Home for Horny Monsters

Hi, all! Annabelle Hawthorne here with a second chapter post in the same month! Wooooooooo!

(We've got to celebrate the small things)

New reader? This story is long and has a lot of plot around the dick sucking and goblin butt sex (I'm not sure which is keeping me from going main stream). Anyway, you can jump in now, but this was never a story meant to be read in random chapter order. Every chapter is part of a novel, and every novel furthers a much larger narrative. It's sort of like Game of Thrones in that way, only I actually put shit out and won't let Hollywood write a shitty ending for me.

Returning reader? Welcome back! Super glad to have you hear, we're about to embark on the penultimate scenes of Book 8. It's sort of like the masked singer, but instead of finding out that Chit was the banana all season, we get plot resolution!

Thanks from the bottom of my heart for sticking with this tail as its releases have slowed quite a bit. While many have written to thank me for giving them a story to enjoy during hard times, I want to say thank you for sticking around while I've been having hard times. I just want you to know that it's okay to struggle as long as you're doing your best to make it work. Sometimes, there are no easy answers, and the only resolution is time itself.

Also, thanks to everyone who remembers to rate and review! I think that only roughly 10% of you are actually clicking those stars on the way out, which is probably higher than normal for most authors. As a society, we like to engage with things that others are actually engaging with, even if some of us think "what does it matter, I'm just one person." Every flood starts with drops of rain, it's the last straw that breaks the camels back, and even a simple farmer can become the catalyst for

The Conqueror's Fall

Mike stopped at the door to Vincentius's room. He'd expected to find a study, maybe something with a colossal desk and a window that overlooked the outside world, a place where a proper villain could sit and steeple their fingers in quiet contemplation. Instead, it was a large chamber with a flight of stairs that ran along the interior wall up to another floor. It reminded him vaguely of Yuki's old tower, and he wondered if Vinnie and the Shadow had shared a designer.

The chamber was a sitting area with a massive fireplace and an animal skin rug nearby to complete the cliche. Mike moved to see what sort of animal it was. The skin had belonged to the biggest fucking wolf he had ever seen.

"He told us it was a werewolf," Charlotte said. "The alpha of a pack that was hunting him. He forced the alpha to watch as he drained the blood of the entire pack, then killed him before he could turn back into a man."

"Edgelords can be that way." Mike studied the room, then looked up toward the ceiling. The dark veins pulsed overhead, now so tightly bundled that it was clear Vincentius was waiting for them above.

"Okay, everyone. Keep your eyes peeled." Mike looked at Charlotte. "Does old man Vinny have any traps here?"

"Not that I'm aware of," she said. "He typically only comes here to sleep, which he does a lot. It helps him stave off the hunger."

"I hunger no more," said an ominous voice from upstairs. "For my stomach boils with the blood of your precious children."

Charlotte lunged for the stairs, but a mental reprimand from Mike froze her in her tracks.

"He's baiting you," Mike said, raising his voice. "And as everybody here knows, I am the real master--"

Sofia elbowed him in the shoulder, which nearly knocked him over. "No puns," she declared. "We all saw where that was going."

Mike rubbed at his shoulder and winced. "But it was going to be such a great callback," he complained, suddenly aware that the one person who would recognize it was dead. Even then, Nyx wouldn't have appreciated it. Sighing, he looked up the stairs. "Cecilia, can you scout for us?"

The banshee floated up toward the ceiling and briefly disappeared. Her voice drifted down the stairs. "The room is clear," she said.

The group walked up the stairs and entered what looked to be Vincentius' bedroom. A massive, gothic four-poster bed was pushed against the wall. On the ground were the bloodless corpses of a few villagers at the foot of a ladder that went up to the top of the tower.

"No." Charlotte knelt by the bodies, her eyes rimmed red with rage. "They still had so much life ahead of them."

"Their lives are only slightly shorter than your own," Vincentius said, his voice coming from the top of the ladder. Mike looked through the trapdoor up above and could only see the crimson sky.

"What are the odds that he's waiting up there with a sword or whatever?" Mike mimed slashing his own head off. "And he just pops us one at a time?"

"Extremely high," said Sofia. "I could climb up and--"

"No." Mike scowled at her, then looked at Cecilia. "Go the long way and stay invisible. I don't want him stabbing you with Satan's toothpick." If anything could hurt Cecilia, it would absolutely be the Spear of Longinus.

