The Tale of the Tape

I was a different woman after that night, having stepped outside my lifeless marriage with both feet. I was a sexual being now and no longer cared to repress that part of myself. Not that I intended to be promiscuous. Dell and I wouldn't be pursuing a relationship and I had no plans to jump into bed with anyone else. That didn't mean I couldn't feel sensual, worthy of being a lover.

I started haunting the new mall in town and making some overdue updates to my wardrobe. I didn't have many opportunities to get dressed up but I wanted to improve my game on the occasions I did. And just because I worked at home didn't mean I couldn't look nice. I treated myself to some indulgent nightwear to enjoy in the privacy of my bedroom. My new preference, though, was to sleep wearing nothing but a dab of perfume.

My husband Frank was taking care with his appearance as well. He no longer had Dell to compete with so I guess he was only responding to the changes I was making. I thought it was good for both of us so I encouraged him with compliments as he occasionally encouraged me. They were empty compliments on both sides. It had been years since he lost interest in me and while I didn't know who I was dressing for I knew it wasn't him.

I did some shopping at the adult bookstore. Not the same one every time. It would have been too embarrassing to purchase all that I wanted from the same one. My secret lipstick vibrator kept its place in the bottom of my purse because I liked running across it when I was searching for keys. But it was too small now for how I used it and I replaced it with a set of butt plugs I named The Three Bears. Momma Bear was just right but that didn't stop me trying Poppa Bear every now and then to prove I could.

For the front door I got a pair of toys to give my tired fingers a break. One was a thick, blue-veined dildo which I named D, after Dell of course. Nowadays when I hear someone talk about 'sucking D' or 'giving the D' I enjoy a private laugh. The other was a mechanical monster I called Black & Decker. It vibrated and moved in a variety of ways that I could select or set to randomly change. It quickly became my favorite for the power of its sensations and the surprises it gave me.

I mainly used D to practice giving head. I wasn't just pleasuring myself, after all. I was training myself to give pleasure. Many an evening hour I spent with D in my mouth and Black & Decker buzzing away in my puss. Sometimes I would pair D in my bush with Baby Bear in my tush and pretend I was the heroine of "Mid-Air Orgasm". The next guy who slept with me was going to have the time of his life.

I was sure to shave every day and started keeping my pubes trimmed. I wanted to be ready for just in case. 'Just in case you get laid,' I'd tell myself, 'In case you get picked up and fucked.' It amused me to say things like that, to use those nasty words I would never say in company. I began wearing makeup again too. Not a lot, just a touch. But I made it a daily ritual and studied myself in the mirror as I daubed my lips and eyes.

Dell's room in the basement became my exercise room with a rack of dumbbells and a cross-country ski machine and a foam mat for floor exercises. Dell left behind his TV/VCR unit so I could watch exercise tapes but he also left his copy of "Catch Her on the Thigh" and I pretty much invented my own stretching regimen while bending myself in imitation of the ladies on the screen.

I became aware of the men around me. Like I said, I wasn't looking to jump into bed with just any man. But I started thinking what kind of man might make me take the leap. When someone paid me attention, instead of automatically rejecting him in my mind as a married woman should I let myself wonder what he would be like as a companion and lover. And as I grew into the role, men were paying attention.

*****

There was a guy at my work, Nick, a layout designer. I only saw him once or twice a month when I went in to fulfill my in-office obligations. When he saw me he always made the effort to say 'Hey' and catch up on the minutiae of our lives. He apparently liked my new look when I debuted it. Kind of hard to miss the way he looked me up and down every time I ran into him in the hallway. He was a good-looking guy, smart, funny, so why would I object?

The magazine held a party for the staff, after hours and off-site, to celebrate a new record set in circulation numbers. Nick had a few drinks too many and I overheard someone asking for a volunteer to drive him home. I knew his apartment was just up the street from the office and I had driven over with my manager so I suggested I drive him home in his car and walk over to mine. Nick seemed pretty pleased with this plan and leaned on me heavily as I helped him to his car.

