Needing Leah

The Story So Far:

This is the final chapter of volume 2. If you've just discovered this series, be aware it will spoil much of the earlier story.

Last chapter we saw Leah report Miss Daphne to her counsellor Roisin, causing an increasingly scared Ellie to struggle holding herself together in the face of her fear about repercussions. It led to a break down from Ellie and the reveal about her homelife. As the outcome for Miss Daphne started to look positive, Ellie began to resent her earlier lack of bravery. She decided they were going to deal with Anna once and for all, and they were going to do it on their own...

.

22: The Storm

It's a strange thing that, once you've seen someone's deepest fears, they appear more fearless. You appreciate the strength far more than when you believed it was infinite. My time with Ellie in general reminded me I could, and have been, brave. I know how to fight when it matters, and I had certainly displayed my fair share of recklessness. Nonetheless I remain, to this day, a naturally cautious person. In my ordinary, unprovoked moments, I seek to avoid the spotlight. Most of the time, that's an advantage but sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I had an ounce of Ellie's ferocity. The times I would see her in full passion, full courage and all-conquering spirit; I would wonder what it must feel like.

"Come out, you fucking cowards!" She screamed up at Anna and Jojo. It hadn't been hard to figure out their room. I had gained a rough idea from delivering Shiv's packages to Athena dormitory, that they lived on the second floor. After that we had simply spotted Jojo at the desk window. Ellie had been throwing stones up and hurling abuse. "Fancy trying to pick on me, for a change?"

Jojo opened the window. "You want us to come down and fight you? And if we don't, you'll call us cowards, as though your word means anything at all." Jojo said to summarise the situation. Anna came up beside her to watch.

"No, I'm already calling you cowards. If you don't come down, I'll find a bigger stone and break your window."

I was standing at a distance. That was Ellie's plan and, for once, I was going to stick to it. I was going to follow her lead without fault. The plan scared the hell out of me, but then, reporting Miss Daphne had scared the hell out of Ellie. She asked for my trust. Considering how I had technically gone behind her back with Roisin, it was the least I could do. Not to mention how compelling she was when she spoke with all her determination.

"Don't think I don't know just how much of a sick fuck you are." Ellie screamed up. "You've got problems, you know? Not the kind anyone wants to help you with, either."

"Oh, how tragic for me!" Anna said sarcastically. I had the sudden and jarring impulse to laugh. The scene felt like an inverse of serenading someone at their bedroom window. How tense I felt, only made the impulse worse.

"I just wonder what horrors must lurk in your past." Ellie continued. "Or maybe there's nothing. Maybe you're just a spoilt rich kid who can't take it when things don't go her way!"

"We're not coming down." Jojo said dismissively.

"Why not, are you stuck?" Ellie shot back. "Can't you unhook the back of your knickers from the doorknob?"

It wasn't a sharp comeback, but it worked. Jojo was shocked that we knew about her fetish. Now, I did start laughing, which seemed to seal the deal. The idea thatlittle Leahwould ever laugh at Anna and Jojo; it struck a nerve.

"Alright, we'll come down." Anna spat. "But Danielle's with us. It'll be 3 against 2."

Danielle?I froze. Why was she there? We had abandoned our original plan. Danielle had continued pretending to be their friend precisely for the sake of that plan, so why was she still with them? Ellie and I exchanged a quick and panicked glance. For a second, I thought we were going to abort, only Ellie turned back to the window.

"I've already put Danielle in the medical room, my beef is with you two. And...and Leah's just gonna watch. I can take you both just fine on my own."

Anna laughed. "Two against one? You really think you'rethattough, do you?" Jojo put a hand to her side, stopping her.

"Alright." Jojo said. "Two against one. You've already been in trouble for violence, anyway, so you'll only get yourself expelled...again. This is win-win for us."

At those words, Anna's face stretched into a horrible grin. They whispered something quietly, then withdrew from the window. They were on their way down. This would be it. My heart was suddenly racing. Danielle emerged at the window, looking down at us with confusion and concern.

"You weren't supposed to be here." Ellie said, to which Danielle said nothing. We both glanced at the dormitory entrance. I could see Anna and Jojo through the glass, strutting down the steps. "You back us up." Ellie said hastily to Danielle. "When this is done, you better back us up."

.

