Mick and Keri

Mick and Keri Reach The End

Chapter 37

We were all walking together on the Greenbelt, like a family with a Dad and two Moms and two kids.

"Barb, this is where Keri and I first talked. We had met at a blues jam but did not chat much. I was out walking one morning when she walked right up to me and started walking next to me, stride for stride."

"I won't go through all the gory details," Keri said. "But I was smitten and the only way I could figure how to get to know him was to spend some quiet time with him."

"I love this walk," I continued. "The sound of the river and the birds are just so calming. It's the only place I walk without my headphones on. The wind in the trees and the sound of the river, I just can't explain the calming effect."

"Daddy, can I ask a question?" Little Keri was next to me holding her Aunt Keri's hand.

I looked at Barb to see if I was walking into a trap. She just smiled and shrugged her shoulder.

"I guess so, dear."

"You're holding mom's hand, but I thought that you and Aunt Keri were together."

"Is there a question in there?" I asked my daughter.

"Are you guys together or are you and mom together? I'm confused."

"Well those are some great questions. Keri, I do not know the answer to that question. Your Aunt Keri and I used to be together, but something happened, and we have not been together for a long while now."

"Keri," Aunt Keri broke in, "I did something very bad and I broke a trust with your dad. I hurt him very badly and so he doesn't think he can trust me anymore."

Little Keri paused and thought for a while, and before she could ask her next important question, she was interrupted.

"Aunt Keri, did you do it on purpose? Did you really mean to hurt him?" Little Mick asked the next question.

"No dear. I did not do it on purpose. I was a very stupid lady and I have been sorry for it every day since then."

"Dad, mom always tells us that if you do something wrong and you are really sorry, and won't ever do it again, that you should apologize to the person you hurt; and that person should forgive you."

"Your mom is correct, Mick, for the most part, but there is an old saying, "Fool Me Once, Shame On You. Fool Me Twice, Shame On Me." I was fooled once and I guess that I am afraid to get hurt again."

"But Aunt Keri, didn't you apologize?" Young Keri was back asking questions.

"Well, I tried."

"And daddy did you forgive her?" Both Keri's, Barb and young Mick looked at me.

"Keri, I did not. I sort of ran away and hid when it happened and I did not let her talk to me. She couldn't apologize. She tried to leave messages but I ignored them. Today was the first time I let her talk to me; today when I came to the house to meet you two. So today she apologized, but I have not had a chance to think about it."

"So now are you going to forgive her?"

"I still have to think about it. Keri, have you ever burned yourself on a hot pan?"

"Yes, I did it once when I was learning to cook."

"Did you let yourself be burned twice?"

"No! It hurt."

"Right. It hurt you and you did not want to do it again. Do you see how I might not want to get hurt again?"

"Oh, yeah. I do."

That answer gave both the kids something to chew on. Barb was holding my hand the whole time. Why was I holding her hand? Was I moving towards some sort of relationship with the mother of my children? Oh! And I will have to let my son and daughter know that they now have a step-sister and brother. Here I was stuck in the middle with me!

On my one side was the mother of my children, a woman that I really did not know, but could easily learn to love. On the other side, my children and the woman that I thought was going to be the last woman I would ever love. The one woman had only touched my dick; the other had touched my soul and then had ripped out my heart.

Both women were rich. I was a lot wealthier than I used to be by an entire magnitude thanks to the woman I used to love.... still love.... but don't like.... still love but still do like. What would the kids think if I just screamed like a little girl and ran away?

I was going to have to talk with both women at some point. Should I do it separately or together? A sudden tug on my sleeve brought me back to the crew.

"Dad, can I talk to you?"

"Sure, Mick."

"Alone?"

"Sure. Hey, you guys, me and my son need to have words. You guys go ahead to the bridge and we'll either catch up or we will be here when you loop back."

A general "OK" was given and I put my arm around Micks shoulders and steered him towards one of the many benches along the Greenbelt walk way and we sat.

"OK, son, what can I do for you?"

