Needing Leah

The Story So Far:

Last chapter saw Danielle offer an apology to Leah with the offer to help report Anna for her crimes. Leah began exploring ass play much more freely than before; turning from something she was uneasy about to something she craved. The plan was to finally be allowed to cum that evening, however things went awry when the "Subrosa", an alias in the Bryner group chat who reveals secrets, outed Ellie and Leah about their relationship, even mentioning that they enjoyed "anal play and denial." This led to a very public confrontation where Ellie and Leah embraced their feelings and became an official couple.

.

19: Risk

Chastity had been hell. 19 days without cumming, most of it caged. I had been teased, edged, and pushed to my limits in every way. Chastity had been a hellish pleasure I had grown to enjoy. A deep, swollen ache I could never quite ignore. Best of all, it had been the build towards the thing I wanted most. The euphoric, all-encompassing release. Ellie had promised me I would cum. My god, did I...

We were kissing before we had even entered the room. My hands were on her breasts as the door shut behind us. Hers were pulling at my clothes until my arms got caught in my sleeves as she tried to lift the dress over my head. I fell back against the mattress, laughing.

"Fuck, I've looked forward to this." I said. She was rubbing a hand over my panties. I tried disentangling myself from where the dress had folded over my face. Ellie stopped me.

"No, wait."

I fell still. Less with obedience than with anticipation for what might be coming. I felt her move my thighs apart.

The sudden touch tickled at first. Was that her lips, her tongue? They rubbed against my balls through the panties, then against the cage. Licking, sucking, biting at the fabric. It was intimate and passionate. Still in chastity, there was little sensation it provided but I heard a moan escape my lips all the same. What was she doing?Teasing? Pretending to give me the kind of oral I could only get while unlocked? Ellie made no taunting comments, however. I moaned a little again. Her face buried deeper between my legs.Is she...is this...

Ellie had told me she never forgot I was Liam underneath, and yet right now, I was Leah and she was playing with a clit. I closed my eyes and tried to picture it. This was the reverse of everything my tongue had given to Ellie that morning. I disentangled my arms to grip Ellie's long red hair between my fingers. I pushed her head closer.

"That's it." I said. "That's it."

There was something so sweet. So warm and intimate about the moment. To see Ellie with all her passion exposed, was like a euphoria in itself.

"Ellie, make me cum." I said, aflame.

"You know what it'll take?"

I nodded. I wanted it. It came almost as a command. "Fuck me."

"Yeah?"

"Fuck me, now."

She smiled, then stopped in thought for a moment before grinning. "We can do even better than that."

.

I was sitting in my desk chair. Bound loosely to it with a rope around the waist. She had wanted to bind my wrists but I suggested double-looping a pair of knickers over them instead. They would hold my wrists tight, but with the ability for me to break free should I need to. I hoped some binds would make it easier to focus, but I also wanted to maintain control.

"This one's is all about control, babe." Ellie said in response. Neither of us had forgotten the night she had scared me. It was true enough that I had control for this game, at least in the sense Ellie wouldn't be fucking me. I would.

The weapon of choice, as she called it, was a straight, purple dildo with a slight bump at the head. It was longer but not as a wide as the previous plug. The straightness enabled it to slide in and out far smoother. The base, rather than flat, was bowl-shaped, which made it difficult to sit down without pushing the shaft even deeper. The weight of my butt against the seat caused an intense, full pressure that I couldn't stand up enough to properly relieve. Ellie was smiling at me as I sat there, helpless.

"Are you ready to cum?"

I nodded. I smiled.

"Then what are you waiting for? Ride it how you want, girl."

"What are you gonna do?" I asked. Instead of answering, Ellie advanced towards me. She was wearing nothing but a thin, dark-blue nightdress, hiding the nipples I could see the faint shape of. She took my hips in her hands and began rocking me gently. Slow and careful. Back and forth. Where the base of the plug was rounded, it was easy to rock. I felt it moving inside me. Deep and powerful. Overruling.

"How's that feel?" she asked.

"G-good."

"You like it?"

