Needing Leah

The Story So Far:

Last chapter saw Leah winning her freedom from chastity, provided she could first learn to cum from riding a dildo. After a meeting with Danielle, a haphazard plan was hatched to expel Anna from the school by planting drugs on her. Whilst Ellie seemed more absorbed in catching Subrosa, most of the plan preparations fell entirely upon Leah, resulting in the reckless decision to kiss Jess.

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20: Confession

Ellie had been waiting for me to provide some definitive answer on whether or not Jess was Subrosa. She wanted a target and she had reasons to distrust Jess. As much as I argued that she was wrong, the distrust only grew by the end of the day, when I had to explain what I had done.

"You kissed her?" Ellie repeated, confused. We had only been back in our room a few minutes before I fell to my knees and explained.

"It didn't mean anything. I felt like such a manipulative bitch. I just ended up telling her about the plan and then I wanted to make sure she would help, and it was the best thing I could do win her round."

"Right..."

"I'm really, really sorry, Ellie." I said, lowering my head completely to the floor. There was a pause where she must've been looking down at me before she spoke.

"Get off your knees. Get up, Leah. I'm not punishing you."

I hesitated. "You warned me before if I ever kissed her again, that you'd..."

"Yeah, well I'm not. I can't let myself be angry with you. I can't..." She was grinding her teeth. "I won't hurt you again."

I didn't know how to respond to that. "Are you upset with me?"

"No." She said, but the anguish was written all over the face. The horror, too. She was afraid of her own rage. Maybe not against other people but definitely towards me. I wanted to hug her, but worried that would make it worse.

"It really didn't mean anything, Ellie. I want you. I don't want..."

"That's not the problem!" She snapped. "Well, it is, but it's not the..." She exhaled sharply. When I still hadn't moved, she grabbed my wrists and yanked me to my feet. "I don't trust her, Leah. You were supposed to be confronting Jess. I was gonna do it, until you insisted on taking over. Then, you just bin all suspicion and involve her in our plan? A plan she might fuck up, now!"

"She won't, Ellie. We need someone like her, anyway. If either of us snitch on Anna about the cocaine, it'll be suspicious. Jess is a model student and..."

"I DON'T TRUST HER!" Ellie shouted, then winced at her own raised voice. She tried to subdue it again. "If she isn't Subrosa, who is?"

"I don't know." She had led the argument to the point of tension. I took a deep breath. "Does it even matter who is? I mean, I'm not sure I even care."

She chewed her lip for an uncomfortable moment. We were both still in our uniform. She began undoing her tie, trying her best to remain calm. "You don't care? You don't think it matters who targeted us? She could be anyone, Leah. She could do anything. How are you supposed to feel safe?"

"There are much bigger threats, though! Have you forgotten about Anna? You didn't even want to go ahead with the plan."

"No, I didn't! It's not exactly a master plan, is it? You wanted to take the risk, though. So I agreed. I've been supportive."

I frowned. She hadn't been that supportive. "I had to visit Shiv on my own. I'm the one delivering all the parcels."

"I'll deliver some, then!" She said, storming towards the door, then waiting. "Tell me where to go, I'll do it!"

"Ellie, that's not the point." I said flatly. "I'm just saying, you've been kind of obsessed with Subrosa. Does it matter? People know we're a couple now, and I'm glad they know. We've been all the closer for it, haven't we?" My voice fell quiet. I felt almost reluctant to ask. "You're not...embarrassed to be with me, are you?"

Ellie froze. So many emotions seemed to cross over her face that it became impossible to read any of them. Slowly, she pulled the bobble from her red hair, loosening it from the ponytail. Her voice was choked.

"Baby, I will never feel that way about you." Her gaze fell. "I just...there's just too many secrets we have to guard. The idea Subrosa might learn anything more. We can't risk that."

I hadn't thought about it in that way. "All the mockery bothers you, though. Doesn't it? You flinch when people laugh at us holding hands. You get defiant and act like you don't care...but you do."

She shook her head. "I just don't want you hurt. I remember how Anna and Jojo first picked on you for holding my hand." She moved forwards and stroked my blonde hair. It had become so soft nowadays. I liked when she ran her fingers through it. "If I seem obsessed with it, you've got to be honest, sweetheart. Have you been any different with Anna? You're throwing all caution to the wind with this plan. And now with Jess..." her face darkened. "I can't understand why you'd tell her."