Settling our differences with an ordinary fight. Of all the things I might've imagined about an all-girl's school, this wasn't one of them. It felt so boyish, to me. But then, the distinction between boy and girl had increasingly felt thinner and thinner. I had largely been agirl, after all. And then, we weren't truly settling things with a fight anyway. That was just the backdrop.

Wind whistled through the gaps between Athena dormitory and the castle theatre. It was a grey sky, turning to dusk. Most people would be in the canteen for dinner. Twice, we had come out here, hoping to catch them at a time where there'd be no witnesses. Someone would come along soon enough, but it was crucial no one saw how the fight started. Danielle had seen. That was now a risk.

"You haven't chickened out, then." Anna said when she and Jojo emerged. Neither were carrying their bags, though each wore coats. A black coat over a red top for Jojo, that matched the handkerchief in her hair. Black jeans and boots. Anna wore tights under denim shorts, trainers, and a green jumper under her greyish coat. I watched them unzip and throw the coats to the side. As though it was etiquette, Ellie then threw her blue winter coat to me, which I put on over my own pea coat for extra warmth.

"Is it one at a time, or both together?" Ellie asked. All three of them were standing poised like duellers in the wild west. Again, she looked fearless. Her heart must've been pumping far harder than mine but you couldn't tell. Her job was the difficult one. My job was easy. My job relied on avoiding the spotlight.

"How about we just break your fucking neck?" Anna said. That was it. She made the first step but it released Ellie like a well-coiled spring. She flung at them.

It was just as violent and barbaric as all schoolboy fights I'd ever known. Ellie had the strength. She punched hard, though wildly. Only twice was there a clean connection; to Jojo's stomach and Anna's jaw. The two of them focused instead on trying to grapple Ellie. They seized her arms, for which Ellie kicked down against Jojo's knee, twisting her sideways to the floor. Anna then went for the hair.

"Argh you fu-" Ellie roared, giving Jojo the chance to grab both her legs in a bear hug. The punches became wilder, then just elbows when Ellie still wasn't connecting. A sharp elbow spurted blood from Anna's nose. Ellie then tried shaking Jojo from her but fell on top and then was elbowing her too. I felt absurdly proud watching it. Ellie was winning. At least, she was doing far more damage. I would've relished the chance to join in, though I had my own task. I promised Ellie I wouldn't intervene.

"Is this it?" Ellie laughed derisively. There was blood on her lips. Anna again came from behind and yanked Ellie by the hair until she was on her back. Ellie kicked her away. She then kicked at the advancing Jojo, though Anna charged again, coming from the side. Suddenly, they were both on top. Ellie lost the space to kick or punch or do much at all. They were pinning her. Anna slammed the back of Ellie's head against the grass floor. They pinned tighter, until they were both so close on Ellie that I couldn't see what was happening. Her body kept jerking as though she was getting hit but I could still hear laughter. Pained, defiant laughter.

"Ellie!" I called. She needed help. I couldn't bear to see her hurt. I glanced up at Danielle, still watching, then back to the tangle of limbs before me. I had made a promise, but she was losing...I had once been in a similar situation...my rage began to bubble...

"Ellie!"

I don't know what I would've done next. All my desire was to charge forwards and cave Anna's head in. All my impulses screamed at me to charge, to throw her to the floor and keep on kicking. Another voice was screaming from behind me, however.

"WHAT IN GOD'S GOOD NAME IS UNFOLDING, HERE? STOP! STOP! BREAK IT APART!"

I turned. There was Miss Luper, presumably on her way back from the castle theatre. She ran clumsily on high heels and began trying to pull them away from each other. We had known a teacher would come eventually. The path past Athena dormitory led to the northern entrance and carpark, where many of the staff would be heading, now the school day was finished. The fact a teacher had arrived so quickly, however - the fact it was a teacher who no doubt felt sympathetically towards Ellie; that was good.

"WHAT'S IS THIS TOM-FOOLERY? WHO STARTED THIS?" she boomed in her typical, drama-teacher voice.

"Them, Miss." Ellie said. The switch in her demeanour was impressive. Suddenly she sounded timid and shocked. "Leah and I were only going to the stables when they ambushed me."

"Ambushed? You fucking started it!" Anna screamed, and had to be pulled away again.

"Yeah, like I'd pick a fight two against one?" Ellie said. I backed her up immediately.

"It's true, Miss. They threw her to the floor and started hitting. I didn't know what to do. It's all because they don't want us snitching on them."

