Becoming My True Self

Summer

The summer between Freshman and Sophomore year was rough. I spent it back in my hometown about 3 hours away from school. My dad had gotten me a summer job at the Larry's Hardware store as a cashier. It was mundane work for the most part, which wasn't helpful because I only had tons of time to daydream about sucking cock. Specifically sucking Mike's cock. I couldn't get that night at the party out of my mind. It was hot and sloppy. I loved how much I felt like I was in control but also being used by him as a hole for him to fuck. I spent the nights after work jerking off to thoughts of Mike's moans and growls as he fucked my throat. I fantasized about swallowing his cum.

It had only been about a month into summer break before I really got desperate enough to try my luck at tracking Mike down. Maybe if I could contact him, we could meet up somewhere. I had no idea where he had gone after graduation, but I hoped it was at least driveable. I didn't have my own car, but I knew I could borrow my dad's spare car anytime. I had no qualms about driving a couple hours to meet up with Mike to suck his cock. The very thought of driving hours for cocksucking even turned me on. Even though it would be another year or so before the cocksucker identity was something that I'd claim, the signs were definitely there early on.

However, tracking Mike down proved to be almost impossible. I took to the internet before I realized that I knew next to nothing about him. I knew his name was Mike. A quick search of my college's directory turned up hundreds of "Mikes." All different versions of "Mike," "Michael," "Mikhail," "Mikel," "Michal..," the list just went on and on and on. And to make matters worse, the directory didn't contain actual photos. Just name, major/minor, and student email address. I spent a week just parsing through the first few hundred entries trying to guess if they maybe sounded like my Mike. I truly had no way of knowing.

Then I decided to ask around. The last time I'd seen him was at that frat party. I wondered if maybe he was friends with any of those frat brothers. I reached out to Daniel to inquire. I tried to ask as nonchalantly as possible, just posing it casually. I lied, telling Daniel that I'd lent my phone charger to a guy named Mike at the party. I described him and what he was wearing and asked if maybe Daniel or any of his brothers knew him. Daniel was rightfully confused why I was all of a sudden trying to track down a lost phone charger when that party was over a month ago.

"Surely you've gotten another phone charger by now?" Daniel asked when I had texted him.

"Uh, yeah...for sure. It's just that this one was a really good, fast charging one." I texted back.

"Oh, gotcha. Yeah, man...I don't remember much from that night if I'm honest. Definitely don't remember a tall guy in a basketball jersey." He texted.

I stalled a bit. I wanted to ask Daniel to check with his brothers, but I knew that would seem a bit much. I was desperate for a lead on Mike though.

"You think you could check with your frat brothers?" I typed out to Daniel.

I saw the dreaded 3 dots pop up and then go away. They popped up again and then went away. I knew then that this was a dead end. I imagined that Daniel was trying to figure out a way to let me down easy.

"Listen man, I don't know if they'll remember that guy either. It was over a month ago and there were at least 100 people coming and going at the party. Maybe you can get a new fast charging charger?" He texted.

After having zero luck with Daniel, I accepted defeat. I was probably never going to see Mike again. But I still felt the intense need to suck some cock. I stalled and stalled for a few more weeks, hoping for some miracle where Mike would text me out of the blue, or I'd run into him in my home city and discover that he was living here. When it didn't happen and I was losing my mind with no cocks to suck, I finally decided to seek cock outside of Mike.

My first stop was my small city's only gay bar. I'd heard things about it over the years. Mostly that it was a bit seedy. I hadn't visited it prior to college mostly because I didn't even know I liked guys. Even now, I was still unsure if I was actually gay. I found guys attractive for sure, so maybe. On a Friday night after work, I borrowed my dad's spare car. I made up some excuse about going to a bar with some friends visiting from college for the night. He didn't ask many questions, just told me to be careful and not to have too much to drink since I was driving.

