Needing Leah

The Story So Far:

Last chapter saw Leah and Ellie's relationship begin to repair again as Leah had her first experience with buttplugs. Ellie demanded and encouraged her to dance upon the bed like it was a stage. Despite chastity, Leah was finally promised the chance to cum, until they were interrupted by a knock on their door from Danielle...

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18: My Girl

Danielle stood on the fringe of the doorway. She looked nervous. Ashamed. Her eyes were downcast but desperate. Was this a trick? "I know you must hate me but...all the same, I need to apologise. Weneedto talk."

"We didn't need to talk. It was the last thing I needed. I didn't know which dorm Danielle was from but it wasn't Selene. How did she get in? How did she know our dorm room? Ever since our fight, most teachers had taken care to seat us at opposite sides of the room. Even so; Jojo, Anna, Danielle. Every time I saw them, it would bring a panic to my chest. I had fought with Anna and Jojo already today...but to see one of them here. Outside my room, my safe space...

"Slam the door." I told Ellie, who hesitated, then glanced to me. It was only half a heartbeat, but it hurt to see her question my judgement. It gave Danielle the chance to speak again.

"Please, I've not come for forgiveness. I know you won't give it, but I still have to apologise."

"Why?" I spat. Danielle had helped Anna grab me in the changing rooms. They had tied me down. Danielle might not have taken part in what happened next, but when she saw where it was leading, she did nothing to help me. Danielle had done nothing but turn and run, and then spent weeks trying to pretend it was nothing to do with her. Why the sudden change of heart? Why apologise now? "If you feel guilty, then good! I want that guilt to haunt you the rest of your life."

My words cut her. I wish they did more than cut. Suddenly, I felt the desire to drag her into the room by her hair and tie her up...only the thought of anything after that sickened me.

"Ever since we had that fight in Spanish, it's like I woke up to the truth." Danielle said. Tears were welling in her eyes but I told Ellie to slam the door. Again, she hesitated. It gave Danielle just enough time to block it with her foot. "Please, thirty seconds, then I'll leave. Just let me say what I need to say, then I promise I'll never talk to you again."

It made me pause. Perhaps she took that for an invitation. Ellie opened the door again enough to see Danielle's face, though kept a firm hold on the handle.

"I used to think I was good." Danielle began. "I...I hate bullies."

Both Ellie and I scoffed at the wild claim, but she carried on talking with a strain in her voice.

"Anna and Jojo were always nice to me. When they talked about you both, they made it sound like you'd really upset them. I thought you were the bullies. You don't know what it's like in this school. Apart from Kiara, I'm the only black girl here. It's so old and posh and everybody judges. You don't know what it's like to not belong."

I did know. I knew exactly what it was like. I knew far, far better than she did.

"Anna and Jojo made me feel good about myself. Then, I...just wanted their approval. I got so afraid of losing it that...when I thought they were being bullied, I just wanted to help. They talked like we were playing a prank. Tie someone up and leave them a bit, so they're late for class. They made me feel like I was doing something good and then...when I realised...I just froze. I ran like a coward. I should've apologised after that but I didn't want to believe it had happened. I couldn't bear to face I had beenthathorrible...I'm so fucking horrible...so...I tried to keep believing Anna. I tried to pretend you deserved it, even when it made my stomach turn. I'll never forgive myself for what I did."

Ellie sensed my turmoil. She spoke for me.

"We already know you're horrible. Why do we need to hear you say it?"

"Because I can't take it anymore." Danielle was crying now. "Anna was talking about running into you outside the lemon room. The lies she speaks, I just can't take it..." her words crumbled into a sea of emotion. Again, I remained steeled and unyielding. I just wanted her to say her piece and leave.

"I came to tell you that I'll report Anna. I'll confess my part in full. If you've already reported her, then I'll back up your story. I deserve the consequences. Anna deserves it even more."

I didn't think it was a trick, but that changed nothing. Her apology was worse than the fight. It brought back the sheer reality of what had happened, until I was shaking. Rage, fear, disbelief, confusion; it all stuck in my throat. My words came out hoarse.

"I don't...want...to report it. I don't..."

"Y-you don't?" She looked confused. She looked like she wanted to argue. "Why not?"

