Needing Leah

The story so far:18-year-old Liam Weber was enrolled in a girls-only school for reasons he is still getting to the bottom of. Forced to dress as "Leah" he has been adjusting to school life, exploring gender identity, and settling into a solid relationship with his domineering roommate Ellie. Volume 3 has seen the two of them travel to Ellie's home for Christmas. Her father, who has been away on business, has just returned at the worst possible moment.

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26: Humiliation

"Ellen. You should've come down to greet me," I heard him say in a deep voice. There was a faint growl to the words, as though he were baiting Ellie.

"Sorry, Daddy," she said. Not so much a submissive voice, as one that was stiff and formal. "I didn't hear you arrive."

"You didn't hear me arrive...no, you just happened to be engaged in a spot of frantic cleaning, as I opened the door?"

It was hard to judge the conversation without sight of them. I was still trapped in the dog crate. The dildo of a fucking machine still lodged deep within me, another positioned before my mouth. My wrists tied to the bars. She had turned the machines off. She was playing a vinyl record to drown out any sound I might emit.

Let love conquer your mind, warrior, warrior.

I tried to keep as still as I could. Pre-cum was dripping from my erect penis.

"Aren't you going to curtsy?" he said. I remembered Ellie had warned me about that before. I didn't know what the word meant. My English was good but not impeccable.

"No, daddy."

There was a long pause. I could feel the tension; eased only when he said, "What's all that?" Likely pointing to everything she had veiled beneath the blanket.

"Just...presents. They're not for you to see."

"Oh, I'm touched. What a good little daughter, you are," he said in a voice clearly designed for condescension. "That must be a lot of presents you've bought me."

"Some are for Leah. Some for...friends at Bryner."

"Where is this girl?"

"In the shower."

"Good." I heard him walk further into the room. His voice became quiet. "When she comes out, I want you to tell her you're very sorry but she needs to go home."

"What? Why?"

"Because I don't want some leech spoiling our family Christmas. She should be with her own parents."

"She can't. She'd have to go back to Bryner. Plus you'd have to pay the taxi fare."

"No, you can pay with the money I sent you. Bringing her is your mistake to rectify. I don't care what excuse you give the girl, so long as you don't blame me. You're my daughter, Ellen. Behave like one."

He exited the room. For a second, I could hear Ellie breathing heavily, as though panicked. I considered trying to whisper to her, but then she threw something against the wall and hurried out of the room, too.

"Daddy, wait!"

I didn't hear the rest. They were still somewhere in the corridor but the music blocked their voices.

Just reach out for the light, warrior, warrior

Then it began again...oh fuck...

I didn't know what Ellie had thrown across the room. The remote itself, or something that had hit it, but the machines both sprang into action. Both dildos thrusting at the steady, busy speed Ellie often fucked me. Not quite hard enough for the machine itself to clatter against the floorboards, but hard enough to steal my breath.

Oh fuck, oh fuck. It had already been fucking me for what would've been twenty minutes at the very least, likely far, far longer, and most of it had been on max speed. Now, even if I did cum, Ellie wouldn't be there to turn it off. How long would she be gone? What if her dad wanted a massive talk and I was stuck here for hours?

The dildo in front of me was moving at the same pace. Thrusting next to my head, dipping a little where I was avoiding it, so that its metal arm clanked against the bars. Would he hear that from the corridor? He hadn't come in to check. I had to suppress a moan. I wanted to press my hands over my mouth but they were still tied to the bars

This can't be happening. You can't be here, getting fucked, while her dad is just outside! If he sees you, you're dead.

The panic upped my breathing, which only risked making me louder. I tried to still my mind but it was so, so difficult when a large, hard cock was fucking me over and over. I bit into my lip. I had to stay quiet. I had no other choice.

Come back soon, Ellie. Please, hurry up.

She didn't return. The faintest awareness of their voices faded completely, for which I could only conclude they had gone downstairs. It was unrelenting. The longer they were gone, the harder it became to ignore. I was starting to moan. Quiet as I tried to keep it, I couldn't stop myself completely. I found myself kissing the dildo again.

If I can just cum, it'll be easier to still myself, I thought. Perhaps it was wishful logic but, as time passed on, I began to feel Ellie might not return until the evening. She hadn't properly spoken to her dad in ages. There was nothing at all I could do, no matter how much I panicked. The only possibility was to give in.