When I pulled into the parking lot of the bar, I could feel the sketchiness before I stepped out of the car. This was an older bar on the outskirts of the city. I'd mostly just heard other people make jokes about the old creeps who were rumored to frequent the bar. When I walked in, it felt like all eyes were on me. I scanned around the small bar. There were mostly older men. I saw one or two younger guys who looked around my age, but they were clearly the boyfriends of some of these older guys. The bar itself was old and the tile floors were cracked and chipped in various places. There was music playing, but not at all the kind of music I'd expected from a gay bar. It was older country music. There was a pool table in the corner with a few guys playing. Most of the other guys were either at the bar drinking or standing around socializing. Everything in my body felt wrong. This was just not my scene. No sooner than I had stepped into the bar, I was turning around and going back out the door.

I got back in the car and just sat there for a minute. That was not what I was expecting at all. I think I'd expected the type of scene I'd seen in movies and on tv. I'd expected a lively bar with a DJ and young, hot guys dancing and having a good time. I'd expected to sit at the bar and maybe be approached by a cute guy like Mike. Maybe we'd chat and have a drink. I'd take control like I did with Mike and invite him to my car, and then I'd suck his cock eagerly and swallow his load. This bar just seemed like any other random seedy bar.

I went to work the next day, disappointed from the night before. The day was excruciatingly slow for a Saturday. That afternoon I stood behind the register tinkering with the jars of screws, bolts, and drill bits that we kept up front for individual purchase. The owner, Larry, had left for the day and I would be alone to close the store that evening at 8pm. I scrolled on my phone when I heard the bell sound indicating that someone had come into the store. I looked up to see a guy in dark blue work coveralls walk in the store and immediately duck down an aisle. This was pretty normal. I guessed that he was a plumber or electrician coming in to grab something quick. I waited at the register to ring him up.

I busied myself on my phone again and about a minute later I watched him approach the register. I couldn't help but notice that he seemed quite younger than our usual clientele who were electricians or plumbers. He couldn't be any older than 35. He was about my height with an average build, but what really stood out was his almost white blond hair and sharp green eyes. His hair was thick and wavy, falling over his ears and neck in lovely locks. His eyes were light green, almost sea green. Up close I could see his light blonde moustache and goatee. He was very easy on the eyes. He sat a pair of pump pliers on the counter.

"Is this all for you today, sir?" I asked in my best customer service voice.

"Yep!" He said cheerfully, "Had to run out and grab a new pair of these real quick. Dropped my old pair in a mess of trees and woods while I was 50 feet in the air. Figured this was quicker than trying to find them."

I rang up the pliers and started to put them in a small paper bag.

"Eh...no need for the bag. I'll just be taking them right back to work." He smiled.

"Oh, alright, well that will be....$22.59." I said.

He reached into several pockets of his coveralls. He chuckled.

"My wallet is in here somewhere," He smiled again at me, "I swear I'd lose my head if it wasn't attached to my body."

After what felt like 5 whole minutes of him emptying out all of his pockets, he finally produced his wallet.

"Aha! See, I knew it was here." He said triumphantly.

As he put his debit card into the chip reader, he took a good look at me and squinted his eyes a bit.

"You new here?" He asked.

"Um..sorta. I mean I've been here 2 months now, but I'm just here for the summer." I explained.

"No shit?" He said with surprise in his tone, "2 months? I swear I'm in this store almost every week and I've never seen ya before."

I quickly searched my memories, but decided that I definitely hadn't seen this man before. I hunched my shoulders.

"Yeah, I've been coming here for years. Larry knows me. Is the old man here today?" He asked.

"Nah, he's out for the rest of the day." I said.

"Oh, okay....well nice to meet you anyway." He said, "I'm Tim O'Grady! I'm an electrician. Sometimes I do work around the store for Larry as well."

He stuck out his hand to me. I shook it. It was surprisingly soft, but his grip was strong.

"Good to meet you too. I'm Jeremy."

"Oh, I know." Tim said, chuckling.

I was confused for a second. Then he pointed to my name tag on my shirt. Of course. I smirked at the obviousness of the situation.

"I'm a clever dog, right?" He said, giving me a cheeky smirk.

Was he flirting with me? I was starting to feel the same awkward friendliness that I had felt with Mike that day outside of the gym when he first approached me. It was a mixture of vagueness but also a little too friendly for having just met me. Plus I dealt with these trades guys all the time at work and they were usually colder and more matter of fact. They hardly ever joked with me or attempted to know who I was. Tim was definitely a bit odd, but also quite attractive. I decided to push my luck a little.

