Home for Horny Monsters

Hi, all!

Annabelle Hawthorne back with another chapter of "Let's Lewd Christmas!"

New reader? Awesome! To catch you up to speed, dude met a nymph in Chapter 1, and now he's battling Santa's darker half, the Krampus. Oh, and there was a whole bunch of fucking, punching bad guys in the face with magic, and an actual plot that (largely) makes sense.

Returning reader? Welcome back! Also, sorry (but not sorry) about last chapter. That was a scene I wanted to write from the very first moment I put Death and Lily on that sleigh. There's one letter that I wanted to print out and put on my fridge, it was so nice, but kind of detracts from the whole anonymous smut smith gig, am I right?

Again, thank you all so much for the amazing comments and letters about 93, I'll tell you some fun facts about that scene after this chapter is over.

My posting schedule has been stressed, but I'm keeping up. Ch. 96 will be the last part of Book 6, at which point I will immediately start Book 7. For those in the know, Ratu will re-emerge from the shadows for another chance to shine, and we will be going somewhere much warmer than the Arctic, cause fuck the cold!

Anyway, please check my bio for release dates and any other important updates (like that one time I simply typed IRL problems and changed the dates). I owe huge thanks to my beta team for not only keeping me on track, but ensuring you all get a quality read.

That's enough out of me. I hope by the time this chapter is done, I will have created a few more

Believers

After the first thirty minutes of wandering through the enormous piles of undelivered gifts, Kisa was forced to take a break and fight back the panic attack that threatened to consume her. The darkness was absolute beyond the small range of her crystalline light, and it was during this moment of respite that she spotted a pallet stacked with bicycles nearby.

She thought it was pretty fucked up that a bunch of kids somehow never got their bikes, but she found one roughly her size and dragged it clear. The tag fell free of the handlebars, and she bent down to pick it up and read the name.

"Sorry, Thomas. Looks like a sweet ride." The bike was blue with a gold lightning bolt on the frame. She dug through the pile and found a helmet. When she pressed it onto her head, she hissed in frustration as she fought both her hair and her ears to get it on properly. By the time it was on, her ears had been folded against her scalp, muting the outside world.

Kisa made it nearly six feet on the bike before crashing. She didn't know if she had never learned how to ride as a child or if it had simply been too long, but she climbed back to her feet and tried again.

Between her natural grace and dexterity, she was soon pedaling forward in the darkness with the crystal tucked between her knuckles providing enough light to see. She hoped that she was still headed in the right direction. It had occurred to her more than once that being shuffled around may have pointed her somewhere else in the warehouse and she was moving away from the entrance.

The good news was that Christmas was finite. At some point, she would reach a wall. When that happened, she would pedal her bike alongside until that damn elevator appeared. The building couldn't be infinitely large on the inside...right?

Once she reached the cave wall, it was essentially a coin flip for which direction to go. She chose left and was finally able to pedal with some speed, no longer dodging piles of gifts. When she reached the dais, hot tears of joy ran down her cheeks as she tucked the bike out of sight around a corner.

Kisa was tired, but refused to find somewhere to nap until she was out of the warehouse. The darkness felt like it would crush her at any moment, and she had no idea how long her crystal would continue glowing.

The trip up the elevator was uneventful. When the doors slid open, she let out a sigh of relief to see the lit caverns empty. She moved along the tunnels and found herself back in Grýla's lair. A very large cauldron had been set over a fire and a pair of elves were cleaning up a horrendous mess on the floor that looked suspiciously like it used to be another elf.

"Fuck this place," Kisa muttered, moving back to the main tunnel. When she reached the pits where the elves had been stored, she crouched down upon seeing Leppalúði standing above one of the pits, a figure held between his hands.

"I cannot cook this!" he yelled at a smaller version of himself.

"Krampus say children frozen!" The Yule lad gave Leppalúði's shin a kick. "Stupid Christmas magic, only Santa can fix! After Krampus take pole, children become food!"

"What the hell?" Kisa moved to the edge of the pit and looked down to see that one of the elven prisons had been repurposed. Instead of elves, it held children, all of them wrapped in blankets and sleeping on the floor. Her heart raced seeing all of the children collected into a macabre sleepover in the giant's den.

