Needing Leah

The story so far:

18-year-old Liam Weber has been increasingly pushed to confront his feelings around life disguised as "Leah" in an all-girl's school. Last chapter, Ellie pressed him with the question of what he really wants in life and why he cares what his father thinks of him. He was also punished for his kiss with Jess. Ellie decided to lock him in chastity with threats about worse to follow, should he step out of line again.

15: The Party

Caged. That was a new experience.

It took a great ordeal just to get the thing on me properly. Neither of us quite understood how, nor did my growing erection help. Ellie kept ordering me to think "unsexy thoughts" but that was hard when a beautiful girl was standing right before me, fiddling a cage around my penis. She joked it felt like trying to defuse a bomb, or perhaps wire one, as the case may be. I said it felt like assembling Ikea furniture. We both got snappy with each other the way I used to when helping my dad put up shelves. At least with Ellie, it wasn't serious. Well, the punishment was serious. I had a cage of hard plastic now weighing me down. It wasn't painful, nor even exactly uncomfortable but it was a strange sensation I couldn't quite get used to. Restricted. Burdened. When aroused, the sense of pressure where my penis failed to grow wasn't so nice. Somehow, that made me feel even more aroused, though. Ellie's sweet, mock-innocent grin, too. She delighted in this new form of power and was happy to tease me about it as much as possible. The tiny key had been slipped into the back of her phone case, which often disappeared into her bra. She told me there was a spare key that she'd hidden but I had no idea where.

.

The week passed slowly, for the most. My mood remained low and I forever felt eager to retreat into bed. One good talk with Ellie hadn't changed that, even if I did feel more excited about sex again. In many ways, I was too excited. The cage made it impossible to forget who's girl I was. Even the sheer thought caused a stirring in me, for which I felt aroused throughout most lessons. It was agony but it was also an escape. Lost in a sea of misery, that constant, beating arousal was the only distraction I could cling to.

Ellie teased me most days. She would put a vibrator to the cage, or caress the rest of my body. On several occasions, I was made to watch her touch herself whilst bound and unable to do anything. I loved it. So rarely had I been permitted to her naked body. It was as much a treat as it was a torture, and I found myself asking for more. Sometimes I pestered her when she wanted to read or, in her words:whinedabout when I would be let free and allowed to cum. She said she had a plan for that but I wasn't to know. Truthfully, I didn't want to know.Uncertaintyhad always been her psychological weapon of choice. I had come to enjoy it.

Mainly, however, it was what the cage represented. There was no way out unless Ellie said so. This thing could remain locked around me for as long as she wanted. Just that idea gave her new power. It was a power she abused to make me clean, do the laundry, force me to keep up with homework. I found myself being told what to eat by her, and what not to eat. She was picking all my meals for me in the canteen. If I wanted a drink of a snack in the dorm room, I was suddenly asking her permission. If I wanted to scroll on my phone, watch TV, climb into bed; I had to ask for all of it. If I had been firmly resistant to this, I'm sure Ellie would've allowed space for a serious discussion. I'm sure she would've allowed me more freedom...only I never truly asked. I fussed, Iwhined, I made various pleas but it always felt like part of the game. This unspoken powerplay we had agreed to.

"Jesus, Ellie, you'll be making me ask permission to piss next." I complained when she refused me a bag of crisps. It made her grin.

"That's a good idea, actually. From now on, you require permission."

"Really?"

She sucked in breath through her teeth. "You're free to do anything like, Leah. Freewill exempts no one from life's consequences, however. You're free to stay caged forever, or...you're free to be a well behaved girlie who might just earn her release." She gave an indifferent shrug, knowing it would frustrate me. "You're choice."

I sighed, then frowned, then tried to argue my way out with logic. "What if you're out running or something and I need the toilet?"

"You wait patiently."

"What if I'm at community service all day?"

"You text me and wait for a reply."

"What if I'm not allowed my phone?"

"I told you, Leah. You wait patiently."

I was getting annoyed, which was exactly what she wanted. I tried a different line of argument. "What if I'm ill? Stomach upset or something. Do I need your permission then, or should I spray paint the dorm room with..."

