Needing Leah

The Story So Far:

18-year-old Liam Weber was enrolled in a girls-only school for reasons he is still getting to the bottom of. Forced to dress as "Leah" he has been adjusting to school life, exploring gender identity, and settling into a blossoming relationship with his domineering roommate Ellie. Volume 3 has seen the two of them visit Ellie's home for the Christmas holiday. When her father reacted badly upon discovering their romance, Ellie and Leah decided to go out on the town for New Year's Eve, partly to wind him up, partly to see if they could flirt with boys. This chapter begins the morning after.

.

28: The Cellar

I woke very suddenly to the sound of Ellie screaming.

"Ellie? Are you ok? What's wrong?"

"The bed! The..." she was shuffling back across the mattress, feeling the bedsheet.

"What about it?"

"I felt something wet."

"Yeah, you squirted twice last night." I said, smirking at the memory. After the fireworks had died away, I had made her squirt several times with both my fingers and tongue. She had then wrapped her hand around my cock and given me permission to cum. It undermined the purpose behind the daily pegging sessions of course, however she wanted to reward me forbeing goodand even offered a half-slurred declaration that she forgave me both for Jess and for Roisin.

"R-right." She said, calming again. She pulled the duvet away from me, in order to inspect my penis. Caged. Ellie had ordered me to lock myself back up but had fallen asleep too quickly to see if I'd obeyed. "Good girl."

"Did you enjoy last night?" I asked, making her groan.

"That Aaron was a dickhead! Spiked my drinks," she said, then added, "with alcohol! Not with...not drugged."

"I was worried about you, even after your message. Joe insisted you'd be fine, but-"

"I can handle myself, babe. He wanted me to suck him off, mind. Wasn't shy about it, either." She giggled. "Got as far as kissing my neck but then seemed to lose interest...not sure why...might've been something to do with kneeing him in the balls."

I winced. "You've never even done that to me."

"No, but I have spanked you there and will do again, if you don't tell me about Joe."

"There's not much to tell..."

I filled her in on everything that had happened. His eager kiss. The advice I'd given him. The way he had walked me home. Ellie seemed to find it all hilarious, then drilled me with questions about the kiss.

"You bloody enjoyed it, didn't you? Turning into a right little flirt!"

"I was drunk, Ellie."

"So was I, but I didn't kiss Aaron. Certainly didn't suck him off. Bet you'd have done that if he asked, though."

"Fuck you!" I protested, making her laugh all the more. I wasn't going to tell her the faint stirrings of an erection it had given me, nor the daydreams that had cropped up on the walk home.

"Well, you need spanking for the kiss," Ellie said when she had stopped laughing. "It's still against the rules."

"You encouraged it!"

"Maybe, but our night of rebellion is over. Somerebellionit was, too," she said with bleak humour, before returning to the point at hand. "I shouldn't have let you cum last night. There's no way you deserved a reward. If it's made you less sensitive to anal again, then I'll just have to peg you twice as much."

"Please do," I said, sticking out my tongue, but then grimaced. I wasn't sure whether or not to mention what had happened before. She had asked me to fuck her, then had frozen up and asked me to stop, just before I could enter.

"Are you feeling ok about...us? About..."

She knew what I was getting at and sighed. "You didn't do anything wrong, Leah. I wanted it, and not because I was drunk. I thought I'd be ready, but I wasn't."

If there was a reason behind this, she failed to explain it. I felt it was best not to take issue. I had been nervous at the time myself, I remembered. I'd had no idea how to penetrate or what it would feel like or how I would do. I remembered also how long it had taken before she'd ever let me see her naked.

"Well, so long as you know it doesn't bother me," I said, hoping that didn't make it sound like I didn't want to fuck her. "I mean, I'd really want to but...even if you're never ready. I don't mind. I'm ok."

She smiled appreciatively in response but said nothing on the matter, instead getting up and walking towards the strap-on.

"I hope you don't mindthiseither, baby. I'd like you on your knees. What say your first fuck of the new year should be a rough one?"

.