A moan escaped. I had often moaned but there was something different about its sound when I was being fucked. It was more croaked, more primal. At times, I had often put on feminine moans to suit to moment but this was entirely unconscious. Ellie moved her hands down my arse. I kept rocking. She squeezed the cheeks a little through the skirt she had left me to wear. That, my breasts, and the panties that had been pulled to the side in order to accommodate the dildo, were all I had to wear. She let out a proud murmur when she saw I was rocking on my own, only it wasn't quite rocking. It was a move I quickly realised I had seen in porn. My thighs were wide and taking the main weight of my body. My spine arched backwards. Half-rocking, but also thrusting, perhaps grinding? It felt like the most natural thing in the world, as though my body had been made for this, and I had only just realised. She removed her hands and took a step back. I stretched mine down, despite their loose binds, to hold my cheeks where she had held them. If I had thought the plug had been good, this was more. This was far more than I could process. My eyes were closing, my breath was panting. It felt like almost like a trance. I barely noticed Ellie taking a seat opposite to watch me. Her hand slid behind her nightdress.

"Keep going, baby. Keep riding that...hard." She almost called it a cock, then perhaps figured I wouldn't like that. The thought gave me a brief pang of discomfort, and Ellie came forwards to encourage me again. She kissed my forehead as I rode, then she was pressing a nipple to my mouth. I sucked at it with a reckless abandon.

"That's it, girl. That's it."

Then it was gone. Then there were fingers against my lips, then between them. I was dimly aware of the enamoured expression on her own face. It all felt, so fucking good. When Ellie withdrew to her chair again, she was holding the vibrator to herself

"I want you to know, this is the fucking hottest I have ever seen you, honey." She said. I offered some kind of breathy laugh in response. Everything was sensation. I was contracting against the dildo. I knew it would've been hot to see. I knew exactly how I would've felt, getting to watch a girl tied to a chair and riding a dildo.

I discovered I could press my weight down more when I pulled back from each thrust, pushing it deeper and with more force. I discovered I could move faster, too. I was moaning so much now. Ellie voice floated over the serenity.

"Do you...do you mind if I film this?"

"N-no. No." I could barely get the words out. I knew filming me wasn't an act of humiliation or threat. I could hear it in Ellie's voice. She wanted to capture it all, as though this were a once in a lifetime moment. She was absorbed by the sight of me. She wanted more. I trusted her.

"You like it?" she asked.

"Yes. Yes!"

"Gonna cum?"

I wished I could. Sweating, panting, moaning. Nothing had ever felt this intense and yet still I wasn't cumming. I lost track of how long I sat there, grinding, rocking, at times even bouncing on the dildo. Fucking it with all the passion and desire I had ever known. I watched Ellie cum, then again. Still, I was fucking without relief.

"Please." I said. "Please, please. I can't. Make me..."

"Make yourself, this is your moment of triumph."

"Please. Please." My voice was animalistic.

"No begging. This is about, Leah. You take charge. You make it happen."

I tried thrusting harder. My moans almost sounded like whines of desperation.

"Tell me you like it." Ellie said.

"I like it! I like it!"

"What do you like?"

"I like being fucked in the arse. I like being fucked in the arse. I like being fucked in the arse." I kept saying it, as though it were a chant from some entranced ritual. "I like being fucked in the arse!" It seemed to change something. I felt myself getting closer. Was it the talking? Was that an added stimulation?

"What are you?" Ellie called.

"I'm your girl."

"You're my dirty, horny girl."

I felt it then, even more.Dirty.It had always seemed such a negative word. A phrase of humiliation; someone lacking self-respect or restraint. Now, it felt like the reverse. It felt like someone who knew what she wanted, likenaughtyorsexy. Someone unbound, someone free to explore with power and presence. The word ignited a spark. I broke my hands from the binds.I am going to cum, I am.I told myself. I would make it happen. I gripped the arms of the chair for extra support and began thrusting harder, faster.

"I'm you're dirty girl!" I called. "I'm your dirty girl who likes being fucked in the arse. I like being fucked in the arse."

"How do you like it?"

"I like it deep in my arse. I like being fucked hard in the...I like being...fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!"

It was happening. I could feel it approaching with all the dread and overwhelming power of a tidal wave. It was almost too much to bear. I almost wanted to stop, only I couldn't. There was no stopping the terrible and towering force of all my senses overloading. My words became speechless, panting cries. All at once, it happened.