Please let me cum. I whispered.Please. Please.Again, I was agonisingly close but it still wouldn't happen. If only she hadn't tied my wrists...

Then I heard footsteps. The door opened. Frantically, I took the dildo in my mouth to prevent it clanking against the bars. There were footsteps but I didn't know who. No one was talking. Then a second set of footsteps.

"I'll clean it later, daddy. I just wasn't expecting you back yet."

Ellie was the second set of footsteps. That meant her dad was in the room. I remained as still as I could, pounded from behind, a dildo sliding in and out my throat. For a while, I daren't even breathe. I hoped the music was loud enough.

Warrior, warrior of love...

"You better be right about this, Ellen," he said. There was a long pause, as though he was thinking. "It's only out of respect for-"

"Out of respect for my mother that you pay my allowance. I know, dad. I know."

"Daddy," he corrected, as though she had just insulted him. "Curtsy, Ellen."

"No."

"I asked you to curtsy."

Silence again. A long tense silence, close to a showdown. My eyes were scrunched tight. My butt was contracted, and then...I gagged. I couldn't help it. It was a miracle I had lasted so long.

"What was that?"

"The music. I don't know, daddy, but Iamright about her. Why don't we all talk over tea?"

"Dinner..." he was thinking again. "Alright. I'll make your favourite."

He left the room. It was another minute or so before Ellie cut the music. She began moving boxes and then ripped off the blanket. She swore at the sight.

"It's been running? I turned it off!"

"I know. It started again."

She hurried to the remote. "Why were you sucking it, Leah? You think it's really the time to be horny?"

"I was trying to block the sound!"

"By gagging? Fucking great idea, that!" I expected the tirade but, as she turned off the machine, her whole body sagged. She let out a long, pained sigh.

"I had to bend the truth a little, babe. I pretended your dad was still rich. Said he was considering expanding his business into the local area. That he knew of my dad and was considering making him a deal."

"What? A deal? What kind of deal?"

"A partnership, I guess. I don't know the jargon, Leah. I just know my dad runs a lot of food businesses, so I told him yours is the CEO of a big food company. A food making...delivering sort of company."

She barely knew what her lie even meant. "Why did you say that?"

"So he'd let you stay! He thinks your dad secretly asked you to suss out if he'd be a good business partner. Surprisingly, he believed it. Guess he thought it was too bizarre to have made up. Anyway, I told him he's not supposed to know that's what you're doing. That I'm not supposed to know...so I'm hoping he doesn't ask you questions about it." She sighed again. "Alright, it's a shit lie. I panicked. You're gonna have to pretend your dad runs a food company now, on top of pretending to be Leah and pretending we're just friends. I'm sorry."

It's difficult to comfort someone when you're trapped in a cage with a dildo lodged between your cheeks. I strained my neck around, trying to look at her properly.Withdrawn. I could almost see when it was happening now. The emotion burrowing away inside her. I remembered what the digital photograph had said:involution - the process of foldinginwards. I wondered if this is what it meant. Was it at least progress that nowadays, she'd withdraw from me without having to leave the room or end the conversation?

"It's a pretty good lie, for something you invented on the spot," I said wishfully. "We can make it work."

"He'll cut my allowance if he finds out."

"Then we'll make sure he doesn't." I smiled but she was slumped on the side of the bed, staring at her shoes. With another sigh, she swept her arm vaguely in the direction of the cage and everything she had piled around it.

"I told him this was all presents, as well. He's gonna be fucking confused when the gift I got him is tiny and yours is only slightly bigger."

"You got me a present?" I thought she'd been trying to save money. I hadn't got her anything.

"Now I'll have to somehow buy a load more shit in the next few days so it doesn't look like a lie."

"Does it matter?"

"Yes." The response was blunt. "I want to keep him in a good mood. For your sake, as much as mine. It matters, Leah."

"Can you let me out?"

She didn't answer.

"He'll be all pleasant at dinner. He'll act like it's a wonderful treat for you to be staying. He'll try and find ways to put me down without making it obvious."

"I know, El."

"He wasn't pleasant just now. Could you hear him in the corridor?"

"It's hard to hear from a dog crate."

