The Devotee

From the diary of Ida Plank:

Wed 13 September 1905

Well dear diary I ave a job now.

My job is Clerical Assistant but I am not like the other Misses. I sit at my own desk and when they ave finishd their work they give it to me to check. I do this becos I can check quicker than anyone else. I am quickly pickin up wot we do here.

I ave been to their libery and it is very good. I took out a book on accounting. Some good stuff in there. I pickd up a few tips like the Hindu check an straight away taut em to the other Misses an I think they liked that cos it means they can work quickr and make less mistaiks.

An when one of the Misses as a problem, they come to me and ask me what to do. An I find the [deleted: solushun] solution.

An I get paid. More than I got paid by the bloody family.

Now I ave a job Dorothy said we should take lodgins together. I like Dorothy a lot, she is very nice. We dont see so much of each other cos she spends a lot of time with the suffrigists in the evenin. She has a fiancay Henry who she adores though I aint met him. She sez e thinks women should get the vote. He sounds all right.

Writing finally getting a bit bettr.

It is very od. I ave gone from bein bottom of the ladder to qwite important round ere. Miss Whitworth used to treat me like an idiot but the other day when I was working she brung me a cup of tea. Me. She is nice to me now.

I am glad that this job is all about numbers tho cos my writin is still pretty bad. I write better when I ave a book to check spellin from but I dont ave no problem getting numbers rite.

I know sum of the Misses probly think I am a bit big eaded cos I am not posh like they are but ave been prummoted over em.

So I am very respecktful an I dont lord it over em. Just try to be elpful. Miss Browem seems qwite nice really. Most of the others are all right. One of them I am sure doesnt like me at all but I dont know er name. Thin and dark she is. Sulks a lot. She is rubbish at sums but I dont make a big thing out of it.

Any way, want to be care full tho. [deleted: Peepul] People can be 2 faced. An I mite be good with numbers but I am still from the slums.

An if Im not care full they will send me back there.

An I aint goin back.

*

From the diary of Edith Fawcett:

Wed 13 September 1905

Miss Cotton will be staying for the rest of the month and part of October. She does not plan to remain here for all that time, but is conducting a series of performances in the southeast and south, and Mr Squire has agreed to let her use Curl House as her second home in between trips. She has pronounced the countryside 'divine', although the good weather has gone and it is now rather rainy. This does not stop her from taking long walks in the rain.

I like her very much, but she is rather exhausting. Perhaps her most admirable feature is her strong appetite for work. When not taking long walks, socialising with us or swimming in the pool, she shuts herself for hours in Mr Squire's music room and composes at the piano, or works on scores that she will be conducting. I can make neither head nor tail of her music, never having been able to appreciate anything more complicated than 'Three Blind Mice', but as far as I can tell she is a very fine piano player, and can play several other instruments.

I may have been wrong about her intentions towards me. After our first encounter she has been perfectly friendly but has not gazed into my eyes, stroked my head or hinted that she would like to become more intimate.

I am relieved. My feelings for Ida are in such turmoil that I feel that a liaison with someone else at this point would only throw my heart into disarray.

The more I think about Ida, the more I feel that I do love her.

I can never forget how she looked at me, that day at the lake, with such a combination of desire and fascination.

Neither Mr Page nor Mr Scope gave me that feeling: I think Mr Page likes me personally and was excited by our mutual lust, and Mr Scope was gratified by being offered a willing orifice in which to insert his member, but only Ida feels like someone in whose company I could be wholly myself. Ida makes me feel fully alive, and I want to be with her and look after her, even though she is becoming someone who seems quite able to look after herself.

Her talent for arithmetic deserves to be cultivated. I wonder if she would be interested in further study. It is hard to sound her out on anything, because I sense that she still distrusts me.

I think the only course of action, from now on, is humility and openness. Whenever I have tried to anticipate what people want, I have made a fool of myself.

So I shall simply ask her what she wants.

Edith Fawcett to Ida Plank

Wed 13 September 1905

Dear Miss Plank,

It was a great pleasure for me to see you again. I sense that it was less of one for you. I understand that you are still upset with me.