That was my limit. Ellie understood at once and slammed the door. The thought of having to explain anything to Danielle was just too much. I let out a sob. Ellie waited until she heard Danielle's footsteps retreating, then ran to pull me into a tight embrace. I tried to melt into her arms but instead came a fit of fury.

"Why the fuck did you hesitate? Did you not want to close the door? Did you want to let her in?"

"No?" She looked bewildered. "Honey, I'd never let her into our room. This is our space."

"You wanted to forgive her! You weren't there! You have no idea what she did!"

"Leah, I don't. I promise. I'll never forgive her, it's just..." She looked afraid to even finish the sentence, as though I might murder her on the spot. She chose her words carefully. "If both of you reported Anna, you'd be believed."

"The police would talk to me about it, though! THEY'D FIND OUT WHO I AM!" I pushed her away. She tried to calm me.

"Baby, it's ok. She's gone. We're just thinking through options.

"YOU WON'T REPORT MY MISS DAPHNE, WHETHER YOU'RE BELIEVED OR NOT!"

"That's different. I'm less important." She said with causal dismissiveness that only made my anger worse.

"FOR FUCK'S SAKE ELLIE, YOU'RE NOT. WE'RE BOTH IMPORTANT!"

"Alright, it was just a thought. I mean..." she was trying her best to keep calm but my anger was rattling her. "You wanted to get Anna expelled, right?"

"OF COURSE I FUCKING-"

"Well! If we talked to Danielle, she might know something useful. What if she could help?"

"So we make deals with the devil?"

"No, no." Ellie shook her head. "Not like that, but we could question her about Anna. I bet they don't even know Danielle came to see us. They might still think she's on their side. Couldn't we use that to our advantage?"

.

If there was any sense to Ellie's thinking, I couldn't see it. I was a hurricane of too many other feelings. Danielle's appearance had stirred up too great a panic within, to which Ellie had to be very patient and calm. If I had felt a lack of support in the short heartbeat where she had hesitated to close the door, there was no shortage of it afterwards. We hugged. We talked. She ran me a bath. All of it helped and yet I still felt shaken as though stuck on red alert. After an hour in the bath, I was hoping a distraction might help ease me instead.

"Can we have sex? Please?" The question was as blunt and pitiful as it sounds.

"You need to feel safe, right now."

"You promised to let me cum, though. I really, really need it."

"You certainly earned it. You know how hot you were, dancing like that?"

So, it did turn her on. I blushed a little but kept my focus. "Please let me cum, it's been 18 days now. I just want..."

"No, Liam." her voice was firm. "Danielle stirred things up and sex might feel like a nice escape, but it also might quickly become too much, if we got started. You're not feeling safe, right now. Plus, we pushed your boundaries today. You need aftercare."

Was she right? My heart was still beating fast. The anxiety hadn't left me. Largely, I just couldn't face an argument right now. I did want care. I choose to ask a different question.

"When I do things like dance, do you...do you see me as a girl in those moments? Like, am I still Liam underneath to you, or does the Liam bit go forgotten?"

She kissed me on the forehead. "He's never forgotten. It's hard to explain, though. You once asked me if I was a lesbian, remember?"

I nodded. She took her time to elaborate.

"I do find women hot. And...I was never that into the hyper-macho kind of men, but I definitely like you. All of you."

"So you're saying I'm not hyper-macho?"

She laughed and squeezed my hand. "I'm glad you're a boy." She said, then seemed to rethink her wording. "As in, I'm glad you were a boy when we met. Not to say you aren't anymore, you're a lot of things, and I'm glad we got to go on that journey together. I don't forget that you're Liam when you dance in front of me. I don't think I see one or the other, Liam or Leah. I think I just see someone super cute."

It was hard to know what to say to that. I decided to let it stew at the back of my mind. "Would you ever dance for me like that?" I asked.

"On the day you leave Bryner, I'll do more than just dance." She said, then rose to her feet. "Right now, though. You're going to pick two movies to watch tonight. I'm going to carry you into bed, hold you, and feed snacks into your mouth until you nod off. There will be no objections, and you'll accept all your care like a good girl...or boy."

"You're gonna scoop me out the bath, are you?"

"Just watch."

.

