Home for Horny Monsters

Hi all, I'm back again with the latest entry in the HFHM universe!

New to the story? Start at Chapter 1 and work your way forward. There's a lot of sex and plot to be had for everybody to get to this point. Trust me, it'll be worth it.

Returning reader? Welcome back, monster lovers! As always, I am super happy to see you again and am super grateful that you're still here.

Remember to rate, comment, or drop me a line when you're done, I do read them all but don't always respond. Your kind comments, critical feedback and enthusiasm help this particular word machine keep writing, and I would have quit long ago without you. I do wish I could write faster for you all, but I only average a couple of hours a day to work on my craft. Still, I am proud of what I've accomplished so far and thankful to still be working on this tale. You keep reading it, I'll keep writing it.

Don't forget that you can check my bio (or follow me) to see when a new chapter is coming or see news about upcoming stories. I always update right after clicking submit on this site, that way you get to know when another chapter is coming.

Enough from me, let's get to it. Mike has reached the tower, and Yuki is about to deal with an unexpected guest.

Nine of Wands

Mike wasn't sure what he expected to see once inside the tower, but it certainly wasn't this.

What he had thought was the entrance to the tower was in fact an outer wall. A large courtyard full of flowers and creeper vines would have been impressive enough, but the sheer number of butterflies, bees, and even birds had him staring in awe. An entire ecosystem had been formed inside these walls, complete with a small waterfall that flowed out of the cliff itself and fed into an irrigation canal. The water eventually filled a fountain in the middle of the yard that was an exact replica of Naia's fountain back home.

At the back of the courtyard, rising ominously into the sky, was the actual entrance to the tower. The top of it was higher than the nearby peak that the tower seemed to grow from.

"This place is surprisingly peaceful." Zel approached one of the garden beds to inspect it. "Hey, most of these are vegetables!"

"I found some strawberries over here." Ratu plucked a few of them and tossed them in her mouth. "Mmm, they're good."

Salivating, Mike approached the bushes and the three of them picked the fruit. Daisy seemed content to watch the group, occasionally moving away from a bee or butterfly determined to interact with her. In the distance, they could hear the trumpeting of horns.

"Should we worry about that?" Mike asked.

"Nah. The only way the centaurs have ever gotten in was if the drawbridge was down." Zel said. "Well, at least that I know of."

"Is that true?" he asked Daisy. The fairy nodded and made some hand signs.

"I honestly don't understand you."

"But I might." Ratu licked the juices of a blackberry off of her finger and held her hand up with the same finger outstretched. "Come here."

Daisy seemed nervous, but with a glance at Mike, landed on the naga's finger.

"When you sign something, I want you to visualize the word. Try to keep it simple though." Ratu closed her eyes and made a Y with the thumb and pinky of her free hand. She moved Daisy close to her forehead, placing her thumb on her own forehead and her pinky on Daisy's.

Daisy made a couple of signs and Ratu's face scrunched up.

"Yuki... gone," Ratu said. "Tower... safe from... outsiders."

"Are you reading her mind?" Zel asked.

"Kind of. Now be quiet, unless you have a question for her. Keep them simple, I can only pick up bits of it, fairies think differently than mortals do."

"Is there a way to get home?" Mike asked.

"Only... portal. Guarded by... Jabberwock." Ratu winced between words, her brow furrowed in concentration.

"What the fuck is a... oh shit." The word came to him from out of a memory of a movie he had seen. "Are we in Wonderland?"

"Not... Wonderland. Yuki... lonely and... scared. Make Jabberwock... for protection."

"From who?"

"Emily... ah shit." Ratu moved the fairy away from her face and wiped blood away from her nose. "Yeah, I'm done doing that. It was a stupid idea anyway. Reading a fairy's mind is like trying to read a newspaper using a strobe light. Damn." She found a stone bench to sit on and lay down on her back. "Try not to bother me for a bit, my head is pounding."

"She was afraid of Emily." He held his finger out for Daisy and she landed on it. "Did she have a good reason to be afraid of her?"

Daisy nodded and pointed to the tower door.

"Is the tower dangerous?"

Daisy thought about the question for several seconds. She pointed toward the top of the tower and shook her head. She then pointed toward the door and pantomimed walking in with her feet and then nodded.