The banshee nodded and moved toward one of the walls before vanishing. Mike looked around the room again to see if there were any other clues as to what to expect.

There was a large, full length mirror propped up by the window. Mike went to look at it and was a little surprised to see that he had no reflection, nor did any of the others. "What's this about?" he asked.

"Vincentius helped trap a demon some time ago," Charlotte replied. "It had to answer his questions. Not long ago, it stopped answering his summons, and he didn't dare go see why. Now the mirror reflects nothing."

Mike shivered at the connection, then moved to a small wooden desk with some journals stacked on it.

"Haven't seen one of these in a spell." Suly kicked the bottom of an iron maiden that was in the corner.

"That's 'cause they stopped selling them," Mike replied. "Made a horrible mess on the...the..."

The Caretaker could only stare in horror at the dim light of a soul, squarely in the middle of the iron maiden. Vincentius was keeping some poor bastard in there. Based on the soul he saw, it was one of the thralls. Why would he do that?

Cecilia reappeared. "He's just standing up there," she said. "Waiting."

Sofia looked at Mike and headed for the ladder. "If he tries something, I'll see it ahead of time," she said.

Cerberus, who had barely fit up the stairwell, sniffed at the narrow opening, then looked at Mike. They transformed back into human form and moved over to the ladder.

"I'll go next," Mike said. "Then Charlotte, and Cerberus."

"What about me, brother?" Sulyvahn frowned.

"Your job is to watch our backs. We don't need any surprises once we're up there." Mike grabbed the rungs and looked up. He decided not to comment on Sofia's lack of underwear, and followed on her heels.

The cyclops paused at the top of the ladder, then yanked herself up and through. Mike immediately followed and found himself standing in a hollowed out spire. The front was open, revealing an elevated platform that looked out over Avalon. Vincentius stood there, clad in black armor and holding what was left of his spear.

This is the evil lair I was expecting,he thought. Charlotte was next through the ladder. Cerberus struggled to climb it, and was nearly to the top when Mike heard the furniture in the room below shift. Cerberus let out a yelp of pain and transformed into their hellhound form, promptly falling back into the room below with a thud.

"What the hell?" Mike looked down the ladder to see that Victoria, now missing a hand, was trying to strangle one of the heads.

Charlotte reacted the quickest, shooting down the ladder just as the opening sealed itself shut. Mike banged on the stone with his fist, then stopped when Vincentius chuckled.

"You have taught me a valuable lesson in hubris," he said as he turned to face them. "I have been a god among men for so long that I had forgotten that even a god could fall to a sharpened blade. I've seen it, you know."

"You're about to see it again," Mike growled as he stood. Next to him, Sofia tensed in anticipation.

"I am well aware that hell-beast is the only thing that can kill me," Vincentius replied.

"Almost had you with Excalibur," Sofia replied.

"If I could just end you, Mike Radley, things would be far simpler. Sadly, I now have need of you more than ever." Vincentius sighed. "You have undone a dynasty in a single night. The only reason you live is that you have pulled that blade from its stone, and have been chosen by God himself."

"Why would that matter?" Mike asked.

"You have been given a divine purpose," Vincentius said, his nostrils flaring. "Chosen by God Himself."

Down below, Mike could hear fighting, but there was no way to easily get back down. "I'm not chosen by anybody," he replied.

"Oh, but you are." Vincentius sniffed at the air and his pupils narrowed. He opened his mouth slightly and licked at his lips. He jerked forward, the air popping with his departure.

Mike had no time to react as Vincentius slammed a palm into his chest, knocking him flat on his butt. Sofia moved to intercept the vampyr, but the man shot back to where he had been standing, his pupils now extremely wide as he held a bloody palm in front of his face.

"The blood of the divine," he whispered, inhaling its aroma. Closing his eyes, he licked Mike's blood from his palm and trembled. "Pure rapture."

"Holy shit," Sofia whispered.

"What is it?" Mike asked.

"Can't you tell?" Sofia let out a laugh. "I've been trying to puzzle out forever why a vampyr was so involved with faith and Christianity. Knowing he's the father of all vampyr made it even stranger, but everything finally clicked just now."

"Please share with the class," Mike muttered as he stood and touched the freshly opened wound on his chest.

"He's a fucking junkie," she said. "Chasing that first high."