"I don't know. It's just the last few days have been either fucking or listening to you grumble about Subrosa, and I guess...I got a bit insecure.I wanted to talk to someone."

"So, you talk to Roisin. You talk to me! We don't have to fuck so much, if you don't want. We can talk whenever you like."

"No, I do want. Jesus, I have loved all of it. I just got stupid and made a mistake, and I'm sorry." I sat down on the mattress and began undoing my own tie. "Are you mad at me?"

Ellie closed her eyes for a moment, then shook her head. "We've been through worse problems, I'm not letting this be the thing that beats us. God, I wish I could punish you, though. That'd get it out of my system."

"I wouldn't object."

"Maybe not, but I do." There was a sadness in her voice. In the past, this kind of argument would have left us screaming at each other. Somehow, we'd avoided that. I moved forwards to hug Ellie and was relieved when she accepted it.

"I'm sorry, Ellie." I said again.

"I know. But you've got to understand the danger, here. Jess will do anything for you, now you've kissed her."

"The kiss didn't mean anyth..."

"It will have meant a lotto her, Leah. She'll take part in the plan because she wants you to like her, but what about when it doesn't earn her a second kiss, or a third? She will feel manipulated and used. She'll turn on us."

I frowned. "Jess wouldn't do that."

"She might, that's the danger. At the very least, she might snitch. You think just because you told her Anna bought the coke herself, that she'll believe it? It's pretty obvious we're setting Anna up. Jess might blind herself to that fact right now, but if helping you doesn't win her your heart, that could change." Ellie's voice was soft. "I understand Liam was never in these sort of positions, so you don't understand how difficult it is when someone has a crush on you. You've got to be smarter than this."

It all sounded so far-fetched, though I couldn't entirely deny the logic. I had been toying with Jess, as well. The guilt of that fact hurt. If Ellie was right, that might mean I either had to keep Jess happy, do a fantastic job of apologising, or risk some kind of retaliation from her.

Fuck.

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The weather was turning colder and colder. Ellie had once bought me a light-grey pea coat, however it was made of thin cotton. She had promised to buy me something warmer, though I knew she had become reluctant to spend money since talking to her dad. I wasn't entirely sure what that was about. In fact, all I knew about her dad was that he made Ellie anxious and wanted her home for Christmas. I didn't press the point, nor ask her for a warmer coat. He was yet another concern to add to the growing pile, however.

I kept up the deliveries. Ellie was markedly less horny when I returned, now. We had sex a few times but some of her passion was missing, and she kept flitting between almost spanking me, then withdrawing. I had thought she was getting more comfortable asserting dominance again, but now she had a clear reason to be angry with me, she seemed keen to hold back. I could feel the internal conflict radiating off her in all of our play, to the point I became a little impatient.

"For fuck sake, Ellie, just punish me. It'd make it easier to clear the air and put it behind us."

"No, Leah."

"You can let off steam without it needing to become unsafe. I feel ok, honestly."

Her response came with a sudden snap. "I want to be a better person!" It made me wince, remembering what Jess had said to her in the canteen bathroom.

Leah considers me a good person.She had said it in such a tone to suggest Ellie was not. The comment must have rooted itself firmly within her insecurity. She had made up her mind to forgive me simply because it's whata good personwould do, no matter how upset she actually felt. Was that sensible? If we tried to forget the problem, then her hurt would go unacknowledged. If I drew attention to it, she would feel shame and withdraw. Neither of us seemed certain what to do. All our sex carried on with the same struggling conflict, until I finally found my sense.

I kissed Jess.

She had brushed the thought aside, but Ellie must've been feeling at least partly jealous or insecure? Jess was a good person. She was as good and innocent as a person could be, where Ellie was all fire and chaos. That was what I liked about Ellie, though. I liked the thrill. The fearlessness in her eyes. The effortless power she could exude. I liked the way she could trick me, or dominate me, or come with comfort when I needed it. I considered that Ellie might needed reminding how much I wanted her. She was never going to punish me just because I argued it might help.Emotional benefitcouldn't be the reason. She had to know I wanted it and wanted her.I should initiate things. I should invite her in.

.

