Becoming My True Self

Present Day

My name is Jeremy. I'm 21 years old and a senior in college. I'm a pretty normal guy. I'm trans. I've been transitioning and on T since I was 17 in high school, and I must say, the T and genetics have been damn kind to me. I'm about 5'8 with an athletic build. Though my build has been partly T and partly regular gym sessions that I'd been maintaining over the last few years. Despite being a senior, I live in the dorms with my buddy, Jesse. We met each other at the beginning of sophomore year when we were randomly paired as roommates. We hit it off and became close, so it was a no-brainer that we'd pair up as roommates each year after.

Oh yeah, I'm also a cocksucker. I know, that's quite the abrasive introduction, but it's not like I'm ashamed of it or anything. In fact, I'm quite proud of it. I consider it just a part of who I am at this point. It definitely took a few years for me to accept this about myself and even develop some pride in my cocksucking skills. I had spent so much of my life dealing with trying to understand my own gender that by the time I was 18 and in college, I had no idea who I was otherwise. But my freshman year hit me hard and fast. I remember it like it was yesterday...

Freshman Year

During the fall semester, I started noticing the other guys around me. At first it was subtle. I'd notice the guys in my classes. Usually their hands, strong and muscular. Some even had hairy knuckles that I couldn't stop looking at. Staring at their hands progressed to staring at their necks and jawlines. Then their lips and strong brows. Sometimes I'd get so turned on just watching a guy speak that I'd rush back to the dorms to jerk off before going to my next class.

In the winter of my freshman year I started going to the gym. I wanted to look more muscular and strong, and at first that was my sole focus. Then one day I noticed a guy there running on the treadmill shirtless. Everything about him made me stop in my tracks. He was tall and lean with olive skin and dark eyes. His hair was buzzed short making his strong jaw look more pronounced. He wore a thin, gold chain around his neck and it lay flat against his collarbone. My eyes followed the trail of his collarbone to the top of his lean but muscular pecks. His chest was glistening with sweat as he ran effortlessly. It was all I could do but to stop myself from literally drooling at the sight of him. I quickly averted my eyes and walked toward a rowing machine before anyone could notice how long I was staring at him.

After the gym sessionI basically ran back to my dorm room to masturbate myself into a frenzy thinking about him. The intense look he had in his eyes.

His jaw.

His chest.

The sweat.

That same sweat dripped down his flat stomach to the waistband of the black running shorts he was wearing. The sparse happy trail down to...

It was then that I realized I had never even seen another guy's cock in person. I'd seen plenty of them in porn. I'd wondered about cocks. How they would feel in my hand. How it'd feel to have a guy fuck me with his cock. How it'd feel to have one in my mouth. That thought alone made me cum hard in my twin sized bed in the dark dorm room.

I saw him again a few days later at the gym. This time he was lifting weights in the same area as me and unfortunately he was wearing a shirt. I tried to act normal and go through my usual weight lifting routine. I would do a set then steal a glance of him here and there. After my third set of bicep curls, I glanced over at him only to find him looking directly at me. In a panic, I shifted my eyes down at my shoes and pretended to be doing another set of curls. Thankfully my dark, tan skin probably hid the intense blush I felt creeping to my cheeks and forehead.

Once I was done with my workout, I gathered my things and headed out of the building to walk back to my dorm room. As I exited the double doors, I saw him standing there in a hoodie and track pants. He was chatting away on his phone excitedly. I did my best to keep my eyes forward as I walked past him. Just when he was out of my line of sight, I felt a tug on the back of my jacket. Reflexively, I turned to see what had caught my jacket only to find him standing there with one finger held up.

"One second!" He mouthed.

I stopped in my tracks. My heart started racing. What did he want? Was he upset that I had been staring at him? I was too lost in my thoughts and nerves to hear the rest of his phone conversation as he wrapped things up.

"Alright, I'll catch you later!" He said, as his voice came back into my awareness.

I watched as he slid his phone into his pants pocket. He looked up at me.

"What's your name?" He asked

My mouth went dry. I gulped hard trying to find my words.

"Uhh...It's uh, Jeremy."

I was finally close enough to him to realize just how tall he was. He had to be over 6 feet. Up close I could see the dark shadow of a beard and moustache coming in. His eyes were much lighter up close as well. He was absolutely gorgeous. He stuck out his hand.

