Needing Leah

The Story So Far:

18-year-old Liam Weber was enrolled in a girls-only school for reasons he is still getting to the bottom of. Forced to dress as "Leah" he has been adjusting to school life, exploring gender identity, and settling into a blossoming relationship with his domineering roommate Ellie. Volume 3 has seen the two of them visit Ellie's home for the Christmas holiday and the last chapter saw Leah discovering much of Ellie's traumatic before both discovering an old letter she had written as a child.

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29: The Bribe

"I think I might be ready to eat, now," Ellie said, after 3 days where she had barely eaten a mouthful of rice. We stayed up late to cook. Ellie was in a flux state between wanting to read the letter over and over, then wanting to put it somewhere beyond her reach. By the time I'd made the rice, she bid me store it in my leggings pocket so it would stay nearby yet out of sight. She ate slowly in small amounts but wasn't sick. As though the food was strengthening her resolve, her mood gradually improved. By the time we returned to her bedroom, she was even joking, and hungry in a... completely different sense.

"I haven't fucked you the last few days, honey," she said.

I didn't even answer, just turned around so I could shake my butt at her through my leggings.

"Does that mean you're up for it now? It is like 3am."

"We could both do with the pick me up. Honestly, if you could fuck me all night, I'd let you."

"Careful now, the machine can easily do that."

.

It had changed so gradually. Pegging had gone from something strange into something I craved constantly. The more she'd done it, the more amazing it felt. I liked it doggystyle best. I liked her spanking me as she fucked or pulling at my hair. This time, however, Ellie laid on the bed and told me to ride her. It wasn't a position we'd tried much before. Ellie's knees were spread, her feet reaching off the bed towards the floor. She grabbed my cheeks as I positioned myself over the strap-on, feet either side of her. I realised how small I was in comparison to her, then. My shoulders may have been broader but her thighs were built. Her stomach had curvature. I looked weedy and fragile in comparison. Mycute little butt,as she called it, lacked much bounce but had the right shape. She inserted the dildo. I put my hands on her chest. She was naked, smiling up at me, with her red hair spread wildly across the pillow like the beams of a morning sun. I began to bounce, her hands helping support my movement. Slow at first, then deliberate, forcefully slamming as my cheeks hit against her legs. She began removing my hoody as I rode. Then my shirt, until she could see my breasts in their red bra.

"You're so fucking sexy, girl," she said, which made me speed up. I realised I could grind a little with the movement. My penis sat caged before her bare belly. My hair fell over my eyes and I started moaning louder.

"That's it. I want you to cum for me, ok? Not yet, but you're going to cum soon. We're gonna keep fucking until you're ready to burst, and then you'll hold it until I give permission."

"Yes, Ellie. Yes."

"Keep riding like that. Show me how much you love it."

My thighs were starting to hurt already. She used her hands as support again, then started holding me up whilst she thrust from underneath. She could go fast like that, clapping against me at rapid speed until my fingers were digging into her chest.

"Oh, you like that, then? You like being fucked like this?"

"Yes!"

It made me feel so light and small, to just be held in place. I was a delicate toy to fuck, floating above her. She had been hungry for this but I was even more so. I didn't care if I got to cum or not, it already felt too good. I just liked being hers.

"Lean forwards now, girl."

She spanked my butt to make me obey. I put my knees either side of her waist and my hands on the pillow. With the dildo slightly behind me, I could bounce on it with more of a grind. She could spank me as I did so.

"That's it. Good girl, keep going."

I didn't need telling. I could've rode her for hours. I was moaning louder. Part of me wondered if it might wake her dad but I didn't care. Neither did Ellie. We were both so eager and so turned on. I was sweating. She had that glazed look in her eyes, like even just the sight of me like this made her wet. I sped up even more. I was panting. She was panting. My skin clung to hers. She put my hands on her shoulders, then gripped them there. She turned her head to kiss at my wrist, moaning herself now.

"I'm getting close." With all the pegging recently, it usually took me way longer to reach that level but something of the relief and euphoria of the evening spurred me on. I was far too horny to not cum. It would spurt against Ellie when I finally did.