"I don't know if I'd call that clever....I'd need more proof before I can fully agree." I smiled at him.

He didn't miss a beat and smiled right back at me. He held my gaze just a second too long before he continued.

"Well, you're quite the tight crowd, Jeremy. Maybe I'll have another trick for ya when I come in again on Monday." He said.

"Ehh...I'm off on Mondays." I admitted, a little sad that I'd miss him.

"Well damn, that explains it then!" Tim exclaimed, "I usually come in on Mondays to load up for the week. If you're off Mondays, that's why I've never seen ya before."

His demeanor suggested that he was still into the banter with me. I decided to just go for it. I was desperate. Maybe I'd score.

"Perhaps you should come in on Tuesday then. Maybe you can show me another clever trick," I teased.

"Perhaps I will then," He said, pulling his card out of the chip reader, "I'll have you know that I have many tricks up these sleeves. Almost as many tricks as I have pockets!"

We both laughed at his joke. He stuffed his wallet in a different pocket than the one he originally found it in. He used his other hand to reach for the pliers. That's when I noticed it. He was wearing a wedding band on his ring finger. I sighed. So much for scoring. All of this banter and he was probably just being a friendly guy.

"Alright, it was a pleasure to meet ya, Jeremy." Tim stuck out his hand to shake mine again.

A second handshake? That was odd. Maybe there was hope afterall. I shook his hand again. This time he was softer with the shake, and I don't know if I was imagining it, but he took a second to rub his thumb across the top of my hand. I didn't pull my hand away. I looked him dead in the eyes. He held my gaze without breaking eye contact. I knew then that something was there. I decided to take control like I had that night at the party.

"I uh...I'm here until 8pm. It's just me closing the store today." I said, not letting his hand go.

He raised his eyebrows, slowly understanding. He let my hand go. A few agonizing seconds went by. I started to panic like I had misread the entire situation. Maybe he wasn't flirting at all. Maybe I had imagined that thumb rub. He was married afterall. What was I even thinking? I clearly saw the wedding band. Of course he was just being friendly. Hopefully, he'd stick to coming in on Mondays and I wouldn't have to run into him again for the rest of the summer.

"Yeah? Okay then," He said. His eyes searched the top of the counter for another second or so. "I should be done with my last job around then. I might swing by after to grab a few more things then."

I felt a wave of relief, but I could tell the situation was delicate. I don't think he knew exactly what he was game for. I just knew I wanted to suck his cock. He was interested in meeting up again though, and that was enough for me.

"Yeah, I'll uh...leave the store open for you. Come around back when you get here?" I said.

He nodded and smiled at me. His green eyes even seemed to sparkle a bit. He made a small show of patting down his pockets again.

"Alright now, I think that's everything. I should get back to work. I'll be seeing ya, Jeremy."

With that, he walked out of the store.

I couldn't even believe it. The bar the night before was such a let down. Who knew that all this time I just needed to focus my attention on the guys who came into my work? I was so elated that I'd finally found a cock to suck. The elation carried me for a couple hours as I replayed the conversation between Tim and me over and over. I kept trying to figure out who it was that started things. Tim was being extra friendly, but once I made the move he seemed to be into it. He was into meeting later. Then the reality started to settle on me. He was married. Is this something he did often? Did his wife know? Did he even have a wife? Maybe he had a husband? Could I suck his cock too?

The rest of the work day was as dull as it had been before Tim came in. There were a few more tradesmen who came in to purchase things. There was a dad who came in looking for paint for his son's treehouse and then a frantic older woman looking for a declogger for her drains. Around 7pm things had died down entirely. I felt myself starting to feel nervous about Tim. I truly had no idea what to expect. I knew what I was doing when I asked him to stop by later, but did he know what he was getting into? What if he didn't want me to suck his cock? What if he wanted something else? I hadn't even considered that possibility. Maybe he thought I just wanted to hang out.

I set about doing the usual cleaning and prepping the store for closing. I then remembered that there were security cameras all around the store. I couldn't suck him in the store after close. Larry would know. I hadn't even considered the logistics of all of this. I was starting to get pretty panicked.

