Washrags & Monsters

Content Warning: The following story is Smut-Free and Totally Safe For Work

If you need a reminder on what pronouns go with which gender, check outthis handy guideI put together.

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"Why did you do this to yourself, Booker? I have sunblock you could've used if you'd mentioned that you needed it," said Fiona, taking her time to rub Ombud Ranitulok's healing salve into my skin as I lay next to her on the lookout point of the main airsack of the Wings of Angels, which I definitely hadn't climbed up onto to avoid another lecture from Ombud Ranitulok.

Definitely not.

"I thought the charm I had would be enough. Besides, I didn't think that it would be this bad," I said, wincing as she reached a particularly bad spot while also sighing at her touch.

The lookout point was the highest point on the ship. It let you see farthest, and meant that nobody would bother you while you were up there, since most folks didn't like climbing up that high. Like, Ombud Ranitulok was brave about a lot of things, and had charms to keep her from getting hurt if she fell, but that didn't mean she liked to use them if she could avoid it. Pain hurts, after all, no matter how many "no pain" charms and spells you had going.

Anyway, when Fiona had climbed up after me to the lookout, I thought things were going to be exciting. When she ordered me to strip off everything above the waist and lie down, I got even more excited, even if she'd said it was just so that she could help me with my sunburned spots. The idea that it would be pleasant vanished the moment she actually started to apply the healing salve, but I felt better as she applied more. More because of the knowledge that she was touching me rather than her actual touches, since I still hurt.

"And now you know it is. Booker, I'd be surprised if you don't have sun poisoning; no wonder you didn't remember what charms you had. Next town we stop down in we're finding a proper dwarven market so we can get you a healing salve. A Real healing salve." Fiona rubbed her hands up and down my lower legs and I groaned in relief as the slight healing magics of Ombud Ranitulok's personal salve soaked into my skin.

"Fiona, I'm fine, really. Ombud Ranitulok gave this to me, she'd not give me something that wasn't strong enough," I said, doing my best to move as little as possible while I read; movement made the pain worse.

"She didn't take the look I took, Booker. You need more than this," said Fiona, her hands slipping upwards. Once more I thought about how nice it would have felt if it didn't also hurt.

"Right, that's it for your back and the other hard to reach places, unless you want help with your front as well," said Fiona, giving my legs a pat.

I blushed bright red. I thought about taking her up on it but that felt like it would be asking too much.

"No, I've got the rest of it," I said, not moving just yet. Laying down like this felt nice.

"You can sit up, you know. It's not like you have anything I haven't seen before," said Fiona. I looked up at her and saw that her cheeks were as bright red as I was.

There was a clatter on the ladder leading up the lookout post; Fiona almost jumped to her feet. "Don't come in, we're applying lotion!" she said. Her checks changed color, now a much deeper red. "Ointment! Um, healing balm!"

"Seer Heart say that I come up here," said Niamh's small voice from the ladder, just out of sight of the top of the airsack. "He said that you braid my hair real good." I heard them trill their d's, and I smiled.

"Did he?" I stretched, then shuffled myself up and got into my shirt, trying not to mess or smear the ointment around too badly before it had a chance to properly soak into my skin.

"Mmhmm! He also say if I not get down here then whole ship fill with tension. He not say that to me, I hear him say as I walk away." They sounded quite pleased with themself as they continued to clamber up, head level the lookout point.

"You don't know what that means, do you," said Fiona, looking over at me as she rolled her eyes.

"No, but I hope you tell me! You big and smart," said Niamh. There was a little *skritch skritch skritch* sound against the magically reinforced fabric of the airsack, like a housecat was pawing at a the closed door of a room it wanted to be let into.

"I am, but I won't, but I will braid your hair. Come on in," said Fiona, smiling a little half-smile as she resettled herself and made room for Niamh in front of her.

Niamh scurried the rest of the way into the lookout point, blue ribbon in hand, and wearing a very ruffled nightgown of their own. For an instant something seemed off about their nose, but whatever it was flickered away once they were up on the lookout point, their back towards Fiona.

Niamh was an odd duck, and part of me was convinced that they onlylookedhuman, and that really they were some kind of animal-folk in disguise. For instance, their hair was long, brownish red, and coarse. I don't mean "really quite thick," either, like I felt mine was. I mean coarse. Like a mountain dog's, or a longhaired direcat's. Still, somehow that just made it better for braiding. Besides, I had the feeling that Noona Bekah would end me if I ever asked zim about it, so I kept quiet.

There was another *skritch skritch* at the airsack, followed by a series of low yips and *clatter clumps* on the ladder.

"I think that's Jinda," said Fiona as she began the work of straightening out Niamh's hair.

Before I had a chance to get up, I saw Jinda's head pop up over the side of the lookout point. Moments later, the rest of her followed, and I braced myself as she clambered in with us, set her head into my lap, filling it completely, and began to purr, a deep bass compared to the soprano purr of a lapcat. I didn't know how she made it up the ladder, or how she made it down. I just knew that she could climb up it, and only got stuck sometimes.

Jinda was a large beastie, and not just because she was a good beggar, or was a bit of a chonk, although she was both of those as well. Her shoulders came up just past my waist. From nose to tail, she was nearly double that. In theory she was supposed to help guard the ship, her breed of direcat looking as hyenish as her direhound counterparts looked wolfish. But, like her direhound counterparts probably would if the ship had them, mostly she seemed to just lay about. Her tortie fur allowed her to blend into the shadows, though, and she was a decent jumper, so she could still steal your seat if you weren't watching out for her.