It was rough, and I suspected Ellie was letting off some steam as a result. She brought me agonisingly close to orgasm before slowing her rhythm and teasing me instead. My arse was wide open for her, and I was starting to like it that way. She had filled my mouth with something she told me was called a penis gag. A silicone dildo attached to a buckle tied around my mouth. It wasn't as big as many of the dildos she made me suck before but the fact I couldn't remove it made it feel more filling. The pressure of that was arousing. Several times, I came close to gagging, and yet could do nothing but suppress it. Was I starting to like that, too? I found myself wondering just how long I could go with it in my mouth, to the extent it was almost a shame when she removed it. It was definitely a shame when she removed the strap-on. Sometimes, the thought of being fucked without ever getting to cum at all was even more appealing than the idea of release.

.

We washed, dressed, and went down to the kitchen starving. Only there wasn't any breakfast. The fridge, the freezer, and all of the kitchen cupboards were padlocked.

"What the fuck?"

We didn't have to wait long for an answer. In walked her dad with a sickeningly airy smile.

"Lovely morning, girls. Happy new year."

Ellie simply pointed to the cupboards. "What the fuck?"

"Oh, don't overreact. It's a new year's resolution of mine to be more shrewd with my spending. Seeing as I've spent a sizeable amount on food for the both of you this holiday, it made sense to limit that. You are eighteen after all, Ellen. You can handle your own shopping."

"I can't. You know I can't. We don't have any money."

He feigned surprise. "Really? After six years of generous allowance. After the £500 I sent you for the start of the holiday. You truly have nothing saved up?"

He then glanced at me. "And what about you? With your father the head ofWeber Food Industries, surely he lines your pockets?"

I didn't like the way he was squinting at me. That same analytical stare. All I could think to do was shake my head. Ellie spoke up again.

"I'm not thick. I know what you're doing, you don't have to pretend."

"Don't I?"

"You can't starve us. We'll just go back to Bryner if-"

"Yes, of course. Return to school with all the money you have left to spend on a taxi." The sarcasm cut like a razor. He must've read the truth of this on our faces. Ellie glanced to me. Were we that stupid? Spending the rest of our money for a good night out was one thing, but why hadn't we thought to setanyaside? We'd had it in our minds that we'd be going back on the 12th. She hadn't wanted to entertain the thought of paying for our own trip back earlier. Suddenly the rebellion looked foolish. Childish. We were supposed to older now. Adults don't sabotage themselves for the mere illusion of control. We had made our rebellion to show we didn't care. We did care, however. We cared immensely.

Her father pulled open a drawer under the kitchen island. Out came a large bag of wholegrain rice.

"You may eat as much of this as you like. I presume you know how to cook rice? When term begins - and if you've been good - I will pay your cab fare back. If you've been especially good, I may even reinstate your allowance."

"Dad..."

He spoke over her, turning towards me again. "Leah is of course a guest. I will pay for her return journey anytime she wishes it. Even as early asthis morning."

The implication was obvious. I was supposed to leave. He wanted me far away from Ellie but there was zero chance I was ever going to leave her alone in this house with him.

"I'm happy to stay a while longer, thank you," I said.

Ellie nodded in agreement. She took my hand and squeezed it tight. "I'm my own person. Leah is my girlfriend, she loves me!"

"Yes, I'm sure she tells you that, Ellen. But she also tells lies." He leant back against the counter, as though we had just walked into a trap and he was marvelling at the effect. "You have lied to me, Leah, have you not?"

"What?"

"Did you not think I would google Weber Food Industries? It doesn't exist. As far as I can tell, your father went bankrupt years ago. You have nothing. You spend your time sponging off other families by pretending to date their children."

"That's not true!" I protested but he lifted his head up and laughed callously.

"Admit that you lied, girl! I would like to believe you deceived Ellen just as much, because..." his steely gaze returned to Ellie. "The thought that my own daughter lied to me...that would beverydisappointing."

"I love Ellie," I said. To him, it must've sounded like the airheaded words of a child. He advanced on me slowly.

"I'm going to ask you again. Would you like me to pay for your journey back to school?"

His hand came up. With the back of his fingers, he moved a stray lock of hair out of my face. The effect made me shudder all over. I was too stunned to react until he had already finished.

"Will you curtsy for me, now? You did last night."

"Don't touch me," I said quietly."

"Then would you like me to pay for your journey home?"

"I go wherever Ellie goes."

Ellie squeezed my hand again. Her father sighed. He raised his hand. It wasn't clear whether he was going to move another of my locks or simply scratch his chin but, before he could do either, Ellie shoved him hard in the shoulder.