"Oh, well...it wasn't terrible. Just called me fat and stuff. Reminded me how much worse I am than Danny. The usual shit."

"Thatisterrible," I said. "And wrong, you're nothing like fat!" It was only now dawning on me that she was deliberately keeping me locked. She knew, were I able, I'd envelop her in a hug. With how she was right now, a hug might get her crying.Folding inwards.

"Yeah well, please don't fight him on that opinion. Don't get him talking about Danny, either. And...and let me go and shower. I need to look my best."

.

She left me caged up while she showered. I might've been annoyed with her about it, did I not understand. When she returned, she was anxious but less deflated. She let me out and we talked over the invented backstory for my dad. We did our makeup and I wore my blush-pink and lavender dress, which Ellie thought would prove disarming. She wore the black dress she had worn when we first arrived. Her anxiety was making me anxious, and then when I saw her father; it spiked to another level.

"So you must be..."

"Leah," Ellie said for me.

"Leah, how pleasant to meet you at last." He gave a small, elegant bow. He was tall and broad-shouldered. Slicked black hair with an immaculate suit. In contrast to Ellie's voice being a mix of faint northern and something close to London, he spoke in perfect received pronunciation. There was a strange grace to him, moving light and serene. All his gestures had the sort of flourish you'd expect of a magician or a hotelier. I remembered then he had been a butler once. There might've been something charming about him, were it not for the sharp look in his cold eyes. The faint drama to his actions gave the impression that he might've been secretly mocking you, then sneering at your failure to even comprehend it. That was what intimidated me; how he kept his sharpness veiled beneath his elegance. Talking to him felt like being led into a trap.

"Iwouldsay Ellen has told me so much about you but, well, she's not the most devoted daughter when it comes to keeping in contact, are you, popkin?"

He glanced at Ellie, who said nothing, evidently biting back her anger. Her father shook my hand. I felt a chill run up my spine as we made eye contact. He was analyzing me.

"Please, seat yourselves and I'll bring the dinner out."

.

The food was toad in the hole. The best I'd ever eaten by a long shot. The conversation was excruciating; exactly as I'd predicted.

"So, your parents are away for Christmas? Busy people?"

"Uh, yeah. They're back in Dortmund. Dad's got a company to run. Mum helps out."

"You must miss them?"

"Yeah," I found myself saying, even though it wasn't true. He nodded vigorously.

"They love you dearly, for that, Leah. All a parent wants is to be missed. I'm afraid the only thing my Ellen misses is the space between meals." He chuckled with such an agreeable manner than I almost found myself politely laughing along. Just in time, I caught myself and glanced at Ellie, who had paused in the middle of picking a roast potato from the sharing pot.

"It's hard to miss someone who's barely ever home," she said, making her father dramatically pretend he had been shot in the heart, before chuckling again.

"Don't you want more potatoes, Leah? I can't help noticing you only took three." He held out the pot for me. Reluctantly, I took another one, which made him nod. "It's commendable to see someone taking care of their weight. You must work hard to keep that slim figure."

This time, he didn't need to voice the insult. A simple glance in Ellie's direction was enough to make his point. It was absurd. There was nothing at all fat about Ellie. She had a healthy amount of curvature to her body and was in way better shape than me. I was a naturally slim build but no skinnier. Before I could even offer a response, he had swept the conversation along. He bombarded me with questions in an overly-cheery manner, then turned all my responses into criticisms of his daughter, regardless of what I said. He barely talked to her directly at all, and he dominated the talk so much that there was no space for us to ask anything. It was awkward to be caught in a position where I couldn't shut him down for fear of it sparking an argument, but nor could I politely laugh along with his every barb. Ellie had given me so many warnings about this; how was it I still felt at a loss for how to act?

"Your English is impeccable, might I add, Leah?"

"Erm. Thank you..."

"English is a beautiful language, don't you think? Many refer to Germany as the land of poets and thinkers but you don't have half the poets we do. Music! You've got Beethoven, Bach, Wagner, Brahms. That's no surprise. I think you'd all need an orchestra just to drown out the grating chords of the German language."