"Fffaaaaaarghh!"

From anal alone, I was cumming. The cage made the pressure of it even worse. Cum shot against my panties with full force and dampened my thighs. I suddenly couldn't move. It kept coming. I kept crying out.

"Faaarrg! Argggh! Narghh!"

I had the faintest awareness of how I sounded, as I continued crying out, over and over. I had the faint astonishment at just how senseless it had made me. At some point, Ellie came up and held me close. She was soothing, as though to bring me back down from some ethereal state.

"My good, good, good girl. You so deserved that. I'm so proud of you."

"I...can...the cage..."

She laughed affectionately. "I'll unlock you, baby. You've earned that much. You've been..." suddenly she was the emotional one. "I'm...I'm not a good person, Leah...but...but I think you make me want to try to be one....to try and be better than I was."

I didn't yet have the headspace for that kind of conversation, so I did the best thing I could manage to, which was to hug her tightly in response.

"I'm gonna miss you much when you go. Christmas'll be horrible without you, but, but..." she didn't finish the sentence. She took a deep breath, then composed herself and changed course. "First, we've got some loose ends to chase up."

.

We were into late November. The meadows turned wet and muddy, then frozen hard. Ellie was taking her morning runs through the frost, and the trees around Selene dorm had turned bare. We had pushed our beds together and began sharing the same duvet regularly. As bleak as the weather might've been, it gave us good reason to share our body heat.

Life at Bryner was all about its contrasts. Small successes set against abject disasters or crippling fears. I was continuing to grade well in Literature and Classical History classes, however most of my others were in decline. Panic attacks were happening less, though I was having more nightmares. On the one hand, Subrosa outing our relationship had brought great relief. We were closer than ever. We went into Otter's Drift on the Saturday for something of a date; planning to go shopping, though the village only boasted two charity shops which both catered to older generations. We had cake in the Maple Leaf Café. Then, when it started raining, we ended up racing through the puddles, laughing like children.

On the other hand, we were mocked for our relationship. There was a general pervading sense that people bitched about us in secret, and I even got the impression Kiara was unhappy about it. So far, neither Anna or Jojo had reared their heads but I kept expecting them to. Ellie made it her mission to prove she didn't give a damn what people thought by kissing me in public as much as she could, however the underlying frustration was obvious. She was becoming increasingly determined to find out who Subrosa was, and often spent more time thinking of that than our plans to deal with Anna or Miss Daphne or fix my records. Two months had passed at Bryner. I had always assumed I would be transferred in a matter of weeks. With Ellie's talk of the Christmas holidays, the need to leave soon was becoming more urgent. It was just as well we had decided to meet with Danielle the following Monday.

.

Music Room B of the Charles Madson building felt like a secretive, neutral space to meet. Danielle stood with her hands pressed tight in the pockets of her thick white coat. Her darkskin looked faintly red under the tinted lights. I stood close to the door, ready to bolt. Ellie occupied the space between us.

"You won't find any evidence at the Bryner club." Danielle was quick to say when we had explained. "Not to mention none of us will be invited to join. Even if Anna is a member, which I actually doubt, there's nothing to find."

"And you know that, do you?" Ellie spat.

"Anna's never bragged about otherbullies she put in their place. She would've said something. It's all well and good hoping to find something scandalous, but that doesn't mean there is anything." Danielle paced a little, then stopped with a sigh, as though coming to the point of tension. "What you need to do is invent a reason."

"Lie, and just hope people believe it?" Ellie spat again. "We're not Subrosa. No one's gonna believe a word we say without evidence."

"I didn't saylie. If you want her expelled, the only options I can see are either reporting what she...wedid to you..." she said, glancing nervously in my direction for a second. "Or we frame her. We plant evidence. The easiest thing would be drugs. Bryner has zero tolerance for them. If we could sneak some into her bag, or maybe into her room before an inspection..."

"Drugs? That's your great plan?"

"It's better than joining the Bryner Club."

"You were supposed to give us the dirt on Anna and Jojo, instead you're leading us down some risky route of a stitch-up!"

The two of them were bickering. I had said nothing all meeting but seemed able to silence both of them the second I opened my mouth.

"It's the best hope we've got."