But I write because there are a few things I wish to say, which I hope you will consider, and which I hope you will write back to me about, now that we are at last free to write to each other.

Firstly, I should like us to be on first name terms. It seems very strange to call you 'Miss Plank' when we have been as intimate as we have been. If, however, you wish us to remain on formal terms, I shall respect your wishes.

Next, I think that your gift for arithmetic deserves to be encouraged. If you like, I could send you some books on mathematics that you may find useful or interesting. If you do not wish me to do this, however, I shall not do it. I do not want you to feel obligated to me in any way.

Thirdly, and most delicately, I desire to know how you want things to stand between us.

It seemed, months ago, that we might develop a more intimate relationship. I wanted that very much. Now, it seems equally much in doubt. This causes me great pain, but as with everything else, I want you to know that I am willing to do whatever you want.

I wish to remain friends with you, if we are friends, and I do not want to do anything that would make you feel that I desire to end our friendship.

Above all, I very much wish to see you again.

Now I come to the point.

In Mr Squire's house, at present, is a guest who I am reasonably sure wishes to seduce me, or at least bed me. I have done nothing to prompt or encourage this. She is a very engaging person, and I like her company.

I am telling you this because, in the event that she declares any desire for me, if it would make you in any way unhappy to think that I were 'carrying on' with her, I shall make it absolutely clear to her that, while flattered, I am not available.

If you and I are, or could become, anything more than friends, then I think it would be quite wrong of me to do as I did before, and be with other people.

But if we are friends, and nothing more, then I do not see why we could not be free to be with other people.

However, the regard I have for you obliges me to tell you that, when Ihavebeen with other people, the only thing that has enabled me to receive the deepest kind of satisfaction has been the thought of you and I, by the lake, that morning.

That is what I meant, when I said I cannot get you out of my mind.

I now throw myself on your mercy. If you take this letter to be evidence that I am someone who you cannot be friends with, I will be very sad, but I will understand. I will be guided by you.

I can only assure you of my very, very great affection, my dearest Miss Plank,

Your friend,

Edith Fawcett

*

From the diary of Ida Plank:

Fri 15 September 1905

Letter from EF.

I ad very strange thawts while readin it. She sez she wants us to call us by first names. She wants me to get bettr with numbers and that is a good idea I think.

And then she sez she wantd us to be closer but she thinks we cant and shes not appy about that. She askd me if I mind er getting with some lady who fancies er.

O that was the strange bit. Er askin me if I mind.

I ad to go to the WC and put my hand up my skirt after readin that. I was thinkin about er being with some one else and thinkin about me the whole time. Like er all tangld up with some one but all she was thinkin about was me. That she woodnt do it if I sez no but only if I sez yes.

It was a hot cruel sort of plezhur witch I liked a lot.

I am goin to write back.

Ida Plank to Edith Fawcett

Fri 15 September 1905

Dear EF,

I think you are the silliest person I have ever met.

I have to be very careful writing this for I do not wish to insult you. Well not exactly. But I think it will probably happen anyway for I am very bad at writing.

First, I dont mind if you call me Ida or Miss Plank or anything else. I write a diary and in it I call you EF for I dont want other people to know who I am writing about. So I think I shall call you EF and you may call me IP or whatever else you like.

Second, if you want to send me books on mathematics that is a kind thought but I do not think I am clever enough to read them. But if you think you know some that I could understand then by all meens.

Thirdly, so you are asking if I mind you going on fornicating without me. We are not together or lovers so I do not mind what you do but I suppose at least you are asking me this time if I mind. Which is better than going and doing it and then telling me all about it like last time.

If this lady wants to take you to bed then who am I to say you cant. I am just a girl who you know.

I do not know if you and I will be lovers. Who knows that sort of thing.

We dont live in the same place and we dont see each other except now and again. But you told me that the only way you have been really satisfide with other people is when you were thinking of me.

