Washrags & Monsters

Content Warning: The following story is Smut-Free and Totally Safe For Work

If you need a reminder on what pronouns go with which gender, check outthis handy guideI put together.

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I woke up the next morning where I'd fallen asleep on the giggle deck, with Jinda having curled up around my head sometime in the night. Booker was nowhere to be seen, but that wasn't surprising, since she'd vanished away with Fiona soon after dusk.

A small snore made me realize, somewhat blunderingly, that there was, somehow, a second huntcat, a second Jinda, resting on my belly. I shut my eyes as the morning sun overtook them, blinked a couple times, then looked again. It took a long moment of staring before I realized that it was not a second Jinda, but Niamh.

Who was now also awake, and looking back at me.

"Morning. Me sleep here because you soft," said Niamh, grinning a sharp, toothy grin at me. "Me not bother you?"

"No, you were fine," I said, absentmindedly scratching their head as if they were a dog.

They closed their eyes and leaned into it, and I was relieved that they seemed to accept the gesture as one of love.

I mused for a moment on asking Niamh if they were an animal-folk, those people who could change into an animal shape, a human shape, and an in-between shape, then tossed the idea aside. Niamh was probably too young to understand what that meant, even if she was one.

I looked at the sky, and the mountains around me, and finally realized that I had no idea where we were. I'd thought that we were going to Vungstragg skyharbor, but we seemed to be in an open valley. Well. More open than most of the other valleys in the Craggy Mountains were.

"Heart, what have you done?" I grumped as I continued to scratch Niamh's head. "Where have you taken us?"

Before I could ponder any longer, there was a whiff of meat smell, and in a flash Niamh and Jinda were both gone, my head thunking down onto the wood of the deck.

"Ow," I groaned as I sat up and rubbed the now-sore spot, more annoyed than hurt.

"How did Jinda get down‽" I heard Booker cry as she walked up the steps to the deck I was on. "Good morning, Ombud," she added as soon as she saw me.

"Morning. Do you have any idea where we are?" I asked as I continued to look around to try to place us.

Booker broke out into a grin. "We're almost at Skyharbor Schloss Strengberg."

"Why are we going ... no! Not there!" I said, laying back down and groaning.

"Never let it be said that I'm not kind!" shouted Heart up to us.

"How is this a kindness!" I shouted back, not getting up to do so.

"You're very kind, Seer Heart," interjected Booker, smiling sweetly down at me all the while. "I hope you're hungry. They've got breakfast stations on the deck, and they're making omelets fresh!" She extended her hand to me, her sickeningly sweet smile never leaving.

I scowled up at her, then grabbed her hand and got to my feet. "They better be good omelets, cause we're gonna need all the energy we can muster today."

Booker shrugged, then bounced back down the stairs to the main deck.

"Why we gonna need energy?" piped Niamh's voice up from the main deck.

I looked down and goggled; Booker wasn't ... well, she never lied, not to me, but this was a little beyond what I'd been expecting.

Breakfast, or the simple meal they called 'breakfast', was served down on the second deck most days. Today, the clan-crew had spread a row of breakfast stations across the main deck instead. Omelets at one, pancakes and crepes at another, it was quite the feast.

I couldn't imagine why. Normally the clan-crew of theWings of Angelsonly ate up here for celebrations, and today wasn't a celebration of anything as far as I knew. Maybe the weather was nice enough that they'd decided a change of pace was in order. It certainly wasn't because of the location we were headed to.

The lines for every station had begun to snake across the deck, and looped well past where we stood for the omelets, where Fiona had put herself.

Niamh, in the line nearest us, was still waiting for an answer. Next to them in line were Heart and Booker, both of whom were annoyingly chipper, as well as Dantell, who was dressed in clothes that made my heart go pitter patter and filled my head with silly ideas.

Such as trying to jump to the bottom of the stairs so I could land all cool-like in front of Dantell.

My cool landing was negated somewhat when Dantell moved, and caught me in her firm, strong-but-soft arms. Any frustration I had with that interruption of my coolness was similarly negated by her smile.