"She told you not to touch her! Don't touch either of us! I'm not afraid of you, dad."

There was a second where he looked as though he might explode. My heart was pounding. I sized him up, wondering if the two of us could stop him in a fight. He stood up straight so he could leer down from above. When his mouth opened, he let out a quiet tutting noise.

"You speak like a thug, Ellen. They'll be no fighting in this house." He smiled viciously, then turned and walked towards the dining room. Ellie and I watched, not daring to move. He crossed to the side of the room then stopped at the large black door. He pulled a key out of his pocket, unlocked it, and opened it ajar.

"There might be some other ingredients in the cellar. Otherwise, enjoy the rice, and let me know if you need anything."

That was it. He exited the other side of the room, into the corridor, then into the lounge. I sighed in relief, though my heart was beating just as hard. To see him act so confidently was surely a bad sign. It gave me the unnerving feeling that he had the upper hand in more ways than we even realised. I looked to Ellie.

"You ok?"

She didn't say anything, which was an answer in itself. I rubbed a hand over her shoulder.

"Come on, let's eat first. You sit down. I'll get some water boiling then see what there is in the cellar."

"No!" She shouted the word. There were few times I'd heard her sound so fearful. It made me pause.

"I'm only gonna-"

"Don't!Please.Y-you can't go down there."

"Ellie?"

"I like plain rice. It's fine. It'll be good for us." She walked away to seat herself at the dining table. I didn't move. I knew how volatile Ellie could become if I said the wrong thing at a vulnerable moment.

"You don't like plain rice. What's wrong with going in the cellar."

"J-just don't." Somehow, her eyes were both pleading and threatening at the same time. I debated what to do for a long, torturous moment. Ellie wanted to get better with her vulnerability but I knew there were limits. I knew I couldn't push her too much. This was the right issue to push her on, though, surely? The alternative meant eating only plain rice for god knows how long. Then again, I had made a promise to her that I wouldn't go behind her back and that I would do as she asked. Speaking to Roisin had harmed her trust, I didn't want to do that again. Slowly, I conceded.

"O-ok, Ellie...we'll have plain rice this time. We'll just eat that for now. Maybe we can talk after?"

"M-maybe..."

"Ok...ok, I'll...I'll make some rice..."

.

The rice came out stodgy because the sieve had been locked away in one of the cupboards. It was a depressing meal to go with a depressing morning. Ellie tried to look enthusiastic about the food but it was poor attempt. We said barely anything at all. When I suggested going up to her room, she suddenly became eager for a long walk.

"Ok, we'll do that instead."

It was a blustering day. I had made the mistake of wearing mycute girloutfit, hoping it might do better to soothe and disarm Ellie when she was stressed. The pink chiffon blouse and white camisole didn't do much to keep me warm. The white pleated mini-skirt wasn't too loose but it still needed holding down against the strongest gusts of wind. The bunny purse, which I still hated, at least meant I'd been able to pack some bits if our makeup went awry. Ellie talked of the countryside, showed me spots she used to go when she wanted an escape, showed me where she had once built a den. She showed me trees she had climbed or fallen from. She talked incredibly quickly, to the point I could barely speak.

"And I'll show you where we built a rope swing. It was just behind the field, there. You see that line of trees? That's actually a really steep ditch, it was perfect for it. Danny found the spot and wouldn't shut up about it until I'd found enough rope to try it out."

"You went out here with Danny?" I said, finally managing to get a word in. She answered whilst still walking ahead of me.

"Course. He was the one who loved the woods. I used to hate all the bugs but he didn't have anyone else to go with, so I put up. I got used to it, you know? To be honest, getting out the house felt better than staying in. There was a long lot of years I used to be out as late as I possibly could, even when there was fuck all to do."

As we got nearer, she elected to run the rest of the distance. I heard her cry out from behind the canopy. "It's still there!"

A thick, short stick tied to a line of blue rope. The whole thing had then been tied to the branch above. It dangled out over what felt more like a chasm than a ditch. Two incredibly steep muddy slopes with a thin trickle of water at the bottom.

"Jesus, how old were you when you made this?"

"About fourteen, I guess. I swear it didn't used to be so steep. There were almost steps in the ditch before."

"Maybe rain smoothed them over?"

She shrugged, then held out the swing for me with manic excitement. "Wanna go?"

