Needing Leah

The Story So Far:

Last chapter saw Liam/Leah discovering life in chastity and how it could affect his dynamic with Ellie. He also attended a party in Thalia's dorm room that culminated in a drunken Ellie being sick, needing support, and the reveal of the cane marks on her butt.

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16: A Good Person

I woke without a hangover the next day. I'd drank a fair amount but I don't think it was until my mid-twenties where hangovers started to affect me. Ellie, on the other hand, slept in late and very heavily, despite throwing up most of what she drank. She was still dozing when I awoke at 8am. I watched her from my bed for a long time, thinking.

Talking with her won't be easy.

Last night, Ellie had told me she loved me. Last night, I had seen her cry and scream in terror. I had also seen the marks on her skin. The first two of those three might be the result of drunkenness, the third was far more serious.

I considered waking her up to discuss it now. Would there be enough time for such a big conversation? It was Sunday, which meant I had community service soon. Reluctantly, I washed, dried, and began doing my makeup while she slept. I had gotten rather good at makeup and found it oddly therapeutic. It was only as I was dressing that Ellie awoke.

"Who gave permission to shower?"

I frowned. "Seriously?"

She frowned in return, then stretched and yawned heavily.

"I've got community service. You were asleep. I'm not going to ask permission for everything, Ellie."

"Aren't you?" She looked amused. "You threw yourself into it all headfirst the last few days."

"Most of it's kinda fun." I was forced to admit. I had enjoyed the certainty and the distraction it offered, too. I couldn't just distract myself from everything serious, though. Some things needed confronting, as Ellie herself had previously told me. I was concerned about her. "I..." I began, hesitating on the point of discussing her marks.

"You held my drink for me the other day. You let me use you as a footstool while I read."

"Only once. I don't want to do that again. You only made me do it out of curiosity to see if I would, anyway."

She nodded, still wrapped in her duvet. "Is that why you obeyed? Curiosity for what it was like?"

I shrugged. She was looking for an opening to tease me, I realised. I tried to shut it down. "I'm happy to play the role you've given me...but I still have limits. I can't always be in the right mood. When circumstances are important or serious, I'm not going to wait for permission. You wanted me to feel more confident and independent, right? I'm also going to warn you."

"Warn me?" She smirked, closing her eyes sleepily.

"Push me too much and you'll make me rebel. I spent a long while last night contemplating getting the key from your phone while you were sleeping."

"You were gonna tug yourself off in secret and hope I never found out?"

I chose to ignore the amusement in her voice. "I'm just saying; you do have power over me, being caged ensures that but I can still resist, if I want to. Please don't abuse your power."

She seemed to reflect on that as I finished dressing in my school uniform. When I had, she made me do a twirl.

"Beautiful as ever. Come give me a kiss before you go."

I obliged. When I went to move away, she grabbed my hand.

"If you were threatening to rebel more often, I'd be careful. A bit of resistance sounds quite fun. Don't tempt me to incite such a rebellion."

I yanked my hand away.

"Ellie, I'm being serious."

"Viva la revolution!"

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Mrs. McIntyre sounded tired when I reached her office.

"You'll be heading into Otter's Drift, Veber. It seems the mechanics need some paintwork."

"Painting cars?"

"No." I could see her suppressing a laugh. "No, the garage walls could do with redecorating. I can't pretend it's essential work but I either have to find someone who can supervise you, or else find work that will be safe and appropriate without a member of staff. Other girls in the past have carried out community service at the garage. We trust them. I'll send someone to drive you down, then collect you later."

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There wasn't a great deal of staff on site on a Sunday. The best she could find was Fred the Gardener who, evidently, hadn't been fired. He drove a red ford fiesta. He seemed in a foul mood, either because he had to drive me on a Sunday, or he was suspicious I might be Subrosa. He kept stealing suspicious glares at me. After a very long silence, he even asked.

"Do you know who Subrosa is, then?"

"No."

"You wouldn't tell me, if you did. You girls all close ranks."

He made it sound like Subrosa was targeting him specifically. As far as I could tell, she had revealed more secrets about other students, than she had about staff. Danielle had been targeted, which likely ruled out her friendship group. Kiara had, likewise. I wasn't sure who else had been a victim of Subrosa. So long as Ellie or I weren't targeted, it wasn't my concern.