"You don't have permission," she said, ripping my bra away and spanking at my tits. "You hold it. No, don't slow either. Keep going but hold it."

"But I'm so close!"

"If you don't hold it until I say, I'll make you lick it up!"

"But-"

She spanked me hard. "Go faster!"

"But-"

She spanked me again. I went as fast as I could. Grinding, pounding, losing myself against the dildo. I could feel the muscles inside me contracting. My penis pressing against the cage so much it almost hurt.

"I'm...I'm..."

"Fucking hold it!"

I couldn't. I didn't even want to. I was so close now and so much pressure was building, it had become inevitable. I was crying out. I screwed my eyes tight, gripped her arms and...and...

Fuuuuuuuaaaarghhh!!!

It oozed out of the cage. I kept riding, slower now, using the dildo to force more of the cum out. It leaked against her belly, some of it spurting far enough to reach her chest. Ellie's eyes were wide. She looked proud, pleased, but was also grinning.

"I warned you what would happen, baby."

"What?" I said, barely registering as cum kept leaking out. I'd stopped riding but pressed the cock deep into my arse. Shook myself against it.

"I said if you came without permission, I'd make you lick it up."

"D-did you?"

"Yes. Now. Be a good girl."

I looked down at it. Thick and white, pooling against her skin. "D-do I have to?"

She laughed. "See, that response just gives away your feelings. If you'dreallybeen against it, you would've just said no. Now I'm thinking you secretly want to try it, you just want the excuse of being forced."

I wasn't in the right frame of mind for psychological analysis. "So does that mean I do get a choice?"

"No, it means eat up. I want you to lick it with your tongue out wide."

Cum wasn't my thing. Being told what to do was, however. Even more so, the delighted expression on her face. Slowly, I sank low until my face was just above her stomach.

"Look up at me while you do it," she said. I angled up until I could see her. It forced me to stick my tongue out as wide as possible. I moved along, licking her skin, until I felt it. The taste wasn't as bad as I expected but the texture was awful. It collected against my tongue as I moved upwards.

"Good, now eat."

I scooped it up and drew it into my mouth. Feeling silly, I swallowed.

"That's my girl." She ruffled my hair. "Now get the rest. I want to be spotless before we go to bed."

"Yes, Missy."

I moved towards her chest, and then she grabbed my head and guided me herself, like I was a mop. It made her laugh mockingly. "I should make you do this more often, you know. One day, I'll make you cum over and over until it fills a glass, then force you to drink it."

"Someone's got their sadistic flair back," I said, swallowing the last of it. It wasn't too bad, and Ellie seemed to enjoy watching it happen.

"Well, what did you expect? You've turned me on and I'm still yet to cum. Don't you think you should do something about that?" She began removing the strap-on. I wasted no time burying my face between her legs.

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Ellie and I fell asleep in the early hours of the morning holding hands. The second we had settled, we'd suddenly become exhausted and drifted off within minutes. I awoke first at eleven in the morning and lay in bed, watching Ellie's chest rise and fall in sleep. Both of us were naked. It was good to see her sleeping so soundly. After nights of fitful rest and barely any food, she must've needed it.

We're still back to square one, though.

Ellie didn't want to fight her dad, despite everything. He had neglected her, hit her, locked her away in the dark and cold for hours upon end. He was the reason her brother had died, as far I was concerned. I thought then of all Ellie's most vulnerable moments.

I'm not a good person, she had told me, back in the Bryner dormitory. She had turned fierce when I'd tried to question it.

He did that,I thought.He ingrained that belief in her. He's responsible for all of it.

And yet, she wouldn't fight him. My eyes welled up just at the memory of her words last night.

I hate him. But...I can't stop loving him. I don't want to fight. I just want him to love me back.

Ellie stirred a little. She emitted a soft moan, then turned from her back to lying on her side, facing me. She looked so peaceful. Even now, it amazed me to know I was lying in bed next to the woman I loved. I would've run through walls just to make her every moment, waking and sleeping, as peaceful as she looked now. I remembered envisioning myself as hersupportive wife. It made me smile. I was her good girl. Her dirty slut, her tease, her source of comfort. I was her protector, also. I was Liam and Leah and even puppy. A person is the convergence of a thousand different identities that you nurture and integrate, one by one. I wondered what else I might grow to be with the time ahead. I hoped she was enjoying a happy dream, one that reality wouldn't shatter when she awoke. My phone buzzed.

