Home for Horny Monsters

Hi, all! Annabelle Hawthorne here with the next chapter of Horny Monsters!

This year has been really hard, but I'm still busy working at it. I've fallen behind on so many projects that I actually ended up hiring someone to help me keep up. While none of that has any effect here, it does mean I will have more time to write and post more frequently! (Or I will somehow fuck it up, I do have a track record)

New reader? By all means, dive in! This is pretty much the exact plot of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, only it's not Christmas, there is no cousin Eddie, and pretty much everything else is different. You should probably start on Ch. 001 and binge this shit.

Returning reader? Welcome back! I'm still white knuckling these releases and never meant for them to spread out so far. On the plus side, I'm still around after eight solid years, so that's a good thing, right? Right?

Special thanks to the beta team for always having my back. I remember this one was a pretty bad mess, and they helped me trim the fat quite nicely. Also a thanks to the reader who sent me the letter about how this story helped them deal with a loved one's death. I always feel so warm and fuzzy inside when I realized I helped somebody. It's either that, or all the coffee I drink.

Speaking of drinking, this chapter will release close to Thanksgiving! That means several of you will have spent the day with people who gobble up your time simply because one of your ancestors fucked one of theirs and it made a baby! The fastest way to get out of an unpleasant meal is typically to inhale your food and keep quiet talk to a minimum. Naturally, some relatives feel the need to be louder than others, so if somebody brings up politics or other uncomfortable topics this holiday season, feel free to bring up my story and start a debate with grandma about why butt sex doesn't cause a soul swap for Mike, but a proper cream pie can!

However, that probably wouldn't be a good thing to bring up if dessert this year is an actual creampie. That would just be considered

Kicking the Nest

Screaming. Panic. People running. A gargoyle stepped in to restore order, but Victoria intercepted it. The blonde caught it from behind and wrenched its neck so hard that it shattered.

"Don't let the gargoyles warn the others," she commanded, then pointed. "Gerard, ground them!"

Gerard waved his hand over the journal on the ground. Inky aberrations were summoned that leapt for the remaining gargoyles. The creatures fell to the ground as their wings were restrained and tried to crawl away.

Mike's ears were ringing, the moment briefly frozen in time as he took it all in. Victoria, standing over the shattered remnants of the gargoyle, turned toward Charlotte.

"What are you waiting for?" she asked. "Go round up the children while we take care of these peasants."

"These peasantsaremy children," Charlotte declared, then turned into a whirling mass of cloth as she tackled Victoria out of the clearing.

"Cerberus!" Mike spun toward the hellhound, who was already on their feet. He pointed at Decima, whose limbs had elongated to triple their original proportions, making her look like a genderbent Slenderman. "Get the stick."

Cerberus took three steps forward, their body erupting in flame as they transformed into their original form. Screams of terror died in the throats of the villagers as the sudden appearance of the hellhound overwhelmed them. Cerberus slapped Decima off of the gargoyle with a paw, one head howling as the others bit down on Decima's arms.

The vampyr shrieked with rage and broke free, but Cerberus grabbed her by the leg and trapped her under a paw. The hellhound snorted, smoke coming from their nostrils, but fire never came. Villagers were still running in every direction, and it was clear that Cerberus didn't want to torch someone by accident. It took all three heads to maintain a grip on the vampyr as Cerberus dragged them away.

"Gerard!" Mike yelled to get the vampyr's attention. The man looked up, dark circles under his eyes as he appraised Mike. "Back down. Your sister and I are working together. You should help us."

Gerard paused for a moment, then sneered. "She is not fit to lead, and neither are you." He made a hand gesture and a spider-like being made of ink yanked its way free of the journal. "Take him to the castle," Gerard commanded.

The ink spider leapt at Mike, but he casually grabbed it by the threads holding it together and pulled. The spider burst, showering the ground in thin lines of glossy ink. "That won't work on me."

Gerard hissed, revealing his fangs, then charged. A vision was triggered, and Mike got a momentary look at a future where Gerard had ripped off half of his face.

With a surge of power, he summoned a magical shield in front of his head. Gerard's hand slammed into it, the fingers cracking like dry twigs. The vampyr sneered and lunged again, but a second vision prompted Mike to summon a final barrier at the last moment.