"So parts of the tower are dangerous. Can you keep me away from those parts?"

Daisy nodded and fluttered away toward the entry of the tower. She left a glittering trail in the air behind her.

"Is that wise?" Zel asked. "Going in by yourself?"

"You're welcome to come with me."

"Yeah, no thanks. I spent my childhood being terrified of the place."

"Ratu?"

"Ugh, don't talk to me." The naga had covered her eyes. "If you want to go now, you'll have to go without me. Just let me take a nap." She folded in on herself and turned into a snake. Coiling up on the bench, she closed her eyes.

He frowned. It was going to be dark soon and he didn't like the idea of sleeping outside, no matter how tame the courtyard garden seemed. The glittering trail hovered in the air, so he followed it, walking up to the rounded walls of the tower.

Staring up its walls, he felt a brief moment of vertigo. It was several stories high and had a few windows and ledges. To his right, he could hear the waterfall flowing out of the cliff. He turned to look at it. It was literally a hole carved into the stone. He wondered if there was a lake somewhere nearby, or if Yuki had put in an aqueduct system. Stepping inside the tower, he slowed his movements to a crawl, waiting for a trap to spring.

Torches on the wall lit up at his entry, and the glittering trail hooked a hard left just inside the entrance. Looking at the ground, he saw faint lines in the dirt around the block in front of him.

"It's a trap," he muttered, stepping around it and following the trail. When he waved his hand through it, the trail scattered like dust, so he walked just to the left to leave it intact. A flight of stairs ascended the circular wall, and Daisy was waiting for him at the bottom. She pointed at a lever, so he shrugged and gave it a pull.

A mechanism clicked somewhere, and Daisy flew over to the trapped stone and landed on it repeatedly.

"It's safe now?" he asked.

She nodded, then took off toward him and up the stairs, the glittering trail forming behind her once more. The tower was rather large, but mostly empty. Any furnishings had long ago been stripped away, and nearly every floor had a set of traps that he could easily disable with a lever or a touch of a button.

Nearing the top of the tower, they entered a room with a pair of black, double doors at the other end and another flight of stairs. Daisy pointed at the door several times and shook her head no.

"Is that the dangerous part?" he asked. Happy to be understood, she nodded and flew up the stairs. He followed her until the wall suddenly opened up to reveal a large balcony with a breathtaking view of the valley below. He stepped away from Daisy's trail and approached the railing. Up here, flower boxes had been filled with roses, violets, and plenty of other flowers he couldn't identify. He put his hands on the railing and looked down.

He could just barely see the edge of the centaur settlement. There appeared to be no activity from them down below, but he could see most of the trail that had lead them here. A small cluster of centaurs moved along it carrying weapons, but that was all that he could see. He guessed they were maybe an hour out from the tower, if that. Straight down was a sheer drop, and to the left, he could see part of the courtyard. Zel was wandering around, collecting food in a small pile. He had passed through a kitchen on the way up, and wondered if she could bake them something.

To the right was another courtyard, but this one was barren of life. Instead, dozens of statues had been shoved up against the walls, packed in like sardines. They reminded him of the terracotta warriors from china, except they seemed to be far more lifelike. Plus all of them were centaurs, which was kind of weird.

Daisy tugged at his shirt collar, so he went back to following her. They walked into a large bedroom with a four poster bed and a small library against the wall. A chaise lounge near another balcony had an old book on it.

"Is this Yuki's room?" He walked to the balcony and looked out. The view from here was even better, allowing him to see the full length of the valley below. Centaur trails were easy to spot between the trees, and he could watch the sun disappear behind the thin sliver of ocean in the distance. He could just barely make out the sparkle of sunlight on the water, then looked away, blinking spots out of his eye.

Looking around the room, he was grateful that the whole tower had magical torches in the wall that kept the place well lit. An old rug on the floor looked like it had been around to witness the death of Christ, it had been worn down in places to the threads beneath. To its credit, the room was certainly clean, not that there was much to get dirty.

Daisy got his attention and flew over to the bookshelf, pointing at something. He ignored her, instead picking up the book on the table.

It was an old, illustrated copy of Alice in Wonderland. The pages were wilted, many of them dog eared. Notes had been written all along the margins in what looked to be japanese.