Mark Hargreaves, Private Eye.

It took me a moment to realise what I was seeing. I'd forgotten Ellie had even contacted a private eye. It was a long response. I skim-read it quickly. He was willing to try and help but could offer no guarantees. He would require as much information as I could provide and an upfront payment of £1000, just to see if a deeper investigation would even be feasible. Immediately, that made it too expensive, though my eye caught on a phrase near the end.

I have heard of something similar happening before.

What exactly did he mean by that? Other people who have had their records changed against their will? Or was he thinking more specifically, other people who were changed from boy to girl, against their will? Surely not other people who were changed in order to fraudulently attend a private school? Whenever I had googled about my situation, nothing else had ever come up.

What if the people who did this to me, what if they make a habit out of it?

There was then a knock at the door.

It didn't wake Ellie. I had the strong desire to get up and tell her father to piss off. He spoke through the door in a low growl.

"I know you're in there. I want to speak. Now."

A moment later, he knocked again, harder. When Ellie still didn't wake, my protective instincts took over. I got up and dressed hastily in my breastplate and the hoody and leggings from the night before. He must've heard me moving around because he didn't knock again. I opened the door a fraction and whispered.

"She's sleeping. Come back later."

"Sleeping withyou, I see," he said, as though confirming a fact he already knew. I balked, trying to think of an excuse but I was spared the need to answer. "If Ellen wants to burn away the daytime in idleness and self-pity, that's her decision. I want to speak to you."

"Me?"

Immediately I was on edge. My mind jumped from one horror scenario to the next. Had he had seen us enter the cellar last night? He was going to throw me from the house for encouraging Ellie to smash his wine collection. He had found out who I was and had called the police for fraud.

"Let me...let me dress, first," I said. Before he could answer, I closed the door again and turned back. I was stalling for time. I wanted to moment to mentally prepare for whatever came next. I wanted also to warn Ellie but then thought better of it. Whatever he wanted to discuss, it would likely be easier one-to-one.

I brushed my hair and swapped my hoody for the milkmaid dress. It looked a little strange with the leggings but I wanted to keep them on, both for the cold and because the feel of them helped my confidence. Hastily, I tried tying my hair into space buns. They looked messy, and it took me a while to get any success, but then I supposed making him wait might be a good move anyway. It might give me more power. I added a blue flower to my left bun, then took a moment to admire myself in the mirror. Behind me in the reflection, I could see the cover for the Aurora vinyl.

You have a place in my Queendom.

I could handle this.

When I opened the door again, his arms were crossed in impatience. I tried to look unfazed and unapologetic. I followed him silently across the landing. He wanted to make sure we were out of Ellie's earshot, for which I expected to be led downstairs towards the kitchen. Instead, he passed by the staircase and opened the door on the right. Daniel's room, I knew. He led me inside a blue bedroom decorated with a mixture of aeroplanes andLeeds United Football Club.Clearly, the room had been unchanged in years, though there was no sign of dust. Pinned to the back of a writing bureau were a dozen or so photographs of him. Round-faced, dark-brown hair and freckles with a cheeky smile. Most of them were selfies with a younger, almost stick-thin Ellie or school friends, or what must've been their mum. She looked the spitting image of the Ellie I knew, only gentler somehow. I wondered if that's how Ellie would've been, had her father not beaten so much rage and misery into her. He saw me looking at the photos and frowned.

"There's not much left of my dear family. This Christmas was supposed to be a chance for Ellen and I to bond again."

"Well, you fucked that up." I couldn't help my anger. He squinted at me in response for a moment.

"You are an irritating wasp, Leah. You are a conniving, entitled brat. Nonetheless, you are still here. Subsisting on a diet of plain rice, evidently, has not divided you from Ellen."

"I told you, I love her."

"I believe that youthinkthat. I believe that a foolish adolescent thinks she knows the intricacies of love, but you do not. He glanced at the collection of photos. I followed his eyeline.