I struggled to sleep. Both of us in just Ellie's single bed could be difficult for room. Every time I had ever suggested pushing our beds together, Ellie would object. I kept waking, thinking Anna was knocking on our door, or my dad was. When I did sleep, I dreamt of Ellie crying in the dark of the bathroom, only when I opened the door, it was the changing room, and it was me crying. By the morning, I felt exhausted. I was calmer than I had been, at least. I lay there with my eyes closed, trying to think through the day ahead. A free period, then Spanish, Latin, and athletics. Danielle would be in the first class. I tried to soothe my thoughts, then thought of Ellie instead...then I could feel my penis rousing against its cage. The pink plug. Ellie had found me hot. Dancing like that last night should've served as a reminder for how much of a fraud I was. I couldn't be a girl; the experience with Jess had shown me that.But you did feel like one. You did dance like one.Ellie had said she never forgot I was Liam underneath, but also that she never saw me as one or the other.Is there a difference?

I ran a hand down and squeezed me right arse cheek through my pyjamas. It was a firm butt.Peachy, Ellie had once remarked. There was an inward curve to my lower back, just above it, which made my arse even more prominent. I had a girl's butt. Often, it had been a point of embarrassment. I'd never before considered it could be a positive. Ellie probably thought it was my best physical feature.

I was fully turned on, now. Wondering again what Ellie had planned to fetch from the cupboard last night; it was an unnerving thought yet also kind of thrilling. My eyes were closed. I tried touching my penis. When the cage prevented it, I stroked my cheeks again, squeezing them as though they were something new I'd only just discovered.A girl's butt.I gave it little spanks until a little moan escaped my mouth, then I rolled over to face Ellie and see if she was awake. She wasn't there.

.

"Ellie?"

"In here." Her voice came from the bathroom. It sounded sad. When I opened the door, she was sitting in the dark with her back pressed against the wall, still in her pyjamas.

"How long have you been awake?" I asked. She didn't respond at first. When she did, it wasn't an answer.

"My dad called. He wants me to come home for the Christmas holiday."

"Oh. Is that bad?"

"Yeah."

I hadn't even thought about the Christmas holiday. I had always assumed I'd be transferred before then, and yet we were into November now. The holiday was only a month away. Considering that unsettled me. I didn't want to go home to my parents, not unless they changed my records back, and that wasn't likely to happen. I doubted they'd even pay for the journey back. If I wasn't able to transfer before then, I would spend two weeks alone at Bryner. I pushed the thought to the back of my mind, though. Ellie was upset.

"I don't like my dad, Leah." She said.

"Surely you don't have to go if you don't want?"

"You don't understand him. I'll have no choice."

"Oh..." It was hard to know what to say. She had never spoken at all about her family before. I wanted to ask more but got the impression it would've been a mistake. I opened the bathroom door a little wider, so that more of the light from the bedroom spilled in. Her eyes were fixed on the floor. Her head was resting over her knees. "Well, I'll miss you over Christmas, then." I said. "I mean, if I'm still here."

There was a long pause. I was waiting for her to say she'd miss me too. Twice, she inhaled breath and moved her lips, as though preparing to speak. Then she sighed.

"I told you not to chain yourself to me. You shouldn't miss me, once this is all done."

It was such a typical Ellie answer. I sat down beside her. Sensing she might've found a hug too much, I leant my head against her shoulder. "That's not how it works, El. I'll miss you regardless of anything. I'm glad I'll miss you. And I know, even if you find it hard to say, that you'd miss me, too."

I left a little pause to see if she'd say it now. Instead, she wrapped an arm around me and pulled me in for a hug. Somehow, it turned into a joking headlock. I supposed she was trying to distance herself from the vulnerability again, or maybe it was a strange way of saying thank you. She breathed out heavy relief, as though I'd cheered her up.

"Alright, let's get out of this fucking bathroom, or do you wanna wash?"

I shook my head. "We've got a free study period this morning. Since we don't have class until 10, I was kinda hoping..."

"You've woken up horny." She said, amused. Her previous night's reluctance was gone in place of her devilish grin.

"Can I cum? You've kept saying I can, but then somehow I keep missing out."

"Nah, not right now."

"Please?"

"I just gave you your answer." Ellie said but without annoyance. There was something strange in her tone. Something that told me I was allowed to push.

She had wanted me to beg, before.I remembered. I dropped to my knees. "Please, Ellie. Please let me cum."

"Nope. I'm not in the mood."

"Please!"