"Cool, I'm Mike. It's nice to meet you, Jeremy."

I shook his hand, realizing that my own hand was clammy from my nerves.

"It's uh...good to meet you too, Mike."

"You live on campus?" He asked.

I nodded.

"Yeah, I live in the west campus dorms." I said.

I could feel my heart rate slowing down as I settled into this conversation with him. His demeanor was casual and he seemed genuinely interested in chatting with me.

"I live in the north campus housing apartments," He said, "You wanna walk back together?"

My heart started racing again. What was this about? I thought he was just being friendly at first and trying to get to know a fellow gym bro. But walking to our dorms together felt rather hasty. I wanted to be cautious, but my curiosity and growing boner in my pants had other plans.

"Yeah, cool. I'm good with that." I said.

We started walking west toward my dorms. There was just silence. My mind was going a million miles a minute. What had just happened to me? This gorgeous guy just asked to walk back to the dorms together. He didn't know me. I didn't know him. Was this normal? Was this just a friendly walk? Was he upset that I had been staring at him?

"You a freshman?" He asked.

I nodded.

"Oh, Okay...I'm a senior," He said, "You like it here so far?"

"Yeah, this school was my first choice." I said, trying my best to sound relaxed.

"You go to the gym a lot?" He asked.

"Uh...well, I sorta just started." I admitted, "But um..I'm planning to go a lot."

He chuckled.

"That's how I started as well," He said, "I wanted to get in shape my freshman year."

"Yeah, it's cool that we get to use the gym here for free. I thought I should take advantage."

We walked another couple blocks in silence. My mind was still trying to figure out what he wanted. Would we just get to my dorm and part ways? Were we friends now? Would we speak again the next time I went to the gym?

"You uh...like staring at any of the other guys at the gym?" He asked.

I felt the panic rise in my body.

"Uh...I...Uh, I'm.." I stammered.

He chuckled again.

"Hey, It's good. It's all good man," He said, a smile in his tone, "I just noticed you seemed to like what you saw."

I could feel the blush rising in my cheeks again. I stared down at my shoes as we walked. He knew that I was staring at him, but he didn't seem upset about it.

"This you?" He asked.

I looked up to see that we had arrived at the main building of the west campus dorms. I was both relieved and disappointed. This was it.

"Yeah, uh...I'll see you around then?" I said.

He looked down at me. I could feel his eyes peering through me. The silence was a little awkward, but I was happy with the few extra seconds I'd get to be in his company.

"You could uh...see me right now." He said.

My heart started racing again. What did that mean? Before I could freak out, he clapped a hand on my shoulder.

"You could maybe help me out?" He said, looking into my eyes and then looking down.

I followed his gaze to his torso and then down to his crotch. There in his track pants I saw it. His bulge was rigid against his thigh. I immediately felt my own T dick get rock hard.

"Yes! Yeah, I can help out." I said, my mouth speaking before my brain could stop the words from coming out.

"Yeah?" He said, raising his eyebrows and giving me the chance to back out.

I nodded.

"Okay then, follow me." He said.

And he was off. I followed behind him. I didn't even know where we were going or what I could do to help him. I had never actually been with a guy. I had never touched a cock. How was I so sure I could help him? The thoughts swirled in my mind as I trailed him. I couldn't believe this was happening. I could feel the excitement. The nerves. The panic even. My body wanted this badly. I had jerked off many nights thinking about men and cocks. I had cum so hard the other day thinking about his cock in my mouth. Maybe I could do that?

I continued to follow him. He was walking behind the rear most building in the west campus dorms complex. As far as I knew, there was nothing behind the building but trees and woods. Sometimes I'd even see deer running from behind there. As we approached the back of the building, he started pushing aside the brush and trees.

"Over here," He said, "Nobody ever comes behind here."

I followed, pushing the thick brush that was mostly sticks as the leaves were long gone in the middle of winter. I was suspicious since there would be no real bushes to cover us. As I got to the other side of the neverending sticks and trees, I saw that there was a large, cement shed ahead with a thick, wooden door. He knowingly walked right up to it with me at his heels. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He produced his student id card.

"This should do it." He said.

He slid the card between the door and cement wall where the handle was. He jerked it around a bit as he twisted the handle back and forth. He worked at it for about a minute until I heard a click.