"I loved my wife," he continued. "You cannot comprehend just how deeply her loss tore me apart. Ellen never understood. Thought I was cruel. Hates me because of it. Do you know, the first thing I do every morning is tidy this room? Life needs keeping in order. Without it we become brutes and fools. We do unimaginable things, without order."

I wasn't sure where this was going. For some reason, I found my eyes being drawn to the ceiling. A large crossbeam ran overhead with open space above it for storage. Something about it made me shiver.

"Ellen is not herself without order," her father concluded. "She would not have cavorted with silly girls. She brought you here to spite me...however, I cannot entirely deny your bond. I realise now that I cannotthreatenyou to give her up. Perhaps I can do the opposite."

"What do you mean?"

He drew out his wallet, then a thick stack of fifty-pound notes. He held them out before me.

"One thousand pound sterling, and this is just an upfront payment to show you I'm serious. What is it you want, Leah. A home? I can you buy you a flat. Maybe even a house. It will be yours outright. If you're spending Christmas away from your parents, you must be eager to escape them. Just like that, you could have your own place and all the financial security that comes with it. All I ask in return is that you leave Ellen. You drop out of Bryner Academy. You never contact her again."

I stood rigid for a moment, struggling to take it in. I stared at the cash in his hand, the stern-yet-encouraging look on his face. There were three different potent emotions that raced through my body.

The first was shame. The awareness that I felt the tiniest pang of temptation. He was offering exactly what I needed. Not only had I just been reading an email from a private eye, asking for that exact amount of money, but also a home. Bryner couldn't be a home forever and going back to my parents was impossible. As things stood, my plan was to drop out and hope to find safety in a hostel, or hope to find a job quickly and profitable enough to afford rent somewhere. His offer solved all of those issues. It gave me a future. I burned with shame and guilt to have even looked at the money.

The second was insult. The sheer audacity to think I could be bought off this easily. To think I was so vapid to discard Ellie. It reminded me again how little he understood my relationship to her. He was determined to believe that his daughter felt no real attraction for girls, that she was only confused.If he only knew.The total belligerent idiocy of the man stirred my anger into a roaring inferno. Ellie may not have hated him but I did. I had seen the pain of his actions, night after night, on the girl I lived for. If only I could've throttled him, then and there.

As it was, I fought to still myself. It was as though holding back the crashing of some great internal wave. It wasn't my place to tear him down. It was Ellie's. I had gone behind her back once but never again. I bit back my anger in place of the third emotion: love.

"I'm sorry if it's uncomfortable to accept, Mr Brooks, but I love your daughter. I'm pretty sure she loves me just as much. Has it crossed your mind that she didn't bring me here to spite you at all? That she simply wanted my company, couldn't bear to be without it?"

"A lack of order makes animals of us all," he said, like some clever turn of phrase was enough to bat away the truth. I tried again to compose myself.

"You said the holiday was a chance to bond with her, right? You could've been doing that, all this time. Bringing me here is showing you something she cares about. Something you could bond over. And yet you're still trying to push me away. You think Ellie will ever love you for that?"

He snorted. "Such eloquence." He turned and stared out of the window at the grey clouds. Somewhere, far beyond, lay a stretch of blue sky. "She'll never love me with you dripping poison in her ear. You think me a monster, I know. You're convincing her of it. I lost my son. Melancholy bit at him, piece by piece, until he was gone. I won't let the same happen to Ellen."

"Then stop suffocating her!" I screamed. I couldn't believe it. He was trying to play the victim, after everything he'd done. It reminded me so much of my own father that I could've been talking to him. Out of love for Ellie, I resolved to make one last attempt at reasoning.

"She doesn't hate you, no matter how much you deserve it. She's never hated you. All she's ever wanted is for you to love her as she is. Why can't you eventryto do that?" I remembered then that the letter we had found in the cellar was still in my pocket. I pulled it out and handed it to him.

"Ellie's going to wake soon," I said. "I want to be next to her when she does."

I gave him one last look, though his eyes were fixed on the letter now in his hands. I glanced again at the photos. Ellie looked so young and fragile in them. Far too delicate for everything she had endured. Feeling a lump rise in my throat, I walked from the room and back to her.