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He dropped me off atOtter's Driftking.The walls of the garage looked in fine condition. As Mrs. McIntyre had suggested, repainting them was basically just something for me to do. I was given white paint and some tools by a man called Frank, then left to get on with it. I made a hell of a mess. I got paint on my shoes and possibly in my hair. When I managed to get some on the floor, one of the mechanics called after me.

"Hang on, watch yourself! You've folded the dustsheet, now it's getting on the floor."

"What? Oh." I bent and began mopping hopelessly at it with a cloth, hoping the man would go away. Instead, he came over.

"You're going too thick with the paint, as well. Too much and it might sag. You wanna do the first coat quite thin, then fix it up with the second coat, look." He took the roller from my hands and began rolling it in the tray before running it across the wall in a demonstration. I didn't really notice the difference, nor did I much care. I found myself wondering if he would be demonstrating so much were I not a girl.

"See? It's probably also better to do the edges with the brush first, because then you can fade it in with the roller. Want me to help?"

"I'm ok." I would've liked to tell him to fuck off, though he was probably just being nice. He was in his mid-twenties with thick but short black hair and a combed beard. His skin was lightly tanned. I still wasn't good with British accents but I guessed he was from somewhere north.

"Come on, the more help you get, the quicker you can finish. I'll start you off."

He began talking me through how to use a brush. I felt nervous. There wasn't any logical reason to feel nervous. Perhaps it was since Anna, the idea of being left alone with any stranger unnerved me.

"What did a nice girl like you even do to get in so much trouble, anyway?"

"I got in a fight." I said, hoping that might make me sound tougher. He just laughed.

"To be fair, a school of nothing but girls would probably be more vicious than a school of boys. Well, we all do dumb shit when we're young. Though, I guess you're not so young, if they're sending you out to the village. You must be in eighth or ninth year?"

"Eighth."

"Eighteen years old then, eh? In your eighteen years, you've never learned how to paint properly." He put down the brush and stuck his hand out. "Well, I'm James. Nice to meet you."

"Leah." I said reluctantly. Only now did it twig. This was Kiara's boyfriend. I had already felt uncomfortable enough, without the sudden question of whether or not this man who was actively dating another teenager, was now interested in me. Was he a threat? It was a strange experience, in the clothes of a girl, realising just how dangerous and unnerving a simple conversation with a stranger could feel. I hadn't liked the way he had mentioned my age, but he couldn't be a threat. It was probably just my nerves, surely?

"Leah? It's a cute name, it suits you. Well, Leah, good luck with the painting. If you need help, I might be around, but I'm in-and-out most Sundays."

"Thanks." I was relieved to watch him go, unsure why Kiara liked him. I supposed he was well-built and had a good complexion. He might not be a creep? He might just be overly-friendly. How the hell do girls tell the innocent from the dangerous? Suddenly, I was eager to get back to Bryner.

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I didn't see James much after that. Fred the Gardener was in no less a foul mood when he collected me. I then met Ellie outside the main building, who had been in the middle of a run. We decided to take a walk around the grounds while I told her about my day. She laughed about Fred but seemed equally unsure about James.

"He was nice when I met him with Kiara." She admitted. "But I do think dating an 18-year-old schoolgirl is pretty weird, especially if he keeps harnesses for her..." She then shrugged. "He's probably alright but it's always safer to stay wary."

"I might ask Mrs. McIntyre to not send me down there again."

"Yeah, good thinking, honey. We should probably talk to Kiara, too."

It was a grey day. It made the sky look like a large bubble, closing us in. Our walk was leading us through the meadows, towards Selene dormitory. Several groups of girls were lugging belongings into different houses, probably setting up clubs and societies, as I had helped Jess to do. I hoped for a good chance to talk to Ellie but wasn't sure if outside would feel too public.

"It's nice to walk with you." Ellie said. "You should come running with me some time."

"I don't think running would suit me."

"What if I chased behind you with a whip?" she whispered deviously into my ear.

"Being whipped still sounds better than running laps. Besides, I don't think all the sweating would be good for the silicone." I said, remembering how much my breasts had chafed after community service with Jess.

"You wouldn't go running with your tits, idiot. We'd pad a bra or something." She laughed as though it was obvious. "Damn, I wish I could take my tits off to go running."