It wasn't the first time I had sought to seduce Ellie, though it was the most daring. I waited for her to go for a bath, encouraging her to play music in order to give me time and privacy to prepare. It meant rummaging in her cupboard for toys. I felt nervous even opening it; oddly like a child nicking toffees from a sweetshop. There were several different opaque plastic bags. I picked one at random, remembering her old threat:anything you find in there, I'll make you use.

Evidently, I had picked the safest bag, because it contained both the plugs I had used before and the purple, bowl-based dildo. I pulled that one out as a possibility, remembering just how good it had felt. Even the memory turned me on. There was another similar dildo with a flat base, then...

What the fuck is that?

My nerves spiked. It was an array of leather straps that together formed a headpiece, with a metal O-shaped ring at the front. It had what looked like a neck collar underneath, with a longer stretch of leather leading out from this and hooking to a strange metal box with various dials. I couldn't work it out. I half-wanted to ask Ellie what it was, but that meant the risk of having to use it.

The music coming from the bathroom stopped.

"Leah, do you want the water after me?"

"You're done already?" I answered, trying to hide my panic. I heard her climb out of the tub.

"I only wanted a quick soak. Do you want it? It's still warm."

"No!" I began trying to quickly, quietly place the toys back in the bag. It rustled with every movement. How long would it take Ellie to dry herself? Had she even wet her hair? I closed the cupboard door and lubed the flat-based dildo. I gasped, realising just how much wider it was than the one I'd used before.F-fuck.It was difficult to insert. I was pushing too fast, but didn't have the time to slow.Fuck. Fuck, that's big.Once it was in, it kept trying to slide out.Stupid. I should've used a plug. I held it in place with one hand while whipping open my clothes drawer and trying to pull out anything I could think to wear. The tight, body-shaping panties might serve to hold the dildo in. I heard Ellie starting to brush her teeth. That was good. It might give me another minute or two before she emerged. I'd still have to hurry, though.

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"Leah?"

I had presented myself like a feast upon a table. The body-shaping panties were pulled into a tight wedgie, with my penis pressed down, the way she had made me wear them last time. Over them, I wore a black-mesh bodysuit with a velvet bottom. It was one of my favourite outfits for the way, braless, it could make my silicone breasts look real. The transparent mesh obscured just enough, and yet the shape of my nipples and the bulge of my breasts were perfectly visible. The bugle too of the dildo, where its base pushed against my clothing, would've been obvious to Ellie's eyes. I was on my knees on the mattress with my legs bound using the frog-tie straps. I was impressed with how efficiently I had been able to apply them. My wrists were bound behind me with a double-looped pair of panties, and then the crop sat beside me on the bed. I watched Ellie's eyes slowly survey the entire scene. A small smirk growing on her face.

"I've been a bad girl." I said. It sounded like a cliché phrase and made Ellie giggle.

"Yes, you have. I didn't give you permission to use my toys."

"Is it too late to ask?"

She grinned, then flicked her eyes down to the crop again.

"You want me to punish you?"

"I need to learn my lesson." I said, it again sounded like a stock phrase. She wanted an honest answer.

"Like, do you? You've not arranged this little setup because you think I want it, have you?"

"No." I said. It was technically a lie. I had arranged it for exactly that reason, only my motivations still blurred. It was hard not to become aroused with a dildo pushed inside me. It was hard not to feel anticipation when her eyes flicked down to the crop. I felt a rush to my head and discovered just how much I had missed punishment. The trembling, electrifying fear, the challenge, the sense of pride when I did well. Most of all, the simplicity. Punishment was the chance to not stress about the greater challenges that faced me. Punishment meant worrying only about a simple task: obeying commands and accepting pain. It wasn't a weakness to submit, not to Ellie, not to someone I trusted. It was a strength of character to not only endure it, but to enjoy.

"I think I do want this, yeah."

"You're sure?"

Since it had happened, we'd talked so little about the time Ellie almost ignored my safe word. Partly, I wanted to now. I wanted to tell her that, so long as she took things slowly, it would be ok. I wanted to tell her spanking me doesn't make her a bad person. I said none of it, however. Even just mentioning it, would've brought up the feelings of shame. It was better to let my desire do the talking.