You may as well know then, that the one time I have been with someone else since you and I were together was with this friend of mine. She does not like women the way you and I do but she wanted to do something for me so I had us do what you and I did. I took off all my clothes and let her touch me the way I touched you and I had the great pleasure that happens. And I have touched myself the way you showed me and it has given me a lot of pleasure so you gave me that and I will always be grateful.

So if you are going to go off and get taken to bed by that lady then I may as well see if I cant find some one too. Perhaps if she does go for you you could write to me and tell me all about it. This time I would like to hear about it. And if I meet someone I will write to you about it.

That day by the lake when you was naked and you showed yourself to me and let me touch you was like a dream come true. I asked to kiss your hand and you said I could kiss your mouth. I got all shy then and I kissed your hand.

I wish now I had kissed your mouth and lain down with you by that lake and fucked you EF. I would have loved to have you spend underneath me and after have you lying there all naked and happy.

But we missed that didnt we. Its over. Were not the same now. But that does not mean it dont matter.

So why dont you go off and see if this lady wants to fuck you. And if she does then tell me all about it.

And then we shall see what happens shant we.

If you do let her fuck you, dont tell her that you will tell me about it. If you tell her that you and I are writing to each other she might not want to take you to bed. And that would be dissapointing, because then you wouldnt have nothing to tell me.

Do not show this letter to anyone. If you do I shall be right cross with you.

Yours

IP

*

From the diary of Edith Fawcett:

Sun 17 September 1905

Letter from Ida.

I read it through and read it again, and then I had to lie down on my bed and stimulate myself to a climax. She used the most crude language but my god it was arousing to see just how vividly she remembered that day.

But most surprising was that it was even more intensely arousing to have her tell me what to do. She told me to let Hilda Cotton seduce me and then write to her about it. The very thought is rather intoxicating. Of course, it will be a bit of an anti-climax if Miss Cotton does not actually wish to seduce me.

She calls me 'EF'. I like this. It is so much more personal than 'Miss Fawcett' but it is not what anyone else calls me. I in turn shall call her 'IP', as she signed herself.

Edith Fawcett to Ida Plank

Sun 17 September 1905

Dear IP,

Thank you for your letter. I read it with great pleasure.

I have some ideas for maths books that you could find useful.

I will do as you ask. If the lady propositions me, I shall say yes. And I shall write to you about what happens then.

I am writing this in bed. It is late. I am naked and remembering you touching me. I wish you were here, on top of me, touching me once more, watching me the way you watched me that day. I want to wrap my bare arms and legs about you and give myself to you.

You are not like anyone I have ever met.

If there is anything you wish me to do that would give you pleasure, tell me what it is and I shall do my best to do it.

Your obedient servant

EF

*

From the diary of Ida Plank:

Tues 19 September 1905

I got a letter from EF.

My goodnes. I mean you give some one an idea an they dont alf take it on. I ad to go to the WC and touch myself again it made me so ot under the coller. She talkd about ow she was writin it lyin in bed all naked and even if she werent it were like she was taking off her clothes on the page.

I still dont even know if I really like er or if I just love er. But I do know I cant pretend shes not there.

I wonder now if shes goin to let that lady take er to bed. Will I be jellus. Or will it be like I said she cud and shes doin it cos she wants to please me.

This aint alf complickated.

Oo knew letters cud be so sexful.

*

From the diary of Edith Fawcett:

Tues 19 September 1905

Miss Cotton has been away for a week and, in the absence of any letter or note from her, I have rather regretfully concluded that she was merely being flirtatious.

It is a pity, because my guilt about my willingness to be seduced by her had been soothed by IP's cool instructions to let it happen and tell her all about it. I was very much looking forward to being IP's obedient servant, but I can only assume that I was fantasising about Miss Cotton's irresistible attraction to me. Which, I must admit, is entirely in character for me. The imagining what people want, I mean. My knowledge of human nature is not nearly so acute as I thought it was.

Still, it does not mean that IP and I cannot write letters designed to stimulate each other. Her last letter had a rather brutal and dominant tone which was extremely arousing. I, for my part, like to be all meek and obedient towards her.

Later:

Well, dear diary, scratch the above, because Miss Cotton returned this evening and, &c. &c.