"Interesting." He set the book down and walked over to where Daisy was pointing. The shelf had a few books on it, but also a chalkboard. When he pulled this out, Daisy blew a handful of glitter onto it.

"Hi," it displayed in glittery, yellow letters. He looked at her and she gave a small wave.

"We can use this to communicate, good idea!" He tucked the slate under an arm and pulled out the books. They were leatherbound journals, and while a few of them were empty, many of them had been written in. These were done in another language as well.

"Are there any other traps I need to worry about?" he asked.

Daisy shook her head yes, and then blew a kiss at the chalkboard. "I can show you."

"Let's bring the others inside and see what we can make of these." He took the books with him and went downstairs. Daisy showed him a few more traps to turn off on the way, and he met Zel out front. She held a small armful of produce.

"Is there a kitchen in there? I can make us a stew." Zel held up a large squash. "I'm starving."

Mike's stomach growled in response. "There sure is. Daisy, can you show her?" The fairy nodded enthusiastically and flew back into the tower, leaving a glitter trail behind her. "There's a lot of stairs, is that gonna be a problem?"

She shrugged. "Only if they're narrow, or made of wood."

"Nope. Wide stone all the way up."

"I figured. This tower is plenty large enough, wouldn't think whoever built it would skimp on materials." She trotted in through the doors and disappeared.

Ratu was still lying on her bench. He sat down on the ground next to her. "Feeling better?"

"A bit." She opened her eyes. "Did I hear something about food?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Night's coming, but the tower is safe enough. It looks like some centaurs are headed our way. Do you think they can get in?"

"Doubt it, but let's check." Sitting up, she rubbed her temples, then looked at his burden. "What do you have there?"

"You tell me." He handed over the books he had grabbed. "Spells or something?"

Ratu sniffed the cover of one and then opened it. "Nope. It appears to be a journal."

"You can read it?"

"Most of it. It's written in japanese." Flipping through the pages, Ratu revealed a few drawings scattered throughout, then set the book down on the bench. "I'll take a look at those after we check the battlements."

"Battlements?"

"Those." She pointed at the walkways near the top of the large wall. "I can promise we're not leaving tonight. I'm exhausted, it's getting dark, and those centaurs are certainly upset with you."

He shrugged. "They were being dicks. Act like a dick, you get fucked." His treatment at their hands had been no different than some of the assholes he had grown up with. It had been bad enough when his mom was still alive, but after the accident had somehow been worse. Orion in particular reminded him of the alpha jock at every school he had bounced around, always going out of their way to ensure the new kid knew his place. He could pretend to understand the centaur culture all he liked, but the fact that they hadn't even wanted to hear him out left him with zero sympathy for their feelings.

"Yeah, well they certainly got fucked. Again and again." Ratu grinned, popping another strawberry in her mouth. "Did you know that was going to happen?"

He chuckled and shook his head. "No idea. I gave it to Zel when they had captured us, but when she didn't use it, I wondered if it was some type of poison or something. As someone who has experienced Mandragora pollen firsthand, I can assure you that many of them will be more than a little sore in the morning."

They both stood and approached the thick ladder that went up the wall. He climbed up first, walking cautiously toward the edge and marveling at the view. The tower had been built into the side of the mountain, but from here, he could see how the bottom of it sloped away into nothingness revealing the vast expanse below. Large holes had been cut in the stone, deep holes that looked like something had been mounted there.

"Ballistae." Ratu said, reading his mind. "Think like a giant crossbow."

"Strange." The holes seemed to go around the perimeter of the tower. "Why would you need to fire giant bolts off a steep drop? Is someone attacking from the sky?"

"That's a great question. An even better one is this; why is the tower made of a different stone than the mountain?"

MIke surveyed the greyish cobblestone beneath their feet, his eyes following them until they merged with the cold granite of the cliff. The colors were indeed mismatched. "It looks like someone shoved this tower into the mountain."

"Or teleported it here." Ratu winked. "The centaurs were told to guard this place, so it's likely this whole world was created to defend this tower from intrusion. I can sense magic inside, so it wouldn't surprise me if something important was stored here at some point."

"Do you think the Architect built this place?"

She shrugged. "No idea. Why is this world in your wardrobe in the first place? Why not put it deep in the greenhouse, several days journey out? Very little makes sense in the Radley house, you know."