She exited the bathroom, then changed her mind and turned around. "I'm gonna brush my teeth, then get ready for the day. I'm sorry you've woken up horny, but I'm not feeling it right now. I don't think begging is going to change that."

"But I..."

Ellie closed the bathroom door behind her.

"You promised me!" I called, to no answer. If she was feeling too upset about her dad, I would've understood, but the devilish grin she had flashed me, the tone of her voice...I didn't quite gauge the situation. It was ever Ellie's habit to be vague and confusing in ways that frustrated me. She often enjoyed that frustration, though. Seeing mehot and bothered. I wondered if that was the point?

I'm not giving this up. Not yet.I had warned her before that I might rebel, if she pushed me too much. Could I unlock myself? The key would be in the back of her phone. I scanned her desk before realising she had been holding it, even using its torch to the light the bathroom.

I thought again of last night's dancing. If begging wouldn't persuade her, maybe seduction would? Maybe I could get herhot and bothered, for a change? Chastity had been fun but it was about time I took control of the situation again.

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Who'd have ever thought dressing so girly would've felt so empowering. I tried to dress as alluringly as I could. No bra. White stockings with red ribbons at the top that always looked cute. I tied my blonde hair into buns, to show I'd made an effort. I put on a black thong and then, to top it off, the red dress. Ellie's red dress that she had given me to wear on my first evening at Bryner. It was still technically hers. Wearing it without permission might annoy her but, fuck it, that was half the point.

I could hear Ellie moving about in the bathroom, now. I would've liked to have applied makeup but I doubted there'd be the time. There was only one other thing I could do that might entice her further. One thing that I knew would show her how eager I was. I had seen her wash it last night and place it back in her bedside drawer.

The pink plug. She'd like that. I hoped she wouldn't be able to resist. I crossed the room and opened the drawer, pulling out the lube and...fuck!

I had seen her place it there last night, and yet it was gone. In its place was something altogether worse. Another plug but black and bigger. Much bigger. Longer and wider with more of a curve to its cone shape. Fucking hell, it seemed huge in comparison.

I closed my eyes, as the realisation swept over me like a giant wave. I had been played. Every time I thought I was one step ahead of Ellie, I discovered it was part of a cat-and-mouse game she herself had designed. No wonder she had been so deliberately vague. No wonder she had retreated into the bathroom and given me ample time to prepare. She wanted me to see if I would dress up. She wanted me to find the plug. A tight grimace spread across my face, then broke into a laugh of disbelief.

Fucking Ellie...

I picked it up. There was weight to the toy. I had no knowledge of what difference the heaviness would make. The size of the object was terrifying...and yet...and yet...

.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Ellie said with a burst of laughter when she emerged. I was squatting on the floor; trying and struggling to figure out how to insert a lubed toy into myself.

"You know what I'm doing. You know exactly what, you planned for this!"

"Planned?"

"Yes, you planned! You wanted me to seduce you, so I opened the drawer and find you've left this out for me. I'm not an idiot, El."

She frowned. "I catch you playing with your arse, so you try blaming it on me, sure."

"You wanted me to do this!"

"I told you I wasn't in the mood. Now, I find you rooting around in my bedside drawer without permission, then playing with my toys, I assume trying to make yourself cum without permission? Do you think that's good behaviour? Then, you won't even admit that you want to be fucked."

Mind games. They had always been Ellie's favourite but I wasn't falling for it this time. I let out an impatient groan. "Just help me put the fucking thing in? I'm struggling.

.

Planned or not, it clearly turned Ellie on. She pretended to be mad about the red dress but she was obviously proud of my boldness. I knelt on the bed with my head down.Primed.She went back and forth between teasing me with the plug and simply massaging my cheeks.

"No giggling today, then?"

I kept flinching, but she dealt out gentle spanks and playful reprimand every time I did so. As such, I was trying not to. "Is this going to hurt?" I asked.

"Not if we take our time...but I hope it'll feel much bigger. Do you want another look?"

She dropped the lubed toy into my hands. I lifted my head to observe. It seemed even larger now. Vast, black silicone with two wing-shaped bits at the end. It looked as though the wings were designed to stop the plug getting lost inside a person. It made me wonder if there had been early versions of plugs that had lacked that precaution. If one day, some smart entrepreneur had created a model to fill that particular...gap in the market...and had made a fortune. The thought had me laughing.