He got handsy on the way back to his place and alternated telling me how good I looked and singing loudly along with the radio, slurring the words and getting half of them wrong. It doesn't show my judgement in a good light that I found all this endearing and thought that this might be a chance for me to get lucky. We pulled up in the parking lot of his apartment building and I invited myself in for a cup of coffee.

'Why not?' I thought. 'We could chat a little, maybe do some kissing, see how it goes.'

"You can't come in," he said, "But that doesn't mean we can't get it on right here."

He pounced on me which was unexpected but I rolled with it and let him crawl on top of me in the driver's seat of his car. He was like an animal as his mouth sought my neck and his hands clawed at my clothing. I realized how intoxicated he must be because his breath was blowing eighty proof as his hands found their way up my skirt and blouse. Then as suddenly as the assault began... it was over.

"Nick?" I asked. "Are you there?"

He had stopped mauling me and was now just laying on me. I tried to shake him. Then he started to snore.

I got the door open and managed to crawl out from under him. Once I got Nick awake enough to walk he weakly tried to resume our romantic interlude but I persuaded him to let me help him get to his door. No way was I still in the mood but I couldn't just leave him there in that condition.

His apartment door opened just as we reached it and a woman stood in the doorway looking at us incredulously. She saw the disheveled state of our clothing and angrily grabbed the shoulders of his jacket to pull him inside.

"I only..." I started to say but she didn't want to hear it.

"I can take it from here," she snapped. "Thank you very much."

The next time I saw Nick he apologized for never telling me he had a girlfriend who lived with him. Now that she had moved out maybe we could have that cup of coffee. I pointed out my wedding band and said that I kind of forgot I had someone at home too so maybe we should forget about the coffee. He looked downcast but I was thinking I dodged a bullet that time.

*****

I went to visit my daughter Cindy at school and thought it would be a good opportunity to live it up a little. I asked her how she felt about dispensing with the family-friendly activities she had planned so we could go out partying with her friends instead. Cindy liked the idea and that afternoon a posse of us girls headed to the sports bar where they liked to kick off their nights out.

Now, there was no way I could pass myself off as a college student and I certainly wasn't going to openly flirt with guys in front of my daughter. But I can tell you I got a lot of attention that night. The group of us were dancing together on a crowded dance floor and guys would randomly start dancing with one or another of us. In the darkness and under the flashing strobe lights I got groped and goosed and dry humped and while I pretended to be offended it made me secretly excited and proud.

We wound up at a house party and I found myself having a lively discussion about the works of DH Lawrence with a guy named Stan. You wouldn't have noticed anything improper as we sat sipping margarita and innocently chatting about Romanticism. But under the table his hand was having its way with my thighs and when it reached the top I parted them slightly in encouragement.

I was fairly certain he would have taken me back to his place if Cindy and her friends didn't take me away for a late-night coffee at Denny's. Stan asked for my phone number and I had to laugh and decline. He asked me to meet him for lunch at the student union the next day and I had to act like I didn't know why he was pursuing me.

"What was that all about?" Cindy asked me.

"He's going to apply at the magazine and wanted me to give him a reference," I lied. "But that's a lot to ask since I only just met him."

I only just met him. But that didn't stop me from delaying my drive home the next morning and sitting in the lobby of the student union through lunch, hoping to run into him. No luck there, though. In the one case I was too bold. In the other, too timid. I didn't really need a man to get myself off. But the hope of finding one helped to keep my passion hot.

*****

Cindy graduated that Spring and the whole family went down for the weekend to attend commencement. My husband and I got a room at the Horizon Inn. I noted with bitter amusement that we would be sleeping in the same room for a change though we each had a queen-sized bed to ourselves.

I got dolled up for the graduation ceremony, wearing a dress that rose high on my legs in front and dipped low on my back. I took special care with my hair and makeup and wore a strappy pair of heels. Frank did a double take when he saw me.

"Is that what you're wearing?" He asked.

"Why not?" I asked. "You don't like it?"

"I like it fine," he replied thoughtfully. "It's just... never mind."

And I didn't... mind, that is.