"Morning, Ombud Ranitulok," she said before setting me down, her voice smooth and deep and rich.

"Morning, Dantell," I replied, cursing the gods below for my blush.

Niamh looked from Dantell to me, then giggled, quieting only after Heart put a finger to his lips to shush her.

I cleared my throat, then turned to Booker. "Well, cadet, why are we going to need extra energy today?"

"Because the von Strenberg family is--" she began happily.

"Other than that, Booker. Don't poison anyone's mind; let them draw their own conclusions after we arrive. Gods below, I know that they'll have time to," I interrupted.

The wind having left her sails, Booker sighed, then restarted, forcing a smile onto her face, gods above bless her. "We're going to need extra energy today because Skyharbor Schloss Strengberg, our new destination--"

"New to you," shouted Finn from the pancake station.

"Old to us," added Farr, standing next to Farr, and grinning.

"Was built on profane ground, so our magic is going to be harder to do, because profane places absorb spiritual energy," finished Booker, doing an admirable job of ignoring the twin members of the crew-clan. She brightened, and added "It'll be like breathing on top of a mountain."

"And weirder! Like the people there!" Finn shouted, collapsing into giggles.

"Right, Ombud Rawn?" said Farr, trying and failing to contain his own giggles.

I rolled my eyes, but smiled. "Yes, like the people there. And yes, very much like breathing on top of a mountain, very good metaphor, Booker."

Booker beamed.

Profane ground really did have an odd behavioral effect on the things that lived there long-term. Or maybe profane ground just drew odd things to it; there were certainly more oddities in profane places than in sacred places. Gods below, each of the island-districts of Aamand had started its life on the ground as profane land before they were each lifted into the sky and bound into the city, and no one would ever hear me argue that the folks who'd made Aamand their home for generations were any kind of normal. Granted, Aamand was, by its nature, severed from the natural flow of divine and profane, but still.

Niamh stared at us. I could see in their eyes that they were sure that we hadn't told them the whole truth. They were correct, but they didn't push at our half-truths. Soon enough, they began to loudly espouse what sort of omelet they wanted to get when it was their turn, and Booker relaxed.

I leaned over and, quieter than before, spoke to Booker. "This is why it's good to have a basic understanding of a lot of things."

Booker grunted. "So I guess that I really do need to learn how to do everything?"

I sighed. "No, but you do need to know how things function. If you understand the basic principles of how something goes then you're two thirds of the way to doing effective magic that actually works on it. Or against it, as need be. Raw power can only get you so far, I don't care what the Sentinels say." I didn't mention how many times I brute forced my way through a spell.

"Yes, Ombud," said Booker, not in a physically tired way, but in a preemptively study-tired way. Booker didn't mention it either, which I appreciated.

Still, I smiled, and patted her on the back. "Chin up, and think of omelets. You'll get there."

⁂

After I was able to get my omelet, some sausage, and, for whimsy, a fruit crepe, I went and stood next to Heart at the railing, then began to eat.

"Do they know we're coming?" I asked Heart as I watched us sail closer and closer to Skyharbor Schloss Strengberg. "Because it doesn't look like they do."

Normally when large airships came to little mountain towns like this, the dock would be buzzing with activity. People hoping for a delivery, children who wanted to catch a glimpse of the airship, anyone who wanted to go to the dock to make an excuse to see the airship coming in would be there.

What we came to was a dock almost completely locked in by a small flotilla of little air-clippers and air-yachts. Each one was moored at a waypoint too large for their ship, the grander the ship, the more outclassed it was by the moore. Even the cargo airship moore, where we would, ideally, have parked, was surrounded by little scivvies too small to be there. I wasn't sure what Captain Fungbao planned to do. I personally fekt very much like a woad-dyer dropping off fabric on the night of a 21st birthday promenade.

"I might not have sent word ahead via the traditional ways, but they are aware that we will be arriving soon," he replied, looking as hard as he could at the skyharbor dock, and not at all near me.