Half-laughing, she cut me off before I could describe anything more vivid. "I told you, Leah. You're free to go to the toilet whenever you want. If you happen to need it desperately, you can always go, then apologise to me afterwards and explain the circumstances. I might be lenient, sure. If you think that argument is going to get you out of asking permission the rest of the time, however, you can forget it." She then raised her hand, as though a new thought had just crossed her mind. "In fact, just for the attitude, you're not allowed the toilet for the next two hours. I don't care you just drank a bottle of fanta. Deal with it."

If I wanted to be unlocked, I had to submit to any rules Ellie came up with, no matter how minor or ridiculous. I was still being spanked or edged into submission for every infraction. Ellie liked to exert dominance over me, and continued doing so. However the simple awareness that she no longerneededto exert anything...that was power. Suddenly, making me submit required no threats, sometimes little more than a raise of her eyebrow. I found myself saying "thank you, Ellie" or "I'm sorry, Ellie" far more than I previously had. I found myself kneeling before her in submission, on a few occasions even subjecting myself to humiliation. Becoming a footrest or holding her drinks whilst she read books. She enjoyed testing what I would agreed to do. I enjoyed...what exactly was it I enjoyed? I liked being a good girl. I liked her approval. In truth, I liked the general concept. Caged and forced to do as she pleased. Goddamn, it was hot.

Tuesday passed with me still locked. Wednesday passed, though I endured an awkward drama lesson with Jess.

"I told Ellie about the kiss." I was forced to explain when she began pressing the subject again. "She was understanding, but I think it's best to drop it now."

"I should apologise to her myself." Jess insisted, speaking in between half-hearted readings of the lines we'd been given for Miss Luper's latest play:The Raging of the Lover of the Castle by the Deep Sea.

"No, you'll only make her mad." I said. I had been light on some of the details when telling Ellie. I didn't want Jess to reveal it had gone beyond a kiss; that I had cupped her breasts and put a hand between her legs.

"Does she mind us still talking? Are we...allowed to be friends?" Jess said, with an innocence that made my heart melt.

"Y-yes. Yes, of course. We just...I mean, I don't want to upset Ellie."

"Neither do I. Naturally, I will respect both your wishes." She shook my hand awkwardly. She glanced down again at the sheet of lines in her hands, before hesitating. "I just...I do hope she isn't taking advantage of you. You mentioned before that you weren't a couple, and I know how...assertive...she can be. I really do hope you're not being toyed with for control, because that would be awful, Leah."

Jess didn't even know the half of it. I had to resist the urge to glance down at the cage, hidden beneath my briefs and school skirt.

.

There were moments of class I'd sort of enjoy, even feelnormal, only to suddenly be hit by the sorrow again. Most of the time, I just felt numb. Even with the distraction of chastity, getting through the day felt like trying to walk through water. By Thursday lunchtime, I was exhausted and left Ellie and Kiara in the canteen, telling them I was nipping to the bathroom. Instead, I wandered absently onto the field.

It was a warm day but the breeze made it feel cool. The sun came and went behind clouds, taunting me with a brightness I couldn't feel. The grass was growing tall, which made me wonder what had happened to Fred the Gardener. I assumed he had been sacked after Subrosa but had he been replaced yet? Was anyone was tending the grounds? I stretched back and rested my head beneath my hands. I felt too tense for such a relaxed position, however, so I propped up onto my elbows. My heavy silicone breasts weighed against me, as did the cage. Those were the least of my burdens.

What do I want?

I couldn't seem to get the question out of my mind. I'd almost passed another week at Bryner. My mum was yet to contact me again and my dad was still refusing calls. My mind should've been focused on that. In truth, I had concluded from my mum's lack of contact that she had simply sided with my dad, as she always did. That I was alone and unloved and numb. I should've still called to find out, though. I should've been figuring out how to fix my records...yet I wasn't.

What do I want?

I didn't want to be a girl, I knew that. I liked being Leah, but only around Ellie. The rest of the time, it either felt humiliating, or empty.

What do I want?

I didn't want to be at Bryner. Some of it was ok. Most of the teachers were actually pretty good, and Miss Wendell hadn't been entirely wrong: SLDs would help if I wanted to become a journalist...If. It was hard to think clearly about career aspirations, and none of it made Bryner the least bit acceptable, anyway. Leah meant something to me, even if I didn't know what. Ellie had suggested she was an expression for my anxiety and vulnerability. Was that all? So much had happened in such a short time, that it was hard to know anything, but none of that meant it was good to be trapped here.