"Got it." He said, putting the id back into his pocket, "I used to work for University Grounds Keeping last summer. This is where they keep some of the yard tools. The lock on this door has always been faulty."

He opened the door.

"After you," He said.

I gulped. This was it. I was terrified, but I was also incredibly horny. I walked through the entrance timidly. I heard the door close a moment later. I barely had time to take in the contents of the shed before I felt a hand on my shoulder, urging me to turn around. I turned to face him. The shed was pretty dark, but there were streams of daylight peeking in from the gaps in the wooden door. I could see his face as he leaned down and kissed me. I kissed him back hard, feeling my need for him consume me at once.

He took control, kissing me and pushing his tongue in my mouth. I felt him grab my hand and press it to his crotch through his pants. I felt his hard cock against my palm and instinctively I grabbed it, feeling its weight in my hands for the first time. It felt stiff and thick. I rubbed my hand against the cloth of his track pants feeling his cock getting stiffer and more rigid as he kissed me. I was getting so wet and so hard as I smelled his mix of sweat and some sort of cologne filling my nostrils. We were both breathing hard and kissing fast and greedily. He pulled away.

"On your knees." He commanded.

I obeyed and fell to my knees in front of him. He hurriedly yanked down his track pants and his boxers. His cock sprang to attention in front of me. His cock was rock hard and about 5 and half inches. It was thick and veiny, but I didn't have time to see more of it or think as I felt his hands on my head pushing my face to his cock. His cock head brushed my lips and I opened my mouth as he pushed it in.

So, this is what it was like to have a cock in my mouth.

I was immediately in love with this. I could feel his girth stretching my mouth as I opened it wider to take more of him in. It felt like home. His cock stretching my mouth. I could taste the saltiness of his cock skin on my tongue. I sucked, not knowing what to do or if I was doing it right. Then I remembered what I'd seen in porn and began to bob my head up and down on his cock.

"Mmmmmmm!" He moaned.

I bobbed my head a little faster feeling the saliva in my mouth make everything wetter and slicker. I moved my eyes up to see his face and it was all I could do to keep myself from cumming hands free. His eyes were closed and his mouth hung open in pleasure as he thrusted his hips slowly in rhythm with my bobbing. I was so fucking turned on sucking this guy's cock. I got more excited and sucked his cock more eagerly, slurping and bobbing.

I felt the tip of his cock hit the back of my throat and I gagged hard. He pulled his cock out of my mouth as I gagged and coughed uncontrollably. The tears started at my eyes and I felt a wave of embarrassment as I struggled to regain my composure.

"You okay?" He whispered.

I nodded, as I coughed a few more times.

"Sorry," I said, clearing my throat, "This is uh...my first time."

He smiled.

"Damn...you could've fooled me," He said, "You're sucking my dick so good."

I felt my embarrassment fade with the compliment. I also felt myself get more eager with desire. I leaned forward and took his cock back into my mouth. I resumed bobbing and slurping his cock. I used more suction this time feeling how wet things were getting.

"Mmmmmmm..Ohhhhhhh shit!" He moaned as I sucked.

I slowed down and inch by inch I took his cock all the way to the back of my throat. I kept myself relaxed, not wanting to have another fit of gagging and coughing. I gagged a little, but I took a breath though my nose and his cock touched the back of my throat.

"Uhhhhhhh....fuuuuuck!" He breathed.

I was loving his moans and sounds as I sucked him. I sucked and slurped his cock again, hearing the lovely sounds of his wet cock sliding in and out of my mouth. I could taste his precum as he moaned and moaned as I sped up again, using more and more suction.

"Ohhhhhhh....Uhhhhhhh....fuuuuuck!" He groaned.

I slowed down and then slowly took his cock all the way to the back of my throat again. He let out a sharp gasp. I knew he was loving having his whole cock all the way in my mouth. I was lost in it. Lost in sucking. Lost in his sounds and the taste of him. I felt so dirty yet horny being on my knees with this guy's cock in my mouth. I wanted to be on my knees like this forever feeling his hard cock sliding in and out of my mouth.