The ceremony was long and mind-numbingly boring, of course. That much hadn't changed since I was in college. I excused myself to visit the ladies room and, on my way back, who should I run into but my old friend Dell, all dressed up in a tastefully pinstriped suit. He had tagged along with my son Andrew and the two of them were sitting with a group of Cindy's friends from back home.

"I was hoping to run into you," he told me. "You look amazing, by the way."

"I like to hear that," I replied. "But what I really want to hear is that you have a room to yourself."

He did, at a motel a block away from mine, and he was looking forward to my visit. I felt like the threads of my life were converging on this point and I was ready to throw caution entirely to the wind.

Later I told Frank I wasn't feeling well and why didn't he and Andrew hit the town for a little boys' night out. He agreed to this a little too eagerly and minutes after they left I paid a visit to the drugstore and picked up a blank compact VHS cassette and a jar of vaseline. The clerk looked at my purchases and my appearance and his mouth fell open. I gave him a look that challenged him to say something. He kept his silence.

I knocked on Dell's door and when he answered I handed him Frank's camcorder with the fresh cassette loaded and a fully-charged battery installed.

"I want you to give me the 'Catch Her on the Thigh' treatment," I told him.

His eyes widened as he took the camera from my hands. "Are you serious?"

I didn't answer, just pushed past him to the bathroom where I got out of my dress and gave my anus a thorough coating of petroleum jelly. Dell was down to his underwear when I came out again and he had the camcorder open and recording. Still wearing my heels, I strolled confidently up to him with my bare breasts swaying with every step.

I sat down on the bed and had Dell twist the swing-out screen around so I could see myself in the camera's eye. Then I watched his stiff dick sink inch by inch into my mouth until it disappeared completely.

"That's a new trick," Dell said. "When'd you learn to do that?"

I didn't answer except to let his cock push into my throat two more times before taking it out and licking it up one side and down the other. I made sure to capture my face from every angle, the tip of his dick just between my lips or stuffed so far down my throat that my eyes were watering. The camera watched me wrap my hand around it and slap myself on the cheek with it.

Then it was his turn and I lay back on the bed with legs spread. Dell set the camera down on the night table so it was looking over my shoulder as he buried his head and shoulders between my thighs. I really hammed it up as he sloppily devoured my bush, not that it didn't feel amazing, and I squeezed and pinched and plucked at my own nipples.

We took a break to have a drink and to touch up my hair and make-up. I let Dell decide how he wanted to screw me, putting myself in his hands as he turned me this way and that, still wearing my heels, and pounded me relentlessly. All I cared was that we recorded all the action and got plenty of close-ups of his hard cock in my wet pussy. Sometimes he held the camera, sometimes I did. Sometimes we put the camera down and arranged ourselves to fit the frame.

When Dell put me on my hands and knees I knew we were nearing the 'climax' of our production. His thumbs dug into the insides of my butt cheeks while he drilled me from behind and pulled my ass apart so forcefully I had to clench to keep my hole from gaping open. I knew he could see how shiny with lube I was and could have no doubt I would refuse him nothing this time.

The thought of it triggered a memory deep inside me, a memory of the first time I saw an act of sodomy on video, back when I thought that only a third-rate porn star would let herself be fucked in the ass. I didn't even remember the name of the film, it was so forgettable, but I remembered the fat-bottomed, horse-faced girl in the scene. She and her partner did all the normal things until he got her on all fours and it was painfully obvious how greased up her ass was, just as mine was now.

I spontaneously decided to channel the girl in that video and looked back at Dell over my shoulder, looking into the lens of the camera in his hand. Coquettishly I told him, "It's all for you, darling. And I mean everything, as if it wasn't obvious."

Dell laughed and I felt the head of his cock pressing between my cheeks. Suddenly I didn't feel so cool. I felt scared. Despite everything I'd done to prepare myself for this moment, the hours I spent fingering myself, abusing myself with plugs, fantasizing about doing this very thing, it wasn't until that moment that I appreciated what was going to happen. I was about to be fucked with a real flesh and blood penis, right in my ass.