Around 5 minutes to 8, I shut off all of the lights in the store. I went in the back of the store to Larry's office to initiate the locks. My mind was still racing trying to decide where I could do this. On the way to the office, I walked by the single stall bathroom and it hit me. There were no cameras there. Maybe I could just tell Larry that Tim came after hours to fix a broken light in the bathroom. Surely that could explain Tim showing up on the camera that night. We could then disappear into the bathroom. I finally felt some relief knowing what to do. Once inside of the office, I initiated the locks. I watched the security cameras waiting to see Tim appear at the back door. I waited, checking the clock constantly. 8pm came and went. Then 8:05. Then 8:10. Then 8:15. I was getting antsy.

Then I saw him. He was still in his coveralls standing at the back door of the building. I hit the buttons to unlock the door. I knew he could hear the clicking of the door unlocking. I watched as he reached a hand out to pull the handle. He walked inside of the building, closing the door behind him. I hit the buttons again to lock the doors. As soon as I heard the clicking, I made my way out to the back hallway. Tim was already there waiting.

"Hey!" He said.

It was dark in the hallway aside from the lights from the windows, but I could still see a little bit of his blond hair.

"Hey!" I said, "I'm glad you made it."

"Uh...yeah." He said.

He sounded different now. A bit unsure. Almost nervous. It strangely put me at ease. I felt in control.

"Hey listen," Tim said, "I uh...don't normally do this sorta thing. I'm a married man. I just uh...me and the wife just had a kid. It's just been a long while since...we uh...well, yknow."

Everything came into focus at once. Tim was a young, married guy. He and his wife were new parents. They probably hadn't had sex in months and he was horny and losing his shit. I could definitely help with that.

"Okay, thanks for the info," I said, walking over to him, "Your secret is safe with me. I'm really not looking for anything more than some fun."

That seemed to reassure him as I saw his body visibly calm down. When I got right up to him, I could see him more clearly. His eyes were soft but dark. His face was a little tight, but he wasn't moving. He wanted me to lead.

"Follow me." I said.

I walked through the back hall close to the office, but I took a hard left turn into the bathroom. Tim came in behind me and shut the door. The bathroom was pitch black, but I remembered that there was a flashlight in the vanity below the sink. I pulled it out and turned it on. Bright light filled the space. I sat the flashlight, light down, in the empty sink so that there was enough light to see, but it was dimmed considerably. When I turned back to face Tim, he had his arms folded over his chest. He was clearly nervous. I was now starting to feel the excitement of everything. I was going to suck some cock. I really needed this. I was so pent up with sexual frustration from the last 2 months. I knew Tim was probably way more sexually frustrated than I was, but I think I somehow needed this more than him.

"So...what now?" Tim asked.

His silly, carefree demeanor from earlier in the day was gone. He seemed so tense.

"Well, I was just hoping I could uh....suck your cock." I said.

He chuckled. It was a chuckle of relief. I realized he had also probably spent the rest of the day not sure what he'd signed himself up for.

"Alrighty then," he said.

Tim started unzipping his coveralls. I got to my knees ready to suck some cock. He pulled his arms out of the one-piece suit revealing a white tank top and boxers underneath. I wasted no time and buried my face in his crotch through his boxers. I took in his scent. It was musky and a little sweaty, probably from his work day, but I was transfixed. I could feel his soft cock through the fabric and I used my tongue to trace its outline. Tim hurriedly pushed the rest of the coveralls all the way down to his ankles as it became clear just how hungry I was for his cock. I continued to lick his cock through his boxers, feeling it grow hard almost instantly. Tim reached down and started to push his boxers down. I helped and pulled them down to his ankles.

His cock was already mostly hard. I stopped for a second to admire it. He was a nice size. A good 6 inches and not fully hard yet, though not as girthy as Mike. I didn't care though. It was a beautiful cock. I dove right in. I took his cock in my mouth and began to devour it. I was so horny and needy. I was starving for cock after being left high and dry by Mike. I was sucking and slurping on Tim's cock already building up enough saliva that his cock was effortlessly sliding in and out of my mouth.

"Hell yeah!" Tim breathed, leaning his head back on the wall behind him, "Oh my god!"

I bobbed up and down on his cock. He was fully hard now. He had to be a good 7 inches. I took my time, using my hand to jerk his dick while I sucked it.