"You fucking liar!" Jojo snarled, but it was all too easy for me to play the victim. The anxious, helpless girl felt almost second nature. Evidence was in our favour, too. Miss Luper had arrived to find Ellie pinned to the floor alone. Even the coats helped. Anna and Jojo's were both thrown to the floor as though they'd prepared for combat. I was wearing Ellie's. As far as it appeared, she simply didn't have a coat and had been taken unawares. We needed every advantage, if this was to work.

"Snitching? Snitching about what?" Miss Luper asked me with a stern, confused stare. I froze, as though I hadn't intended to say that.

"Don't, Leah." Ellie said, knowing it would make Miss Luper press further.

"Now, if there's aught of importance betwixt all this savagery, I demand you girls tell me!"

I fought to keep a straight face. It was incredible to imagine Miss Luper had been so sensitive with Ellie about her scars, when she always spoke in such an odd manner. I turned my gaze to Ellie. I tried to sound pleading.

"It's the right thing to do, El."

"Tell me!" Miss Luper demanded once more.

"We saw them on the field the other day, Miss. They said if we told anyone, they'd deck us. And now they've hurt Ellie just to make their point."

"Saw them? Saw them doing what, for heaven's intended sake?"

"Drugs, Miss. That one for the nose."

"Cocaine?" Miss Luper flustered. "Coke...COCAINE!"

We hadn't won yet, but this was still a victory. We had played Anna and Jojo. We had outsmarted them in every way. All we had to do was meekly suggest Miss Luper searched their pockets. Sure enough, she found the bag of cocaine I had slipped into Anna's coat during the fight. Getting to watch the rage and fear both materialise on her face in a moment of sudden comprehension...it is a memory that still makes me laugh to this day. All four of us were escorted back to the main building, though Ellie kept her eyes on Danielle for as long as she could.

.

The rest of the day was hectic. Several different interviews with different members of staff; all of them conducted with each of us alone. We all had to make written statements. I was given no chance to speak to Ellie, nor even see her. The more we talked, the more nervous I began to feel, as though they suspected some kind of setup. By the time I was sitting alone with Mrs McIntyre, the sun had completely set. I was staring anxiously at her desk to avoid meeting her eyes.

"How were your exams, Veber?" She asked. An unexpected beginning to the conversation.

"Oh, erm...terrible, Miss." Ellie and I had finished all of ours, except for the literature we had missed for the investigation into Miss Daphne. We would have to resit that tomorrow in the same room as the German written exam.

"Terrible? Did you not revise?"

"No, I did." I lied. "It's just been hard to focus." I assumed what I was implying would be obvious but Mrs McIntyre's expression was confused. "With Miss Daphne and everything."

"Miss Daphne?" Her eyebrows raised. "Do you mean to tell me it was you who reported her?"

She didn't know? I suppose they did take the safeguarding procedures seriously, then. I nodded. "Well, sort of. Erm. It was Ellie who...I just told Roisin about it."

She nodded approvingly. "So you have been making use of your sessions. Good girl." She relaxed in her chair. "Well, Veber. I cannot say how that police investigation will conclude. I am only privy to some of the details, but I can assure you, Miss Daphne will never step foot in this school again.

"That's, that's good, Miss." I squirmed a little uncomfortably. "What's going to happen about Ellie?"

"Ellie?"

"She got in another fight. It was self-defence, Miss, honest! You're not going to expel her, are you?"

Mrs McIntyre waved away my concern. "I've read all the reports, Veber. I believe it was self-defence, yes. I won't be expelling Miss Brooks, but there are still some concerns about her aggression. She'll be given anger management next term. I'd like you to encourage her to make the most of it."

"What about Anna and Jojo?"

She sighed wearily. "I don't know how any of this will conclude. They argue you both set them up. Drugs were found in Miss Reed's pocket, so there issomeevidence against her..." she grimaced, as though she was uncertain what to think. "Naturally, they have both exhibited malicious violence towards Miss Brooks. Joanne Pembroke has a father on the board of governors." She grimaced again. "I think the final outcome will be out of my hands, Veber. I am still yet to see Danielle Greenwood's written statement."

I took a breath. I had to say something. "You know Danielle doesn't like us, Miss? You know she'll side with them?"

Mrs McIntyre flared. "I am well aware of all your history, Veber. You are staying with us for the holiday, correct?"