I turned and stared at him, a bite halfway to my mouth. "Heart."

"They are aware," he repeated.

I sighed, and kept my eyes on him, but continued to eat. "I need to hear those words, Heart. I need to hear that they knew we were coming further out than a few days ago. I need to hear that they won't find out we're arriving only just after we dock."

He cleared his throat, then restated, "The people that needed to know we were coming were made aware at an appropriate time."

I turned back to the dock. "Sure. And that's why there is--" and I looked out at the dock, "One person there."

I put my utensils onto my plate and focused in on them. They were--

"Heart."

"The people who need to know, know."

I looked around for Captain Fungbao, and saw that she had put on her most captainy captain outfit. A big hat, tall, floppy boots, a fine coat, she looked like she'd stepped out from a picture book. I noticed that the crew on duty were also working in outfits that could be thought of as very 'traditional' airship crew outfits. In fact, the entire airship was rigged out in what might be thought of as 'its finery'.

I took a closer look at the person on the dock as we sailed closer and closer into port. I realized that they weren't an adult. They were a small child in a dress. A sniffling small child with pale, almost corpse-white skin, oak-brown hair with texture like straw, or twigs, and sharp, knobby features. No, they weren't just a child; they were an elfborn child. I cursed.

"Anyone who's selfish enough to undergo elvenification shouldn't be allowed to have kids. Poor thing." I took a deep breath and tried to dismiss the rising cloud of anger in my mind.

"Elvenification is real?" said Booker, her eyes wide. "I thought it was just made up to scare people away from cosmetic magic."

"It's real," said Heart, his voice as terse as I felt. "And as bad as trollification is, elvenification is worse. You can fix magic gone wrong. You can't fixperfection." He nearly spat out the word.

"And it's poor kids like that that suffer the worst consequences of their parent's selfishness," I added, my heart breaking as I looked on at the kid.

"I thought elves were supposed to be pretty," said a bigender human from the town before the last one. "That one's giving goblin."

I went to round on kir, but Booker was already up in kir face.

"Youdo notuse that word, or that phrase, ever! Got it‽ That child is elfborn, and nothing else! If you make them feelanythingother than welcome when we arrive, you willwishthat I had cursed you! Do you understand‽"

I was impressed. She was waifish, as humans went, with none of the muscles that I had, and she only came up to his chin, but ke was cowering and nodding once she finished.

She glared out at the rest of the ship. Some folks looked ashamed, but most looked fiercely proud of her.

"Well said, Booker," I said, smiling at her. She beamed.

I looked back at the elfborn child. They were sitting with their knees pulled up to their chest, looking down at the town at the base of the mountain the skyharbor dock was seated on. They didn't seem to have any idea we were sailing towards them.

"So. What are you up to, Heart?" I asked, not taking my eyes away from the elfborn.

"Me?" he said, innocent as the morning dew. I saw him put his hand on his chest from the corner of my eyes, as if I'd struck him with an arrow. "I'm not up to anything."

My eyes narrowed and I turned to look at him. "Heart. You know who lives here. You know why I think this place is horrible. You're up to something."

He gasped. "I am hurt that you would suggest that I am up to something. I am simply--"

As the ship reached the dock and loomed over it, its shadow in the light of the mid-morning sun overtook the small elfborn child. They looked up, eyes wide, clearly wet with tears. Captain Fungbao put a foot up onto the railing of the ship, looked at the child, tossed down a weighted rope ladder, and smiled.

"So. I hear that today is a special someone's special birthday," she said, radiating joy. "Happy fifth birthday, Bruni."

"Facilitating a bit of a birthday surprise," Heart finished, his voice quiet as the ship erupted into various offkey birthday songs and cries of "oh, fun, a birthday!"

I wanted to be mad that he would hide something like this from me, especially if this was the only reason we went to the worst place I'd ever been to, but--

The child's, Bruni's, face lit up with delight and happiness, all sorrow vanishing in the light of this birthday visit. A birthday visit that, I imagine, made up for a birthday that was otherwise being ignored.