"Please?" I said in my cutest, submissive tone. I knew the effect it would have on her. "I haven't been a good girl, El. I need to prove I am still one. I want to show I can accept all punishment and thank you for it like a good girl would. Please? I'm yours, however you want me."

"You've only done this because I said earlier I wished I could punish you." Ellie said. She was trying to remain sceptical, but the tone was weaker. The grin on her face, the hunger in her eyes was obvious.

"Not just that, no. But I should be offering something to make it up to you."

"So here you are, laid out like a gift." She ran a hand smoothly down my back, making me shiver a little. "All you're lacking is a big red bow around your butt."

"Do you like me like this?"

She put a finger to her lips and shushed me. Her voice became a soothing whisper. "Lie forwards now, baby. Put your head down, relax for me."

She offered the support of her hand to drop me down gently. My face pressed sideways against the mattress. I was still on my knees, shins bound tight against my thighs, and my arse sticking out. She began stroking my back again, continuing to shush me in a soft, slow voice.

"That's it, sweetheart. Lie still. Missy's gonna look after you."

Missy?That was new. I'd almost forgotten how, several weeks ago, Ellie had wanted to play around with different possible names for addressing her.MistressorGoddesshad quickly been ruled out. Was this a name she liked instead? It didn't sound like a very dominant name but I wasn't going to object. I did as she said. Ellie's hands began moving down to my butt, feeling and groping through the bodysuit. I closed my eyes. It was almost a massage as she worked. It felt nice, even if I could sense where it would be leading.

"You are a good girl." She said, leaning forwards to whisper near my ear. "When you fuck up, we work it out. We're a team, ok?"

"Mhm." I said, eyes still closed.

"What do you do when you fuck up, girlie?"

"Apologise."

"And?"

"We work it out."

"Yes, good. And?"

"Ask to be punished?"

She chuckled a little. "Close enough." I felt the fastening of my bodysuit pop open. She rolled it up to my waist, then pulled on the band of my panties, causing them to snap against me.

"You're wearing these again."

"Yes."

"Did you mean to pull them into a wedgie?"

"Well, I thought it would help hold the dildo in."

She laughed, then gently patted against the dildo, causing me to inhale sharply. "Good girl." She pulled all the fabric of my panties between my cheeks, causing it to tighten even more around the front. I felt so turned on, yet my penis was again unable to grow against the constricted space. I moaned gently.

"No, no. Relax." Ellie said softly. "Missy's gonna soothe you. If you want punishment, we'll build to it slowly, ok?"

"Yes....M-missy." I said. I preferred calling her Ellie, but I could tell from the affectionate squeeze she then gave my butt, that she liked it. "Th-thank you, Missy."

"There's a good girl." She gave me a gentle spank, almost a tap. She followed it up with a few more, before stroking and squeezing my cheeks again.

"Punish me, Missy."

"No, good girls are patient."

Another few gentle taps. It all felt so loving. Her lips kissed my left cheek before gently spanking again, though this time slightly harder. Still not enough to hurt. It was more affectionate than punitive. It wasn't what I had asked for, or what I was anticipating...but it made me feel cared for. It made me feel forgiven in a way I hadn't done before. I belonged with Ellie. The more Christmas was drawing near, the more I was feeling that.

A few more spanks. Then a few more. I was in a strange conflict between the relaxation of the moment lulling me, and the suspense of what it was all building to. The force increased again. The noise of the spanks became louder. She enjoyed the sound of each slap, and even commented when some of them were particularly loud.

"You've got a perfect arse for spanking, you know?" She said. "Firm. Perky. I think it makes a louder sound when there's less cushioning."

"Is it my best feature?"

"No, honey. Your eyes are your best feature. They're deep, soft. I could lose myself in them."

I hadn't known that. My eyes were clear blue but I'd never liked that. I had always thought blue eyes could make a perfect look cold.

"What's my best feature?" Ellie asked.

"Erm...am I allowed to say your tits?"

She spanked me harder for that. One sudden, sharp hit that made me both wince and laugh. "Ok, ok sorry, Ellie. You have two features I like best."

"What, left and right?" she groaned.

"No! Your eyes and your smile. There's this grin you sometimes pull. Just the sight of it turns me on. You know you can silence me with a stare, right?"

"I can silence you in a lot of ways, girl. I can do the reverse, too. I can make you noisy and whiney, and sometimes moan like you've lost all sense."