Leppalúði let out a roar, and Kisa looked over to see that he had tried to bite the child in half and cracked one of his teeth. He spat the tooth fragment onto the ground and hurled the child at his son.

"Put it back in the pen," he snarled, rubbing at his mouth. "Your mother won't be happy."

The Yule lad squeaked in terror and ran off with his bundle. Leppalúði scratched his jaw and turned toward his lair, his large nostrils flaring. He walked within a few feet of Kisa, then stopped and sniffed the air.

Shit! Kisa crouched down, holding her breath. Leppalúði snorted, then picked his nose and wiped it on his shirt.

"They smell so good," he muttered, wandering past Kisa and back into his cave. She could hear him smacking his lips for some time and fought the urge to gag in response. Her brain was busy processing the horror of all those children, just ready to be eaten. When the time lock ended, they would all awaken in the middle of a nightmare.

Kisa's breath was coming quickly now. She reached into her coat and pulled out the adoption papers she had found addressed to her. Once upon a time, when she was a child, someone had wanted to make her part of his family. On Christmas morning, hundreds of families would wake to discover their children had gone missing. They would all disappear without a trace, just like Kisa had, only these children weren't destined for a weird, albeit happy ending. They would end up as food for the giants, their final moments filled with terror.

"This is wrong." She felt the hackles on the back of her neck rise as a surge of energy went through her body. No, this was more than wrong. It was evil, pure and simple.

A low growl came from her chest, and she bared her teeth as she moved against the wall and tucked her paperwork away. Something was brewing inside her. What little magic she had was concentrating itself and working its way through her body as if trying to figure out what came next. What would Mike do if he were here? Could he even do anything? What about Tink, or Yuki?

An elf wandered by Kisa, his eyes distant as he carried a stack of bloody towels. Kisa didn't know why, but she was compelled to fall in line behind him, her eyes affixed on the back of his head. The elf didn't acknowledge her existence in the slightest as he led her around the corner to a room full of garbage. It was a giant pile of busted furniture and appliances, most likely remnants of Leppalúði's new rich lifestyle.

The two of them were alone. The elf dumped his burden and spun on his heels, walking into Kisa.

"Wait." Kisa stuck her hand out and the elf froze, his blank eyes skimming her face. Had their brains been wiped completely clean, like a hard drive erased by a magnet? How much of the original elf even remained?

The elf hissed and moved around her. Worried that it was about to tattle on her to Leppalúði, an idea formed.

"I have new orders from the Krampus." It had occurred to her that the elves obeyed the Krampus first, and that the only reason they listened to Leppalúði at all was because they had been told to. She crossed her fingers as the elf stopped in place, then turned to face her.

Several tense seconds passed, but the elf seemed content to hear her out. She had seen the elves stand by as their brethren were eaten, so it was unlikely she could say or do anything that would elicit any sort of response.

"Bring me five other elves from the cells below," she demanded, then watched as the elf turned to leave. She moved against the wall and willed herself into the surroundings, hoping against hope that she was right.

Leppalúði was stupid. That much was true. There was no way he would notice a missing elf, or even several, which gave her room to improvise.

Soft footsteps echoed down the corridor and she was elated to see that the elf had obeyed. There were six of them in total, and they stood right where Kisa had been before, awaiting their next orders.

Smiling to herself, Kisa moved out of the shadows to greet her new minions. The giant was big, and an all out assault was out of the question. As of now, the elves didn't question her presence, and she certainly didn't want that fact to change. She would use these six to take the giant out of the equation.

As for after? By herself, she couldn't save more than a child or two. But with an army of brain dead elves ready to obey her every command? Anything was possible.

There was a pull in her core, and she felt Mike's presence wash over her, now closer than ever. He had been oddly distant for a while, but she hadn't worried too much about it. Satisfied that the elves would remain hers to command, she ordered them to move trash around and look busy while she snuck over to a dark corner of the cave and crouched down to make herself small.

It was time to check in with her man.

❄️❄️❄️

After Mike stepped through the flames of the fireplace and into the Workshop, he moved to the side and frowned. With the time variance, he should have only been gone a few hours from the North Pole.