After Jinda was settled, I laid back and looked up at the night sky. "So what's the plan for the next few days?" I asked, stroking Jinda's head all the while.

"Don't you know?" asked Fiona, her hands flicking through Niamh's hair as she did a fancier braid than usual. "Ombud Ranitulok would want you to know without needing to ask me."

"I do, but I like hearing you talk."

Fiona sighed. "We're planning to stop at the Vungstragg skyharbor tomorrow to avoid a wind rapid that the weatherseer says will last about three days. Then we moddle along on through the rest of the mountain passes at quick-speed to avoid a second, nastier set of wind rapids."

"So we'll need to stay at a nice, cozy hideaway where we can probably find a place where no one will bother us? How terrible," I said, sighing dramatically as I began to stroke Jinda's head.

"Just the two of us, alone? How awful," agreed Fiona, winking at me over Niamh's head.

"That not true! Seer Heart say we go on, no stop tomorrow," Niamh said, their eyes bright and their smile brighter. They almost wiggled to their feet before they realized that Fiona was still braiding their hair.

I tried to hide my disappointment as I thought of something clever to say, but Niamh burst out laughing. "Seer Heart tell me you will look so grumpy, and you do! Like sad silly person in silly person place!"

"You do look like the saddest clown in the circus," said Fiona, at least offering me the dignity of covering her mouth before she started to giggle.

"A pox on you both. Did Seer Heart tell you where we're going, at least?" I asked, doing my best to not pout as I continued to pet Jinda's head.

Niamh screwed up their face, then smiled and nodded. "He said we go place with worst people. He say he not think they that bad, but Fiona know what he mean."

Fiona stopped giggling, and braiding, stared at Niamh for a moment, then groaned. "No, Hollow Ones take us, no. Not there."

"Where is there?" I asked, sitting up and almost not wanting to know.

"Skyharbor Schloss Strengberg. Home of the von Strengberg family. The only 'noble' family in the whole of the Craggie Mountains. The only ones who track their nobility, at least," Fiona said with an ugh, resuming braiding, faster now. "They're also living proof that pretty faces can't help you if you're rotten on the inside."

"I just wonder why Captain ... your mom didn't tell us. Or why Seer Heart didn't tell us. That seems like the kind of thing we should know about sooner than, you know, the day before we get there," I said, stretching.

Niamh perked up again. "Seer Heart said say now now this way moment is ruined, so no oops babies happen. He also said say you Booker need check your charm better. He not tell me what oops baby is, or why yous need worry for it. Yous tell me?"

I looked at Fiona, and we both coughed and looked away from each other.

"Why don't you ask Ombud Ranitulok? I bet she'd love to tell you," I said after I very thoroughly cleared my throat.

Niamh sulked. "I ask her. She no tell me neither."

"Did Seer Heart ask you to tell us anything else?" said Fiona, not hiding her grumpiness any better than I was hiding mine.

"Um. Well." Niamh made a play of thinking while Fiona finished up braiding their hair.

"Niamh!" Fiona snapped. "Ribbon," she added, softer.

Niamh shrank, then shook their head and handed Fiona their blue ribbon. "No. Just that."

"Alright then," said Fiona, a little more upbeat now. She tied the ribbon, then patted Niamh on the shoulder. "Well, that's your hair braided. We're probably just going to talk about boring adult stuff and how much we lurve each other, now that you've interrupted us, so unless you want to stay ..."

Niamh was over the edge of the lookout point and climbing down in a flash.

"And there they go," said Fiona, leaning back and settling in, Jinda shifting and moving toward her as well. "Lay with me?"

"Yeah ... wait, hold on," I said as I felt around at my various ongoing charms.

I didn't have many. Most of them were durability charms my clan made for me before I set out to be a ...

To be a ...

Booker felt herself detach.

It didn't matter. Booker was a Washragger now. After all, Warden Greene had made it very clear that she was as good as kicked out at their last meeting.

She tried to ignore the concerned look on Fiona's face as she continued to look through her charms.

"Seer Heart said no oops ... oh. Shoot," said Booker as she held up her birth control charm, one of the few charms she'd gotten in Aamand. It was snapped in half, or fried, Booker couldn't tell. "Oops babies."

Fiona stared at the charm. "Is that your ... gods below, it is!" Fiona burst into giggles. "No wonder Seer Heart was so determined to kill the mood. He's like a herd-dog."

Booker smiled at Fiona, and I felt myself come back to myself as I finally laid down and curled up into her side. "More like a herd-cat."

"Or a fretful uncle," countered Fiona, pulling me in close.

I moaned. "I have enough piblings to last me a lifetime, I don't need any more," I said, putting my head face down onto Fiona's chest and groaning.

"What about a brother? Or a sister?"

I looked at Fiona, my face scrunched up, hoping to see a hint of a laugh.

There was none.

"I have enough brothers, I don't need Seer Heart as a brother, and I don't ... I guess ... maybe ..." I nearly felt myself detach, all hopes and dreams design away, until Fiona scrunched up her face too.

"No! Not me as your sister. Ombud Ranitulok. She cares about you a lot."

I cackled. "Maybe. I guess. But can we stop talking about family, now? At least for a little bit longer, until I need to head down and start prepping for tomorrow? It sounds like I won't get to have as lazy of a time as we hoped."

Fiona nodded, and pulled me into a hug. "For now."

And, for a little bit after, we were able to relax and watch the stars in peace as we listened to Seer Heart and Ombud Ranitulok moan while Niamh spread chaos below and Jinda purred and snoozed on top of us.