Thomas and Abby

Part 3: Falling

Chapter IX.

Abby and I cuddled each other on the couch. I held her in my arms as we chatted about everything under the sun. She only periodically got up to refill our wine glasses when they were empty. The rest of the evening disappeared into the darkness of the night even though time felt like it stood still. After she'd gotten me off, all of my walls came down, and the more we talked the more I relaxed into the idea of Abby. The idea of her touching me. The idea of her wanting me. The idea of her actually liking me.

Eddie was the furthest thing from my mind. But then Abby decided to tell me a bit more about their story. Eddie had vaguely told me a version of it before. It was a very "Eddie-like" recollection of events. Basically, he'd told me that they started dating in high school and the rest was history. It was straight forward and I saw no reason to question it. Abby's telling was much more expansive and detailed, and it really painted the picture of how they'd ended up where they were now.

Abby told me that she and Eddie had started dating during their junior year of high school. They'd known each other casually for years. They grew up in the same smallish town. They'd gone to the same schools, but were just never in each other's circles. Abby was very into gymnastics since she was a small kid, and so she was often in that world going to practices and meets all the time. All of her friends were from her gym, and she didn't really feel close to anyone at school. Well during their junior year, Eddie and Abby had first period Econ together. Abby was deep into gymnastics at this point. She was good enough that she'd probably be able to go to college on scholarship. She maintained by adding early morning practices before school to her usual practice schedule. She would get to the gym at 6am and go until around 7:30am. She'd shower and take the quick drive from the gym to school to make it to first period at 8:15am.

Once she got to school, she was already running late and would barely have time to stop at her locker or grab anything to eat, so she'd stop at the school's only two vending machines for a granola bar and gatorade. She did this every morning, basically running from the vending machines to first period with all of her bags and gear before the late bell sounded. Abby was usually so flustered from that morning rush that she barely paid attention that Eddie sat right behind her in Econ. Then one day into the semester, Abby got to school and as usual she made a beeline for the vending machines. Only this time both were unplugged and out of service. The same thing happened the next day and the day after. On the third day, Abby didn't even bother with the machines. She'd gotten smart and packed a snack from home. However, when she got to her desk in Econ, she was surprised to find a small coffee in a to-go cup and a small yogurt parfait packaged up waiting for her.

Abby looked around for the mysterious good samaritan. Eddie perked up.

"I uh...I thought maybe you'd be hungry after your practice."

In Abby's retelling of the events, Eddie was a little nervous when he said it, but also earnest and genuine. And that was her first impression of him. From then on Eddie got Abby a snack every morning and left it on her desk. She started greeting him properly and thanking him for his gesture. Pretty soon that turned into Eddie walking her to her next class and chatting her up along the way. After a couple months of this, Eddie finally got up the courage to ask her out on a date.

"He was just so sweet to me back then." Abby said, smiling as she told the story, "For that first date he took me out ice skating and then we got hot chocolate after. He drove me home and kissed me when he dropped me off."

That date sealed the deal and they were an item after that.

"Everything was so dreamy back then," Abby recollected, "He was like the perfect boyfriend. Like truly straight out of the corniest tv sitcom. He walked me to my classes and carried my books. He would buy me lunch most days. He'd come over on days when I didn't have gymnastics after school. We were both crazy about one another."

They dated all of junior and senior year. Eddie was even her first, as they consummated things on prom night.

"It was all such a blur. We were both just so young and free back then," Abby said, "I ended up getting that scholarship to Emerson State. Eddie said he was gonna take a year off to figure out what he wanted to do, and he got a job at Blake's Grocery Store in town right after graduation. Emerson was only an hour away, so we figured it wouldn't be too difficult to make it work. And at first it wasn't."

Abby recalled that Eddie would drive up to Emerson on his days off to visit her for the day. She'd go home one weekend every month to spend time with him. They spent her first years in college more in love than they'd ever been.