"Wait, what?"

Vincentius groaned as he licked the blood from his palms, his tongue exploring every nook and cranny. "Exquisite," he whispered, then sucked on his own finger and moaned.

"Once upon a time, this guy drank some Jesus juice and has been chasing that high ever since?" Mike gesticulated wildly at the vampyr. "Are you fucking serious?"

The cyclops nodded. "Arthur's quest for the holy grail, remember? Jesus was said to have bled in the cup, which means--"

"Oh. My. Gods." Mike stared at the vampyr in both awe and disgust. "Really? That's what this has been about? Were you planning to lick the damned thing out like an empty pudding cup?"

Vincentius closed his eyes and purred contentedly. "When I was but a mortal, I tasted the blood of my enemies," he said. "It was a way to carry them with me, to become their living legacy, to immortalize them with my own bloodline. When a man who claimed to be the son of God was crucified, I punctured his side and drank of his blood as if it were water."

Sofia scowled. "Translate a book enough times and you get some weird passages," she muttered.

"For three days, I continued on as a mortal man," Vincentius replied. "But when Christ rose from his grave, my own life was stolen away from me. No longer did I hunger for food. The only thing that could sate me was the lifeforce of others, lest I wither away. In this manner, I became the living dead, and have walked the Earth ever since, hoping to once again taste the blood of the divine. It was through Arthur's quest that I hoped to not only devour the blood of Jesus once again, but to perhaps even reclaim my humanity."

"How do you figure?"

"I first drank his blood after he died," the vampyr explained. "Hence my current state. However, the blood in the grail was from when he was alive. They are different."

"You do realize that's not going to happen through me," Mike replied. "I'm not Jesus. My dad was just a normal guy."

"No. But youaresomething else." Vincentius licked his lips. "Your blood tastes more similar to his than any I have supped. Perhaps this is because you were born a mortal man, much like the Messiah was. I would see your bloodline continue, and feast on your children forevermore as I rebuild my army here in Avalon. You could be a king here, Mike Radley. You could live forever, and bestow that same blessing on those you wished.

Mike opened his mouth to speak and hesitated. Was there any way he could use this to save Tink or his unborn child?

"Mike?" Sofia's voice trembled. "You're not seriously considering his offer, are you?"

Vincentius grinned at Mike. Dark whispers filled his ears, voices that promised him everything that he desired. Each voice honed in on what was most important to him in this moment until he heard Tink's name over and over in his ears.

Pressure pushed against Mike from each side, and the world visibly dimmed. The darkness that he had seen so much of in Charlotte clung to his skin like oil, its roots all stretching back to where Vincentius stood. He fell to one knee as the voices grew louder, demanding both blood and fealty from him.

Sofia took a step toward Vincentius and Mike snatched her by the wrist.

"Don't," he grunted.

"But he's hurting you!"

Mike winced and glared at the vampyr. Vincentius smirked as he held out a hand.

"Together, we can accomplish the impossible," he said without moving his lips.

Closing his eyes, Mike pictured Tink. In his heart, he knew that the vampyr's offer was poison, but desperation could be a powerful thing. Unaware of any other answer to her problems, it was so hard to turn away from a solution that could work, and the darkness knew it.

In his mind, his goblin wife had both hands on her hips and was glaring at him with a raised eyebrow. She tapped her foot impatiently.

"Husband no stupid," she declared. "Always good. Bad offer. Go beat pointy mouth asshole. Come home."

Mike's magic surged, snapping the bands that held him. Baring his teeth, he let out his best impression of a goblin's growl as the world swam back into focus. Vincentius raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"No deal, discount Dracula."

Vincentius shook his head. "This happens one way or another. You've simply chosen the path where you get nothing."

There was a popping sound as the vampyr shifted in Mike's direction. A hand clamped around his neck and lifted him into the air. Sofia stepped to the side and brought Excalibur down on Vincentius' arm. Her eye flashed, and Mike summoned a magical barrier between her and Vincentius just in time to intercept the spear.

Mike's shield promptly shattered, his mind now full of psychic glass as he cried out in pain. Clutching at his face, he was just able to see Sofia's look of disbelief as she stared down at the spear that had pierced her gut.

Gasping, Mike adjusted the trajectory of the shield and summoned it in place along Vincentius' forearm. The spear point sliced a gash open along the cyclops's side, but she was alive. Twisting around, her eye glowed again as she brought up Excalibur in a defensive stance.