I sighed, then started eating again. "Alright. But why avoid telling me?"

"Booker needed the lift--," he said, gesturing at Booker, who was now just as delighted as everyone else. "And I knew you'd only be annoyed, not upset." The gangplank was lowered, and Bruni, with some encouragement from Captain Fungbao and Niamh, came aboard. Heart's hands flicked in front of him as he seered out futures, then he nodded. "Here they come. Better put on your gameface, Rawn."

A cacophony of sound began to rumble from the fortress the skyport dock was attached to, and a crowd of folks began to spill out, none of whom seemed at all happy to see us.

I looked down at my plate, still partly loaded with food, then looked up and glared out at all of them.

"What is the meaning of this intrusion?" said a lightly tanned man wearing fine leather boots and a fur lined cape at the front of a mass of grumpy people. "I explicitly had orders that no airships were to be docking during today's celebration!"

I looked over at Bruni, who was engrossed in whatever it was that Finn and Farr were telling her. Finn, or maybe Farr, looked down at the man, narrowed their eyes, then turned back to Bruni and got sillier and more distracting.

"Which celebration would you be talking about?" I asked, eyes narrow.

"The one honoring my daughter Annaliese's graduation into the Sentinel Field Officer Training Corps, of course! Something you would know if you had followed proper channels and procedures!" cried the man with the fancy boots.

"Which proper channels are you referring to, exactly? Because that didn't light up on any of the major ones we've been tracking to and from Aamand," I snapped back, taking another bite of omelet as I scowled down at the man and at last comprehended who he was: Booker's enemy's, Adept Annaliese's, father, the Lord Mayor von Strenberg.

"Actually it was on them, we just decided to ignore it," Heart piped in, all smiles and cheer. "It got in the way of what needed doing."

I turned to stare at Seer Heart, then shook my head, and turned back to the Lord Mayor von Strenberg. Better to be a united front here. "There you are then. And as Heart is--"

"I don't care who he is, you are all to leave at once!" interrupted the Lord Mayor. "For that matter, where is--" and he looked around the ship for a moment, like he could spy through it, then-- "Brunhilde! Get off there at once, wherever you are! They are leaving, and I don't want to be bothered about having to fetch you back. Today's festivities are already interrupted as it is."

I looked at Bruni. They seemed to have frozen in place, too terrified to move.

I looked back to Heart, whose eyes had narrowed.

"Bruni?" said Heart, his eyes locked down onto the Lord Mayor. "Do you want to go back, or do you want to continue onward with us?"

"Continue?" asked Bruni, her voice small.

"Go with us back to Aamand, I mean. Are you happy here? Do you feel loved?"

Bruni didn't respond to that.

Heart continued, his eyes never leaving the Lord Mayor. "Do you know how long I have been observing this situation, Lord Mayor? Do you know how many near emotional misses need to happen before they don't look like misses at all? Before they look like neglect? Because I do."

The Lord Mayor sputtered. "I have not neglect--"

"I wasn't finished!" shouted Heart. "And yes, you have. Now. This can go one of two ways." Heart raised his right hand, all smiles. "Option one is that Bruni comes with us. We have a bit of a rocky start, but things balance out." Then he raised his left hand, and a truly terrifying, sneering scowl crossed Heart's face. "Option two is that I use the next five minutes to bring you and everyone connected to you to complete and utter ruin, and then Bruni comes with us anyway. I am a magus seer, and a Fate of both the Council and Washrag Paths, so do not doubt my power. Now choose."

The Lord Mayor paled, then nodded and turned to one the men who'd come with him. "Redock the airships in the cargo bay, and prepare Brunhilde's things and collections of nonsense for transport. They're going to be living in Aamand for the foreseeable future."

Bruni looked up, their eyes wide, and seemed happy for the first time since their father had come down to the dock. "Am I really going to Aamand?"

The Lord Mayor forced a smile onto his face. "You are." He nearly turned away, then he turned back as if something had just occurred to him. "Happy-- happy birthday, Brunhilde."