"I just loved him so much," Abby recalled, "He was my rock, y'know? Like college was no joke. Between gymnastics and my school work, I often felt like I was just barely keeping my head above water. But Eddie was so supportive and always hyping me up. He worked around my schedule with no complaints. When I was feeling tired or down, he knew just what to do to make me smile or laugh or cheer me up. I truly felt like he was in my corner. Like I just knew I could always count on him."

Abby's face lit up as she recalled summers back home from college. She and Eddie would spend weekends away at his grandfather's cabin drinking, swimming and fucking all day and night. They were truly in love with each other and nothing seemed to exist outside of their bubble. Then her face changed. The smile in her eyes grew somber.

"It was all so good until my senior year. Early in the first semester, I took a nasty fall at practice. I busted up my right leg pretty good. Broke a couple bones in my ankle and foot and hip and completely dislocated my knee. I spent a week in the hospital, but they patched me up. However, I wouldn't be able to get back on the floor at all that semester and probably not be able to seriously compete again for the rest of the school year. Eddie took off of work for a week after I was released from the hospital and spent the week with me and my parents. He did his best to cheer me up about things, but I was down bad." Abby sighed.

Abby had hoped to graduate and turn pro and to compete nationally. By that point in her life she was too old to try out for the Olympic team, but she knew there was a robust national gymnastics league that she'd be able to compete in and maybe get some sponsorships. But the injury would take time to heal. She was looking at a couple years worth physical therapy and practice to get back to where she was. By the time she was in fighting shape again, she'd be among the oldest of the competitors and fighting for sponsorships against girls who were much younger with no previous injuries.

"I was on bedrest for a couple weeks, so I had nothing but time to slowly realize that my dreams were not going to come true, and I was devastated," Abby said, "I think that's when things started to change between Eddie and me. At first he was visiting me every week on his days off, but I was so depressed when he'd visit that I wasn't very fun to be around. He would do his best to take care of me, as I was in a wheelchair for a while, but I was irritable and snippy to him. And I just wasn't in the mood for sex at all, so there was a period of a few months where I barely wanted him to touch me."

Abby recalled that as the months went on like this, Eddie started visiting less and less. He told her he was picking up extra shifts at the grocery store for money because he wanted to save up and get out of his parents' house. That's when another major change happened.

"Early in the winter semester, Eddie came to visit me. We'd just seen each other a few weeks before during Christmas break. At the end of break, we'd gotten into a huge fight. He yelled at me about how he felt like his life had no meaning. He hated working at the grocery store, but felt like he didn't have many other choices. He didn't really have any friends around as most of them were away at college, and he felt like I hated him now," Abby said, "He was frustrated with my attitude toward him and the lack of sex, and he commented that maybe we didn't need to be together anymore."

Abby took a breath and continued.

"I felt really bad about that. When I got back to school I took a couple days to really do some thinking. Eddie didn't deserve how I was treating him at all. It wasn't his fault that I got injured. Also, his musings about his life having no meaning really put my own issues into perspective, yknow? Like I was set to graduate in the spring. Sure, I wouldn't be turning pro in gymnastics, but I'd have a degree and could probably do something else in gymnastics. I made some calls to my academic advisor and he told me about a certification program I could do in the summer for Physical Ed. and Sports Coaching. I'd graduate a little later, but I'd be able to coach gymnastics if I wanted."

Abby smiled.

"I was finally feeling excited again about post college stuff. I loved gymnastics and I knew so much. I knew I could be a really good coach, especially to young girls looking to compete seriously or even just compete well enough to get into college on scholarship."

"So, what happened with Eddie?" I asked, fully invested now.

"Well, when he came to visit me he apologized for the things he'd said over Christmas break. I apologized to him too for how I had been treating him. We made up and for the first time in months, we actually had a couple days together that were really really good. We even had very careful sex and it was good. I was finally feeling like things were going to be normal again."

Abby smiled and continued.