Somehow the atmosphere here had shifted drastically. The abandoned Workshop had been mildly spooky before, but now there was an aura of malignance that clung to everything. The shadows seemed darker than usual, with a few of them seeming to dance around when he wasn't looking.

The flames flickered again, and Lily came through, followed by Freyja, Yuki, then Holly. Before the flames died out, Christmas Present stepped through the fire, brushing soot off her robes.

"This isn't good." She frowned and moved forward into the Workshop lobby. "Do you all feel that?"

There was a thud on the exterior of the building, followed by a screech. Dust fell from the ceiling and landed on the frost that had accumulated over by the door.

"Well, so much for first impressions. This place looks awful." Lily stepped away from the fireplace. "So what's the plan?"

"Hold up." Mike raised a hand as a questing presence touched the back of his mind. He closed his eyes and concentrated, causing Kisa to come into focus in his mind's eye.

"Thank god," she muttered, then leaned back against a wall he couldn't see. "I was afraid you might not be listening."

"Sorry, some big shit is going down," he replied. "We found out that Krampus has taken a bunch of kids."

Kisa nodded. "I know. They're being kept in that big bitch's lair."

"Are they okay?" He swallowed the lump in his throat. "Are they...scared?"

"Nah, they're all frozen in time or something. I don't know all the details, but once the Krampus takes the pole, they'll unlock and..." Kisa looked like she was going to be sick. "I have a plan to get them out of here, but it's only temporary. Whatever you've got cooking, you better get on it fast."

"Wait, hold up. How about you? Are you safe?"

"I'm underground with a bunch of dickbag giants, elves with missing brains, and a stack of time-frozen kids. I'm fine." Kisa rolled her eyes at him. "But I'm okay for now. You have a plan to bail me out of this shit storm?"

"You know me." He winked.

"Fuck." She dragged the word out. "You just came up with it, didn't you?"

"Nah, I've been working on something for a couple of...hours." It had been a long walk back to the ski resort and he had plenty of time to discuss strategies with Freyja and Yuki. The Krampus was just waiting for the chance to get his hands on the North Pole, so his first destination was Santa's house. However, with Grýla on the loose and a village full of warped snowmen, Yuki and Freyja had agreed to do a quick reconnaissance to see where things stood.

As for the Krampus himself, Mike believed he had a solution to that particular dilemma.

Kisa looked like she was going to say something, but tilted her head. "Shit, do you hear that? No, of course you don't."

"What is it?" he asked.

Kisa grinned. "I think I just heard the heat come on. Here, before I go." She pulled her map from her pocket and unfolded it. "I went into a tunnel under this building," she said, tapping one of the corners. "Grýla and her ugly potato children all live in a series of caverns beneath it. If you get the chance, I could really use an assist down here."

"I'll see what I can do." He gave Kisa a hug and then opened his eyes. The others were standing around, waiting for him. "Kisa knows where the children are. They're safe for now. She said they're time locked, so that's one less thing for us to worry about."

"They only unfreeze for their personal visit, remember?" Christmas Present looked at Lily. "You've been doing this for months now, we know those kids weren't lying awake in their beds the whole time. They only unfroze for us because we're Santa's helpers. Being abducted by Yule lads definitely doesn't count, so they're safe for now."

Lily still looked unhappy, but Mike couldn't blame her. Though the news was good, it didn't make everything else better by comparison. "Okay, so we should--"

The building groaned as something large hit it, sending a cascade of snow sliding off of the roof and over the windows. A massive furry bulk moved just outside the window, and a large eyeball appeared in one of the windows.

"It's the Yule cat!" Holly grabbed Mike by the hand. "They know where we are, we need to get to Santa's house right away!"

"On it." Mike looked at Yuki and Freyja. "Are you coming with us?"

The building creaked when a paw appeared on one of the windows and pressed. The glass cracked, splintering out to the edges.

"Let's move." Yuki nodded at Holly. "Once we're at Santa's house, we can make our stand there."

Holly threw a handful of powder into the fireplace just as the front door of the Workshop burst apart, revealing a misshapen figure with a distorted jaw.

"Food!" Grýla shouted, her arms twitching as she squeezed her bulk through the busted doorway. Mike didn't remember her being this large before, and he couldn't help but notice that the shadows seemed to bend toward her.