They were at an impasse. While Mike could easily deflect or dismantle Gerard's attacks, he had no proper counter of his own, not without draining his own reserves dry.

Gerard made another attempt on Mike, this time leaping into the air to come down from above. A whip made of bones wrapped around the creature's legs and yanked him back to the ground where Sofia immediately began her assault. Excalibur darted in and out as Gerard dodged every strike, still too fast to be hit.

"Can you hold him in place or something?" asked Sofia.

"I'm tryin'," muttered Suly. "Like tryin' to swat a mosquito while drunk."

Charlotte.Mike sent a thought to the vampyr.Your brother is being difficult.

There was a pause, followed by a grunt of pain.Then kill him,Charlotte replied.I have seen him commit atrocities that will haunt me evermore and can only hope my new family will be better. Save my children first.

"Cecilia!" Mike turned to the banshee, who was helping a pregnant woman to her feet. "Sing!"

She cocked her head inquisitively, then nodded. The banshee clasped her hands together and became incorporeal, her black dress falling to the ground through her body. She opened her mouth and sang, her body now luminescent as she hovered into the air.

Though hers was a song of sadness, it immediately had a calming effect on the villagers. Stunned, they watched in awe as Cecilia sang to them, her voice echoing off the distant homes.

Mike used his magic to rip apart the inky aberrations holding the gargoyles in place. Before any of them could fly off, he pointed at Gerard. "Someone needs to hold him down!"

Two of the gargoyles ignored Mike and immediately flew toward the castle to warn their tribe. A third seemed to recognize the difficulty of the task at hand and flew into the air and circled.

Sofia, Sulyvahn, and Gerard were now in a dance of death, none of them properly able to wound the other. Eventually, the gargoyle slammed down onto Gerard from above, the vampyr hissing like a trapped snake as Suly and Sofia moved in. The dullahan's whip ripped the skin from Gerard's face, and the vampyr raised his hands to cover his eyes.

Excalibur slid easily through both forearms and Gerard's neck. The vampyr's body continued to fight as a dark mass of tendrils squirmed free of Gerard's head in an attempt to walk around and find his body.

The gargoyle saw this, grabbed Gerard's head by the hair and took off into the air. The gargoyle made a wide loop over the void before dropping its dangerous cargo.

"I hate this," Sofia shouted as Gerard's body freed itself and stumbled about. Gerard's hands were now crawling across the ground in an attempt to reconnect with the main body. Sulyvahn snatched the hands in his whip and pulled them away from the body, throwing them into the sea in the process where the fish would eat them.

"Are we leavin' the body?" he asked. "I don' want it to be hurtin' nobody."

Cerberus padded back into the clearing with blood on their maws, pausing for just a moment to contemplate Gerard's body. One head snatched up Gerard's body and crunched on it a few times before swallowing.

"Decima?" asked Mike.

The hellhound transformed back into their human form. For a moment, Mike wondered if her stomach would bulge out with Gerard's body. "Bitch. Got. Away," Cerberus replied.

"Damn." He looked at the villagers, who were all still listening to Cecilia. Mike moved beneath the banshee and raised his hand to touch her foot.

"Good job, Cecilia."

The banshee stopped her song and smiled down at him. "A ghrá."

"Cecilia?" asked a man with blood on his face. It took a moment, but Mike recognized Finley. "Her name is Cecilia?"

"The true Cecilia," Mike replied. He looked at the people still gathered. "She is the one who sings my family to the afterlife when they pass."

"Then, you are..." Finley stared at Mike.

"Yeah. Vincentius' lies were based somewhat in truth. I am the Caretaker, and I am quite real." He turned to look at everyone else. "I am also working with Lady Charlotte. She is no longer under Vincentius' control."

There was muttering from the crowd, combined with looks of unease. A woman in the crowd raised a hand.

"Is the new breeding program still in effect?" she asked.

"What? No!" Mike shook his head.

"Shit," she muttered.

"Listen. The visions you saw were disturbing, but they were real," Mike continued. "This place that you call home is little more than a feedlot for Vincentius and the other vassals. I should mention that Charlotte herself has never consumed any of your people, she loves you far too much. If we can defeat Vincentius, then I can take you to a better life."

"Better how?" asked someone in the crowd.

"Well, you won't be eaten,"Mike replied.

"And ye'll live much longer than thirty to forty," Sulyvahn replied. "Healthy livin' will see you to eighty or higher."