I bobbed on his cock faster again, hearing the sounds of me slurping and occasional gagging as I sucked faster and faster. So much saliva had collected that I could feel it dripping down my chin, but I didn't care. I just wanted to suck his cock. I needed to suck his cock. I slurped and sucked and bobbed and gagged. He kept moaning louder and louder. I could feel his hands on my head as he started thrusting his hips faster. I gagged again, but I didn't stop sucking. I gagged and gagged as the head of his cock hit the back of my throat over and over and faster and faster.

"Uhhhhhhh....Ohhhhhhhhh! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Ohhhhhhhhhh!" He moaned.

Then I felt it. First he tensed and stopped thrusting. And then I felt a gush of his cum ooozing into my mouth and throat. I was so lost in sucking his cock that I hadn't thought or prepared myself for his cum. I choked and gagged on it as he held my head in place so that my mouth remained wrapped around his cock. He was moaning like crazy and more cum poured into my mouth. I swallowed this time knowing what to expect, and I took note to taste him. His cum was salty and musky and delicious. I swallowed it down hungrily. He thrusted his hips a couple more times as a little more cum came out into my mouth.

"Fuck!" He breathed, pulling his cock out of my mouth, "That was so damn good."

I felt myself smile proudly. It was my first time sucking cock and I had done a good job. I made a really hot guy cum with my mouth. I was immensely turned on. He pulled his pants and boxers up and I stood up.

"You should uh....wipe your mouth a bit." He said.

I blushed again, realizing that I probably had cum and spit all over my mouth and chin. I used the back of my hand to wipe it as best as I could.

"That...was really hot." I said, "You uh...want to trade numbers? I'd love to suck your cock again sometime."

I immediately felt embarrassed by my eagerness. He had just cum and I was already eager to suck his cock again.

He clapped a hand on my shoulder.

"Um...how about I just see you at the gym next time?" He said.

I felt deflated. I felt stupid. Had he just used me to get off?

I nodded in defeat.

"Yeah....okay, I'll um see you at the gym," I said.

"Alright, catch you later Jeremy." He smiled at me.

And with that, he walked out of the shed. I was left there with the taste of his cum still on my tongue and a hard T dick in my underwear. He had just used me to suck his cock. He didn't want to keep in touch. Did he actually even want to see me again? It felt so humiliating, but why was I so turned on by that part too? The part where he had just used me.

That was my very first experience sucking a cock. After I pulled myself together, I walked out of that shed and back to my dorm room. I jerked myself off multiple times replaying every detail back in my head. His moans. His cock making me gag over and over again. And his cum. All of his cum that I swallowed so eagerly. I was hooked.

I actually didn't see Mike again for a couple months. Don't get me wrong, I had tried my best to "run into" him at the gym. If I'm honest, I really should attribute my body and gym habit to Mike, as I spent those first few weeks after that encounter going to the gym nearly everyday. I started staggering my times, sometimes going in the mornings, sometimes in the afternoon and then late at night. No matter what I did I still couldn't manage to run into him. After about a month of this, the truth started to set in. He likely had no intention of linking up with me again. I was sad and horny about it, still using the memory of sucking his cock to jerk off regularly.

I didn't see Mike again until the last week of the semester. At that time I had been roommates with a guy named Daniel. Daniel had spent the year pledging to be in a fraternity. He had finally made it to the end and was getting inducted into the fraternity. Per tradition, the brothers were throwing a big bash at the end of the year celebrating all of the new guys. Daniel had been friendly with me the whole year, often inviting me to accompany him to football games and parties. He had even tried to get me to pledge as well, but greek life was entirely not my cup of tea. However, he insisted that I go to this end of the year bash.

"It's gonna be pretty epic, man." He said, "And just think, finals are done. Everyone is ready to blow off some steam and let loose. There will be plenty of babes there too!"

I didn't care for the babes, but the blowing off steam part sounded nice. I was a biology major and my first year was pretty brutal. I'd barely made it through finals. A few drinks and dancing and letting loose sounded great. So the last Friday of the semester, I accompanied Daniel to this party. Once we got there, it was clear why Daniel said it'd be epic. The brothers had gone all out. There were two large kegs in the kitchen, and the brothers charged $10 for a refillable cup. I purchased one immediately. There was beer pong and other games set up throughout the first floor of the house. Music blared from large speakers in the living room where a DJ was set up and spinning the latest music, and the floor was packed with students dancing, drinking and socializing.