Ellie looked thunderstruck. "Babe, no. We need something watertight that'll..."

"We don't have time. It's the holiday in two weeks, we can't keep waiting around for a better plan to fall from the sky." I turned my head towards Danielle. "My problem is if we can trust you. You were very quick to suggest drugs. Who's to say this isn't a trick?"

"Trick?" Danielle tensed, which made Ellie stiffen, as though poising for a fight. Danielle's wide eyes glance between the two of us, thinking, before settling firmly on mine. "I can't prove it's not a trick, if that's what you want, but I said I'd help. Anna still thinks I'm a friend. If you could acquire some kind of drugs, I could sneak them into..."

"Sure, we fetch some weed, you tell the teachers what we've got, and get us expelled?" Ellie shot back.

"No! No, I wouldn't. I get why you wouldn't want to trust me. I wouldn't blame you, but...well if you want her expelled, then you'll just have to take the risk. What other option do you have?"

.

Desperation can make risks seem sensible, no matter how foolhardy they might truly be. The risk was worth it. It was progress, at least, which was more than I could say about my records. I had tried calling my dad numerous times. On the occasions I had spoken to my mum, she had burst into tears at the thought of my situation, which only made me feel worse. She had tried convincing him, she told me. Their arguments had escalated to the extent she refused to sleep in the same bed for a week. Evidently, that had resolved. She had given in. I realised all too late that her tears were not of empathy but of guilt.

"I'll always love you just the same." She kept repeating and then, even worse. "I had always hoped for a daughter." For all the times Ellie had helped make Leah feel liberating and empowering, comments like that shredded right through to my shame again. My dad had offered her some vague words aboutreassessing my situationafter the holiday, but I held little hope for that. Google fared no better. The more I researched, the more implausible it all became. Someone would've had to hack every school I have ever attended to alter their records, plus the general register office to change my birth certificate, perhaps even the passport office, medical records, and national insurance numbers. I began sending off for copies of all my records, to see how they would look. If my suspicions were right, it would've required highly-skilled professionals and, even then, there were huge risks. Just what sort of people would do all of that? How exactly had my dad earned their help? The stress was starting to eat at me. Even Roisin seemed to notice in our Monday session.

.

"You look on edge, Leah."

"Yeah."

"We've talked a lot about techniques to help with panic attacks, and I'm glad to hear they seem to be working, but it is rare we talk about the problems behind the panic, don't you think?"

"I talk to Ellie." I said flatly.

"And I'm pleased you do. From everything you've said, she's been great, but do you feel that's enough?"

"She makes me happy."

"Are you happy, then?" I didn't answer. My silence caused her to nod, then add. "I certainly won't force you to open up, but sometimes it feels like a little part of you wants to talk, only you then shut it down. Don't you think it might be worth taking the leap of faith at some point?"

I didn't want to justtalk. I was already taking a much greater leap of faith through my actions. That was what mattered. I got Ellie to dig out Thalia's phone number. Thalia knew the only person on school grounds who might be able to supply drugs.

.

"You want coke...you?"Shiv said when we met outside the art barn.Shivering Charlotteshe was called on account of the thick grey raincoat she wore at all times. She was short but with a broad build. She had blonde, faintly-orange frizzed hair that she kept batting out of her eyes. Her skin was pale and freckled. Her eyes were hazel and searching. She spoke with good humour but I could sense she knew how to intimidate when needed. "You sure you want that?"

I nodded.

"You know I don't just sell to anyone, right? Sure, maybe a bit of drink or some baccy. I could get you some toys for all'a thatanal playyou like, yeah?"

I got the sense she was testing to see if I'd lose my temper. Both Ellie and I had publicly denied Subrosa's comments about our sex life, though it made little difference. In truth, I didn't much care. The sense of pride and belonging far outstripped any bitch remarks. I was Ellie's and Ellie was mine.

"Just cocaine." I said.

"You don't look the type."

Ellie would probably have been a better person for this conversation. She would appear more the type, and it was her money we'd be buying with, anyway. Instead, she was spending the evening cataloguing every message Subrosa had ever released. She was one step away from a giant pinboard and red string. I didn't know her financial limits. Ever since her dad had called, she had seemed reluctant to spend much at all. Regardless, I had to persuade.