"I'd happily look after them while you were out." It was a weak attempt at flirting. I hoped the cheesiness might make her laugh but instead she frowned, then brushed a hand through my hair.

"You've got paint flecks in here."

"They've dried. I'll wash them out tomorrow morning."

"Tomorrow? Silly girl. I like your hair smelling nice." She gave it a gentle stroke. "You should get some homework done before washing, though. I caught up on all of mine today, you don't want to fall behind."

"No..." I said with a roll of my eyes. I didn't often mind her bossiness. Even before I had been caged, Ellie had often taken charge. I knew it made her feel like she was helping. All the same, chastity or not, it was fun to mock her for it. She saw my eye roll and elbowed me in the side.

"I'll have none of that, sarky bitch!" she joked. We were coming up to Selene dormitory. "I'm gonna stay out for another lap around the grounds. When I get back, I expect to find you deep into your studies, not wallowing in bed with the lights off."

"Says you, this morning!"

"I had a hangover, that's different. You can feel down if you need to, but don't let it get in the way of your day." She moved to give me a quick kiss on the head, then thought better of it in public, so patted my shoulder, and ran off to continue to exercise.

It was typical Ellie, really. I had every reason to be miserable but, in her eyes, misery was a problem to work through. Something to fix, to resolve through action. Thinking about it then, I began to wonder about the servitude she had put me through since chastity. How much of it had been an attempt to keep me busy, keep me from wallowing, keep me focused on other things? Was that it? Or maybe it was Ellie herself, maybe there was something she was avoiding? Eitherway, the peptalk hadn't worked. I returned to the dormitory feeling more intrigued about how I'd be punished or rewarded for my homework effort, than I felt motivated to do any. What was more appealing, punishment or reward? One brought the relief I was desperately craving, the other brought thrill. I thought again of Ellie's own punishment, though...

Why the hell hasn't she told me about the marks on her skin?

They were the marks of a cane. I had asked her before how her detention with Miss Daphne went. She had told me it was fine. Ellie had told me she had kept calm and not let Miss Daphne provoke her. She had told me the detention had passed in boring silence. Why should she hide it? I had told her about Anna. Ellie always said we had to trust each other.

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Ellie got back to the room twenty minutes later. I had achieved next to nothing. I had sat at my desk and read the same page of my maths book several times. I'd then gotten into bed without quite knowing how, and then ended up on my phone. The sight of it displeased Ellie, who picked up my textbook up and placed it back in my hands.

"Do you not want to earn your freedom, or something? Do you want to stay in chastity?"

"I didn't know I was under evaluation."

She frowned again. "You knew perfectly well. Sit at your desk and work."

I sighed. "Can I be Liam for a bit?"

"Sure, but you should probably change clothes, then. I assumed with the breasts, you still wanted to be Leah."

That much was true. I had kept them on in the vague hope that staying dressed in school uniform would help me focus on my studies. I began to undress, then thought better of it.

The conversation might be easier as Leah.

"I'll stay a good girl for now." I said, which made her smile. She had collapsed onto her bed and picked up a book to read titledBecome What You Are.Normally she went straight to the shower after a run. When I asked her, she said she was going to have a bath this evening instead. I moved to my desk but kept my gaze on her. "Err, last night..."

"Yeah,last night." She said with a laugh. "That was the first drinking game I've ever played. Still won though! 240 quid!"

"160." I corrected. "80 of it was our own wager, but..."

"Alright, 160. Still makes back the money I've spent on clothes and treats for you. Maybe there's even a bit left over for some more toys?" She then stopped and glanced at me with a satisfied grin. "I once heard there's a machine designed for edging. It can tell when you're about to cum, and stops just before. It keeps you permanently on the edge for as long as it's set to. If we had that, I could just tie you down, and leave you there all day. Would you like that?"

I fidgeted nervously at the thought. I had gone 10 days without cumming so far. Not to mention relentlessly edged and teased all throughout. The idea of a machine designed specifically for edging, was a terrifying thought. Even that couldn't shake my mind from the elephant in the room, however.

"Can we talk about something else?" I began, feebly.

"You're supposed to be working, honey. Do you think I won't notice, if you distract me?"