What do I want?

.

Ellie found me before the end of the lunch. I felt her shadow block a brief glimpse of sun before I heard her.

"Brooding, are you?" She asked playfully, trying to hide her concern. She could've threatened the fact I hadn't asked permission to come out here. She didn't. She probably sensed it wasn't appropriate.

"Where's Kiara?" I asked

"Gone to classes. She was telling me more about Subrosa. Apparently, it's been leaked that Danielle sleep walks."

I grimaced. That was hardly the kind of scandalous leak Danielle deserved. Ellie sat down beside me.

"What you thinking, honey?"

"I dunno." I admitted. My balls ached and felt heavy. I made a faint appeal again about being allowed to cum. She laughed and shook her head, then brought me back to the main question.

"What are you brooding about?"

"You know I still need to leave, don't you? Even if you're right about Leah, even if there are positives and everything...you know I can't just accept it here?"

"I know." There was a heavy pause.

"I'd miss you, if I went." I said, looking up at the sky. "I think I'd miss you a lot." Her arm wrapped around my shoulder and pulled me in.

"Yeah, I know." Ellie seemed on the verge of admitting the same. Instead, she said. "You've gotta do what's right for you."

"We'd keep in touch?"

"Sure, but don't chain yourself to me." She leant her head closer, until she was whispering in my ear. "Right now, you're all mine, sweetie. I control you, right down to...this thing." She didn't need to pat it, to make the point clear. "For now. I know that's not forever. For now, is enough for me."

She sounded very fatalistic about the future. I thought again about what she had said before.You know I'm not a good person, right?I might've asked her about that then, but she stood up and held out her hand. "Up you get, you've got maths now, right? I'm not having you late for class."

.

That evening, I was freed from my cage. She had let me free in small intervals, just to make sure it wasn't causing injury while I got used to it. It was normally only for ten or so minutes before she locked me back up. This evening, I was allowed the freedom of a proper erection as she played with me. I was leant back on my bed with my legs spread wide. She liked them spread wide and had been having me practice stretching. She was before the bed, half-kneeling, half-squatting with her elbows propped on the mattress for support. Touching me. Not through panties but properly. A firm grip around my penis and a look of amusement at my desperation.

"You realise I'm not going to let you cum, right?" she said. "You realise you're going straight back in that lock, once I'm done toying with you?"

"I can't change your mind, then?" I tried to sound cool but she made my words strain and falter by rubbing the head of my penis. She frowned a little at the precum on her fingers.

"I should make you lick this."

"I'm not sure that's my thing."

"Look at you, getting assertive with me! Here's the deal, I'm proud of you this week. You've stayed in chastity. You've whined at points, sure, but you've been a good girl. Behave yourself on Saturday, and I'll unlock you for a while...maybe you'll get to cum. Maybe..."

She edged me again. Her movements were agonisingly slow, keeping me teetering on the edge. There was an amusement to the way she looked at my penis, saw it contract in moments, ease in others. It was a look I can't accurately describe, something close to a person observing a pet they found adorable. She edged me again, then again. The more precum that dribbled out, the more she smirked. She wasn't turned off by my cock, that was becoming clear. A curiosity, too. I wondered if mine was the first penis she'd ever touched.

"Saturday?" I asked during a brief pause in my torment. You make it sound like something's happening then?"

"It is. Thalia's party, remember?"

She spanked two fingers against my balls when I told her I didn't want to go.

"You're going, Leah."

"Why? Can't you just go without me?"

She removed her hands from me, then. She stood up and stared firmly into my eyes. "You're going. For arguing back, I'm locking you up early again. I was going to leave you free another few hours."

"You still can!" I called out with my best, innocent smile. I had learned Ellie was more likely to put up with my protests, if I framed them with humour. It didn't work.

"No. Cage time. You can talk to me if you feel nervous about the party, that's fine. Any attempts to wriggle out of it, though, and I'll find you a less comfortable cage."

"Can I at least ask why you're so keen for me to go?"

"No."

.