He hemmed and hawed a bit and then took a deep breathe.

"Dad, I have been looking forward to meeting you for years. Mom talked about you, but not you, I mean she talked about my dad like he was some super guy."

"And now I am not exactly a super guy because I have a problem with your Aunt Keri."

"Sort of. Dad, I can't imagine mom doing something so bad that I would stop loving her or want to live away from her. Mom talked about you and Aunt Keri as the perfect people. She told us that you guys were the best family that people could ever want to be a part of. Then we get here and it is not true. So I guess I am scared that Keri and me are not going to fit in and that our family is not a real family."

I put my arm around young Mick and held him. How did such a young man get such wisdom? Youth often had great wisdom because they also had pure ideals. As we get older our ideals become corrupted by what we call the real world. The "yeah-buts" accumulated until ideals degenerated into suggestions. Do you believe in this or that? Yeah, but....and then we go off on the exceptions to our beliefs or ideals.

"Mick, you are a wonderful young man. You have put things in a great context for me. We don't have a very normal family, do we? I mean what kind of family lives thousands of miles apart. What kind of family has a father that loves a woman who is the mother of his children but not his wife? I mean the distance between all of us is a bit of a barrier to any kind of normal family life."

I stopped thinking for a second and then looked into my son's eyes.

"Son, I really need to get something off of my chest. Let's catch up with the others and head back to the house, OK?"

"OK, Dad."

"Mick, we do not know each other as well as we could. I intend to fix that. It would appear that you know a lot more about me than I do of you. So tell me all about who you think you are and what you do at home. Tell me everything. Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Dad!" awkward pause, "not really. White guys being with Japanese girls are not seen as a cool thing by most Japanese."

We got up and headed towards the rest of the family. We talked about Mick's school and soccer and his sister. His insights into living in Japan were fascinating. He did not like sushi! We talked about my coaching and he was surprised that I knew so little about the strategies of the game of soccer. But he was amazed to hear me talk about the same philosophical things that his soccer coach talked about.

We caught up to the women-folk and it was apparent that they had been having a girl talk. Aunt Keri and Little Keri had bonded. The two Keri's and Barb were holding hands and swinging their arms and walking like the scarecrow from Oz. We all walked back to the cars and I asked little Keri if it was OK for me to have Aunt Keri ride in my car with me. She gave her permission, very gladly.

I hugged Mick and Keri and Barb before they got into the SUV and I told Barb to follow me back. She said OK and I closed her door. I got to my car to find that Keri was already inside with her door shut. Was I feeling hurt because I could not open her door? Strange.

I started the car and pulled out of the parking area and headed for the house. We were both very quiet, until I figured that I would go for it, and clear my head of all the crap stored in there.

"Would you please tell me about that day? Help me understand why you did what you did, so that I can get all of the questions about us squared away."

Keri let out a sigh and looked at me.

"I don't want to. I don't know if you will get angry or depressed or what. I don't even know if you will believe me."

"Keri, if you don't tell me, then I'll get out of this car knowing, not wondering, but knowing, that I can't trust you, knowing that maybe you did it before and that maybe you will do it again, and that I have no reason to have you in my life."

She looked at me with the realization that this was her moment. She was caught between Scylla and Charybdis and she could fall to either monster or sail through and find her way back to her former life. After some long moments she began to speak. She told me about the conference that was hosted by her company to talk about some new laws and regulations that were coming and how they could be used or gotten around to the betterment of their clients.

She talked about this man that was one of the people she was teamed with during a brainstorming session. He was witty and handsome and flirted with her a lot. For some reason, she was attracted to him and could not understand why. They worked through some inventive ideas that were well received when they presented them to the rest of the conferees. After the morning session, he asked her if there was a place nearby for sushi. She took him to the place we used to go to all the time for lunch.

At lunch, he began to touch her. He put his hand on her lower back and he brushed her hair away from her cheek when she was having a problem with a piece of sushi. One thing led to another and he leaned over to kiss her and, for some reason, she kissed him back. After lunch, they were walking back to the hotel and he took her hand and when they got back to the hotel, he asked her to come to his room to get something for the next session.

