.

"I got a weekend off, Mom," he said. "Hope you don't mind the surprise."

I broke the embrace and took a step back to look at him. "Of course I don't mind, dear."

He cocked his head as if listening to something. "Do you hear that?"

I blushed and pretended not to hear the muffled buzz of my little anal intruder. It was still going and to my alarm I could feel it had slipped all the way into my rectum.

"Never mind that, dear. Bring in your things and I'll make you something to eat. I want to hear all about your trip."

The moment he went back out I darted to my bathroom and after several tries I managed to extract the vibrator between two fingers. I washed it and my hands and ran wet wipes over my anus and vagina.

Andrew was in his room when I returned and when I heard him go into the hall bathroom I popped the tape out of the VCR and ran it down to the guest room, slipping it into its gap in the row of Dell's videotapes.

As Andrew and I sat eating chicken sandwiches and talking about his latest project I congratulated myself on negotiating a potentially humiliating situation. It wasn't until late that night as I lay in bed thinking about Alice getting pounded in the ass that I realized my fatal mistake. I didn't rewind the tape. And it was Friday night. I could only cross my fingers that Dell wouldn't watch the tape until I had a chance to correct my oversight.

My opportunity came the next evening when Andrew took Dell to a party to meet his friends. I saw that my husband was dozing off in front of the television and slipped off to the basement. I froze when I saw the empty slot in the row of videotapes. Heart thudding in my chest I pressed eject on Dell's TV/VCR. A tape popped out of the slot with a muted gold label and small black letters that read "Catch Her on the Thigh".

*****

"May I ask you a question, Mrs Greene?" Dell asked Monday morning over breakfast.

I had been waiting for the shoe to drop and his use of my last name tipped me that the time had come.

"Yes, of course, Dell," I replied.

He looked nervous and took a gulp of his coffee. "By any chance, did you look at one of my videotapes?"

I let out a guilty sigh. It would be good to get this over with.

"I owe you an apology, Dell. I invaded your privacy and for that I am very sorry."

"Oh no, Mrs Greene," he protested. "I'm the one who should be apologizing. I feel terrible for bringing that trash into your home."

"Don't sweat it, Dell. It wasn't all that bad, really. Pretty good, in fact, as far as that sort of thing goes."

"You, uh, watched it then?"

"Well yeah, Dell. I'm not a square, you know."

I was careful not to act as embarrassed as I felt. Sometimes it's best to brazen things out. Dell wasn't doing so well at disguising his discomfort.

"Huh, well. I guess it's okay if you want to borrow it again."

That caught me by surprise and I was just about to say it wasn't necessary when I realized that wouldn't be true. Because as uncomfortable as the thought was of openly borrowing Dell's video nasty, I knew I wanted to watch it some more, a lot more. I never even got to see the end of the Alice scene and I could be watching it the moment Dell left for work, without guilt or fear of being discovered.

"Thank you, Dell," I said in as dignified a voice as I could manage. "That's generous of you."

"No problem, Mrs Greene," he replied, adding, "I mean, Lisa."

*****

The office threw a party for Dell when his internship ended. I drove him to work that day so I could fulfill my in-office obligations and join the staff for cake and non-alcoholic champagne at 3 pm. I treated him to an early dinner at Bennigan's and enjoyed some wine while he had beer. The alcohol may have loosened our tongues though we were far from intoxicated.

"May I ask you a personal question?" Dell asked.

"How personal?"

"Why do you and Mr Greene sleep in separate bedrooms?"

"That's pretty personal, Dell."

"Well," he said, "My foster parents slept in separate rooms because Bill snored so much. Just thought it must be a lonely way to live."

I thought it over and decided to be honest. "I'll tell you, Dell, if you'll accept my explanation and, uh, keep it to yourself."

He nodded his assent so I told him the sad truth. "The fact is, Mr Greene no longer finds me desirable, as a woman."

"That's hard to believe," he replied.

"Well, it's true. We have a good relationship otherwise, see no reason to change that. But we've agreed that the sleeping together part of our lives is behind us."

"Do you still find him desirable?"

Dell was pushing my boundaries but his question made me feel introspective so after a few moments of thought I answered him.

"I don't think so. Certainly not like when we were younger. But... I think I would desire him more if he felt the same way about me. It's different for men."

Dell shook his head. "I'm not so sure about that."

"That's because you're young. When you get to be my age you may see things differently. Drink up, now. I still have to make dinner for Frank."

*****

That uncomfortable conversation should have been the end of it but of course it wasn't. My husband left the house early on Saturday to go golfing and Dell and I were planning to visit a local business college where I thought he might enroll. Dell had other things on his mind.

"How long has it been for you," he asked.

"Since what?" I asked, confused.

"Since you and your husband..."

I blushed hotly. "You shouldn't ask me that."

"I'm sorry," he replied. "It's just that... when I get married I would hope that my wife and I would have that spark, you know, for as long as we're together. It's depressing to think I might not have that."

I reflected on my situation. It wasn't that bad. But it wasn't that good, either. I had a fine life, an enviable life. If intimacy wasn't a part of it, well, that was unfortunate but it wasn't a deal-breaker. I certainly wasn't going to discuss all that with Dell.

"I wish you all the love and happiness with your future wife, Dell. But that's a conversation you should have with her, not me."

"I understand, Lisa," he said, then abruptly changed the subject. "Oh hey, I got something you might find interesting."

He slid a brown paper bag across the table to me and inside it was a videocassette in a lurid glossy case.

"What the fuck, Dell," I said.

"It's that girl from the scene you like. Alice in Wonderland."

I regretted ever telling him that. I slipped the tape out of the bag. The case was covered with pictures of men and women caught in the throes of passion and sure enough, the Alice from "Catch Her" was featured prominently on the cover under the title, "Mid-Air Orgasm". She was dressed like an old-fashioned flight stewardess and I instantly forgot my annoyance at Dell's inappropriateness.

"Why don't you borrow that, tell me how you like it?" He said.

"I'll borrow it, thank you. I won't tell you how I like it, though. Sorry."

"Fair enough, Lisa. You ready to go visit that college?"

My eyes lingered on the obscene images as I slid it back into the paper bag. I was tempted to suggest we postpone the visit.

*****

I was pleasantly surprised that "Mid-Air Orgasm" actually had a plot, though it was nonsensical, and that the acting and dialogue were passable. The film followed the sexual antics of a 747 flight crew in the swinging seventies. The Alice actress had a husband though so she didn't engage in the hedonism around her.

But then at a weather-induced layover she is compelled to have sex with two men. It wasn't explained why. Just porno reasons and that suffices. One of the men was a nice guy, a member of her flight crew, young and attractive. He and she were friends and she visits his hotel room for some romantic, loving intercourse.

The other guy was a frequent flyer, older, a bit of a jerk. He visits her hotel room and for some reason she agrees to have sex with him. He is upset though that she isn't more enthusiastic about it so he decides to punish her. He rolls her onto her stomach for "...something different. Something not even my wife will do." Sure enough, he lubes her up and after a little fingering he buggers her.