"You all go." Freyja turned toward the giant. "This one has something of mine. I'll catch up soon."

"Don't have to tell me twice." Lily bolted into the fireplace ahead of the others, her tail snaking back to hook Mike by the wrist and pull him through. Yuki and Holly came through next, followed by Christmas Present. Back in Santa's house, Mike turned to look through the flames, but only felt a blast of cold before they snuffed out completely, plunging the home into darkness.

"What the hell?" He summoned a pair of glow spiders to illuminate the room. Yuki was already holding foxfire, and Lily's eyes glowed in the darkness. Santa's home, which once felt warm and cozy, now had the same ominous feeling as the Workshop.

"Mother!" Holly ran toward the stairs, and Christmas Present followed, the light from her body illuminating the way.

Yuki moved to the window and frowned. "I can't see anything out there," she said, then turned to Mike. "All the lights are out."

"Sounds like things are moving fast," he replied just as something large walked across the roof. "Looks like we've got company here, too."

"Not for long." Yuki moved to the door and put her hands on it. "I'll clear the perimeter. Lock it behind me," she told him, then winced and put her hand on her side. "I'll take care of the popsicle patrol."

"Hey, are you okay?" Mike asked.

"I will be." Yuki looked over at Lily. "Take care of him, will you?"

Lily nodded, but said nothing. Mike found her silence more than a little disturbing.

Yuki let herself out. The home filled with a burst of arctic cold that chilled Mike even through his jacket. He rubbed at the fur-lined coat, then turned back to Lily.

"Welcome to the North Pole," he told her, then walked to the door and locked it. "It used to be a lot nicer."

"Mmhmm." Lily spotted a hat rack by the fireplace and moved toward it. She casually reached for the furry rim of her hat and gave it a tug.

It didn't budge.

"Fudging figures," she muttered. "Thought it might work. So what happens next?"

"That depends on what Mrs. Claus might say. She was in bad shape this morning, so I don't know what--" Footsteps on the stairs caught his attention, and he looked up to see Holly descending. She walked across the room and stopped right in front of Mike, her eyes on the ground.

"What happened?" he asked her. Her only response was to hold out a pair of silver glasses.

"We think she disappeared just as we got here." Christmas Present hovered down from above, lines of worry on her face. "Mike, we have two problems now."

"Just two?" He grimaced at the spirit.

"With Mrs. Claus gone, there is nothing to keep the Krampus out. He is coming, and will be here soon enough."

"That was to be expected." He sighed. "What's the second problem?"

"I can't help you. You have to understand, the spirits are an extension of Santa's will, and just being in a room with him might be enough to turn me against you."

"Well, that sucks." He bit his lip in frustration. "So where will you go?"

"You said that Kisa is with the children? I will go to her, but I'll have to take the long way so Krampus can't track me. Can you show me where she was on the map?"

"Yeah, sure." Mike pulled the map out of its carrier, then pointed to the spot Kisa had shown him. "She said there are tunnels underneath."

"Understood. Even if we fail here, the kids, they..." For a moment, the spirit looked like she was going to be sick.

"Go." He nodded at the spirit. "Make sure those kids are taken care of."

Christmas Present left, leaving Mike with Lily and Holly. The succubus was staring at where the fire had been, her cheeks burning bright red. Occasional flames crawled across her skin, and she turned fiery eyes in his direction.

"So it's just the three of us?" she asked.

"Yuki's right outside, and I'm sure Freyja will catch up. The Krampus will be on his way here to claim the North Pole."

"You can't claim it?" Lily cocked her head.

"Nope. Santa and Krampus are still the same person. He needs the North Pole for...something." Mike paused. Did his house have a feature like the North Pole? Was there something he could interact with to tap into the home's inner power?

"Could you if we killed him?"

Mike looked over at Holly, who was staring quietly at Mrs. Claus' glasses. Technically, he supposed he could. But then what? Did he even want the responsibility of the North Pole? Would he become like Santa? What about the elves? His time was already stretched thin amongst his own family. The last thing he wanted was to be responsible for a whole holiday.

Lily scowled when he didn't answer, but her features softened when she noticed Holly. She moved toward the elf and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Would you like to talk about it?" she asked as she led the elf to a nearby couch.