I am soutterly spent, from three hours in her bed, that I shall have to write up the events of this night tomorrow.

If I am spared another night of being ravished. Or rather, I shall write to IP about it.

The thought of writing it up twice is, in my present state of exhaustion, not one I care to contemplate. This very diary entry is a complete jumble.

The woman is unstoppable and insatiable.

Edith Fawcett to Ida Plank

Wed 20 September 1905

Dear IP,

Well, what we discussed has come to pass. The lady propositioned me, and I accepted.

To preserve her modesty (which is a phrase that, at this point, makes me smile) I shall refer to her simply as H. She is a friend of Mr Squire's, an educated and talented and charming woman. She is in her late thirties, plump, with dark curly hair, a pretty face and great charm of manner.

She has been travelling around the south and returned to this house yesterday evening, where she entertained Mr. S. and I with tales of her exploits. I first suspected that she was interested in me when we first met, about a week and a half ago: she seemed to make it very clear with her voice and her manner that she was attracted to me, but then she made no further move to invite me to do anything.

However, last night, after supper, we retired to Mr. Squire's study for port, as is his habit. H was charm itself, asking after Mr. S.'s work with great interest and knowledge.

Mr. S. does not like to stay up very late, whereas I can be quite a night owl. (I normally subsist on about six hours of sleep a night.) A little before ten, he retired and I was left alone with H, who I had by then decided was no longer interested in me. (I hasten to add that I did not crave her to be interested in me: I merely wished to do your bidding, if she were to show such an interest, and since she is a charming person I felt that the deed might be pleasant.)

'Well, Miss Fawcett,' she said, 'how have you been.'

'I have been very well, thank you,' I said.

'I thought about you a lot while I was travelling,' she said.

'Did you. Fond thoughts, I hope.'

'Very fond. In fact I found it hard to put you out of my mind.'

'Oh, really,' I said.

'Yes,' she said. 'You do realise that you are powerfully attractive.'

'I hardly think so,' I said, 'but thank you.'

'Do I shock you,' she said.

'I am not easily shocked,' I said.

'Are you attached to someone?'

'I am single, at present.'

'Is there some gentleman you have your eye upon?'

'There is nobody I have my eye upon,' I said.

'You say "nobody". Do you find me not altogether hideous?'

'I find you very charming,' I said.

'What would you say if I told you I desired to make love to you?'

'I'm sure I don't know what I would say.'

'Would you be repelled?'

'No.'

'So you like women.'

'And men also.'

'I am Lionel's guest, and you are his employee. Would you feel compelled to do what would please me?'

'I am free to meet and talk with people.'

'And do more?' she said, cocking her eyebrow at me.

At this I ran out of clever answers, and I felt myself blushing.

'I should like very much to make love to you,' she said quietly.

'I should like you to make love to me,' I said.

'Then come here,' she said.

I got up and walked over to where she was sitting.

She grasped my wrist and pulled me down to her lap, and kissed me on the lips, bending over me. She is a very good and passionate kisser. When she let go of me I was breathless.

'Shall we retire,' she said. I nodded.

She took me by the hand and let me out and upstairs to her room, which is a large guest room. Here she closed the door as I stood in the centre of the room, and then she approached me, staring me in the eye, and began to undress. I began to do so too, but she put her hand over mine.

'Wait,' she said. 'Me first.'

I watched H undress and presently she stood naked before me. I confess that I have never previously found larger people to be particularly attractive, but in her case, her plumpness has a kind of richness and sumptuousness which I found quite lovely. I stood before her, silent, still fully clothed.

'Kneel,' she said, and I knelt before her, and she immediately grasped my head and pulled my face into her private parts.

I licked and tongued them with as much alacrity as I could and she made little sighs of contentment. I rather enjoyed her making me do what she wanted.

After several minutes of this, she gasped aloud and then pulled me to my feet. My face was wet with her juices. She began to undress me, not gently but urgently, stripping me with such hunger that it startled me. At last she pulled down my bloomers and pushed me backwards, and I fell naked on my back on her bed.