"Eighty!" This was from Taylor. "People can live until eighty?!"

"Sometimes even a hundred," said Mike. "But the first step is to get you all to safety. I promised Charlotte that you all would come first. The vassals may still try to come for you, or even your kids. Gather your families, friends, and neighbors and let's take them somewhere safe."

"So we can be slaughtered!" shouted someone hidden in the back. "We can't trust this man!"

"You can," said Charlotte as she stepped back into the clearing. "And we don't have time to argue. Vincentius is already gathering the thralls and vassals to come back and wipe you out. All this time, I wish I could have helped you,trulyhelped, but I was powerless to do so. This is it, my children, your actual shot at a better future. They took your parents from you when you were children, and are about to deliver the same fate to your own offspring, or even worse."

"Then we should fight," said Taylor. "We can help! What should we do?"

"You should listen," said Mike. "Please. We're already against insurmountable odds, and won't be able to protect you if you come. Don't make this battle even harder for us."

The villagers exchanged several looks, and it became clear there was already some dissension. Charlotte cajoled a few while the remaining gargoyle agreed to help protect those who listened.

At the castle, a swarm of gargoyles was now circling high overhead. Mike could only hope that they were choosing to help out instead of fleeing.

"Mo mhuirnín." Cecilia took Mike by the hand. "She's still alive."

The banshee pointed, then led him in the direction to where Nyx had been tossed. He followed, and the two of them knelt down over Nyx, whose eyes gazed into the sky unfocused.

"Nyx?" Mike slid his hand underneath her head as if to lift her, and was surprised at how light she was.

"I am dying, Caretaker." Her voice came in gasps. She smiled vaguely in his direction. "I have erred."

"Yeah, you did." He shook his head. "What were you even trying to accomplish?"

"To expose Vincentius," she replied. "To force the others to see him as he truly is, to embarrass him in front of his flock. He deserves to know shame."

"The man doesn't care about all that," Mike replied. "If he was Fae, maybe it would have worked. But he used to be a man, just a regular human. It's rare to find one of those who cares what others think."

"And now I pay the price." Nyx sighed. "I should have known better, but was too blinded by my own rage."

"At what?" Mike asked.

"You." Nyx lifted a hand and touched his cheek. "Because you laid with the vampyr and chose a walking corpse over me."

"Why does it even matter?" Mike asked. "I thought you hated the idea of a mortal and a fae being together. You look down on us, see us as trivial. I don't get why it should have mattered to you so much. It wasn't that I chose her over you. What happened with Charlotte had nothing to do with you at all. And let's be honest. Do you even feel that way about me?"

"No," she admitted. "A certain clarity comes to the dying. It was never really about attraction, romance, or even the thrills of the flesh. I was so angry because you chose her over me."

"You already said that," Mike muttered.

"I was mad because I couldn't understand why," Nyx whispered. "What makes her so special? What makes her better than your own kind?" Her body was becoming even lighter in his arms.

"You're not making any sense, now." Mike frowned at Cecilia, but the banshee only had eyes for Nyx. The banshee sang softly under her breath, her voice slowly getting louder as the Fae Princess faded.

"Why did you choose them, father?" Tears welled up in her eyes now. "Why did you... choose them... over... us?"

The Fae Princess stared into eternity as her body dissolved into starlight, leaving behind only her clothing in Mike's hands. He gently set the garments on the ground, noticing at once how smooth and soft it was. Mike gently touched the hole in the front of the blouse.

"This was never about me after all," he muttered.

Cecilia put her hand on his. "My kind aren't chaotic because they want to be," she said. "What many see as whimsy is just our nature. Even we don't understand why we do the things we do."

"You never seemed that way to me," Mike replied.

"I have a job," Cecilia said with a smile. "A purpose. Those like Nyx lost theirs long ago."

"That's not all they lost," he replied as he folded Nyx's clothes into a bundle. It now occurred to him exactly what Sofia and Cecilia's dress had been made from. Clothing left behind by those who had been in charge of Avalon. It was likely all that remained of them.

If nothing else, he would return these clothes to Nyx's sisters. It was the least he could do.

Behind him, he could hear the villagers organising and going with the gargoyle. Charlotte and Sofia approached, both of them looking at the garments in his hands.