"I told him the news about the coaching certification and he was super supportive and proud of me. He then told me that he had news of his own. His grandfather, who was a retired plant manager, had gotten him an interview at one of the newer automotive plants in town. Turns out that the hiring manager was a transplant from the place his grandfather had worked. Eddie's grandfather had mentored this guy for years and had treated him like a son. When the guy got hired as the hiring manager, he reached out to all of his contacts looking for younger guys to bring in who would be looking to make a career at the new plant."

Abby said that Eddie was really excited for the opportunity. He looked up to his grandfather a lot and wanted to make him proud. Plus the new job would come with pay that was double what he was making at Blake's. He'd also be getting regular days off and even vacation time.

"I was so happy for him and proud of him," Abby said, "I was also very hopeful for us. I was looking forward to moving back home after the certification program and being a coach. Eddie would have his plant job. We'd be unstoppable."

As Abby continued the story, I could see her mood growing more and more somber. Eddie got the job of course and started straight away. It seems the plant job is where things really turned for the worst.

"He was working there for a couple months and seemed happy enough," Abby recalled, "He was making such good money that he was able to move out of his parents' house into his own apartment within those first months. But it seemed like the job was changing him. It was hardening him. He was more quiet and and worn down when he'd come to visit. Often he'd come to visit and want sex and to sleep for most of the day. And soon he was going out drinking multiple nights a week with other guys from the plant. At first, I didn't think much of it. I was happy he was making some friends and going out. I figured, this is the time in our lives when we should be partying and having a good time. But some nights, it just got ridiculous. It wasn't unusual for me to get a call at 2am from a completely wasted Eddie wanting to talk to me and drive out to me so that we could hook up. When I would try to shut it down, he'd get so upset with me. One time he got so upset he even hopped in his car and drove the hour out to me. He showed up at my apartment at 3am belligerent and drunk and wanting sex. We got into a huge argument right out front of the complex I was living in. It was so embarrassing, me on my crutches and him drunk and yelling and slurring his words. And then I couldn't even send him back home because he was way too drunk to be driving, so I let him crash on my couch until he sobered up."

Abby said that happened quite a few times to the point where she had to tell sober Eddie not to contact her at all when he went out drinking, and that if he did it again, then they were over.

"He respected that, but I think that's when the cheating started." Abby looked down, "I'm not exactly sure when it happened first, but one time Eddie butt dialed me in the middle of the night. It was around 3am and I ignored it, thinking he was probably just drunk again. It went to voicemail and I went back to bed. The next morning I saw that he'd left a 3 minute long message and in a panic, I went to listen thinking that there was an emergency. Imagine my surprise and horror when I press play and I just hear some girl moaning and Eddie grunting and panting. And I knew it was him! I knew what it sounded like to have sex with him. I was just shocked."

Abby was so shocked that she just ignored the voicemail completely. She didn't confront Eddie. She pretended like everything was fine when she talked to him the next day.

"I was truly just frozen," She said, "I never ever would have thought he'd cheat on me. He just didn't seem like that kinda guy. Like sure, he's a bit dense sometimes, but he was crazy about me. He never even seemed like he was interested in other girls. Well, for weeks afterward I kept that to myself. I didn't confront him. I even made some peace with it. I figured, we're long distance. I can't give him sex as often as he'd like right now. He's a guy and has his needs. And I was the one who told him not to contact me on his nights out. Also, outside of his nights out, he was still my perfect boyfriend. He would still come and visit me. Even when he was dead tired from work, he'd come out and just pass out on my bed for a few days, but he never missed a day."

According to Abby, this situation is what started their "don't ask, don't tell" cheating policy. Essentially, Abby knew that Eddie was hooking up with girls on his nights out, but as long as he continued to show up for her and treat her well, she wouldn't make a stink about it.