"I'm not sure it's safe."

"Oh, come on. Look!" She tugged hard on the rope, proving its sturdiness. "I swung on it loads of times."

"When you were fourteen. We weigh a lot more now."

"Calling me fat?"

"Ellie..."

"Alright, fine. I'll go first, if you're being a pussy. Watch."

She climbed on eagerly. She didn't even pause to assess. One big kick backwards with both her feet for the backswing, before lifting them up as she streamed forwards. I couldn't believe how fast she moved. Out came a primal yell as she cleared the gap, swung back, then cleared it again.

"See? I told you!" She shouted in delight, laughing and screaming for the fun of it. On her next swing back, she tried to catch the ground with her feet, only the side of the ditch was too flat and smooth. She swung out again. On her second attempt, she almost caught the ground, before losing her footing and spinning away again.

"Are you stuck?" I called. Watching her losing momentum.

"It's fine. I'll just kick off again, and...hang on..."

She tried. Perhaps she kicked too hard because the full weight of her body pressed down against the swing. The stick either snapped, or else her legs just lost grip and fell away from the seat. I watched, frozen, as Ellie went plummeting backwards into the ditch. She clattered against the wet mud on the far side.

"Ellie, fuck! You ok?"

"Yeah...yeah, fine." She said, not all too convincing. Thankfully, she had hit the slope halfway down, before rolling and sliding the rest of the way. Her arms looked grazed. She tried to laugh it off, though looked shaken. Her manic energy had gone. "How do I get back up?"

"I dunno. Do you want me to come down?"

"No. I'll just..." she tried climbing it. It was immediately obvious the slope was too steep. She got about a third of the way up before slipping back down.

"Ellie?"

"I'm alright, just let me focus!" She snapped, then tried again with no better success. Her shoes were caked in mud. So were her leggings. A third, fourth, fifth time; she failed to climb out. On her sixth attempt, she even tumbled flat on her back in the stream of water, letting out a roar of fury as she did so.

"I'll come down," I called again but she stopped me.

"No! Fucking hell, Leah. I don't wanna drag you into my mess! It's all shit enough already!" She looked like she wanted to cry. "Get back to the house. I'll walk along until there's somewhere easier to climb up."

"I can't leave you."

"You have to leave!" It looked like there might've been tears in her eyes. The force with which she'd shouted made me unsure whether she was talking about the ditch or getting a taxi back to Bryner. I paused. Was this the time to talk? Would it enrage her further?

"You don't have to be alone in everything, Ellie. If this is about your dad-"

I could see from the sudden glare she gave that I was supposed to fall silent. The wind was picking up and shaking at the leaves above us. She was down there, crying. I couldn't not try to comfort her.

"If this is about your dad, I'm not leaving you alone with him. I don't care what he says."

"You don't understand."

"Then help me. Why does he want us to curtsy? What's so bad about the cellar?"

"Nothing! I just don't go down there, he knows that. I'll never go down there again!"

"But why?" I began to ask, only the words fell away in my mouth. She was using that same tone again. That helplessness. I remembered why it felt so familiar. That night after Thalia's party where Ellie had been drunk and terrified of her own vomit. It was the same kind of terror. The same tone. The realisation hit me like a kick to the chest.

No...it can't...

I stumbled back against the tree. Ellie must've understood what I was thinking because she turned away and shrank down into a tight ball.

I thought of all the times she shut herself away in the dormitory bathroom when feeling shame or self-hatred. She would lock the door and shiver against the cold stone. Lights off. I then remembered what she had shouted that drunken night. The bulb had blown while I'd been helping her over the toilet, and she had shrieked as though in mortal danger. The words echoed back through my mind.

No! NO! Not again, I haven't! IT WASN'T ME!"

"Ellie..." I felt tears welling in my own eyes. "Did he...lock you down there?"

She didn't move. She remained curled up upon her feet. I only caught half of her mumbled response.

"I can't go down there. Not anymore."

It hadn't just been the one time. I could tell. It had happened often when she was young. No wonder it had always been her habit to withdraw, no wonder it was so hard to break through.

Involution - the process of folding inwards.

Suddenly the ditch didn't matter, nor the mud or water. I tried scaling down the slope, slipping until my hoody was just as wet as everything else. When I got to her, I enveloped her curled-up form in the tightest hug I could manage.