Mike summoned a shield in front of her, pain racking his whole body as Vincentius shattered it with a clawed hand. He sank his nails into Sofia's neck and ripped out her throat, then caught the spear that he had dropped.

He couldn't even call out in defiance of the vision. He adjusted the shield again, this time wrapping it around Vincentius' arm. While it didn't shatter, it did cause a massive headache to blossom behind Mike's eyes as he held the vampyr in place.

"I tire of this," Vincentius muttered, and gave Mike a shake. Darkness formed along the edge of his vision as the world slowly went out of focus.

"Do...you... give...up?" Mike asked as he slapped uselessly at Vincentius' wrist.

"Humans never really outgrow childhood," Vincentius said. "Always so full of false bravado in the face of insurmountable--"

Sofia slid to the other side of Mike and tried to swing up with Excalibur in a surprise attack. Vincentius twisted away so hard that Mike thought his own neck might break. Lifting his legs, he planted them against Vincentius' hips and pushed himself up, which shifted him enough that the darkness in his vision receded.

The vampyr dropped Mike on the ground and stepped forward. Mike immediately summoned the shield again, which triggered another painful vision in which he saw Sofia beheaded. He altered his strategy twice before just summoning the shield under Vincentius' foot, causing his swing to go wide.

"I can't hurt him," Sofia gasped as another series of shifts and pivots resulted in a nasty cut on her arm. "He's too fast."

"We have to keep trying." Mike felt the tower tremble beneath him. If Suly and Cerberus could catch up, then maybe they could find some way to lock Vincentius down.

Sofia managed to get close enough that she helped him off the ground. The phantom pain in his head from the visions was almost unbearable at this point, but he refused to let Sofia die. The moment her eye flashed, he knew she would be dead in less than a moment and threw up another magical barrier out of habit.

"If we don't come up with a strategy soon, it's only a matter of time before one of us slips up," Sofia said to Mike. "My reflexes aren't fast enough to dodge his kills."

"No man is my equal," Vincentius added. "Providence and luck have smiled on you this day, but not for much longer. I have watched entire kingdoms crumble to dust."

"Please don't tell us you can do this all day," Mike replied. "It's not funny when you do it."

Vincentius stared at Mike with dark eyes. "I intend to remove that tongue of yours. It is not needed for you to hunt the grail for me."

"Really? I thought I was just gonna be your blood bank for all eternity."

"That, too." Vincentius drew the sword at his waist and became a blur. Mike moved in front of Sofia, using his own body as a shield along with his magic. The air was hissing and crackling as magical light provided barriers for Vincentius to shatter, triggering more premonitions.

Mike's world compressed as time unfolded before him. Numerous branches of fate spiraled out from every moment, each one terminating with pain and loss. He watched as Sofia lost limbs, saw her neck broken dozens of times, and even witnessed several outcomes where Excalibur was taken from her and used to turn her into a pile of flesh. He also witnessed variations of fate where Vincentius cracked into her like she was a giant Capri-sun, draining her of life in mere moments.

With each tragedy avoided came a new wound. He had cuts on both arms along with his chin. Sofia was just as bad, bleeding from numerous shallow wounds along her body. The emotional toll of his own suffering combined with visions of Sofia's death had his world cracked and bleeding on the edges.

Anger didn't simply churn in his gut. The air was hissing and crackling with magic now as tiny balls of lightning traveled outward from him. When they struck Vincentius, the vampyr didn't even react as his skin briefly charred to a crisp before repairing itself.

"Such power," he declared, now moving so quickly that Mike felt like he was looking at after images. The fight was completely defensive. Nothing he or Sofia did seemed to hurt the man. "I look forward to harvesting it."

Mike didn't reply. His mind was so exhausted that he couldn't even process a funny quip to reply with, his entire focus on utterly destroying Vincentius. Golden light clung to his arms as he and Sofia worked as one to keep each other alive, light that was scattered with every drop of his own blood that he lost.

Charlotte? Where are you?He sent his thoughts to the vampyr below, knowing that there was no chance without her.

🏠🏠🏠

Charlotte gasped as Victoria grabbed her by the ankle and slammed her into the wall, fracturing the stone. Pain radiated through her skull, then faded into the background as the vampyr altered her grip to shove Charlotte's face into the floor.