"I did expect for it to stop by the time I came back home after graduation." Abby said, "At the end of the summer, I'd completed my certification. I was back on my feet and able to walk without crutches again. I was in physical therapy and doing great. I got a coaching job lined up for me at my old gym. When I moved back, I finally confronted him. I was careful though to be very firm and direct. I told him that I knew he'd been sleeping around while I was away. I told him that I had proof and not to deny it. I told him I wasn't mad at him and knew he had to do what he needed to while I couldn't meet his needs, but I was back now and feeling like myself. I told him I expected him to drop all of that and recommit to being my boyfriend and sleeping with me and only me. And if I found out he was stepping out again, then it was over."

Abby said that Eddie didn't deny a thing. He just apologized and agreed with her plan to move forward.

"You'd think that would be the end of it, right?" Abby said, "But it was just the beginning of a multitude of other problems. He was still going out drinking multiple nights a week when I moved back. I was living with my parents for a while when I first got back and they made it clear that he wasn't welcome over when he was in that state. He tried to get me to move into his place with him, but I think I was still too hurt from the cheating to take that step. That started an argument. Actually, lot of things seemed to turn into arguments with him. It was like he was constantly looking for reasons to fight with me."

As I listened, I started to recognize the Eddie of today that I knew so well. The drinking, the picking fights, the cheating.

"In fact, we were barely getting along for a while," Abby recalled, "It seemed like the only way to get him to take anything seriously was to break up with him. So, he'd do or say something vile or start a stupid argument. Things would escalate and I'd end up breaking up with him. We'd be broken up for a few days and then he'd come crawling back, eyes full of tears, flowers, chocolates, the works. He'd be the perfect boyfriend again for a few weeks or months and then rinse and repeat."

Chapter X.

When she finished talking we both just sat there in silence for a while. I didn't want to be the one to say it, but it was so clear that their relationship should have ended a long time ago.

"I know, I know," Abby started, "I'm stupid for having let this go on for so long. It's just that I know he has it in him to treat me well and be a good man to me. He was for so long in our relationship. I think maybe, I just kept hoping he would snap out of it."

"You're not stupid," I said, running my hands along her back, "We all just want to be loved at the end of the day. And I don't doubt that Eddie loves you. He's just not in place in his life right now to give love in a healthy way."

"Yeah, I think I'm finally realizing that."

"You do deserve healthy love though." I said.

"I know I do. I think being with you kinda snapped me out of it, y'know?" Abby said, "Eddie's just cheated on me so much that I didn't realize it was chipping away at my self-esteem. I guess I thought maybe I was just damaged goods and no one else would want me anyway."

"You are not damaged goods," I said, kissing her forehead, "Not at all."

"You're so sweet to me, Thomas. I haven't felt this way in so long and I thank you for that."

We sat in silence again for a little while, just holding each other. I felt bad for her, but also insanely angry with Eddie. I didn't know the full background of their story. I guess there was a part of me that hoped Eddie had always been the asshole that he was today. It made me feel like Abby always knew what she was getting into with him. Not that she deserved to be treated badly, but more that maybe she just loved him unconditionally. But knowing that he essentially did a bait and switch angered me. I wasn't sure what would become of me and Abby, but I knew I'd always treat her better than he had.

"Thomas?" Abby asked, looking up at me.

"Yeah?"

"Is this....healthy? Like what we're doing?" She asked, "Like are we really any better than Eddie at this point?"

I pondered. I was sleeping with my best friend's girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend now. She was sleeping with her ex-boyfriend's best friend. All in secret. Were we really in a position of moral high ground here?

"I honestly don't know, Abby," I said, "I do know that I like you an awful lot. I have for a while now. I just never did anything about it because you were Eddie's girl."

"Yeah, I've liked you for a while too," She said, "The first few times Eddie brought you around, I knew you were different from his other friends. You just had a goodness about you that I sensed right away. I also thought you were really hot."

I chuckled. It felt good to hear her say it.

"I felt the same. It took so much effort not to stare at you all of the time whenever you were around." I said.

"Oh, I know!" Abby teased.

"What?!"

"You don't think I ever caught you staring at me all those times?" She laughed, "I mean I was super flattered. And it felt good to have a guy thinking I was hot since my own boyfriend was barely giving me any attention."