Perhaps simply for how it baffled me; the contrived, weak, slightly racist joke made me laugh. He seized on the chance and began peppering me with other bits of humour, mixed in with a barrage of compliments about my accent, my hair, my literary interests. Little by little, it was effective, until half my defences were lowered and I completely forgot what he was doing: dividing Ellie and I. She was left isolated where I was buttered up to such a degree that I had to restrain the urge to laugh now. His criticisms of Ellie were even starting to feel less critical for how he framed them as good-humoured banter. I almost fell for it and, even then, I was doing nothing to object. Ellie was left stabbing at the remains of her food, looking close to detonation.

"Have you been hunting before, Leah? The three of us should go on a hunt tomorrow morning."

"No." Ellie's voice was firm. Her dad smiled to me in response.

"Ellen doesn't have to come with us, if she's still liable to weep at thepoor pheasants."

"Leah doesn't want to go hunting, do you Leah?"

Both of them were staring at me. Nerves rising, I glanced at her father.

"Erm, no. Not really."

"Nonsense! You can't knock it till you've tried it," he said. When I remained silent, he gave a deliberate roll of his eyes. "Very well, if you're asfragileand girlish as Ellen, here, we can make it clay pigeon shooting."

"It's not being girlish, dad."

"Of course not, little popkin," he said sarcastically. Ellie flared.

"Danny didn't like hunting either. He hated it even more than me, he just didn't have the balls to tell you!"

I could see at once why Ellie was reluctant to argue with him. For the first time, his veneer of charm peeled away. His smiled turned thin and nasty, and he stared at Ellie with such cold intensity that she began to waver. I could see her, struggling to maintain the eye contact, willing herself not to look away. At least ten seconds must have passed in the charged silence before he turned to me.

"Leah," he began calmly. "Would you like to see the wine cellar?"

"No, she wouldn't, dad."

"Has Ellen shown you yet? We can all go down there, now."

"No, dad!"

He rose to his feet. Immediately, Ellie did the same. Suddenly I felt like a small child, watching their parents argue. Slowly, just to meet their level, I stood, only Ellie took it like a betrayal.

"Stay where you are, Leah!"

"Nonsense. C'mon. You'll find it interesting. It was Ellen's favourite room in the house when she was little."

"No!" Ellie said again. The anger broke into fear as she watched her dad crossing the dining room towards a large black door. Drawing the keys from his pocket, he turned the lock. He put his hand to the knob when Ellie, as anxious as I had ever seen her, blurted out.

"Ok, daddy!"

He stopped. Slowly, he turned to face her.

"I'm sorry. We'll go clay pigeon shooting."

This wasn't enough for him. He stared at her waiting until, reluctantly, Ellie did something strange. She took the hem of her dress in each hand, then dipped her knees slightly. It was a gesture I was familiar with, though it was only seeing it now, that the English word clicked in my head.Curtsy. Her father smiled. Ellie squirmed with shame. This was obviously a principle of hers that had just collapsed. In reaction, like the flicking of a switch, her father's cold smile shifted. Again, it became wide and charming.

"Well, only if you're sure, Ellen? I don't want to make either of you do something you're not comfortable with."

"No, daddy. We're comfortable," she said, defeated. She could barely look in my direction but I followed her lead.

"I'm comfortable."

"Splendid! Well then, I expect you both up and ready by eight o'clock."

.

It was important Ellie didn't feel I was judging her. I knew any faint hint from me that she should've argued more, shouldn't have apologised, maybe even just asking her what the curtsy thing was all about; I knew it would've drawn her away from me. Sometimes being supportive means challenging a person but sometimes it means the total opposite. Ellie didn't have much to say on the matter when we returned to her room. What she did say came with grim, emotionally distant humour.

"Bet you can see why I'm so fucked up, now."

"I'm sorry I wasn't more help, El. I didn't know what to do."

"No, I know," she said, though without much volume. Not once had I laughed at his barbs against Ellie, but I remembered the pained expressions she had pulled on the few occasions he managed to draw a laugh with more general humour.

"He's a dickhead," I told her. "I don't like him at all."

She gave a weak smile. I tried to give her a hug but she pulled away quickly and changed the topic.

"I was thinking about why you didn't cum before and...maybe you're just not experienced at it, yet."

"What?" It was such a jarring change of topic.

"I remember hearing about it once. It can take men a lot of practice to become sensitive enough down there."