She said that she knew right then that she should not go, but she could not stop herself. When they got to the room, he gave her a hug and kissed her again and she just fell into his arms. As soon as he stuck his dick in her she realized what she had done and pushed him off. To this day she still did not know why she did it. Keri was tearing up as she talked about how she kept seeing times when she should have stopped everything cold and just couldn't.

"I still don't know what happened or why and it scares me. Mick, I don't know how to stop it if it happens again, because I don't know how it happened. I love you, Mick, and I know from your past how much this hurt you and I never wanted to do that. It scares me that I can't swear to you that it won't happen again because I still don't know what happened."

I couldn't speak. I was holding in a lot of emotions. I was angry and I was hurt and it amazed me that she did not know why it happened.

"Keri, was he that handsome? Was he that sexy? What was it that drew you to him?"

**********

We left the boys behind us and walked on talking about Japan and Keri's school. I asked if there were any cute boys at her school and she blushed and told me that white girls and Japanese boys did not mix. The culture did not like it. She was not into playing sports but she loved to watch her brother play. It became apparent that Keri was like her mother and that Mick was very much like his father.

"Mom says that you are like her sister. She looks forward to your emails and phone calls."

"Well I like her too. I never had a sister and it has been a joy having her in my life. Do you have a girl that is your best friend?"

"Not like a sister. I have a few friends, but the girls are interested in things that don't interest me."

"How do you like America so far?"

"It is really different. America is not like they say it is at school. The people are not all fat and they are not all loud. I like the music more."

"Would you ever want to live here?"

"Oh yes! I would love to come and live with my mom and dad."

Little Keri had struck a nerve. Big Keri was starting to realize that she was on the outside looking in. Her only real connection to the family was her relationship with Mick. And that was now gone. She suddenly felt more alone than she ever had.

"Barb, would you mind if I rode back to the house with Mick. I really have to get somethings off of my chest with Mick."

"No, of course I don't mind. Why would you ask that?'

"Mom, you were walking holding Dad's hand. I think that she is afraid that you and dad and Mick and I could become a family and leave her all alone."

This child could see the way things were. There was a shout and the boys came back to join us. We all walked back towards our cars.

"Mick. May I please talk to you alone. Could I ride back with you?"

"I guess so."

Mick turned to the group and asked if it would be OK for Keri to ride back with him so they could talk. Little Keri almost yelled out "Yes!"

While Mick was getting everyone else into the SUV, I got into the car and waited for him. As he came towards the car I saw a look on his face and it occurred to me that I had just gotten into a car without him opening the door for the first time. I had not even thought of it. We were that far apart.

When Mick had started to drive I knew this was going to be my only chance to straighten things out. I was just about to say something when Mick started talking. He was going to make me tell him everything that I had done to him that day and then he was going to decide if he could deal with it.

**********

"I just wish that you would yell at me or hit me or do something."

"I don't see how that is going to help."

"Mick, I'm sorry. I know now that what we had is completely gone. I just read a story and one of the characters asked another, what is the opposite of love? Do you know the answer?"

"I suppose it is hate."

"Nope. It is indifference. Love and hate are very strong emotions. You have to really have feelings for someone in order to love them or hate them. NO, the opposite of love is indifference. When you really no longer care about someone else you can no longer love them or hate them."

"You don't love me or hate me anymore do you. You just don't care about me anymore. I guess I knew it, but I was so hoping that if I could talk to you that it would get you back."

"I don't know if it is that I don't care or that I have suppressed my feelings so deeply that I just don't feel much for anything anymore."

"Have you been having those depression episodes again?"

"Yeah, all the time. It just feels like everything I have is dead. The coaching is the only thing keeping me alive. If I lose my coaching job, and I am close, I will be too old to get another gig and I am scared that it would be lights out."

"Do you do the blues jams anymore?"

"No. Aren't you going anymore?"