"Err...yes, Miss." I said, confused by the change of topic. The holiday was now only three days away. As good as it would feel to have Anna expelled, I'd still have to face two weeks of loneliness. Worse now was the knowledge of what Ellie would be suffering in the meantime. I thought again of what she had said.

Wanna guess how much of my childhood was spent locked in a room way fucking colder than this one?

"As it happens, Joanne Pembroke will be staying for the holiday, too. Unless of course she is suspended." Mrs McIntyre said, making me snap back into focus. "I expect you to both keep a distance."

"Yes, Miss. Is there anything else, Miss?" I was desperate for the chance to see Ellie.

"No, that's it. You have done well this term, Veber. Counselling will no longer be compulsory but I strongly advise you continue with it."

"I will, Miss. Thank you, Miss."

"Begone with you, then."

.

We tried to celebrate that evening, though nothing was yet over. Neither of us had any idea what Danielle had said or how it might affect things. We both felt anxious but were both trying to soothe it.

"At least you haven't been expelled." I reminded her. She was sitting in her desk chair, wearing nothing but a thin white nightdress and drinking tea with both hands. I was standing by the mirror, testing out her lipstick on myself.

"Yeah, Miss Luper came at the right time. Thank fuck we didn't go with Danielle's plan." Ellie said. "I bet she would've turned on us."

"We don't know what she's done."

"I guess..." she ground her teeth for a moment before glancing at me with a snap in her voice. "Hey, those are my leggings!"

I was pulling them up my bare legs. They were black and tight, though a kind of fabric that was new to me. Faintly plasticy, or something artificial...but in a good way. They were comfier than tights and warmer, too. They gave me good figure. I began running my hands down my legs, feeling them. "Can I keep them?"

"No, you fucking can't. Take them off!"

"But I've never tried leggings before. I was curious!"

She frowned, though there was obvious endearment in her expression. "You ask permission to try on my clothes, Leah. Wait, AND my lipstick! Oh, you are so getting punished, when this is all over."

"I'm already caged, isn't that enough?"

"No." She said flatly. "You might've been right about Roisin...I have forgiven you, but it still upset me, you know? You still went behind my back."

"I know," I said sadly. She had every right to be far more angry than she was. "I am really, really sorry. If there's anything I can do? I'll stay caged all holiday, if you like. I'll sleep on the floor, like you made me do that time once."

Ellie laughed a little. "No, you idiot. Maybe. I'll punish you how I decide. I'd just like to be able to trust you not to go behind my back in the future." She then laughed again. "At least you're not getting defensive this time."

I went back to admiring myself in the mirror. I liked the way the leggings accentuated my butt. I began pulling them up higher, until I could see the clear outline of each cheek.

"You like leggings, then?" she asked.

"You know how you used to buy me clothes..."

"I bought you three grams of coke. Three! We didn't even need that much."

"Can I have a pair of leggings? Please?"

She brushed her loose red hair out of her eyes, then did something halfway between a weary sigh and an amused smirk. "You know I'm trying not to spend much money, right? My dad will check my bank balance when I go home."

"I know." I said. I didn't actually know that. She had never exactly explained, though I had mostly inferred. "Ellie...do you have to go home?"

"Yes."

"I mean, can't we do something about him?"

"Like what?" She sat up stiffly. I could see the sudden tension, but she wasn't shutting the conversation down.

"I don't know...I mean, we reported Miss Daphne, right? That worked. She's never setting foot at Bryner again."

Ellie put her mug of tea down gently, flicking her eyes to the ceiling as though summoning the strength to explain. "Families are more complicated, Leah. You know that. Have we ever once discussed reporting your dad?"

"That's different. I'm just saying, I don't want you getting hurt again." I said. I was relieved to see a small smile of appreciation on her face.

"Look, he won't hurt me. He hasn't in years. I mean, he'll still run his mouth off about how worthless a daughter I am, but I'm older, now. He knows if he hits me, I'll hit him back. I'll be safe...it'll just be a really shitty time. Going back reminds me of things I'd rather forget."

When I went to argue, she stopped me with a raised hand. "No, I don't wanna go down that route with my family, Leah. Not just because it scares me. Not even because he'd cut my allowance. I'd just rather keep things civil until I'm done with education. Maybe that's the wrong thing to do, but it's what I'm doing. I want you to support me on that, this time. Ok?"