"Ha ha." He said, rolling his eyes. "Maybe the tower holds the user manual for the house. I certainly wouldn't mind some Ikea instructions for how to activate all of its hidden passageways."

"What's an Ikea?" She looked over his shoulder. "Never mind that. Our friends have arrived."

A large cloud of dust rolled off of the mountain, and the sound of a nearby horn startled him. Dark figures emerged from the cloud, carrying unlit torches in their hand. The centaur toward the front had a dark look on his face, and Mike immediately recognized Zel's betrothed. Orion carried a spear with a flag attached to it. When he spiked it into the dirt, the flag caught the wind and revealed an image similar to a coat of arms. This one had the outline of a centaur carrying a bow with falcons circling him.

"You forfeited the trial!" Orion shouted. "Lower your bridge and return what is rightfully mine, and then face me like a man!" Mike noticed that Orion now wore a thick bracelet on his wrist and wondered if that was from the Trial of Endurance. If so, he must have come straight up from the ocean and assembled a small war party. The centaurs behind him were now planting torches in rocky crevices and setting up small tents.

"Are they planning to camp here?"

"Looks like it." Ratu summoned a ball of fire. "Should I roast them?"

"Not yet." They watched the centaurs assemble their camp. There were about five tents along the trail, and nearly twenty centaurs wandering among them. He wondered if there were even more hidden away around the corner. He looked up at the mountain, then back at the trail. "You don't suppose they could push boulders onto us or something?"

"Doubt it. That looks like a sheer climb to get up there, and it would take a hell of a push to get a boulder to cross the distance."

"Hey! I'm talking to you!" Orion picked up a spear and lobbed it at them. Mike and Ratu stepped away from each other, the spear shooting between them and landing in the garden below.

"That'll be enough of that." Ratu knelt down and pulled a piece of chalk from her pockets. Another spear flew over the battlements before a glimmering aura radiated up from the stone. The next spear bounced off the barrier and fell down the cliff.

"How long will that hold?"

"Until morning. Simple shield spell that will keep them from bombarding us with arrows while we walk around in the garden." Ratu paced the battlements and drew a couple more, spacing them apart. "These overlap a bit, which will help us if they get smart enough to break one of them."

"How could they break one?"

"Coordinated fire. Either a bunch of them firing at the same spot one after the other, or everyone firing on a small area at the same time." Another arrow broke on impact a few feet above them. "However, this does present us with a new problem."

"I'm guessing it involves getting to the portal with an angry centaur mob at our door?" From below, Orion was shouting from the edge of the cliff trail for Mike's attention. He briefly wondered if he could quickly lower the bridge and crush the feisty centaur beneath it.

She nodded. "If I had the time and materials, I could probably fly us there, but that nasty monster of hers is still circling that area. I can fight or fly, not both." Ratu grabbed the top of the ladder and descended, a cool breeze grabbing the sides of her kimono and exposing her legs.

"If we can get there, could you fight that thing? The Jabberwock?" He followed her down, wincing at the sound of a pair of arrows breaking on the barrier. From down here, he could just barely hear Orion's voice over the wall.

"Maybe. But I think it might be time to face a hard truth." Ratu swept her hair out of her eyes. "I don't think we're going to make it back in time."

He shook his head. "I refuse to believe that. There's always a way. Nothing's impossible."

"Your optimism aside, I can't think of any way to get to the portal by tomorrow morning. Can you?"

"I..." A sick feeling had formed in his gut. How long could the others hold out against the Society? "Surely there's got to be a way. I refuse to believe it can't be done."

"That's why it's called a hard truth. Sometime tomorrow, the dial will reset, and the Society will come. However..." a grim smile broke across Ratu's face. "I also fail to believe that the fight for them will be easy with an angry kitsune guarding the house."

"Do you think she stands a chance against them?"

"Possibly. Right now, our biggest worry is going to be how to get home. " Ratu picked up the journals.

"We just need to get back to the portal."

"You've forgotten something important. You left the key in the wardrobe."

His face fell, and the world spun around him. Putting a hand on Ratu for support, he knelt down, waiting for the dizziness to pass. He had been so focused on getting back up the mountain that he never once considered the idea that Yuki had locked them in.