"No. It just didn't seem to be any fun without you. Sarah and I went together a few times and when Sarah left I quit going all together. As a matter of fact, the last time I went out was when you saw me and that guy."

"You always say, that guy but you never say his name."

"To be totally honest, I don't remember his name. I guess that shows how much he meant to me."

"The last time I went out was a few days before that, when we went to the jam. What a hot pair we are."

"I miss you and your voice and our music. Since we are now talking do you think that we could go to one of the jams again?"

"I don't know."

"God damn it Mick! Your life is not over. If you gave up everything because you lost me, then you have not been listening. You have not lost me, you walked away from me. I gave you a good reason,but you left me. I tried to talk to you but you shut me out."

"You lied to me!", I paused to control myself. "You told me nothing had happened with that guy. You lied! I never lied to you. I got angry, I yelled and I acted poorly, but I never cheated and I never lied. How was I supposed to stay with you if you were going to cheat and then lie about it? I could have forgiven your cheating. You messed up and you knew it. I could have learned to accept that and still loved you, but you lied!"

"Mick, I can't take that back. But it seems a bit extreme to hold one lie against me."

"How do I know that was the only time? If you cheated and came clean, we could have moved on, but when you lied, it meant that you might have cheated a lot. You could have been fucking guys every time I was out of town and I just happened to catch you this time."

"I wasn't! I wouldn't. After I did that I felt so horrible. If you had not seen me, I would have told you about it that night. I was panicking and sitting in the office trying to figure out how to tell you and not lose you. Then I got that email."I Saw You At Lunch Today". My world came crashing down. Down. I had just taken everything that I really loved and fucked it over. I spit on it, and then I lied about it. Had I been able to talk to you as I lay there at your door, I would have told you the whole truth."

"So this is partly my fault?"

"Of course. I fucked up and so did you. I took steps that caused you to react. You reacted, over reacted in my opinion, but I was not in a position to tell you that. I mean looking back, you did have a very long time where you were immersed in your team and your practices and you were sleeping in the apartment. I was feeling lonely. I should have just come to the apartment, but I know how you are when you are in the groove, and I did not want to get between you your work."

Shit. The same thing I did to chase away my first wife. How could I have not seen the same signs? As Keri spoke about it, I began to accept my part in this mess. Yet Keri was not blaming me. She was merely laying out the details of the chronology. I had taken a passive part and if I had shown her more attention, maybe she would have resisted that guy. Maybe not, but there was enough doubt that I could see some of my part in it.

We pulled up to the house and I parked on the curb while the garage door opened and the SUV pulled in. We all walked into the kitchen through the garage and Cheryl had ice tea and snacks ready. She announced that dinner for all would be ready in about an hour.

We all went to the living room and hit the couch. After a few minutes the kids wanted to know if they could go swimming. Barb looked at Keri and Keri nodded and looked at me. I grinned and agreed as well. The kids let out a whoop and bolted down the stairs to the lower level. After a few minutes it struck me that they went right down to the pool area and not up to their rooms to change.

"I guess the kids must have been swimming and had their suits down stairs already."

Bar and Keri gave each other a knowing look and Keri said, "They are just comfortable swimming in whatever they have on."

We sat on the couch and Barb and Keri held each other. It struck me that we were not "comfortable". We still had our clothes on.

"Keri, when was the last time you walked around your own house "comfortable"?"

"Umm, not since Sarah left. With you gone and Sarah gone it just did not feel comfortable. I also never felt the same about it when Cheryl is here. She is a bit stodgy."

"Let's go downstairs," Barb suggested.

Keri and Barb stood and both grabbed my hands and pulled me to my feet. We walked down the spiral stairs and as I remembered it, at the bottom of the stairs, if you looked left there was a big window that allowed the people in the basement to have an underwater view of the pool. I'd loved to sit there and watch Keri and Sarah swim nude and appreciate how their skin moved when they swam. As we reached the bottom of the stairs the women turned to the left and smiled. I reluctantly looked and there they were; my kids swimming, in front of God and everybody. They had put their swim suits on and were having a ball!