I shook my head and returned to my text book. I wasn't reading. I was leaving enough of a silence before attempting the conversation again. "I was just hoping...maybe we could talk about last night? How much do you remember?"

She grinned. "I remember you said you'd consider anal."

"I said I wouldn't consider it.Wouldn't."She knew that and was simply teasing me. I resisted the urge to laugh. We had to talk seriously. "After that, once you got really drunk...do you remember much then?"

"Oh. How drunk did I get?"

I explained about her throwing up. I tried to word it softly when I mentioned her crying. She looked to the floor. She began fidgeting a little with her book. "That...doesn't surprise me. Erm...do you know what emetophobia is?"

I didn't know but it was an easy guess. "You're afraid of being sick?"

"It's stupid, I know."

"No, it's not. It makes perfect sense."

"It doesn't. I don't even like other people being sick. When I was younger, just the sound of gagging would've..." she made a strained, shuddering gesture with her body. "Other people don't affect me anymore, but when it's me vomiting...even just feeling queasy..."

"We all have our fears." I said.

"It's more like body reaction. I can guess how I must've looked last night. Shaking and crying and..." she sighed heavily. "I wish we hadn't gone to the party."

Suddenly, I wanted to hug her. I moved forwards, then sensed her tense up, so settled instead to sit on the end of her bed. "Why did we go?"

"Because I thought it'd be good for you. It was good, you need to keep doing things. Thalia was pretty nice as well. It helps to have allies."

"Allies?"

She shrugged, then sighed again, then sat up stiff in her bed. She raised her knees so that she was further away from me. "I never drink alcohol, I hate it. I get panicked about being sick, but we kind of had to. Once I started, I hoped if I drank enough, I might block it out. I guess it technically worked because I can't remember."

I felt a strange pang, either guilt or admiration. She'd put herself through a party she was secretly terrified about, all in the hopes it would help me. I remembered the marks and grimaced.

"Ellie..." I began. She looked nervous about what I might say. It made me pause, then change tact. "Can I hug you?"

"I don't deserve it."

"Please?" I said. I waited, trying to look kind and inviting. With effort, she gave a slow nod. I came up and wrapped my arms around her. She didn't lean into it, she remained tense.

"You didn't have to go for my sake. I wouldn't have minded, Ellie."

"It's my job to look after you."

"I wouldn't have minded." I said again, still hugging. I wanted her to lean into it, to accept it. How the hell would she ever talk about the marks, if even a simple hug was enough to leave her feeling uncomfortable? Her red hair felt soft where my face nestled over her shoulder. Her skin had a glow to it and felt warm. After a moment, she let out a heavy sigh, then pulled away.

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The conversation didn't get much further than that. Remembering the day I had told her about Anna, I decided the soft approach was better. I had felt so worthless that day. Did she feel the same? She certainly tried distancing herself from the vulnerability by reasserting dominance. She ordered me to finish my maths work, and she promised me one spank for every time I looked away from my textbook. By the end, I had thirty and accepted them with grace. She said as a treat, I could be unlocked for a few hours; the rest of the afternoon and then dinner in the canteen.

"Will I ever get to cum again?" I asked as we dressed ourselves for dinner.

"Someone's impatient. You were good at the party and you've been good today...I promised I'd unlock you for a while but this isn't freedom. A couple of hours out of chastity is a treat. You'll have to do more to earn real freedom. Now, I want you washed and smelling nice again. Wear the red dress for dinner this evening."

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Kiara was just finishing her meal by the time we reached the canteen. She stayed briefly to catch up but largely we ate on our own. Jess was doing her rounds, asking people to join her photography club. Noticeably, she passed us by without a word.

"She keeps glaring at me, I swear." Ellie said, tucking into a steak and ale pie.

"Jess isn't the bitter type."

"She might be." Ellie looked more amused than bothered. "I wonder if she goes to bed thinking of how you look naked?"

"Don't be mean about her."

Ellie laughed. "I bet she imagines your bodydifferently." She leant forwards. I then felt her foot rise up beneath my skirt. The shock of it made me flinch, then start to stir.

"When we get back to the room, we're going to play a game." Ellie whispered across the table. "I'm going to sit at my desk and read. You can kneel on the floor with nothing but your knickers and your wrists tied behind your back. We're going to test your endurance."