"She's gone, then." Sofia let out a sigh. "I have mixed feelings."

"Same," Mike admitted, then looked at Charlotte. "Your brother is dead... ish."

The woman nodded. "I wish it could have been otherwise. His heart was broken many years ago when the man he loved never came for him. When you dream of eternity with someone and they turn their back, it can change you. My real brother has been dead for some time, you just finally laid him to rest."

Mike thought of the head falling down the hole and shivered. With any luck, Gerard was actually dead and wasn't going to slowly starve or whatever. He looked at Sofia. "I can't believe Vincentius survived a beheading."

"Neither can I," said Sofia. "There was a tiny flap of skin in the front of his throat that held his head on. When he shifted to block the strike, that was all it took. Otherwise, his head would be on the ground."

"Which doesn't mean as much as I would like it to." Mike looked at Charlotte. "Any other ideas on how to kill your old boss?"

Charlotte shook her head. "I have none."

Mike turned to look at Cerberus, who was staring into the darkness and growling. "Well, I guess we see if Cerberus can toast the fucker once we lay him out. Maybe if you cut enough pieces off the bastard, he'll hold still."

Sofia frowned. "I hate to say this, but I have doubts that'll even work. The father of all vampyr-kind surely has some asinine trick up his sleeves."

"Then we should cut those off first."

Charlotte moved behind Mike and tugged on his sleeve to get his attention. "We need to get everyone to safety," she said. "The current school was designed to be locked down if another purge was ever needed. It won't protect them from the vampyr, but... sometimes the illusion of safety is better than nothing."

"Can't we just chase them down now?" asked Sofia.

"They are faster than you and know the terrain," Charlotte replied. "Spreading out will only make us more vulnerable. Let us gather in one place and decide on next steps together."

The cyclops nodded and looked at Mike. "I can agree with that," she admitted.

"Fine." Mike looked at the others. "Charlotte, lead the way. Cecilia, please keep singing as we go. I want others in the village to hear us and maybe join up. Suly and Cerberus, you keep your eyes peeled for trouble and other survivors."

While a few villagers left of their own accord, the rest followed Mike. They did a slow march through the town so that people could gather up their children, many who had already fallen asleep. Charlotte attempted to plead with those who wouldn't come with them, but agreed to move on in order to protect the larger group.

Mike could see the pain in Charlotte's eyes every time they had to leave someone behind, and it was easily doubled if there were children involved. Maternal emotions crept across their newly forged bond, and he had to mentally distance himself in order to stick with the current plan.

A couple of times, they heard screams from the surrounding countryside, but they didn't dare investigate them. Over the course of an hour, they finally arrived at the school. Charlotte revealed a secret doorway in the back that led to an underground area with alcoves carved into stone that could serve as beds. Sleepy children were guided to these alcoves, many of them still clutching blankets and home-sewn stuffed animals.

Once the little ones were safe, the grown-ups proceeded upstairs. Inside the building, people were busy muttering and getting comfortable as Lady Charlotte assuaged their fears. Mike and Sofia stood by the partially open front door, staring out into the darkness.

"We're done with the villagers," she said. "So what's the play?"

"Good question," Mike replied. "Vincentius said something about war. Do you remember how many thralls he had?"

She shook her head. "I've seent, at most, twenty. That doesn't quite make an army."

Mike did some quick mental math. "Thralls with the vassals will already be difficult enough. And that's assuming the gargoyles aren't buying what our pal Vinny is selling."

"Surely they won't." Sofia paused to consider her words. "Then again, the man has been gaslighting everyone for decades."

"Likely centuries," Mike added. "That, and here's something to consider. Last time he purged everything, he killed the gargoyles who weren't affected by the memory wipe. So does that mean the gargoyles here are more susceptible to magic?"

"I would have to assume so," Sofia replied. "Abella would be able to tell you more, I'm sure."

Mike sighed. "This bullshit with the Fae has kept anyone else from coming here to help out. I can't wait to see the look on their faces when I inform them that Nyx was murdered because they cut us off."

"Do you think they'll care?" Sofia asked.

"Honestly? I don't know." Mike looked over at Cecilia, who was busy singing to a group of scared teenagers. Their parents had never made it home, and the teens had been home watching younger siblings. "If anything, I fully expect some of them to blame me for it. That seems to be standard Fae operating procedure."