Dell pushed and pushed and I tried to put myself in the same frame of mind that I had in practice. Dell pushed and pushed and he made a little bit of progress but it hurt me, a sharp pain that brought tears to my eyes. I was trying to decide between asking him to stop and letting him tear me apart when I heard his raspy voice.

"Let me in, babe," he said and I felt myself relax and he was pushing in, filling me more completely than I ever thought possible.

"Are you... getting this?" I asked, in a pained whisper. A girl loses her backdoor virginity only once and I would hate to think we hadn't immortalized it on tape.

"I got it, Lisa, and it looks amazing."

I had a moment of misgiving when he used my name on the recording, even though my face had been featured extensively. But the sensation of Dell dragging his cock out of my ass drove the thought from my mind. Then he slowly pushed back in and all thoughts fled except the feeling of being filled and the satisfaction of making a fantasy a reality.

My arms were shaking and I was tempted to lower my face to the pillow but I wanted to stay up, to proudly look back at the camera, to participate in my ravishment and not just to endure it. Then Dell stopped screwing me and slowly slipped out of my ass.

"Everything okay?" I asked, worried that Dell wasn't enjoying it after all.

"Roll over on your back," he said. I did and he handed me the camera.

With my legs over his shoulders, Dell pushed into my ass once more and I held the camera over my chest with one hand, watching the swing-out screen to get a good view of our union. As he began to thrust into me I traced my pussy lips with the fingers of my free hand. As his breathing became labored I circled my clitoris with the tip of my middle finger. As he came in my ass, snorting like a bull, I fingered myself to orgasm and felt my sphincters clench convulsively on his softening cock.

Once I was showered and dressed and made up again I popped the cassette out of the camera and replaced it with the footage Frank had taken of our daughter's graduation. I entrusted Dell with the evidence of our lovemaking.

"Keep it in a safe place," I told him. He looked surprised but took the tape and kissed me on the ear.

"Thanks, Lisa," he said. "And keep me in mind if you ever want the 'Mid-Air Orgasm' treatment.

My eyes widened at his reference to a double-penetration but I couldn't help but smile at his boldness. "It will never happen, Dell. But if it does, you will definitely be there."

*****

To my chagrin, Frank was back in the room when I returned. I experienced a flash of fear but my pride and disdain for him gave me courage.

"Where in hell have you been?" He asked angrily.

"Do you care?" I replied haughtily, pushing past him to my bed.

"Yes," he said. "Yes, I do."

"Bet!" I spat. With my back to him I stepped out of my dress and slipped a nightgown over my head, a long shapeless nightgown that I bought specifically for this trip.

Frank was sitting on the edge of his bed when I finished brushing up and removing my makeup.

"Can we talk?" He asked.

"What's on your mind?" I replied.

"It's been a long time since we've slept together... in the same bed. What if we changed that?"

If looks could kill he would certainly be dead. "I'll remind you, dear, the separate bedrooms thing was your idea, not mine. You can't put me on ice and expect me to warm up because you changed your mind."

He hung his head, embarrassed. "What can I do to change things?"

I thought about it for a moment. Was he serious? Was he trying to save a marriage that had burned while he fiddled?

"Why don't you take me on a date?"

He looked up, surprised. "A date?"

"A date," I repeated. "If the date goes well we might go out again, get to know each other while we decide, each of us, if it's worth it to, uh, pursue a relationship."

A couple of emotions warred on his face. "Yeah, I guess we could do that."

"Let me start you off with a tip," I said as I pulled back the covers and crawled under them. "A girl has agreed to go on a date with you. You're supposed to be happy about it."

"I'm happy," he said softly as I reached for the light and clicked it off.

I rolled over and pretended to go to sleep so I wouldn't have to keep talking to him. Maybe he was serious about the two of us getting back together. I was ready to do what it takes, going forward. Maybe he would decide it was too much trouble. In which case I was done, divorce him.

Through the thick fabric of my nightgown I gingerly touched my sore nipples and pussy, clenched my sore anus. Going forward, I would do what it takes. Going forward.