By the time Saturday rolled around, I still had no idea why she was so keen for me to go. I supposed she just didn't want to go alone, although she knew Kiara better than me by now. The two of them would chat happily throughout meals in the canteen, where I had only grown more quiet. I reminded myself that was a good thing. Ellie would need other friends, after I was gone. We dressed as elegantly as we could. I wanted to wear the red dress Ellie had lent me on my first day but she was worried the bulge of my cage might become visible through it. Instead, she offered a pink bodysuit with both boyshorts and a thin white skirt stitched over it, to make doubly sure nothing was noticeable. It didn't look like her sort of outfit.

"It's not. I bought it for you." She told me, which wasn't the most reassuring. I remembered how quickly she had produced the chastity cage from her cupboard.

"Just how many things have you bought for me that I don't yet know about?"

She grinned at that. "I wouldn't go looking in the cupboard, Leah. Anything you find, I'll make you use."

She wore a simple black dress. Simplicity was all she needed, anything too much would've drawn attention away from just how stunning her figure was. I was the cute one, according to her. She was definitely the beautiful one. She even offered a faint blush when I told her as much.

"Well, I have to make an effort. Thalia always looks amazing, I don't want to seem trampy."

.

"Your turn, Kiara!" Came Thalia's increasingly slurred voice over the general squeals and laughter of the evening. We'd been in Thalia's room for about an hour. To call it a party was a stretch, but there were limits to what you could get away with in a small dormitory room. It was larger than our room, though less furnished. The floor was a damask, stained carpet, with enough space for us to all sit in a circle, using pillows as cushions. Thalia did indeed look amazing. Long, blonde hair with a faint frizz; enough to give it style without becoming untameable. She had wide blue eyes and a bright face that radiated with her smile. I still wasn't accustomed to comparing makeup but, as far as I could tell, she wore none and yet had a near-perfect complexion. Smooth but not too pale. A few freckles, but they seemed to suit her. She wore a baggy grey jumper with no shirt underneath, and black pyjama shorts, revealing her thighs as she straddled a pillow, laughing. I might've felt jealous of her, if she wasn't so nice. Her eyes were bluer than mine, her hair more textured, she was cuter, more confident, and made lazy clothing look the most fashionable thing in the world. Had I wanted to be a girl, I would've wanted to look like her.

The other girls were Rowan, Thalia's roommate, Kiara, and Nell. All of them were wearing comfy clothes that made both me and Ellie feel over-dressed. I didn't know Rowan or Nell. Nell had a simple brown ponytail with pale skin, where Rowan had black hair and a bigger build. From what Kiara told us, Rowan was an amazing singer. In the centre of the carpet was a set of cards, as well as drinks and a bowl of ice for cooling them. The wine had run out almost immediately, we were now drinking either whisky or a bottle of scrumpy that Kiara had been teased for bringing along. It was a strong, murky cider of 14.5% alcohol that she had apparently gotten from, "Shiv."

"Is that Shivering Charlotte?" I had dared to ask. I hadn't been the most sociable but I was under strict (if playful) orders from Ellie to try and engage.

Thalia nodded. "She was supposed to come along tonight. You can't ever rely on her, though. Not when she's working."

"She's called Shiv because she always wears a coat." Nell said, who seemed almost eager to explain. "If you need drink smuggling into school, or weed or...well probably anything...Shiv's your girl. She goes all over Bryner, flogging shit. I dunno how the teachers have never caught her. Anyway, it's your turn, Kiara!"

Kiara brushed the straight black hair from her face and drew a card from the deck. "Six of hearts!"

"Name six actors you'd open your legs for." Nell said at once, shrieking with laughter. Nell was nice enough but a bit blunt. I had mistaken it for coldness to begin with. She was wearing green yoga pants and a white sports bra that made her cleavage unavoidable. I'm sure Ellie caught me looking.

"Joaquin Phoenix." Kiara answered. "Brad Pitt. Ralph Fiennes...erm..."

"Ralph Fiennes!" Ellie looked like she might burst with laughter. She had been nervous about the drinking game at first but, now that it was in full swing, she had been knocking back alcohol as though it were water. She had grown louder with each cup she emptied. "Joaquin Phoenix was bad enough but Ralph Fiennes? Do you reckon he does his Voldemort laugh when he cums?"

"I'm trying to answerrrrr." Kiara called over the giggling. "Brad Pitt, erm..."